11/29/12

Hipsters (pants) MUST die!

So, I know I am supposed to talk about my "selfish girl's wedding sob story..." But I have a NEWS FLASH: Hipsters must die! DIE! DIE! DIE!


source: Hipsters Eat for Free .com
FYI: According to the Urban Dictionary a Hipster is defined as:

"...a subculture of men and women typically in their 20's and 30's that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter."

Ok, well... Those hipster's don't have to die. In fact, I guess I am a Hipster if that is the definition.  I am all for indie everything, I am in my 30's, I am queen mouth for progressive politics. I'm also creative, smart and filled to the brim with Witty Banter... (Ok, seriously, if I was single that definition of me as a hipster would get me all of the dates on Match dot com.)  But really my friends, when you think of a Hipster, do you think of an awesome person, or a fashion movement?

Luckily the Urban Dictionary goes on to explain why I say, "HIPSTERS (pants) MUST DIE!"

11/28/12

T-Rex doesn't stand a chance against my baby!





Earth-Shaking Vocal Cry:


If my boy is mad, you will know, your mother will know and your aunt sally in Denver will know.  If you take a toy away from him, you will be sorry. If you try to put him to sleep early, the neighborhood will be sorry. If he wakes up and no one comes to him within two minutes, everyone in the house will be sorry.  If he is riding in the back of the car and becomes bored, tired or hungry, the traffic lights will shatter along with the car windows. If you run out of food before he is finished eating... you will be very sorry...


Tiny Arms:

He may have tiny arms, but his hands are MASSIVE!  If you stand too close to him when he starts a fit of waving, you will be slapped.  If you try to feed him food on a spoon that he does not like, you and the spoon will be slapped.  If you try to take away a toy, you will be slapped.  If you try to give him raspberries on his belly, you will be slapped.  If you have pissed him off in anyway, and are in tiny arm's reach... you will be very sorry...

11/27/12

Thanks to the winter season, I'm no longer fit to be a "mommy" blogger.

WARNING: I cuss and rant like a rapper in this post.


So. I hate the winter.  I mean I full on hate the winter with a passion. The moment the mercury drops below 65 degrees, I turn into a raging miserable bitch.  And really, that is just the beginning.  When the last leaf hits the ground and the temperature drops below freezing, I'm near certifiable. It gets worse... By the first of February when the dead of winter is in full swing, I am a psychotic nut bag bitch that could easily get an insanity plea...

I have so much to bitch about right now... This post is going to be nuts, straight jacket worthy.  You might just want to stop reading.  Especially you grammar and punctuation police.  I will make you ill for sure.  And those of you who don't like foul language.  You probably will want to stop reading too.  I'm a real sour pus right now....




I hate the winter with such a passion. I am no longer fit for society. I should stop blogging right now before I get any worse....

The End.

11/26/12

The Elf on the Shelf...




I love Christmas. I love Santa too. I don't remember when I found out about Santa not being all I thought he was (real), but clearly it wasn't earth shattering... or maybe it was and I have blacked it out... regardless...  I love Christmas with or without Santa.  Will I tell my son Santa is the real deal?  Hell Yes!  No way am I going to be that parent.  You know, the parent who is responsible for the cynical child that tells every kid in the sandbox that Santa is not real... Is there even that parent out there? 

Anyways... Santa...load of wank. Lie. Do we as parents have a moral code to lie to our kids about Santa?  Yep.  Thank you Coca-cola. Thank you for turning St. Nick, the man who would leave a coin in your shoe, into a big fat dude with some flying reindeer that turns up with gifts for good little boys and girls. Two points Coca-cola... Thanks for giving me a bargaining chip to use with children to get them to behave.  

I learned last year that somewhere along the way children stopped worrying about pissing off Santa. So much so, an elf has been sent to sort the naughty little shits out... enter the Elf on the Shelf.  a.k.a Christmas load of wank #2. 

11/24/12

Slow down and smell the simple, sweet and incredibly beautiful moment.

(I came across this and had to repost it.  If nothing else it's a reminder to me and you to slow down...) 



Today while I was picking up the unnecessary plethora of baby toys littered all over the house, I looked over at my beautiful family and smiled.  FTD was dancing around in his underpants wearing Oliver’s tiny hat, on his not so tiny head, making Ollie giggle hysterically. I couldn’t help but say a little prayer of thankfulness for the moment.  Watching the two of them was easy, funny, simple, sweet and incredibly beautiful. Something life rarely is all at once. 

Lately Oliver has been FULL-ON!  I mean full-ass-attention-needing-crazy-baby. For starters, he is intent on a diet of cat food and power cords.  His latest, “hey mom watch this,” act of standing up in his crib and bouncing up and down while slapping the railing has caused me at least two new grey hairs. The change table log-rolling thing is doing my head in.  I am nearly a professional at ‘Ass in the Air’ diaper changing and I’m so close to loosing my shit that FTD is planning on turning the walk-in closet into a padded room for me.

I hate to look at motherhood as a life stuck in constant fast-forward and anxiety mode, but it really does feel that way sometimes.The key to maintaining my sanity is slowing myself down enough to recognize the moments that deserve my undivided attention. I don’t ever want to miss my husband half naked, wearing my son's hat, doing the stupid daddy dance just to see his son smile. Those moments are too precious to pass up. 

None of us should ever loose sight of how precious and wonderful a moment can be. All we need to do is take the time to slow down and recognize it. 



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11/23/12

Black Friday, Door Busters, Super Sales and Holiday Shopping...

When someone says to me, "Black Friday, Door Busters, Super Sales... Christmas Shopping..." I hear "Blah blah, whonk wonk, woop woop, blah blah."  I am not at all one of those, "Honey get the gun we are going to The Wal-Mart for Black Friday" or "Get the tent and some crackers, we need to go get in line at Best Buy for a new TV."  That is just nonsense to me.  Don't get me wrong, I love a bargain, but not enough to sleep out in the cold for it... OK,  maybe I would consider it for a $100 Mac Book Pro, but that is never going to happen, so I am never going to camp on a side walk.

Another thing that is never going to happen, me getting my Christmas Shopping done before December 24th.  I am just not that person.  I would love to be that person, but I am not.  I am queen procrastinator when it comes to Christmas shopping, studying for tests, paying bills and peeing. All of those things have a time and place, and first thing is not it.

So how much Holiday shopping have I accomplished so far?  ZERO!  I mean a Big Fat 0.  But there is a good reason for that...

I can keep your secret better than a padlocked diary, but my own, not a chance.  I buy a gift and can barely wrap it before I want to gift it.  Sometimes I will by FTD a gift and then text him what it is.  I just get that excited about the gift, and have to tell him before I pop.   I know I am a looser, whatever. But, due to this fabulous looser trait, I cannot buy gifts early and hide them in a closet. The only way I can buy early and not give early is to get someone to hide the gifts from me.

Last year when I was 6mos pregs I swore up and down I was going to do all of my holiday shopping early.  Yeah, not so much. At 8 1/2 months pregs I waddled my fat ass all over the malls on December 22nd-24th shopping for Christmas gifts. I vaguely remember telling myself that would be my last year of enduring the last minute crazy shopping...

So much for that.

I am not even going to lie to myself this year.  I suck at holding on to a gift, I suck at shopping early, and now that I have a baby, I just plain suck at shopping. So, early shopping is just not going to happen... probably ever. Oh and, I would attempt to lie to myself about online shopping to make my life much easier, but I know that is fruitless too.  I like to see and touch before I buy.

I am just going to stick to the old faithful method of procrastination. I will get all anxious around the 20th of December, make a shopping list and attack it over the next 2-3 days.  FTD will do the same. He is just as bad as me, if not worse about waiting until the last minute to buy gifts.  Seriously, he shops on Christmas Eve every year. We are a pair to say the least...

Do you have any ideas? Are you the early shopper, or are you going to be standing in line with me?  Are you reading this post from your campsite on Best Buy's sidewalk?

Tis the season to procrastinate! And change the radio station when the station insists on playing Christmas music 24/7 before December.  I freaking hate that!


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11/22/12

He's standing he's so strong! My 9-month old is standing!

I posted my Thanksgiving post yesterday because I knew all of my State side readers would be busy stuffing their guts with turkey and pie today.  So, today's post is not going to be about Thanksgiving at all.  It's more or less just for you Poms, Aussies, Kiwis, Canadians and anyone else reading from outside of the States... Because I know you are probably going to be the only people reading my rants today!


Today I was sitting on the couch replying to an email, Ollie was standing facing the couch... cruising up and down with his ball.  I see him pick up my iPhone out of the corner of my eye. (I don't think anything of it because he plays with it so much he has figured out how to swipe the lock screen.) The next thing I know, he is standing up holding it with both hands two inches from the couch.  Wouldn't you know, since he is holding my phone I can't take a picture! But I did crap my pants in excitement!

I started singing, "He's standing he's so strong!"  I am not sure if it was my mom and sister who came up with that,  but all three of my nephews have had they song sung to them, and now I get it sing it to my little guy!

When he leaned back into the couch I took my phone back and gave him the next closest thing to play with, a candy wrapper.  Wait for it.... wait for it... wait for it....
Finally he plays with the wrapper and leans back off  of the couch, standing unaided again.  I take a quick photo just as he looks over at me and wobbles.



The photo is fuzzy, and of course now that he knows I am watching he refuses to stand alone again.

11/21/12

Thanksgiving. Then and Now... 365 rewind.

(I posted this first part on tiredofbeingpregnant.com last year on Thanksgiving...)

THEN:
I know Thanksgiving is only celebrated in America, but today I invite those of you outside of the States to join me in Thanksgiving too. I am so thankful for you my readers and friends. You have no idea how much you mean to me. 

Jenny from the Block, Food Pixie, Claire, Jessika, Janelle, Lauren L, Kara Bear, Michelle, Felicia,  FTM@27, Tasha, Amabelle, Natalie, Nadia, Cindy M., Maylin, Jules, Jessica, Joss, Julie, Jessi, AMW90, Cathy, Laura, Samantha and all of you who posted as Anonymous, Thank You!  

Also, to my daily reader in Qatar, Belfast, Seoul, Newton Abbot and Brazil, thanks to my analytics, I know you are out there and really appreciate you! To all of you in my Big 4--Canada, The United Kingdom, Australia and the United States, Thank you!

You all have no idea how much I need you.  Some days I just do not want to do anything but feel sorry for my whiny, swollen, achy, annoyed, edgy, hungry, pregnant ass, but then I think of you all, and know for some crazy reason you actually enjoy hearing me piss and moan about how sorry I feel for myself. Thank you.  You all are crazy! Remember, if you ever need someone to listen to you piss and moan, send me an email, I totally owe you one!

11/20/12

Host a Snow Princess Birthday Party

Today I am giving all of you mommies of little girls a post just for you.  I realize moms of girls may feel disconnected or left out sometimes when I carry on about my little man.  So today, I dedicate this post to you! I hope you enjoy... Because tomorrow I will be right back to talking about my monster baby boy! 


(Guest Post By Maddy Olson. She blogs on a variety of subjects that are deep topics and can change lives. Writing for the supplier partypail .com is a very rewarding passion she enjoys. Having four sons of her own has prompted her to write about the parties she has planned and hosted.)
Winter can be a really tough time of the year for hosting birthdays. So, make your event appealing to the time of year and that will make it more fun for everyone! Take a moment and close your eyes. I want you to think about how you thought of winter as a child. When I was young, winter was magical. It was lacy snowflakes, warm cookies, the smell of pine trees, red noses, and my breath in the crisp air… to name a few. I tried every year to turn the foot of snow in our yard into a beautiful ice palace where I was the queen. Yes, queen, with my soggy mittens, my coat wet down the front from the snow, my scarf halfway hanging on, and my hood tied tightly around my head. As a child, I pretended that I was royal and that my moonboots were glass slippers, the stick from the apple tree was my scepter, and all my invisible friends worshipped me. I didn’t have that many invisible friends, so I made up more so I was more…uh, popular in my world. Any of this sound familiar to anyone?

11/19/12

Tis the season... for family dysfunction.

I love the holidays.  I love my family.  However...

Look I am just going to come right out and say it... I am freaking out about the ridiculous dysfunction that the holidays can bring out in my family and extended family, and how I will protect my son from it. My immediate family is small, just my sister her two boys, my brother his two boys and my mother.  Together we all get along fairly well, and for the most part are well behaved... well depending on how much wine and bourbon is consumed, things can get interesting.  It's the extended families of my immediate family thats got me all freaked out.

I love the holidays because it is a time that my family comes together to just hang out; Eat, drink, be merry and attempt to enjoy each others company. My extended family,  not so much.  Some of those people are just stupid, possibly inbred, alcoholic chain smoking, shower and toothbrush needing ding-a-lings. In years past, I would just drink a few extra drinks to numb my ears and fuzz up my eyes a bit to make them all seem like interesting attractive people.  Now I have a son that not only do I have no choice but to subject to the freaks, I can't get boozed up to drown them out.

The other major worry I have about these extended family gatherings is their offspring.  God for give me, but some of these kids have only seen toothbrushes in packaging at "The Wal-Mart."  Some of these kids have possibly only seen soap there as well. Ollie is a stay at home baby, his immunity is no where near strong enough to fight off what those kids are packing.  And speaking of packing, the total of boys between all the family members is 9!  Yes, NINE crazy ass wolf pack boys are going to be running around.  I see how the big kids play.  It's a wonder all of them have eyes and teeth and no broken bones.  Those kids play like wrestlers and warriors.  I don't want them around Ollie!  My nephews are scary enough, but I can still police them, and they respect Ollie. Who knows if the other kids will listen to me?  Maybe I am over reacting, but I am a new mom, that is what I do!

11/16/12

New Mom Tip: The essential handbag must have!

Diaper bags are awesome and full of everything a new mom needs, but let's face it, when you are running out for a quick errand is that massive bag really necessary? No! I have come up with a great alternative to carrying that heavy bag with you everywhere you go...


This is my handbag must have...The Compact Diaper Bag.


I have turned a make-up bag into a compact diaper bag.
What you see here is all I really need for an emergency when just running out to the store.
Disposable Change Pad, Diapers, Wipes,
Dirty Diaper Disposable Bag, Onsie, Butt Paste, Lotion,
Alcohol Wipes, and Q-tips.

11/15/12

Easily this is the funniest thing I have seen in a while... Dog Shaming

I have never ever been moved to share a funny email on my blog before, ever... until now.  If I had everyone's email I would have sent this to you... and if you know me, then you know I very rarely will forward an email... But, this is different. I need you to see this.  I'm not even sure if this is ok to do, share an email on my blog.  But whatever, it is worth the risk to hopefully bring you as much joy and laughter as this email brought me.

The email was titled, Dog Shaming....









What am I supposed to do with all of this baby stuff?

Now that Ollie is 9-months and way too big for his baby stuff, I have an over abundance of baby stuff cramping my style... and crowding the hell out of my very tiny house. I am one of those psychos who's house is ridiculously organized, I mean everything has it's place. Every night after Ollie goes to bed I put up every single toy before I can sit down and relax. I know you veteran moms are shaking your head thinking, she will grow out of that... I know I will ease up sooner or later too, but for now I try to let the house be Oliver's play land by day and Adult play land by night.  Well, now that I am completely over run by newborn stuff with infant stuff stacked on top, I'm running out of 'place' for everything.  I need to do something will all of this stuff!

I have FOUR tubs of Newborn to 6 month old baby clothes, a large swing, two play mats, two bouncy chairs, a Bumbo seat with tray, a newborn car seat and base with a stroller we hate, more toys than I care to admit to having and a huge box of bottles, nipples, pump parts, breastfeeding accessories including shields, freezer bags, holders...oh hell the list just keeps going on.  I have an entire room of baby stuff that needs to be dealt with! Ugh.

Since FTD and I are already talking about a number two, full-on getting rid of all of the stuff is not going to happen, and until we find out what gender number 2 is, the four tubs of clothes are here to stay too.  So now I find myself, stacked, overwhelmed and overrun by baby stuff I don't know what to do with.  I can hear my friend Kitten telling me to lend it out, and my sister saying sell it and get what I need later, but the frugal control freak that runs my brain is saying, DON'T YOU DARE LISTEN TO THEM!

11/14/12

Going from Mush to Mmmmm. What to feed a growing baby.

While sending some photos off to the printer, I realized that Oliver was trying to tell me something...


Mommy, I love you and everything you do for me
but... we need to talk about the crap you are feeding me.



Look at me, I am a big boy.  
It's time to talk about my nutritional needs!

11/13/12

Splish splash screw your big boy bath!

8 1/2 months ago when Ollie's umbilical cord fell off, we blew up his Munchkin bath duck for his very first proper bath. My sister used it for my nephews and insisted we had to use it too for Ollie. It has a slip proof bottom  with a hot/cold temperature gauge.  It is the perfect first time bath for first time parents.

Munchkin Inflatable Baby Bath Duck


Now, he gets excited when he sees FTD pull out Mr. Duck for bath time.  It's turned into this big thing where FTD pulls it out of the bathroom closet, and then brings it over to Ollie for kisses.  Ollie laughs, gives Mr. Duck kisses, then I do, then FTD, and then finally FTD fills up the duck and in Ollie goes.




Ollie's first bath.


Lately he has been trying to crawl out of it, so we thought maybe it was time to just put him directly in the tub. FTD filled up the bath tub, well not drown the baby filled, but about 4-6 inches of water, with bubbles and a bunch of his bath toys. I carried Ollie into the bathroom, handed him over to FTD and stood ready with the camera for shots of Ollie's first big boy bath...

11/12/12

SHAME ON YOU ACCESS HOLLYWOOD!

I have not been this moved to scream at the TV in quite some time.  So better yet, I am going to scream at Access Hollywood through my Blog.  I was just watching the Access Hollywood report on the Ariel Winter case, and could not believe what I was hearing and seeing.  Who ever got the facts and wrote the story should be fired!

11/10/12

On a Personal Note...

Hiya everyone!

I just wanted to take a moment to to talk about the crazy insane amount of product reviews/giveaways, changes to format and wild over blogging that has been going on.  I say this all of the time, but I am not a professional blogger, I really have no idea what I am doing.   Remember, I started blogging because I wanted to punch a know-it-all forum biotch in her big know-it-all mouth.  I never EVER expected to be here over a year later with so many followers and great friends! I am trying to find my groove, or format. All I have for sure is my voice, however loud and filthy it may be.

As for the the insane amount of reviews lately...I try to be selective and not just review any product. Trust me, recently I was asked to review some sort of sanitary toilet seat spray. The makers thought my pregnancy site readers would benefit from it.  I had to pass... no woman is carrying around an aerosol can of shitter spray!  Anyways, I am going to be even more selective, only posting at the most, one review/giveaway a week.


11/9/12

Mommy Fail #10. Evil Long Finger Nails

Almost two months ago I was putting a sock on Ollie and scratched him with my fingernail.  Not like deep gouge, but more like a deep scrape up his leg.  Oliver didn't even flinch, in fact I'm not sure he even knew it happened.  It left this red raw skin mark on his calf, no blood, just a scrape. A few days passed and it semi scabbed over, but not hard scab, soft scab.  A few weeks passed and the scratch was still there, same size almost as the day I did it, but now purple in color.

So when we went to our 9-month well baby check-up that mark was at the top of my list of questions.  I pointed at it, explained what happened and then asked the doctor, "Did I scar my baby?"  The doctor took one look at it and said, "Eh, it's nothing, it will fade over time." I just scratched him! How is it still there? Fade over time?! FAIL! FAIL! EPIC FAIL!

The doc starts telling me a story about how guys trade scars stories all of the time.  He shows us one he has, and then tells FTD the ultimate scar story about a doctor who had a bone in his back removed. FTD was genuinely interested and impressed. The doc insist that since he is a boy he will love it, and that Oliver already has one up on all of his peers for having a scar, because that is somehow a good thing in boy world?

Clearly I was visibly upset about the whole thing, to make the doctor tell me all these stories. I just don't understand how a scratch could have caused a scar? I don't care if guys dig scar, this chick doesn't!



I can see it now...Oliver in the sand box at 4 years old trading scar stories with the other little boys....

Kid 1: "I got my scar falling down the stairs in my walker when I was 11 months old!"
Kid 2: "Oh Yeah? Well, I got my scar falling out of my stroller when I lunged for a doggie at the park when I was 10 months old!"
Kid 3: "That's nothing!"  You see this scar on my foot? I got that when my big brother drug me down the street when we escaped from the house when mommy wasn't looking, I was 9 months old!"


Then the kids look at Ollie and say, "hey kid, how did you get the scar on your leg?"
My finger nail did that!  I throw up a little everytime I see it.


Oliver: " Oh, this scar here... My mom gave it to me when she was putting on my sock! I was 7 1/2 months old."

And that my friends is when my son gets sand thrown in his eyes. My poor guy, it's bad enough he is scared for life mentally for having FTD and I as parents, I had to go the extra mile and nearly scar him physically in the lamest damn way possible.  Welcome to the world kid.


Lesson Learned: Keep my finger nails VERY short.


This is his, "It's cool mom, just don't do it again." look.





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11/8/12

When I want to laugh until I cry... I look at these


WARNING:  If you do not like the "F" word or potty humor, piss off because this post is full of both.... Yes I know this is a parenting blog, but sometimes a parent deserves to laugh at something other than Dora the Explora...

It's the first week of a new month, which means I owe you a funny photo post. I actually have not received any good parenting or funny baby photos in a while,  so I have decided to share my personal funny folder. I may be committing mommy blogger suicide by posting this many horrendous foul mouthed photos, but you know what? I don't care, these make me laugh and I bet they will make you laugh too. I hope you enjoy.


















































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11/7/12

The Politics of Blogging...

There are 3.9 million "Mom Bloggers"  in the US.  THREE POINT NINE MILLION!  I knew there were a lot, but never did I think there would be that many. According to a recent study done by Scarborough Research, Mom Bloggers make up fourteen percent of all American moms." 14%!  With that many of us fighting for your eyes on our blogs, it can get dirty... very dirty.

As most of you already know, I started blogging in July of 2011 when I got attacked in a mothers forum for complaining about my not so perfect pregnancy.   I got so mad that I decided to start my own forum where I could say what ever I wanted.  That day I gave birth to www.TiredofBeingPregnant.com. It became my place to say "Who ever said Pregnancy was rainbows and unicorns is an idiot! oh and P.s. I hate being pregnant today, suck it!"  

I wasn't sure if anyone would read my blog, but just in case someone else was tired of being pregnant, I wanted to let them know they were not alone.  Truthfully, not at all to my surprise, there were hundreds of thousands of women who where tired of being pregnant. So I just kept on writing.  I didn't know at the time I would turn into this "Mommy Blogger" a year later.

11/6/12

9-month well baby check-up... glad that's over

Today we had our well baby check-up... damn it it totally sucked!

I used to love going to our well baby check-ups, or at the very least excited to see how much lil' man weighed or had grown.  Actually, I was excited to go to the appointment today for developmental reasons, but by the time we left, Oliver was all cried out, I was heartbroken and FTD was beside him self.  I officially hate well baby check-ups... Why? Because no one is "well" once we leave...

So we get there, the whole family is all smiles, Ollie is on the cusp of needing a nap, but still putting on the cutie pie show for all to watch.  We got called back to a room fairly quickly, which is important when a 9-month old wiggle worm is involved.  We were told to immediately strip lil' man down for his height, weight, head and temperature check.



Height: Tall (29in) 95%
Weight: Chub (24.7lbs) 75%
Head: Fat
Temp: Chillin' like a villin'

With that out of the way, the nurse asked the usual...

Second hand smoke? Negative
Breast or formula? FTD "Titty"  Yes, he actually says this to the nurse
Daycare? Mommy Care
Concerns: Nah

She tells us that all looks good, and doc will be in soon.  Cool.

All smiles... for now....
Doc comes in, Ollie gives him a High-five. I was proud, FTD was beaming.

Doc starts his load of questions.

Crawling?  Um Yeah, and cruising down the couch, and hauling ass down the hallway with his "sit to stand" walker.  Doc is impressed.
Talking? Yep!  Mama, Dada, Uh oh, and Hi.
Eating? Like it's a profession.
Concerns? Not really.

Doc checks him over, hears his lil' heart, checks out his lil' man, looks in his ears, nose, mouth, checks out his teeth (3 down 2 up) and eyes...

Oh, wait let me interject here... Oliver flips his shit the minute the doc starts poking him.  Man it sucked!  I want my baby to be awesome, easy going, the kid the doc looks forward too.  Unfortunately, Oliver has a different opinion of that.  He wants nothing to do with the doctor or his tools, in fact he is treating the doctor like he is a tool.  I felt awful, for both Ollie and the doc.  I was trying to make my baby calm down while the doc did his job.  Oliver was just not having the scary guy with poking tools.

Finally the doc stops poking him and sits down to let FTD and I go over some Q & A of our own.  We ask about how much Ollie should be eating, sleeping and what his development is like compared to other kids in his age group. And then I point out something awful I did to Ollie, to which the doctor confirms my worst fear... Stay tuned for tomorrow's post, "Mommy Fail #10."

Once we finish with the check-up the doc says, ok you will have 2 follow-up vaccinations, a flu shot, and a blood test today.  I just wanted to say, "are you effing kidding me?!"  Oliver just let out his first smile since the poking and prodding finished, this is not going to go well.

I was wrong, "this is not going to go well," could not be further from the truth, it actually went absolutely crazy nutzo baby screaming wacko.  I mean, God-help-my-broken-heart, bad.  I had to hold my screaming son down while the nurse stuck him. Damn that sucked ass!

I will never ever get the image of my Ollie screaming and crying out of my mind. His face streaked with tears, his eyes showing through the pain, begging me to save him. He was genuinely scared.  FTD was standing a few feet back, giving me the same tearful glare.  This was too much for him too.  It is safe to say the whole family was traumatized today. I cannot wait until the damn vaccinations are over with!

This is Ollie clapping at the idea of no more shots.


On the bright side, Ollie is healthy, happy and developing brilliantly for his age.




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11/4/12

Oh, no! It’s the Holidays and we have 20 pounds to loose. It’s time to get Creative…


It’s time to get Creative Bioscience that is…

Recently I was partnered with a Blogger2Business venture where I was given the opportunity to try out a 90-day weight loss challenge. Since both FTD and I are still dragging around the extra 15-pounds of casualty of pregnancy weight, how could I say no to this answer to our prayers?

I emailed the company, was directed to a few forms to fill out and was accepted to the challenge. An incredibly nice woman emailed me back with the challenge guidelines. After some dialogue back and forth with her, I realized that while these products are all-natural and very safe for the average person, as a nursing mother I had better not take any weight loss supplements at this time.  So, guess who is on the 90-day challenge?  FTD’s round little bottom!

So here is what’s going to happen now….

  1. Pick one of their weight loss supplements to try out for 90-days. Easy! FTD has decided to give the African Mango 1200 supplement a try.

Here is a write-up about the African Mango 1200 supplement taken directly from the Creative Bioscience website…

“The African Mango diet has been used for centuries by the people of Africa, perhaps without even knowing it. The process and product have been refined to perfection by Creative Bioscience, to bring the benefits of the African Mango to your door. The African Mango product comes in capsule form and is used daily to help target body fat without side effects. Since the product is all-natural, you can feel confident taking this supplement even on a long term basis. One of the major benefits of the African Mango diet is the reduction of LDL cholesterol, which is the bad kind, and an increase in HDL (good) cholesterol.”
How awesome does that sound?
  1. FTD will periodically write-up a post about how he is doing on the diet.
  2. At the end of the 90-days if FTD behaves himself and follows the plan, two lucky readers will receive a 30-day supply to jump-start their own diet!
  3. Calling all Bloggers!!  This challenge is still open to a few more lucky bloggers.  If you are interested in taking advantage of this challenge, then click here to go to the Creative Bioscience Challenge page.
Wish FTD luck!   I am so excited for him.  My pregnancy packed pounds on both of us. I am stoked that he is going to take this challenge.  I really hope this challenge is the catalyst to helping our family create a healthy lifestyle and diet.  If we can manage to survive the holidays without gaining 20 more pounds, then this challenge will be epic!

Stay tuned…



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11/3/12

Thankful for you.

It's that time of the month again...

 I'm feeling all lovey and thankful for all of you.  My blog has become so much more than I ever imagined, mostly because of you...  No, all the freaking way because of you!  God love ya, you show up weekly to read my rants and crazy thoughts. You show your love and support by commenting. letting me know I am only a little crazy, and that it's Ok, even normal.

I never could have imagined so much support, kindness and most of all the beautiful friendships I have formed with so many of you. Call me crazy, but I think of you during the day.  Seriously, I find myself doing something and think, I wish so&so was here to help me, or what would So&so do, I wish so&so was closer so we could have a playdate, or I wish I was at that french bakery with so&so eating  yummy pastries...

I thank you all so much for being my friends, readers, and mommy support.  I love writing with all of my heart, but sometimes I don't feel like it, 9 times out of ten because I am exhausted from a massive pity party about one thing or another, then I think of you, and I write, I bitch, I cry, I complain, and damn I feel so good when I hit publish.  I owe you big for therapy sessions. I mean BIG!

So, thank you, thank you, thank you, for being here with me from day to day, some of you from year to year now.  Each one of you, and your sweet little one, has a very special place in my heart.

I hope you have a wonderful relaxing weekend.

With loads of love and prayers,

April





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11/1/12

9-Month-Old Baby Milestones, Mamas, Munchies, Meltdowns & Mobility

I feel like a broken record, "Month so & so... Already? I can't believe how fast the time goes... blah, blah, blah...."  I seriously think I write these monthly milestone posts every week. However, this month is full of bigness! I mean INSANE!  Let me just explain....




Milestones:

1.Waving, clapping and lifting semi heavy things and putting them on the coffee table.
2. Talking up a storm!
3.Eating all kinds of solid foods off my plate.
4. Standing aided for quite some time, unaided for 2 seconds, and cruising down  the couch or coffee table all day long!
5. Developing a personality.




Mamas:

As you all know Oliver's first coherent mumbling was "mama."  Last week he finally said "Dada," and now my friends, he yells out "DAD!" FTD is beside himself.  Ollie is also saying daaa-eee, somewhere in there the 'd' is missing, but it is clear he is trying to say daddy.  But my all time favorite right now is, "UH! ooooooooooo."  This is so cute to watch and hear.  He drops something and says UH! somewhat loud and then follows up by making a small O with his lips, and letting out a long low oooooooooo.  I love hearing the sound of his voice.  I cannot wait to hear more!

Over the last two weeks he has really started stretching his sounds and compounding noises.  I told FTD yesterday that Bobcat Goldthwait got his crazy way of talking from watching a bay.  Oliver sounds like Bobcat when he talks. Seriously, he yells, laughs and makes noises all at the same time.  Too funny!

I have very high hopes for more words this month!


Munchies:

Oliver is now eating so much regular food, he turns up his nose at purees.  He also insists on feeding himself, and if I let him he would eat an entire bag of organic Cheerios!  His favorites are broccoli flowerettes, super soft avocado, squash, blueberries, whole wheat bread (in very small quantities), sweet potatoes, pizza, pasta, rice, oh hell the kid will eat anything!  I just make sure it is small, soft and I never look away, not for a second.  My latest trick is to bring a snack cup full of Cheerios or puffs, and give him a few on the tray of his stroller while walking or shopping at the mall, keeps him content the entire time.  I only give a few at a time, becuse if I give him all of them he will knock them on to the floor.

I am still nursing him exclusively, and hope at this point to make it to a year.  At that point I will begin to wean him off.





Meltdowns:

The meltdowns are the new thing.  If he is unhappy I am the first to know, and then everyone else within ear shot is second.

His latest thing is he hates is driving in the car.  He used to be awesome about car rides, but now as soon as I sit him in his seat he screams and cries. It is so frustrating when I actually have to go somewhere.  I'll admit, a few times I have aborted the grocery mission because of his screaming.  I hope he grows out of it.

He is also not a fan of being held, he pushes away to get down, and when we won't let him... crawl on the floor of the store or outside... he fusses. I honestly wonder if he can break my wind pipe pushing away with such force! I have been told this is a boy thing and to get used to it.  If I am lucky he will want a cuddle again around 1 1/2 years old.  BOOOO!

Oh and if you take something away from him... God help you and your ears.



Mobility: Oliver is a speed crawler, a master of standing while holding on the things, and can stand unaided long enough to freak me out.  The standing alone is scary to watch, I am sure he is going to fall backward, but luckily it is always on his bottom.  We recently got him a proper walker, mainly so I could get a break during the day from chasing him. Now he chases me and thinks it's super funny.  We also use the Juppy Walker to teach him to walk. All of that being said, I don't think he will be taking those unaided steps for at least another month, but he has surprised me before...



All in all, the past 31 days have been epic in terms of growth and development.  So far I have learned that the big boost in a baby's development happen at 6-weeks, 6-months and now 9-months.  I cannot get over how much he has accomplished in such a short time. With little tears in my eyes I have to admit, my baby is not really a little baby anymore... he is a big boy.





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