Happy last damn day of 2012

Good Bye 2012! Hello 2013!

I love the turn of the calender year. I see it as the end of a chapter in the book of life and the beginning of a new one. So much can happen in a year, it's hard not look forward and wonder where I will be this time next year.  It's also amazing to look back to where I was this time last year, and see how much has happened and changed...

First of all, I grew and delivered a human.  A freaking human!  I know how crazy I sound saying it like that, but seriously, it's still crazy to me that I have this beautiful perfect baby. What a blessing. I can not even begin to put into words the blessing that he is, and the unbelievable unconditional love I have for him.

Secondly, I survived the hazing of the first few months of Parenthood.  That shit is bananas! B.A.N.A.N.A.S! No sleep, pure confusion, constant second guessing, fear, pain and more pressure on my marriage than I thought it could take. But alas, my marriage is still in tact, and my son is not only still alive, he is super healthy, smart, happy and way ahead of the development curve on so many levels, so, hell yeah to me and FTD, we did it! 

Things that make first time moms and dads say, "OH HELL NO!" (Best of Series)

(This is another of my favorite posts of 2012. FTD and I wrote this together and laughed the whole time.  Funny how things you think will never be funny, become funny after enough time has passed...)

During the first month of our son's life the hubs and I actually said, “Oh Hell No!” out loud more times than ever in our lives.  Here is the short list...

Twas the night before Delivery... (Best of series)

(This is the last of my 'Best of Blogging 2012" posts from Tiredofbeingpregnant.com. It was hard to choose just a couple, especially since the blog has over 260 raw uncensored, no shame pregnancy rants, tips and what to expect that the books are too afraid to tell you posts. I was a new blogger and followed no rules, refused to watch my mouth, wrote straight from my heart and said exactly what I was feeling and thinking.

This post I wrote the night before I delivered my sweet little boy.  Reading it now brings back all of the emotions and fear that I felt.  What a ride pregnancy is. What a ride...)

Twas the night before delivery and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even the cat. Husband and wife staring at each other with fear, for tomorrow baby will be here!

Embracing Your Inner Child

Embracing Your Inner Child

We’re often encouraged to reconnect with our inner child. That part of us that constitutes innocence and playfulness and which tends to disappear over the years as we conform to all that’s expected of us in adulthood.  How we go about reconnecting with this childish element of our personality is a different matter and can be a subject for derision.

Baby's first Christmas... I should have registered

Being a first time mom I had no idea what to expect for my baby's first Christmas. Or should I say, I didn't know what kind of gifts to expect people to give my baby. I was never asked what he wanted or needed in the first place. In the end, I never could have dreamt up the loads of shit and toys my son raked in! I learned from this experience that first time parents should get to register for baby's first Christmas and birthday...actually... maybe the first three Birthdays and Christmases for that matter.

Tips for expecting dads: How to survive pregnancy

(FTD and I wrote this together and had the best time with it.  I laughed so hard!  I hope you enjoy too. Of course this is all meant to be a joke...kind of... >..<)

Dear Expecting Dad,

Is your wife/girlfriend pregnant and loves you one minute, and then hates you the next? Are you cuddling in bed after giving her the best foot massage of her life, and then somehow waking up with the indention of a couch cushion on your cheek? Are you having a normal calm conversation and then all of the sudden being screamed at while things are flying at your head? Are you answering to “asshole” because you have not heard “honey” in months? Are practical jokes not going over well in your home anymore? If you answered yes to one or more of those questions, believe it or not, there is some good news, you are not alone…there is an expectant father going to sleep on the couch right now somewhere in the world. Bad news, in order to restore peace and harmony to your world, start smiling and nodding no matter how crazy she sounds!!

Below is a “Pregnancy Do’s and Don’ts” list for daddies.

Merry Christmas & Happy Holiday

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Best Wishes to all of you, my faithful, kind and extremely encouraging readers.  I pray that this Holiday Season is your most blessed yet.  I hope you are reading this blog with peace and joy in your heart.  Thanks to all of you I have even more to celebrate and be thankful for this season.

Today can become such a mindless mess of materialistic meandering. Take a moment to be thankful for the air you breathe, the food you eat, and the people you love.  Life is so short, let today be as amazing as possible.

Love and hugs,

April, Ollie & FTD

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I'm Pregnant and I hate my Husband!

(This post is by far the most popular from www.tiredofbeingpregnant.com.  It also has 86 of the funniest comments I have ever read.  (Click Here to read them.) 

My poor husband.  FTD put up with so much crazy while I was pregnant.  He wanted a baby so bad he just took it and kept cooking and cleaning with a smile... or he was just very afraid...)  

I HATE being pregnant!

(NO I AM NOT PREGNANT!  Over the last few days of 2012 I am posting my favorite all time blog post from both tiredofbeingpregnant.com and firsttimemomanddad.com. This will be a 'best of' chronicling the journey from knocked up to motherhood.

This post was my very first post on www.tiredofbeingpregnant.com, so no doubt I should start here. I read it now and laugh.  Man... Pregnancy was so not awesome for me.  I love my baby and am so thankful for that crappy pregnancy.  Anyways... this is the beginning of the journey of blogging and pregnancy all rolled into one great post! Oh! And for those who do not know, I started blogging about my pregnancy because I got pounced on in a forum for saying I was tired of being sick and tired of my pregnancy. I decided to start my own forum where I could say what I want. Dammit!)

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays my friends!

I wanted to say thank you so much for a wonderful year of blogging and friendship. You all mean so much to me.  If it were not for your comments and encouragement through the crazy journey that is motherhood, I would think that going crazy was a bad thing. Thank God I have you to remind me that losing my mind is not a bad thing, but actually Natures way of making parenthood much easier. Plus, the less I remember the more likely I am to do it all over again!

The best Holiday cards EVER!

The coveted Holiday card. I don't know about the rest of the world, but the annual Holiday card is big business in the south. I have friends that plan family vacations around getting the perfect photo, in the perfect location, to achieve the perfect holiday card. I admit it, I love them.  I look forward to the cards every year.  My friends with their beautiful family set against beautiful tropical or snowy backdrops.  Yes, I even have a girlfriend that takes a photo on Santa's lap with her dog for her card. Again, the holiday card is big ass business 'round these parts.

My crazy ass husband (FTD) has never seen anything like them in Australia, so naturally he had to have one too. Oh, but no way could we have a nice normal one like everyone else. NOOOOO that would be too normal, and God forbid we ever be a normal family.  So last year he set out to make, "The Best Christmas Card EVER!"  I said go for it, and went to bed. 

Tomorrow is not promised. But today is very promising

Tomorrow, my friends, December 21, 2012 is going to be the end of the world as we know it.  An Apocalypse is going to rain down on our heathen asses. So says the believers in the Mayan calender prophecy.

I admit, when I first heard the theory a few years ago, I looked into it. I never believed it, or really wanted to believe it, but just be sure I had nothing to worry about, I looked into it. It took me about ten minutes to decide that I was not going to go out and run up my credit cards. To those who believe it, I sincerely hope you are wrong...

What's yours is Mine! What's mine is Mine! The property Laws of a baby/toddler

I first saw this when I was pregnant...

The first tiem I read the property laws I laughed and laughed. Now that I have a baby on the verge of being a toddler... that list was not meant to be a joke, it was meant to be a warning...

An Open Letter to the Media Hounds

(Due to the horrific... Mindless... Devastating... heartbreaking... OK!  Clearly I am still having trouble.  I cannot write my normal post because I am still so sick.  So I am going to do what I do best when I am overwhelmed: rant and misdirect anger. What can I say, it makes me feel better, and right now, I want to feel better.)

This morning when I turned on the TV to catch up on the news of the day, I found three news anchors sitting on directors chairs in front of a local church in Newtown CT. They were actually hosting the show from the sidewalk. Before I could finish shaking my head, the show switched over to a reporter standing in the backyard of the bastard ass evil motherfu... shooter's family home.  When the reporter was finished saying the police were in the house, basically doing their job, and that she had nothing to report, she sent it over to a funeral home. That's when I changed the channel to find two other morning news programs camping out in the same locations. It was clear that Newtown, CT. had unfortunately turned into a huge media circus.

After 30-minutes of flipping back and forth between the three different morning shows, I had not seen any NEW news about the horrific event that took place last Friday, nor did I see any other news going on in the rest of the world. The reporters kept carrying on about the shooter's parents, their divorce ten years prior and his mother's love of guns. Really? This is what you call important breaking news?

I turned off the TV and decided I needed to write an open letter to the Media Hounds of the world...



Media Hounds:

I understand that it is your job to provide your viewers with the latest breaking news, however I am sick of you hounding the shit out of people, digging up the most ridiculous information to create twists and turns to keep viewers interested, and most of all, crossing the damn line into unforgivable behavior to produce a good show.  I'm thoroughly disgusted! Tell me, how exactly do you sleep at night.  Does Lucifer make a nice bed for you in his den?

                               

The Sandy Hook Elementary...

I cannot even find the right adjective or words to finish the title... This... It's... Wordless...

I'm a parenting blogger... It's almost expected I write something about the tragic... Devastating... event that took place yesterday. I have 4 emails so far asking what I think, and am I going to write about it. Well, the answer is no. I can't write about it because I can't stop crying.

New Years Resolution #1. Finding the new me...

With the end of 2012 coming to a close, I can't help but look back smile, and be thankful for a very blessed year. A year I got to devote to my first born, my son.  During 2012 I carried him, birthed him and nurtured him whole heartedly 24/7 365.  I have been so blessed to have this time with him.  However, I look back and don't see Me. I honestly am not sure who I see anymore.

5 Free Holiday Wishes...

Yesterday I was blessed by the beautiful Wish Fairy, Lillian, at the wonderful blog Its a Dome Life, with 5 Holiday Wishes. Seriously, if anyone could figure out a way to give real wishes, it would be the wonderful and giving Lily...

Currently in the blogosphere, there is a Holiday post going around where a blogger receives five holiday wishes to do what they want with.  The only catch is that the blogger then has to hand five more wishes over to five more deserving bloggers. Yes, it is a little chain gang-ish. Normally this chain-gang thing is uber annoying, but it's the holidays, and I love wishes and hope and dreams and all the goodness that comes with the Holidays.  So, thanks Lillian! I am all over my five wishes and paying five more forward!

My wishes...

How did pregnancy change me...

Recently I was asked to write a story about how pregnancy changed me... Instantly I thought, are you kidding, what didn't change? But then the memories...oh yes, the memories of my pregnancy and journey from prim and proper princess to big crazy baby maker came flooding back.  Ahhhh.... It is safe to say, I am not ready to do that shit again... yet.

Anyways, here is the story I wrote...

From Princess to Pregnant to Parent. 
The humbling journey the books don't tell you about.

When I look back on my pregnancy all I can do is laugh and be thankful… That it’s over! Don’t get me wrong, I am very thankful for my pregnancy, but the symptoms and experiences were anything but wonderful and magical. I’m here to tell you, pregnancy is a 10-month rollercoaster ride through Nature’s Hell Fun House. 

Cakes, Cookies and Ice Cream... oh my!

Ever since writing about Ollie's Cookie Club adventure, I have had numerous comments and emails about what a big mean mommy I am for not letting Ollie live a little already. Well all I have to say to that is... Ok, then maybe I am.  I am just scared.  I am scared of so many things when it comes to my son. Everyday I worry about some of the craziest stuff and make up the most anxiety ridden scenarios. I do my best to control the controllables.  Oliver's diet is the one controllable I am really crazy over.

All right everyone, it's time that I make a confession. Oliver is Organic. I am that crazy mom. You know, the one who insists on feeding her child only all organic,  all natural food.  Ollie eats better than I ever have, ever will, and quite frankly, can afford to.  I cut so many corners in our family budget to feed Ollie the way I do. I also have constant "discussions" with FTD about my crazy obsession with keeping Ollie organic. It's out of control, I know. I just want to give Ollie the best start at life possible.  

I have made so many sacrifices to keep Ollie exclusively breastfed.  The last thing I want to do is go and pump him full of crap on top of it.  But, as I sit here and make my confession to you, I realize that I am... I have to stop.  I'm helicopter parenting my son's food to an over obsessive point!

Ollie joined his first club ...The Cookie Club!

I broke down... I let him do it... have it... eat it...

ME: "Here you go buddy! Your first grocery store cookie!"
Ollie:
That lady loves me. I killing her. Awesomeness. Mom leave me alone.

10-Month Observations of Baby and Me!

10-months!  Do you all realize that a year ago today so many of us were big fat constipated hormonal hot messes trying to pull our chairs up to the buffet to eat our brains out, but only managed to eat three bites because there was barely any room for air in our stretched and swollen bodies, let alone Bob Evans? And look at us now... Getting ready to plan our baby's first birthday.  Unreal...

Damn! 10-Months. How?

Momma's Concessions.

I am sitting here having my first cup of fully leaded coffee in nearly 10-months.  It is so good I am about to drop a tear. Since I am still nursing Ollie, I try to keep my caffeine consumption down to a minimum.  Trust me, my baby is the happiest most well behaved baby I know, until he gets sugar or caffeine in his system.  One drop of either and the boy goes bat shit crazy, smashes everything in his path, cries about and then NEVER EVER passes out... So yeah needless to say, I drink decaf every morning as a way to trick my coffee loving mind into thinking we still have a good thing going.

So then, why am I drinking the regular coffee?  Because I have four articles with deadlines coming up in the next 24-48 hours, and need some help. I am about to pass out, cannot hold a thought and see this beautiful cup of yum yum as my only answer. Ollie will be asleep for the next 6-8 hours, so hopefully I can get away with this.  Yes, I am fully aware of Murphy's law.  I am also fully aware that I am procrastinating my ass off by writing this blog post instead of the articles.  Really, I am just waiting for the coffee to kick in (procrastinating).

So Momma's concessions...