Baby Docking Stations

It's amazing how many docking stations my newborn has. What's more amazing is that he is docked in each one at least once a day!

 The Boppy Pillow!
      This dock is great for hanging with me on the couch.  

                                                                                                  
                               

This is his favorite playtime dock.
He LOVES lying under the purple thing in the center.
It spins around and plays music.
Now that he's 2 months he reaches up for it
and the hanging things around him!
He will lay there for a solid 10 minutes smiling and cooing.
In baby time that is HOURS!!!

This is his Car Dock.
This dock is supposed to mimic a car ride.
It even makes car/street noises.
He will fall asleep in this in the morning.
Oddly enough only in the mornings?
I think when he gets bigger he will hang in it more often.

The Bumbo dock!
This thing is great.
Don't worry I don't put it on the edge of the table.
Really!  Who does that?
He is good at holding his head up...
But I still only let him hang in there for less than 5 minutes.

This is his dance party with daddy chair.
Dad turns on the dance beats
and Ollie flails his arms and legs to the beats.
It's really amazing!
He doesn't spend much time in this chair solo though.
I think it's too big and he feels left out in a field alone in it.
He does like the crab though.  It blinks and makes noises.

The Swing!

a.k.a The babysitter

This swing is my favorite! 

Ollie will go to sleep in it when all else fails. 

It's in the swing and sleeping in less than 5 minutes.

He also does not like swinging in the other direction.

Hands down he spends the most time docked here.

Anyone have a dock their baby loves?  

Observations at 2 months postpartum & 8 weeks of motherhood

Observations at 2 months postpartum & 8 weeks of motherhood

Why do we refer to our normal lives in months, but our babies in weeks? I actually prefer saying “he’s 2 months old.” over“he’s 8 weeks” because 8 seems like such a high number for my little baby! How in the hell have two months,8friggin-weeks, gone by already? I Just delivered my baby! Who the hell pressed fast forward on time? How in the hell is my maternity leave over? WTF!!! NOOOOO!! Slow down!

I say slow down, but I also find myself fantasizing about my son's first words, or first steps or even better, first poo poo in the 'potty instead of in mommy’s hand in the middle of the night! I need to just embrace every minute as best I can. I realize though that the first 6 weeks are such a blur of feedings and sleep deprivation. It goes by fast because there is just no sense of time nor is there any real quality time to be had in that craziness.

Anyways. Here goes my top 20 list…

1. 3 Cheers for being a mommy! I LOVE IT!
2. My son is absolutely fabulous! Perfect, wonderful, amazing, sweet, gifted, adorable…. Oh, I could list adjectives for him all day and not one bad one!
3. I have been peed on and crapped on so many times I don’t even care anymore.
4. The Hubs and I have found a happy common ground, FINALLY! We are starting to co-parent really well.
5. Now that there is a semi-routine going I am sleeping better. Or maybe just dealing with the short bursts of sleep better.
6. Now that my son can pull my hair… OUT OF MY HEAD! I need a haircut or a permanent ponytail. Porn stars don’t lose as much hair in a month as I do in a day!
7. I HAVE BREASTFED FOR TWO MONTHS!! That is so amazing to say! It is by far one of the most challenging things I have ever done in my life.
8. Besides the flabby ass and boobs hanging down to my knees, I’d say I am fully recovered from pregnancy and my C-Section!
9. I need to do some serious ab/core exercises because leaning over the tub at bath time is really hard on my back. I even have a “bath time kneeling pad” I also try to engage my abs when leaning over the tub. Nothing helps. I usually let daddy do bath time due to the discomfort, which totally sucks!
10. My face is a broken out mess! I am not sure why, but it’s worse than pregnancy!
11. As if pregnancy didn’t make a big enough joke of my body and emotions, as a parting gift for every pound I lose, an effing stretch mark shows up in its place on my thighs. WHAT IS THAT SHIT?!
12. I am eating twice as much as I did during pregnancy… And LOSING WEIGHT! Hell yeah!
13. I try on my favorite pair of jeans every Sunday. I Think I am only 2-3 Sundays away from buttoning those puppies! And maybe only 4-6 weeks away from wearing them out of the house!
14. I drink SO much water and yet I am still so dehydrated all of the time! I even keep a slab of bottled water in the trunk of my car. I ALWAYS have water close by. I do not drink anything else.
15. I cannot believe I am still eating prenatal vitamins (for breastfeeding) and wearing maternity clothes! Next, to the insane gas and constipation, those are the other two things I hated the most during pregnancy!
16. Speaking of gas… The hubs cannot believe he survived my pregnancy gas only to have a son who blows his hand off his butt when he farts and on one occasion possibly came close to singing the hairs off daddy’s chest with his precursor to a blowout.
17. Now that Oliver can smile and coo, I find myself talking to him all day just begging for that super cute grin and heart-melting “Coooooohhhhh” I LOVE IT!!!
18. There is no feeling in the world that compares to the euphoria I feel when I take a deep breath, relax and hold my son close to my heart. He brings me so much peace and joy in the quiet moments. There just are no words to explain it.
19. I still find myself asking Ollie, “What’s wrong?” and begging him to go to sleep… Like I seriously expect a response or a positive result. Yet, when daddy does it I call him a ding-a-ling.
20. Did I already mention that MY SON IS AWESOME? Because HE IS!

Mommy Fail #3! The 5-hour nap!

The Mommy Fail of the week has got to be me letting Ollie take a 5-hour nap. Actually daddy was there, so he’s going down for this shit too!

I fed Ollie and immediately went out to run a few errands.  I came home with 15 minutes to spare before his routine three hour feeding time to find Ollie and daddy taking a nap.  When his feeding time came and went I woke up the hubs to find out how long they had been asleep. He said just about an hour so I laid down next to them to wait for Ollie to stir.  3 ½ hours later I woke up next to a still sleeping Ollie!

I jumped out of bed and flip flopped between kicking the hubs ass for letting me/us sleep for so long or wake up the boy.  I opted for the boy with a promise to deal with dad later.  Holy crap nearly five bloody hours of sleep during the day!  I cannot get 4-hours at night without one hell of a tired boy coupled with a massive feeding.  No surprise the minute I had him up he realized how hungry he was and turned the cry meter up to screeching mad!

Here is where the 5-hour nap gets trumped in dammit-ness… He was so hungry he was past ravenous!  He sucked down so much booby milk so fast he spit it back up all over me, the Brestfriend pillow and himself.  I wipe us up, reattach him and he does it AGAIN! ARG! So round three, I controlled his intake by repeatedly letting him eat for a few minutes and then burping him. Thankfully he didn’t chuck all over me again. 

I was really concerned that letting him sleep for so long was going to completely screw up our routine for the rest of the day and night.  Thankfully, so far no difference.  I kept him up through the next feeding and all seems back to normal. My sister thinks he is just a big growing boy and needed the sleep.   But, still!!  5 hours is the longest he has slept straight so far and he did it during the day!

I realize now that since he is sleeping so long I need to set an alarm if I am going to nap while he does. This will ensure we both don’t sleep all day.  God help me if I put us back on the newborn sleep schedule of sleep all day party all night…

Honestly I am not sorry he slept so long.  Surely the little guy needed it if he did. Of course moving forward I am going to set an alarm to wake him up for his normal feeding. If he is tired and wants to go back to sleep after eating then so be it.  Growing up to be my big strong guy is hard work!

I let my newborn cry it out… kind of…

(UPDATE: 7/27/2012,  IT IS NOT HELPFUL TO LET A NEWBORN CRY IT OUT (CIO)!  I spoke with my pediatrician and was told not to.  Newborn to 6 months cannot neurologically learn to self-sooth. The CIO method at such a young age is not going to work long term.  All that will happen when you let your newborn-6-month-old CIO, is they will become worn out from the crying and hysteria and pass out. It will not harm them so to speak, but it will not help them either.   Your best bet is to sooth them to sleep.  See my Post on Tips for getting a baby to sleep.) Continue reading for my experience letting my Newborn CIO before learning it was pointless! ; ) However, the following is a good start to teaching self-soothing...

After all of the great comments of sleep tips encouraging me to let my newborn “cry it out,” I decided the next opportunity I got I would give it a try, or should I say my best effort. I figured that so many courageous readers could not be wrong, and if they were, it would only take me ten minutes to figure it out!

Tonight was the night! Dad was off at the grocery store, all was quiet in the house… except for Ollie. He had a wonderful long nap in the late afternoon, so he was not quite ready to go down for the night, even though he was giving up all of the telltale signs of sleepiness. I decided when after a bath, feeding, rocking and cuddling he was still not fully asleep, I would give the “cry it out method” a try.

I laid him down in his crib, swaddled him tight, covered him with a light blanket, gave him his dummy/pacifier, a good “SHHHHHHH-ing” and one last “I love you” before walking out of his room. All was fine for the first few minutes, not a peep. Then came the low cry, the “I'm bored come back now” cry. I left him alone until a good cry came. I went into his room, let him know I was there, all was ok, put the dummy back in his mouth, and walked out. He was quiet again for a few minutes, then he started with a good cry, which progressed to a heart-breaking scream. At that moment I thought, do I run to the end of the driveway, or do I crack? I semi-cracked…. I went into his room, again, let him know I was there, again, rubbed him this time, SHHH-ed him until his eyes closed and waited a minute or so to make sure he stayed calm.

I was determined at the very least, no matter what, I was not going to pick him up. Luckily I survived that goal. Ollie went to sleep after my third trip into his room. Which just like everyone said took about 10 minutes total for him to fully pass out. I do feel pretty good about my first attempt at letting him put himself to sleep. I think my mix of letting him cry and soothing him from a slight distance was a perfect mix for the both of us. I am sure as he gets older, and I get stronger, I will be able to hold off on running to his side. But for now, I feel good about my parenting skills and proud of my big boy!

Mommy Fail #1

So, mommy fail #1...

Picture it, 4am I am just finished nursing Ollie and lay down on the changing table for a quick change. He's still passed out from being what the hubs calls "boobie drunk" from breastfeeding. I open his diaper and see that it's not that bad, still I take it off to change him anyway. I look down to get a diaper from the shelf and when I look up the pee stream starts spraying. He is peeing all over his little feet and socks. I let out a yelp that scares him awake and the stream goes from pointing down at his socks to spraying up into the air and falling down on my sock and the floor! REALLY? Shit! Just when I think it's over he lets out a projectile spray of poo that finishes off him and the changing table. Needles to say, both Ollie and I are wide awake and crying at this point. There are not enough wipes in my possession to fix this blowout.

I wrap up his butt with a used burp cloth and head to the bathroom. I get out his little blow up rubber ducky bathtub and fill it up. I wash him, pull him out of the tub and stick my pee covered foot in. Just at that point The Hubs walks in... I thought he was going to pee on my other foot laughing so hard. I was still pissed and upset, but his laughing became infectious. I think even Ollie was laughing, underneath his "I'm cold hurry up and dry me off mommy," screaming.

I know this is a Mommy Fail because I didn't have the diaper ready after I finished wiping him off. I usually hold a wipe over him until I make the diaper switch, but at 4 am I have no freaking clue what I'm doing, I am on auto pilot hoping for the best. Even still, Pee pee Tee Pee or not, I don't have a poo poo tee pee, so the fail was inevitable.

Moral of the story, I got hosed! Hosed hard by the 5 week old potty monster and it sucked! Learn from my foolishness, ALWAYS BE PREPARED FOR THE EXPLOSION! Or have a 4am toe bath like me...

To Bathe or Not to Bathe a Newborn… Everyday!

Should you bathe your new born daily? My Pediatrician says, “No not everyday. Bathe your newborn every other day or every three, use Butt Paste regularly to fight off diaper rash.” He says the reasoning is that daily baths can be too drying on their skin. Most literature on newborn routines say, “bathe daily as part of your night time routine.” My sister says, “Heck yes!  Bathe that boy everyday!”  My girlfriend, a new mom says, “Heck No!  I don’t bathe my newborn everyday, her skin cannot handle it.” Over the last 7 weeks my opinion on this has changed multiple times. This is another classic example of trust your instinct, your baby's cues and possibly your nose too!

I am all for daily baths, but I am not for super dry flaky skin that can come as a result.  I also have to admit that right now I am still so tired from our already packed routine of feedings, diaper changes, play time and nap time, that missing a bath is really not going to upset either one of us.  No bath, no Harm no Foul.

As usual I think it all boils down to the baby and the mother's preference.  At first I followed the pediatricians recommendation and wouldn’t consider a daily bath.  I would wipe Ollie down at night around his neck and face.  I also use cotton balls to wipe off his eyes, one for each eye, everyday bath or not.

Now that Spring is here and the temperatures have spiked over night, daily baths have become the norm. Between the spit ups, the sweaty neck, the frequent dirty diapers and fear of a gnarly Cradle Cap. Of course I am using baby wash and shampoo and slathering on a great baby lotion after bath to stave off dry itchy skin.

Just like with everything else right now for me, a clueles first time mom, I am taking it one day at a time in regard to baths too.  If Ollie is funky, I bathe him.  I expect that the summer months will cause a regularly funky baby. The other great bonus of the daily bath is that Ollie seems to love them. It’s a Win-Win!  Ollie is happy and so is his booty!   

  

Please go to sleep. cont...

ahhh... he sleeps!  I finally got him to sleep around midnight.  He slept poorly the whole night through, but at least he still maintained his three-hour feeding schedule. He woke up for good at 8am still a little fussy. I made it my priority to make sure Ollie took good naps all day and stay well rested.  So, naturally, I sent daddy out for the day!

I know this is bad, and I am NOT recommending you try this at all, but Ollie sleeps VERY well on his stomach.  His first nap of the day was spent on his belly.  He slept soundly and happily for three full hours.  Poor guy was still so exhausted from his crazy day.  I laid next to him the whole time reading a book, so I could keep a very close eye on him.  I know it's dangerous to let him sleep on his belly, but dammit he LOVES it, and I watch him the whole time.

His next nap was spent on my chest then in his swing. Long story short, I kept him on his schedule, and his behavior and attitude showed that.  I easily put the happiest baby to bed tonight!

He is so big and so wonderful I forgot just how fragile he is. It really is still so necessary that I stay focused on his needs and keep overstimulation and super busy days down to a minimum.  It's one thing if he is fussy for fussy sake, it's another when it's my fault for his fussiness.

I thank all of you for your comments and emails on how to get him to sleep.  I do swaddle him every time I put him down.  He doesn't sleep well without his arms on lockdown.  Now, as for the letting him cry it out... UGH!  I'll try it. The comments from real moms who, "ran down to the end of the driveway,"  were so helpful in letting me know it must hurt you like it would me.  But, sometimes you have to do whats necessary. "Letting her cry the first few times was the hardest thing in the world for me to do, but I realized that she needed a way to release and wear herself out and that I also needed to be able to put her down for my own sanity as well. "  Those are the things I needed to hear.  Thank you.  


For now, order has been restored.  Lessons learned. A game plan laid out for, God forbid, next time.  As a first timer, I'd say that's good stuff!

Please go to sleep.

Dear Oliver. Please go to sleep honey. Mommy is about to loose her mind!


Today was a busy day for all three of us. So poor Ollie's nap time was a ride in the car, a ride in the stroller and then an hour or so in his swing. God help us all, this baby is so tired it's devastating.

I have been trying to get him to sleep for hours. My second feeding just passed and thankfully he seems to be falling asleep from this one... I'm barely breathing, moving or doing anything that might stir him. Oh it's so hard getting a baby to sleep sometimes!

Anybody out there have any tricks to help us first timers along? I need a miracle!! And some sleep too... I'll write the follow up to this in a few hours to let you all know if I lost my mind or if Ollie actually went to sleep. I seriously feel like he's going to stay up all night at this point!

MOMMY FAIL #2

I was in a huffing puffing tizzy today about getting Oliver down for his “scheduled” nap.  Daddy was as usual leaning over the crib playing with him. I was so annoyed and kept telling him to leave him alone so I could get him to sleep.  Dad on the other hand kept saying, "look at him he is not even tired!”  My usual reply when he says that, which is ALL of the time, “He is so tired! You just keep stimulating him."  Lucky for me Oliver usually has the tell tale red eyes so daddy cannot say anything back.  Well, today it was clear, Ollie was not tired, he was cooing and playing with daddy.  

I don’t want to be that mom that is controlling and over bearing because I think I know what is right for my son all of the time.  I don’t want to miss out on the fun times because I am to busy being a bitchy mom.  I know it’s awfully early to think I will be that mom from this one instance, But! I do need to realize that Oliver is going to be constantly changing and growing and evolving into who he is supposed to be.  I need to give him that room to grow and develop. As much as it pains me to say this, daddy was right today and took full advantage of Ollie being happy and alert.

Yesterday's post was about how great it is to have him on a semi routine. Which is still true, but I realized toady that, that routine is always going to be changing whether I like it or not.  Today it was clear he wanted to play more and sleep less.

I know I have said this a bunch of times so far, but I guess for me it is just not sinking in, I have to follow my son’s cues to really know what he needs and wants.  He wasn’t tired, yet I wanted to force him to be. Whoops!  Mommy Fail!  Lesson learned.

I get so worked up that Daddy always gets to play with Ollie, while I always get to worry about feedings, naps, baths, and keeping him healthy and happy.  I am starting to realize it's not daddy's fault that he gets to have all the fun, it's mine.  I need to relax and go with the flow more. Unfortunately I am a Type-A basket case so that is SO much easier said than done...

6 week old baby... makes all the difference!

I realized today at 6 weeks and 5 days that the dust of being a new mom has settled.  All three of us, Me, Dad and Baby Boy, and even the cat too have acclimated to our new lives.  We even have a semi-routine going!  I really think if someone would have told me in the beginning that the first 6 weeks we're going to be scary, difficult, exhausting and altogether a huge cloudy haze of confusion BUT not to worry because by the 6^th to 7^th week ALL will be better! I might have had a little less anxiety and fear of the unknown.  

So here I am telling you the new mom, It’s going to be nuts at first but don’t worry hold on tight and just wait for the 6^th week, all will be better then! 

Here is a list of all of the things that have changed for us, made our lives easier and brought parenting to a whole new, very rewarding, level!

1. By the 6^th week, a clear sleeping pattern will develop.  Not sleep through the night pattern, but a dependable one no less. For us Ollie sleeps two four hour stretches at night, is up from 8am-11am sometimes taking a short cat nap but mostly wanting to just lay awake and stare at stuff, nap for an hour or two after that, then late afternoon he will take a big 3 hour nap and then his two 4 hour sleeps at bedtime.
2. Feeding patterns are much more predictable. Ollie eats every three hours during the day, not one minute later, and then, of course, he stretches his two 4 hours feedings at night.
3. We bathe every other day at bedtime.  Our pediatrician said he is too young for baths every night right now.  We only deviate from the schedule when he blows out all over himself (and mommy’s toes).
4. He clearly knows who his parents are and even shows signs that he is happy to see us!
5. Oliver knows what clothes are and is patient with us when we dress him.  Before week 6 he would cry when he was naked and got annoyed when we would take too long. Now he lies there and puts up with our fumbling!
6. He is more self-sufficient.  We can lay him in his crib for a few minutes to wash our hands, find clothes, etc… he will just lie there staring at stuff happily. 
7. He follows us with his eyes, is acutely aware of his surroundings and appears to be happy and comfortable in his home.  Which makes me feel really good!
8. I am not jumping up to his sounds and gurgles anymore.  I know what each sound is and even wait for the cry before going to check on him.  The first few weeks of his life I basically slept in the nursery with him.
9. The cat doesn’t run and hide when the baby cries anymore.  I feel very comfortable with the coexisting between the two now.
10. The hubs and I are slowly but surely splitting the work and understanding each other’s boundaries.  This is a big one.  We struggled through the first 6 weeks.  Now we are co-parenting much better!
11. And most of all, that beautiful smile shows up to make your heart melt!

There are other things I am sure I am forgetting but the bottom line is that the first 6 weeks are difficult and confusing.  It really feels like over night I have calmed down, slept better and settled into parenting really well. I have also noticed that Oliver has settled in well and feels more comfortable too.  I would stare at him in his crib in the early days and wondered what he thought of his home and surroundings.  He started his life in my belly and then was yanked out and put into my world.  Trust me that is the other crazy thing, you will ponder and obsess over the strangest things once baby arrives. 

All I can say is that it is really nice to breathe again.  The 6^th week has been so easy compared to the weeks prior. If you are still in that confused haze, or about to start it, hold on tight and just wait until the 6^th week, all will be much better then!  

6 weeks old and he's all smiles!

I finally got my smile. Of course, I cried. My son's smile was and still is, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. It sent chills through my body. Unfortunately, I cannot say my husband nor I got the first big smile, the lactation lady did! After I wiped the tears away I had to laugh, he must know this is the Goddess who keeps the booby milk flowing out of mommy.

Truth be told she got the smile by making big stupid funny faces that all centered around her sticking her tongue out at him. He LOVED it! When he was done smiling we packed up went home and then I proceeded to try to recreate the stupid smile-inducing faces. No luck. But, I felt beyond stupid making the faces and I think he knew it. I really was not enjoying it at all, and he seemed to be bored by it all anyway. I'm just not a goofy face making kind of person I guess. I decided after that I would wait and get my smile from him when he wanted to give it to me, because I made him smile just being his mommy.

His first smile was last Thursday, Daddy got a few over the next few days being a goof, and I got my big gummy grin today. I got him for a feeding and did my usual, "Hi Baby Ollie! Mommy loves you!" and he looked up and smiled. OH MY GOD!! WOW! At that moment the world stopped, time stood still and my heart melted. Then I kissed his face with tears in my eyes. I love being a mommy, especially to my Oliver.

He doesn't smile all of the time yet though. I'm not even a little bummed about that because it makes every smile whether daddy gets it or me, so very special. Soon enough he will smile all the time, but for now I will bask in the glory of each one. For all of you out there still pregnant or still waiting for your smile, it's coming and when it does your world will become more beautiful than you have ever known.

Breastfeeding… the hardest most frustrating thing in the Galaxy!

WARNING: This is going to be one of my I-have-lost-my-freaking-mind rants. Bad filthy language and graphic images will ensue…

I have been breastfeeding for 6 weeks 3 days and 13 hours. All I have to say from my experience is, are you kidding me right now?!

It all started right after delivery when my baby started chewing, grinding, tugging and thrashing my nipple. Lucky for me the C-section drugs let me not only miss out on the pain at first but completely black it out too. The realization that breastfeeding might possibly suck ass didn’t set in until 4am two days after delivery when I wanted to sleep and my sweet son wanted to rip my nipple off.

It should be no big surprise that my first question when the lactation consultant came to my hospital room was, ”when can I start pumping because this (shit) hurts!” Little did I know the lactation consultants at my hospital think pumping is shameful and unnecessary. Yeah well, knowing what I know now, their (the lactation consultants at the hospital) attitudes are shameful and unnecessary.

I found the miracle lactation lady once I left the hospital. I told her that my nipples were barely recognizable and if I didn’t get some relief, my son was going to get some formula. She told me to pump for 24 hours straight for feedings, let my poor nips heal and then go see her for proper latching techniques. God Love that woman because she got my nips screwed back on right, my son fed breast milk and my sanity restored.

Enter week two breastfeeding… The lil’ man is latching well, I am feeling good about my breastfeeding self and all I need is sleep to make the world spin back on it’s axis again. So, I get the bright idea to pump a bottle for my husband so I could skip the midnight feeding and sleep for, an unheard of since Oliver was born, 4-5 hours. Little did my novice breastfeeding ass know that would sabotage my milk supply! DAMMIT!

Going 6 hours without feeding or pumping tells the milk factory that baby doesn’t need so much milk. What kind of shit is that!? Baby needs milk, why not just produce a constant stream? This sabotage meant that I was no longer able to pump enough to get that midnight feeding in advance and my boy was having to eat for 45 minutes at each sitting! Ok, eff me! That meant that I was up feeding for an hour and now only getting 1 ½-2 hours of sleep in between feedings!

I had completely lost my mind by week four trying to find a balance between feedings, maintaining my sanity and sleeping. What do I do? Determined to get back to having my husband do the night feeding, I start pumping for 45 minutes at a time on high suction. Please do not try that at home my friends. I managed to do more damage to my poor nips than my son did in his first week of life. My nipples were so sore, cracked, bright red and all together jacked-as up! I went to my lactation lady, freaked out and at my wits end, AGAIN! She just looked at me perplexed, and said, “well, it kind of looks like it could be Thrush. (Blog on that to follow, that’s a whole other are you effing kidding me rant of its own!) She just kept staring and poking and asking if this or that hurt. In the end she said, “Ok, I am just not seeing anything that makes me think its Thrush for sure. GO home and mix together the “All Purpose Nipple Ointment,” and call me in three days.” So off to the store I went for Monistat, Antibiotic Ointment and Cortisone. I had to mix the three together and apply it after EVERY EFFING feeding! What a mission and a mess.

The next morning after three applications of this ointment concoction, my nips and areola are swollen and inflamed! Needless to say, but here goes anyway… Are you kidding me right now? I go back to the Lactation lady, and she tells me to, “Stop using the ointment. Now it looks like contact dermatitis on top of the damage from the pump, which I think might be vasospasms.” Meanwhile I am still feeding the nipple-grinding monster.

This ridiculous cycle has been going on for nearly two weeks now and I am still dealing with bright red nipples, the contact dermatitis has cleared up, but now I’m getting some of those tell tale shooting pains of Thrush! I mean come on! Is this how breastfeeding is going to go? When is this shit going to get good? I feel like the breastfeeding Gods are having a laugh! Or that I’m on some jacked up game show like Wipe Out where I have to endure all kinds of crazy shit before I can get the prize. I bet those same lucky bitches that had dream pregnancies are loving breastfeeding too.

Silly me, I thought all I had to do was get my baby to latch properly, then pump or feed ever three hours to make breastfeeding work. WRONG! Once I got all that down, I had to learn the hard way about Thrush (Yeast Infection), Bacteria Infections, Contact Dermatitis, Vasospasms, and God knows what else is out there. So here is the bottom line…today… I am tired of bitching, yes me, I am sick of feeling sorry for myself. I have made this bed and now I will just lie in it. I am going to keep feeding until my nipples fall off. Which I am pretty sure is going to happen sooner than later.

6 weeks Postpartum (Cesarean)

I cannot believe it has been 6 weeks since I delivered my sweet son. It feels like yesterday I was waddling around annoyed and constipated. I had my 6-week follow-up checkup with my doctor today and was basically told I was doing great, got a pat on the back, a fat bill and told to take care. That’s it. It’s over, my pregnancy and doctors appointments associated with it have come to an end… Very bitter sweet.

All that’s left is my final pregnancy observations….

1. I’m still an agitated, annoyed, chubby, constipated, husband hating, achy complaining brat… but at least I got a really great baby boy to show for it!
2. The numbers are in! I never looked at the scale during weigh ins at my appointments. Well today I decided to find out what all went on. The good news: I’ve lost 27 pounds already! 17 pounds were lost within the first week of delivery. The other ten I’ve lost over the last 5 weeks. The bad news: I gained more that the recommended 25. I gained 55! And now that it’s all said and done, I’m cool with it! My son is healthy and awesome and that’s ALL that matters.
3. I eat more now then when I was pregnant. Scary I know, but I am an eating machine now. I know it is because of the breastfeeding. I think it is humorous that I eat more now and am loosing weight. Score 2 points for breastfeeding!
4. I’m still not a huge fan of breastfeeding, but it is very easy now, almost second nature. It just takes an hour from start to finish and feels like it’s all I do 24/7.
5. I found out today that the area above my incision that still feels numb, might always feel numb. My doctor was so nonchalant about. She basically responded to my concerns with, yeah that’s where the nerve damage was. Deal with it…
6. I still have a bit of burning and aching in the incision area, but for the most part I am completely healed.
7. Now that I am at 6-weeks I can start exercising and having sexy time… I’m not sure which one I want to do least. At this point I’m thinking I would rather scrub the toilets in a seedy bar first.
8. I’m still so exhausted. My son is not sleeping more than 3 hours at a time. It’s crazy how he is like clock work. He wakes up screaming every three hours to the minute. This actually taught me a valuable lesson, feed before he screams and he wont try to rip my boob off in his ravenous attempt to drain me dry.
9. I’m pretty good at the whole mother thing. But then again my only job is to feed, change diapers, love and put to sleep my beautiful son. Granted it is around the clock job.
10. I find myself looking fondly at pregnant women. Not that I have some crazy desire to be knocked up again. I just know what they are going through and how worth it it will all be once their little angel pops out.
11. The time goes by so fast. It’s hard to believe nearly a year has passed since I got pregnant. I’m starting to realize that even though I am exhausted and wish Oliver would sleep through the night, I know he will soon enough.
12. I never even once thought that co-parenting with my husband would be so difficult. But it is. VERY difficult. I want everything MY way, having to stand by and let him have his way is beyond painful.
13. Speaking of painful, there is a very real pain I feel when my son cries.
14. Physically I feel really good. Almost just the way I did before baby. Considering I smoked cigarettes and never missed a Friday Happy hour before baby. Surprise! I feel much better on Saturday mornings!
15. Ok, I’ll say it in some very strange way, I miss being pregnant. I miss the belly and way complete strangers were nice to me. Now that I walk around looking like a chubby zombie, they run from me.

If you are still pregnant, love it up. This time will be gone soon, FOR GOOD. Looking back it certainly had it’s crappy ass moments… DAYS… but I will probably do it again. It is such a short time compared to the complete joy it brings, for a lifetime.

If you get in the way of me taking care of my kid... I will kick your ass!

If you read my "tired of being pregnant" blog then you know I wanted to punch my husband. Very hard. Repeatedly. Daily. Between the hormones and his annoying habits, he held the title for #1 on my shit list nearly the entire 10 months. Well, since I have delivered our son, I have come closer to actually punching him than ever. Thanks to the still raging hormones and our differences in parenting, I'm near my wits end!

It's so hard to be a first time parent. It's even more difficult when you are being questioned, ignored and told your wrong constantly! I will do what ever it takes to make sure my son is as happy as possible, including but not limited to, EVERYTHING! My husband will not, like some how we already need to start toughening up our newborn! I refuse to let my son "cry it out" or let him be wet or hungry one second longer than necessary. My husband is the fool that thinks because it's a "12-hour diaper" it's good for the full 12 hours!

I will admit I am a control freak, have issues with delegation and a perfectionist to a obnoxious fault. BUT!! I also have read a ridiculous amount of books, talked to and asked questions of as many mothers as I could find, have 4 nephews I have been very closely involved in the raising of and now have a mothers instinct, so get out if my effing way, my son needs me and I know what he wants!

Co parenting is hell! I have been told that I am so lucky my husband is so involved and hands on. At times I understand, but most times I think it would be easier if he just let me parent the way I want and follow the/my plan.

Oh my it is so frustrating when Oliver is crying and I have to stand by and let my husband try his method. I know Ollie is half his and I have to respect that. I try my hardest to stand by (hide in the bedroom with a pillow over my head) while dad tries to sort out Ollie when he's tired. I know how to get that boy to sleep in minutes, dad... Not so much! Yet dad will not listen to my suggestions on how to do it. WTF?!

I pray it gets better, because at this point I cannot imagine fighting with my husband like this for much longer. The man shits me to tears and that's not a good one! I have had so many friends tell me that the fighting is normal and will go away... I just wonder if it will happen before I kick his ass!

Parenting requires a cohesive team

“…Husbands and partners need to understand and support you no matter what. They need to understand that whilst they may not understand, you are the mother and your maternal instinct is the most important tool you have. And visitors and family also need to know that there are boundaries and if you reach to take your child back, they should hand it back. However not all visitors will always understand this and mothers have to try and remember to be strong, and intervene assertively if a family member will not comply with your request (instead of crying alone in the bedroom!!). Also, be clear with family about your expectations for visitors, as they don't always appreciate how exhausting being a new mother can be and that sometimes there can be such a thing as too many visitors! The whole experience really over whelmed me and I hope that

others can avoid a situation like mine!...”

This is an excerpt from an email I received from a friend and blog reader. Over the weekend she was in an unfortunate situation where her husband did not support her when she asked him too. This hits home with me in so many ways. Since having my son, my husband and I have had multiple arguments and disagreements over situations just like hers. Dads just want to play all the time, while the moms know there is a lot more involved to maintain a happy playful baby.

I just want to type in all caps right now thinking about the arguments my husband and I have experienced over the last 6 weeks. We both have VERY different ideas about parenting and draw very different boundaries. What gets me the most wound up is that I am the primary caregiver, I feed him, bathe him, create his routines and well basically do the “motherly” thing. My husband plays with him, over stimulates him, takes him way past his bed time and then inevitably it falls in my lap to calm down a screaming new born and get him to sleep.

My friend was dealing with the same problem of daddy having fun with the visitors and not understanding two very vital issues going on. 1. His son needed to be bathed and put to sleep because he had been on a long trip and was extremely tired and 2. His wife asked him to support her and he said “what’s the big deal?” (Husbands if you are reading this, DO NOT EVER ASK THAT QUESTION!) I know from talking with many other mothers, new and old, the first few months for new parents is one of the hardest tests their relationships have ever had to go through.

I wish I had the answer on how to get husbands/partners to fully support and follow the routines and boundaries the mother lays out. I try to remember that dads do have a say, and I try to step back and let my husband try his methods. But, at the end of the day, I am still the one enforcing the routine because it still is working better than the play all the time routine. The only way for parents to maintain their sanity through raising children is to be a cohesive unit, support each other and most of all respect each other’s boundaries. And just like the reader said, we as mothers have to be assertive and stand our ground, so our partners/spouses will know the importance of the matter at hand.

Parenting by the book is not for me

I have quickly realized why the “Been There Done That Mothers” are so laid back, they did all they could to play by the book with the first, but quickly realized it is impossible, so with the second it is a total go with the flow do what it takes mentality.  I think every mother sets out to do all of the right things, follow all of the rules and be the absolute best mom possible.  In less than 6 weeks I have realized in order to do so, I have to do everything but follow the parenting books to the letter. 

If my son is crying I check MY new top four immediately, hunger, cold wet diaper, tired, and gas.  Thankfully it has always been one of the four, but the lengths I have had to go to settle the issue I have not read in the books.

1. Tired- If he is tired I will do what ever it takes to settle him. 

The Pro says- Don’t pick him up if you have already put him down, don’t put him in your bed, don’t cuddle and rock him all night long just to keep him from crying and so on…

I say- SHOVE IT!  I will pick him up from his crib, rock him, cuddle him, kiss him and then take him to my bed (with his Snuggle Nest co-sleeper), give him a pacifier/dummy and stay up all night staring at him if that’s what it takes.

     

2. Wet Diaper- I will change the diaper whenever I want!

The Pro Says- It’s a 12-hour diaper with dryness protection.

I say- If that diaper could win in a water balloon fight I will change it.  If I am putting my son down for the night and the current diaper is half full, bet your ass I’m changing it. I don’t care if my husband is standing over me saying, “it’s not the diaper, don’t change it, that thing cost .18 cents!”  I WILL CHANGE IT!  When I am not sure what lil man’s problem is, I want to be full on positive it is not the diaper. 

3. Hungry- I will leave my big fat milk jug in my son’s mouth ALL DAMN DAY if that is what it takes.

The Pro Says- Feed on demand every 2-3 hours. 

I say- If it stops him from screaming and makes it happy, Drink up Son!  It drives my husband crazy, but if sticking the boob in his mouth stops him from screaming at me, I’m doing it. He is a growing boy, who is to say he does not need an IV of my booby milk flowing through him?  If he’s fat, happy and quiet then mommy’s sanity sees another day.

4. Gas and pooping- Gas & mustard poo have become the fourth cry makers.

The Pro says- It’s common in newborns they will work it out.

I say-“WHERE ARE THE BLOODY GAS DROPS? I DON’T WANT HIM TO EXPLODE!” I LOVE gas drops, they make him go from bright red and straining to smiling in his sleep while he craps his diaper. That has got to be baby bliss at its finest hour!

I don’t give a crap what the professionals say about screwing up your kid, I will do what ever it takes to stop my son from crying.  When he screams it seriously feels like I have been punched in my stomach.  I can’t take the idea of thinking there is something I can do to stop him and standing by to “do the right thing for development.” I have come to realize just because the baby book says resist the urge, doesn’t mean I have to.  I mean do they really think if I let my son sleep in the bed with me, his wife will join us someday? Or that he will have to remove the pacifier from his mouth before saying his “I Do’s” at his wedding?

I am more than willing to give in today to make my son happy and correct it later.  Plus, correcting it later means I get to rationalize with a 2-4 year old, to me that sounds interesting.  At that age I can bribe him or lock him in his room and turn up the radio. He will survive, I know because I did! O, just kidding of course but, when I was a kid a parent could parent how they wanted too, society didn’t give a crap.

Parents of multiples have already learned that doing what you want doesn’t really screw them up.  Parenting is all about reading the existing books for ideas on how to write your own parenting book.  I’m feeling pretty good about myself right now, 6 weeks in and I already have figured out, that “screwing your kid up” by not following the book is a joke.  It’s all about keeping harmony and happiness in your home, whatever that may take!

He is still a slug, but a cute one!

My son is a slug. At 5 weeks he still just kind of lays there wiggling. He's got a little personality coming through but not much... Yet! He's funny when he's hungry, screaming and rooting for booby. And he's really great about focusing on strange objects and bright colors. But, there's still no smile or real recognition of dad or me. He does turn his head to our voices and focuses in on our faces, but dammit I WANT THAT SMILE!!!

I keep talking to him hoping to see that smile meant just for me. I'm really starting to crave some feedback. Well, the kind of feedback that is not in the form of screaming! He is so cute and so sweet and beyond precious, but being the selfish brat that I am, I want more!

I know that smile is supposed to come soon. Every morning I go into his crib and give him a big smile and my sweetest voice hoping to get the, yay its mommy smile, but still nothing yet. Boo!!!

I keep telling myself to embrace his little slug-like qualities. I know I need to hold on to each moment because they go so fast. I'm just a shit I suppose. Dad thinks he gets little half smiles and we certainly get "gas smiles" all of the time. Which I still don't understand, if he knows how to smile, why won't he do it for me? How can passing gas be more wonderful than mommy?? Geez!!

Oh well, maybe tomorrow... For now, I will just continue slobbering all over his face, feet, and hands like a mommy slug.

Survival Guide to the first few months of parenting

I had no idea what to expect the first few months or first days of parenting for that matter.  Most of the books I read said that parenthood would be filled with happiness (Think: rainbows and unicorns.)  Well, those authors must have written those books in the 60’s, and 70’s when LSD was still legal.  I am here to tell you, if you see a unicorn or rainbow it will be because you have passed out from exhaustion or stress, hit your head VERY hard and went off to play with the fairies in unicorn land.

Below is a little list of tips and tricks to help you survive the first few months of parenting... 

1. When you hear your baby cry for the first time, it will be the single most amazing sound you have ever heard in your life. It will also be the beginning of a huge overhaul of your life and most of all, priorities.  Everything will change at that moment... for the better.
2. Bask in the glory of being at the hospital, ask questions, sleep, eat, let the nurses help you.  I cannot recommend enough letting your baby go to the nursery while you sleep and have him/her brought back for feedings.  Trust me, the hospital sleep may be the best sleep you get for a few weeks.
3. Once you get home, take deep breaths when you get overwhelmed, EVERY TIME you get overwhelmed. It actually helps. P.s. Everyone gets overwhelmed.   
4. Have no fear, you have an instinct that kicks in.  Dad does too. Also, the baby really only needs a few things at first, so meeting his/her needs is easy.  It’s just the number of times a day you have to meet those needs that are shocking.
5. Expect the worst!  I know some people may read that and think I am a shit for saying that, but trust me, LOWER your expectations for perfection, ease and “Yay this is going to be awesome.”  That way when the moments of “ok, I can do this” come through, you will be so freaking stoked parenthood will be nice again.
6. The baby WILL NOT do what you want or expect, so all ideas, plans, and routines must be thrown to the wolves.  Chances are your new bundle will let you know what’s up, about a second before it is 100% necessary for you to sort it out.  i.e. he’s hungry, wet, tired, “you are an idiot and need to learn how to hold me properly,” “this swing is stupid to try something else”… the list goes on and grows daily, sorry.
7. Your baby will cry at first for three things, hunger, cold, wet diaper, super tired.  I always start with hunger, then wet, then sleep.  You will know what it is pretty quick, but I have been tripped up by a wet diaper a few times thinking it was just him wanting food mid way through a feeding cycle.  Even if you think it’s not the diaper, check anyway!  The only other things Ollie cries, for now, are when he is bored with his swing or cold from a bath. 
8. If you are breastfeeding, you can do it, sister!  Breastfeeding is the hardest thing I have had to do in my life.  It is a VERY VERY VERY selfless act. I personally do not like the constant baby stuck to my breast while my husband watches TV, plays on his computer or sleeps, I want to slap him. Very hard.  But, ladies, please learn from my false animosity towards my husband, if he could feed him he would.  I know it makes him feel bad that he cannot help.  It is not the man's fault he cannot help breastfeeding so don’t slap him.
9. Again if you are breastfeeding… When you want to throw in the towel email me.  When you are sitting on your couch crying because you hate it and cannot take it anymore know that WE ALL have done that, you are not alone.  Breathe in and lean down and kiss your precious baby and know that what you are doing is the VERY best thing you can possibly do for your child right now.  Again it is a selfless act, welcome to mommyhood.  YOU CAN DO IT!  Trust me, if I can do it, you can do it!  I am selfish and have entitlement issues. Yet I whip out the booby every three hours and dream about my sainthood I just know I will get for this incredible miracle I keep pulling off of continuing to feed my baby.
10. One more note for breastfeeding mothers.  If you don’t have a pump try to get one.  Even if it is a manual pump.  I would have lost the plot fully by now without my pump.  I cannot do it all alone.  Now that my husband is handling the late night feeding I can sleep a little longer and feel SO much better for it.  Without a pump that would be impossible. Also, at first when Ollie was learning to latch, and I was learning the positions, he shredded my nipples.  24 hours of pumping allowed them to heal and me to regain my sanity.
11. The first few weeks are gnarly, to say the least.  Breastfeeding or not, there are loads of feedings in the 24 hours period, so solid sleep is not going to happen.  You will quickly learn that while you think you have lost your sanity, you can still function. It helps you only have a few tasks at first so you and baby will survive the first few weeks of confusion. 
12. EVERY time you feed to change the diaper.  The last thing you want is for your baby to wake up mid sleep for a wet diaper.  How pissed at yourself will you be? 
13. Switching your baby from wanting to party all night and sleep all day is a mission! It will take a while so be patient.  Naps in sunlight during the day, and little to no stimulation after dark is all you can do, baby will sort out the "rest." lol
14. Having a baby is VERY stressful.  Chances are this will put your relationship with your partner/ Baby’s daddy under EXTREME pressure.  I have been even nastier to my husband then my pregnancy combined.  Yes, it is true I have screamed at him and even threatened divorce.  I have/had all these ideas in my head and my husband has/had his, we were very far apart on these ideas and have butted heads many times in the last 5 weeks.  We are doing better now.  I am also sleeping better… 
15. SLEEP, EAT, AND MAKE “ME” TIME!  That goes for both mom and dad, and more than essential for the primary caregiver.  EVERY  DAY, you must eat breakfast and lunch, shower, use deodorant and ALWAYS put on clean clothes. Also leave the hose alone once every other day at least. Even if it is to drive around the block to hear your favorite song.  You are a mommy yes, but you are still YOU so make sure you remind yourself of that regularly.
16. If someone offers to come over and help, LET THEM if someone wants to bring dinner, LET THEM!  You have to learn on your support group.  Call someone to let you nap if you have to.
17. Sleep when the baby sleeps! This is a little difficult for me.  I still have things I need to do around the house when he is asleep.   BUT!  I have learned that I have to nap with him in the afternoon or I am an exhausted agitated crank by night.  I make a “To Do” list and try to accomplish as much as possible in the morning and early afternoon then sleep with him after.  Sleep is so key during this time I cannot stress it enough!
18. I tried to pull off a routine for nighttime that included bath, feeding, and rocking.  I turn the lights low, reduce the noise and cut off stimulation once I put him down.  Unfortunately only I knew I was trying for a routine, Ollie and my husband thought it was a shitty idea and refused to follow the program.  I was pissed at first but realized my son is only weeks old, not months and to have any expectations is foolish.  I have reduced my expectations to be stoked if he eats at midnight and sleeps until close to 4am so I will only have one middle of the night feeding.  Waking up only once during my normal sleep makes such a difference. I get up with him between 7-8am feeling pretty good this way. 
19. By the end of the first month, things start becoming a little easier, not much but a little.  It’s hard right now because both you and baby are trying to figure out what the hell is going on and what you need to do to be happy.  I’m sure every baby is different, but from talking with others, I think the first month is about the same for all first-timers. It’s such a process and adventure. 
20. ONE DAY AT A TIME!  One day will be complete shit, filled with tears, confusion and a possible fight with daddy.  The next will be smooth and wonderful.  Sometimes two bad days will come in a row and then two good days.  It definitely gets better... slowly but surely.  I say slowly because you have to have heaps of patience, but with my son already being 5 weeks old today, it does go by very quickly.  Before you know it these days will be long gone, so try your best to embrace every bit.  Takes loads of photos, give lots of kisses and cuddles, and have faith in yourself that you are a great mother. 

Sleepless in Mommyville cont...

YAY FOR SLEEP!  I slept from 10:30pm til 5:30am solid! Unfortunately, I woke up to the fattest sorest boobies ever. I laid there trying to decide if I should pump a little to release the pain or wait for Ollie to wake up.  I have found that it is actually very difficult for him to latch when I'm so engorged.  Luckily, I passed back out while I was trying to decide.  At 7am Ollie woke me up and oh my did I feel good!

My dear husband stayed up until 4am to feed him his bottle to make sure he didn't wake me up crying.  I am one lucky girl for that, trust me I know!  I really felt great. I fed Ollie and went back to bed.  I woke up at 10 am feeling like a semi-normal person.  So amazing!  I even spent the day trying to take it easy so I wouldn't over do it like I love to do so much.  And then thanks to an email from one of my great readers, Cooper's Mommy!  At her insistence I still took a nap this afternoon when Ollie did.  I probably would not other wise, so thank you my friend for the email.  I am typing wide eyed and bushy tailed thanks to you!

There is not enough I can say about the direct correlation I feel between sleep and depression.  If I'm tired I feel agitated and at times hopeless.  When I am rested I think there is hope and I can do this mommy thing another day.  The breast feeding is still killing me, but I am just not ready to throw in the towel yet.

Oh, this whole first time mom thing is such a learning process and adventure.  While it is anything but easy, I do love being a mommy to my super human baby boy!

Sleepless in mommyville

It's official I have hit the wall of crazed sleepless-ness. I'm a mess and when I look in the mirror I cry. I also think my milk is being affected by my exhaustion. I called my lactation lady today ready to throw in the breastfeeding towel. I've really met my limit and it only took me 34 days of motherhood. So sad!

The plan however is to let my husband handle ALL of the Next three feedings so I can go to sleep. I spent the entire day pumping in between feeds so he would have a full supply. This plan will hopefully meet the goal of me not looking like a zombie with two black eyes with a baby attached to one boob. After 34 days of this look I'm not sure if it's possible... But dammit I'm more than willing to find out!

Holy crap I'm so excited to feel rested. If this really works my son may see another day of breastfeeding... Otherwise it's formula or mommy in a padded room.

I'll let you know how it goes... In 8 hours...

Beware of caffeine when breastfeeding!

Damn caffeine is the Devil! I was so tired this morning I decided to have coffee with breakfast. Still sluggish at lunch I opted for sweet tea instead of water. Well Eff me, by 3pm I had the fussiest baby in the galaxy. Not only was he fussy, he was wired and refused to take a nap. I didn't really figure out it was the caffeine devil until he had been up for nearly 4 hours, wide eyed and showing no signs of going to sleep.

I had no idea what to do. I just kept feeding him, changing him and trying to sooth him to sleep... For 10 straight hours he would doze off for an hour after feeding and pop right back up, wired an hour later! I had no idea caffeine would do that to my baby. Why don't the professionals tell breastfeeding mothers to steer way ass clear of it?

Here I know I said I was not a professional anything and not to listen to me, but just this one time go ahead and listen, beware of caffeine if you are breastfeeding, it will jack up your baby for hours!

It's 1:35am and I'm too tired to finish working on the original post I had for today. All I can manage to do well right now is bitch! I thought I was tired when I woke up, well right now I'm so far past tired it's not right. I'm never touching caffeine again!!! ... Ok while breastfeeding...

This baby thing ain't easy folks!

Not that I was told having a baby was easy. I just never fathomed it would be so hard.  I am 30 days into mommy hood and I am still clueless!  I try to read books, ask questions and listen to his cues and of course my instinct, but none are making parenting that much easier.  So far the constant feedings, lack of any type of routine and the dreaded "over tired baby" are the culprits of my angst, confusion and well frustration!

The whole over tired thing is so confusing to me. No book or been-there-done-that mom can help me to know that exact point of, "quick get him to sleep now before it's next to impossible!" At 4 weeks he stays awake a little longer than last week, but not much. I know newborns can sleep an awful lot, but what about stimulation and tummy time and baths, how much is enough or too much? I'm still trying to figure it all out.

Today I tried to keep him up longer during the day, but that full on back fired when he took a four hour nap and blew out the night time routine, all be it the three day old night time routine. Now I wonder do I bathe him now after feeding? No, I don't think so. It's too late. Meaning poor dude is not having a bath tonight, and may wake up with itchy booty. Am I bad mom?  I feel bad, but I know I could fail at worse so moving on... (Yes I'm talking to myself. You are just witnessing my insanity)

Moving on to... Feeding and over feeding and is that possible? I know a breastfed baby is typically more in tune with feeling full than it's formula fed counter parts, but I'm pretty sure my man will take a boob 24/7! I've also learned how much it calms him down, so when all else fails once he's crossed WAY over into over tired land the boob is our friend. My research said to offer him the breast he last fed on since it will be less full, still giving the good rich hind milk or possibly even empty which is a good thing when all I'm trying to do is calm him down.

Today was not one of our better days. But, on a good note I learned my lesson to just go with his cues first, not try to follow my books or recommendation of other mothers. He's only 4 weeks so there is plenty of time to get the routine down. I realize now that both Ollie and I suffer when I don't listen to him or my own instincts. As much as I want to win mother of the year, I know it's not going to happen by trying to live up to the standards set by moms and professionals, they don't have my super human son. I have to set my own bar, and know that it's ok to have a bad day, because tomorrow is on it's way and will be heaps better!

Observations and lessons learned during week 4 of parenthood

1. Parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done. Yes, harder than passing calculous and getting over my first broken heart combined!
2. Baby likes bath! Granted he screams on the way into the bath and on the way out, but once he's in it's 100% happy baby boy!
3. Running water will stop my son from crying on cue! I know this because I nearly took video for YouTube. Water on all quiet. Water off not quiet.
4. An overtired baby is quite possibly the closest to the end of the world I've ever gotten.
5. I have no idea what the date, day or time is because it doesn't matter anymore. My son keeps the time for both of us... Feeding time, diaper time, nap time, bath time... Mommy swallow dinner whole time...
6. Yep, NOTHING can prepare you for parenting. Not even will the hard day before guarantee the next will be easier. I'm 30 days in and scared for tomorrows lesson.
7. I was wrong, I can survive on little to no sleep, and so can daddy. I don't mean he can also survive on little sleep, I mean I haven't killed him yet for getting more sleep than me.
8. My son screaming feels like getting punched in the stomach. It's so hard to hear it and I really do feel a pain in my belly. Sucks!
9. I've heard a breastfed baby's dirty diapers smell way better than a formula fed baby's. Holy crap that's scary! My sons diapers are rank! And my other favorite is that the smell of a breastfed baby's diaper is "sweet." Compared to what? Baby elephant?
10. I need a nurse and a nanny. Oh and a housekeeper too!
11. I've learned how to lay in bed and breastfeed! It's the greatest thing I learned how to do during week 4. I read about the position and by the second try we had it. High five baby Ollie! Now every morning daddy brings Ollie to me, I feed, daddy comes back to get Ollie and I go back to sleep. Yes! Yes! Yes!
12. I'm still amazed that my son does three things Eats, Sleeps and Poos, yet it is a full-time job keeping up with it all.
13. I had to pack up the "newborn" clothes since he's already too big for them and it made me cry. He's getting so big so fast. I'm already worrying about college!
14. Holding my son close and letting him fall to sleep on my chest is my favorite. There's nothing I love doing more in this world!
15. Between Oliver's wardrobe changes from spit-ups and mom sucks at putting on diaper leaks, burp cloths, my wardrobe changes, also from spit-ups and getting peed on, and other random baby bits, I do a load of laundry nearly every day!
16. I sometimes get super hot and sweat like a pig when breastfeeding. It's usually during one of our 40 minute plus sittings. It's kind of gross, definitely uncomfortable and when it's over I drink a gallon of water. Hmm I suppose it's similar to Zumba class where everyone knows what they are doing except me.
17. I cannot wait until winter is over so Ollie and I can go for walks. I'm feeling so cooped up its like the movie the Shinning in my house. All breastfeeding and no play makes mommy a psycho bitch!
18. I have no freaking clue how mothers of multiples have a ounce of sanity. One is more than enough for me. Two is just beyond my realm of understanding. To all the mothers of multiples out there... You are Super (Duper) Heros! Well done! I can't throw a pity party for long knowing you are out there doing the damn thing with two babies strapped to your chest.
19. I have nearly mastered dressing my son. If your baby is anything like mine, you have 1.4 seconds to get the outfit on before the screams if annoyance start barreling out at you. Ollie would happily be naked baby all day.
20. Holy crap my son is a month old today! How does it go so quickly! Happy one month birthday to my sweet son and his far away friend Cooper! Amazing how time flys...

Dads top five this past month...

1. The scariest moment so far - Only a few hours after the birth and I was informed by a rather smug nurse that the little fella needed a diaper change. My nerves were building, the sweat was a dripping! After all ...this was my first EVER unaided diaper change. I prepared myself mentally, slowly peeled back the innocent yellow tabs and witnessed a horrifying sight...thick black pasty Vegemite evil shit! I was stunned and thought that Satan had popped the sump-plug on my son's ass. I backed away in horror, retching and ran back to the safety of my Pepsi-max bottle. Of course, I heard the nurses giggling and laughing like hyenas and worked out that this was some bizarre natural joke from mother-nature but what I witnessed that day will be etched in my mind for years to come! New Dads BE Prepared for the Satan-Shit!

2. DO NOT assume that because the baby is OUT, your partner will return to a normal state of mind instantly! We have all witnessed acts of ridiculous anger, crying and general stupidity over the past few months as our wives or girlfriends have grown in size. This is attributed to the so-called "baby-brain" - whatever! Sadly my brothers...it doesn't get any better when the nugget slops out! When your baby vomits on mummy, it's YOUR fault because the TV's too loud! If the titty-milk isn't flowing, it's because YOU didn't get the mail from the mailbox! Uh, Oh...baby's crying again - DADDY forgot to unload the dishwasher! Awesome!

3. First walk in the "baby Bjorn" chest-carrying device down to the local shops. The feeling of pride and happiness soon turns to a grimacing nightmare of discomfort as you are greeted by EVERY bloody person in the street wanting to touch, squeeze, goo-goo, poke or harass the poor little bugger! The Ohhhhh's and Ahhhhh's from random people grind away at the mind after a few minutes, and you quickly begin to scan the streets for camouflage opportunities - not unlike a seasoned military soldier in Iraq, ducking and weaving down the street until you can beat a hasty retreat back to the safety of your house.

 4. The first time you hear the word Daddy, Father or Parent in a formal sense! Hits you like a ton of bricks when you're trying to figure out your taxes, birth certificate, credit card application or doing an online survey! YES...you really are a dad now! Beejesus!

5. lack of sleep! This is a perfect opportunity to take advantage of the early morning advertisements on cable. In the last month I've been held captive with the ramblings of coked-up hyper men and women trying to sell the most bizarre devices and inventions ever known to man. From "handyman in a can" rubber spray to "Magic Jack" with the digeredoos playing in the background, "The Rack" with the oiled up dude flicking about his geriatric walker or what about the seemingly endless supply of $20 "unique" buffalo coins clad in 0.36c of 24k pure gold? The only thing that actually held my interest is the NEW oxy-clean wash which claims to remove ANY stain including my son's poops!