Mommy Fail #1

So, mommy fail #1...

Picture it, 4am I am just finished nursing Ollie and lay down on the changing table for a quick change. He's still passed out from being what the hubs calls "boobie drunk" from breastfeeding. I open his diaper and see that it's not that bad, still I take it off to change him anyway. I look down to get a diaper from the shelf and when I look up the pee stream starts spraying. He is peeing all over his little feet and socks. I let out a yelp that scares him awake and the stream goes from pointing down at his socks to spraying up into the air and falling down on my sock and the floor! REALLY? Shit! Just when I think it's over he lets out a projectile spray of poo that finishes off him and the changing table. Needles to say, both Ollie and I are wide awake and crying at this point. There are not enough wipes in my possession to fix this blowout.

I wrap up his butt with a used burp cloth and head to the bathroom. I get out his little blow up rubber ducky bathtub and fill it up. I wash him, pull him out of the tub and stick my pee covered foot in. Just at that point The Hubs walks in... I thought he was going to pee on my other foot laughing so hard. I was still pissed and upset, but his laughing became infectious. I think even Ollie was laughing, underneath his "I'm cold hurry up and dry me off mommy," screaming.

I know this is a Mommy Fail because I didn't have the diaper ready after I finished wiping him off. I usually hold a wipe over him until I make the diaper switch, but at 4 am I have no freaking clue what I'm doing, I am on auto pilot hoping for the best. Even still, Pee pee Tee Pee or not, I don't have a poo poo tee pee, so the fail was inevitable.

Moral of the story, I got hosed! Hosed hard by the 5 week old potty monster and it sucked! Learn from my foolishness, ALWAYS BE PREPARED FOR THE EXPLOSION! Or have a 4am toe bath like me...

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit