12/31/13

And the #1 Blog Post of 2013 is...The Toddler Code of Conduct- 20 Rules Toddlers Live By

With over 100k social media likes and shares, and countless views between this website and The Huffington Post-where it went viral- undoubtedly the best post of 2013 is...

The Toddler Code of Conduct-
20 Rules Toddlers Live By

After observing my toddler, and talking with parents of toddlers, I am convinced that the little buggers have the following Code of Conduct hard wired into their DNA...


1. You are the family alarm clock, it is your job to wake everyone up at the ass-crack of dawn  every day. Every. Single. Day. 

2. ALWAYS crap your pants AFTER leaving the house.  Your best bet is to clench those cheeks together until you have left your street, and then EXPLODE!!! To achieve Legend status, do this when your parent is in a huge hurry to get somewhere very important.  

3. Do not be content doing anything for more than two minutes.  You have to constantly keep moving.  NEVER SLOW DOWN!

4.  If you are not interested in being picked up, get as low to the ground as possible. Think dead weight. Feel free to flail and cry for added difficulty.
  5.  If someone tries to take something from you, teach them a lesson by first throwing it, then jump up and down while making your best "oh you are going to be REALLY sorry," face, then fall to the floor and start flopping about in protest; scream and cry extra loud if you are in public.

12/30/13

The 30/30 Challenge-Lose Weight And Feel Great In 30 Days! #EASY! (Best of 2013 #2)

(This post I am so proud of because it got me, and some of you, off of the couch! Speaking of... If one of your New Year's Resolutions is to get off of the couch and lose a few pounds, then this may be just the thing for you!)

A few months ago I caught an episode of "The Doctors," where they were talking about all kinds of different diet and exercise fads. The one that got my attention was the, "30 Day Walking Challenge." Basically, you walk for thirty minutes a day, for thirty days straight. That's it. You don't have to diet, lift weights or fall on your face in a Zumba class.  Just walk for 30-minutes for 30-days.



Here is the motivation you need...

12/29/13

10 Mistakes Rookie Moms Make (Best of #3)

(Down to the Top 3 post of 2013... I love this post because I made each and every mistake, and am a better parent for them... not sure how screwed up the kid is yet since he still cannot string a sentence together.

In other news... only 3 days left of 2013, do you have your  New Year's lies Resolutions ready? I'm posting mine on New Years day... I'll let you know how many I have already failed at on the 2nd.)


As a mom with a near two-year-old toddler man-child, I think it is safe to say that my rookie 'new' mom season is coming to a close.  Now, I am well aware that in a way I will always be a rookie with my first born, since every day, stage and milestone is new for both of us, however, I feel it is my duty to share the top 10 mistakes I, and fellow rookie moms, made during our first year in the mama NBA. 



Without further ado… 10 Mistakes Rookie Moms Make

EPIC FAIL: Helicopter Parenting Your Partner (Best of 2013 #4)

(This post is SO important. Especially if reading this gets you to land the chopper and calm down... Start 2014 more relaxed by letting your parenting partner in on the fun.)

When FTD and I brought our Ollie home from the hospital we were both so excited but a little (a lot) freaked out too.  We honestly had no idea what to do with our little bundle of pooping joy. So we followed our Oliver’s cues and our own instincts, and in between stood over him 24/7 to make sure he kept breathing for about three weeks straight.


As the days turned into weeks, I realized I was constantly fighting with FTD over what I thought was the best way to change, feed and hold Ollie.  FTD could barely get within a foot of Ollie without me tensing up afraid he would not follow MY ways and rules. Eventually I realized, I was the worst kind of helicopter parent to both my son and husband.  

12/27/13

6 Things Every New Mother Should Know (Best of 2013 #5)

(I love this post. If only I knew all of this, and followed it, when I was a new mom...)

I have no doubt that every mother will agree with me when I say, during pregnancy the only thing you get more of than stretch marks and bad gas, is parenting advice.  Between the always ready to share been-there-done-that mothers, parenting books and online resources, the information available today for new mothers is overwhelming. What's more, you never know what to believe since one book will contradict the next, and what one mother swears by, another mother will insist did not work for her baby. Weeding through all of the advice can be daunting, to say the least.

Looking back, I wish I was given more advice on how to deal with becoming a mother, and less on the three million different ways to rock a baby to sleep. I needed to know about the self-doubt and failures that came along with motherhood, or that having a baby would take a huge toll on my marriage and personal life if I let it. After talking with numerous other mothers, I realized we all struggled with the same issues; things it seemed no one bothered to warn us about in between lessons on feeding, changing and rocking our newborn to sleep.  I've put a list together of the top six things all new mothers to know.  Things we wish we didn't have to learn the hard way.

12/26/13

The Girls Scouts May Have A Restraining Order Against Us.



As most of you know FTD is Australian. (Please Read: Fresh off of the boat and constantly claiming cultural confusion when he misbehaves-which is daily.) Lately, thanks to the winter boredom, he has been exceptionally out of control.  When I call him out on his horrible behavior he puts on his best deer in headlights look of confusion, then feigns ignorance or even worse, insists that what he just said was ok because thanks to his accent, "They cannot understand what I am saying anyway."

Well, thanks to his big mouth, we may have a restraining order issued by the Girl Scouts of America, because in this case he used noises and hand gestures to drive home his point... You all, I can not make this shit up…


12/25/13

12/24/13

11 Truths of Parenting (Best of 2013 #7)

(Even though I did not write this, there is no way I could leave this off the list.  SO FUNNY!)

When I was pregnant a girlfriend emailed me this, "11 Lessons to decide if you really want to become a parent."  Um, clearly she was a little late... 

As I read through the email I laughed hysterically. Surely the 11 Lessons had to be a joke. Right? I mean how could something so reDONKulous become my reality?


Oh. God. It. So. Did. 


Without further ado... Here are the 11 lessons that are Oh. So. true... 


FYI: 
 One more thing before you read the rest of this post...

Top 10 Tuesday: Candy Coated Baby Crap (Best of 2013 #8)

Top 10 Tuesday: Candy Coated Baby Crap (Best of 2013 #8)
(For the Best of 2013 here is #8… Still SO true!)


A few days ago I was contacted via email by one of my dearest Blog followers about an idea for a post.  The email reads as follows…



“…Whenever I go through a new parenting experience that I feel like I

should have been prepared for, I think back to what my Been-There-Done-That friends told me about the experience and I feel completely screwed! What I mean is they sugar-coated EVERYTHING.... like "Get all the sleep you can before baby comes..." but never did anyone tell me honestly how tired and horrible I would feel on 3 hours of sleep. What I would have liked to hear was "It's going to suck, you are going to be perpetually tired for the next 3 years, so get used to it and you CAN function off 3 hours of sleep, but it will be hell".  “….I'd love to hear from you and comments from others what sugar-coated things people told you while you were pregnant and now that you are in the thick of being a new parent what you wish they would have honestly told you. Kind of like a top 10 list or something.”



Here is my Top 10 list of Sugar Coated Baby advice I received while I was pregnant, and the real meaning behind it.

12/23/13

My Marital Bliss (FTD Post-Best of 2013)

(Here is #9 of the Top 10 favorite Posts of 2013...)

Howdy interweb readers and welcome to the wonderful, wild and wanky world of FTD!  As my wife is consumed with important html, javas and mac-book thingo's tonight, I thought that I would take this opportunity to lead you on a grand tour of cheap-thrills, saucy adventure and bloggedy blog excitements.


So...sit back, balance the 'ole laptop, ipad or other wireless device on yer guts, get a nice big bag o chips, a Pepsi Max, moist towelette etc etc and READ ON...

For TODAY the topic of choice is:
Crazy things that First Time Mom does to PISS me off!
==========================================

12/19/13

The One Thing I Am Most Thankful For This Holiday Season…

My Family, and their health.  More to the point, that FTD is here... Alive



While I am sure it sounds a bit silly that I would say that, out of the blue, it's true.  I did not share this with you, my friends and readers, but this past July, FTD found out that he was pre-diabetic, and if he continued down his current path, he would be diagnose Type II Diabetes in no time. To say we were both devastated and shocked by the news, would be an understatement.

Today, I am partnering with Mom It Forward and Colgate Total to bring awareness to National Diabetes Month, and the importance of oral care. But first, I am going to share a very personal story about how Diabetes has impacted my family. While this post is being sponsored, the opinions and views are all my own.  Trust me, no one would make up this story.




12/18/13

I Cannot Believe THIS Baby Became THAT Boy! #AMAZING

Today I found myself staring at my nearly two-year-old son in complete awe. All I could think was, THIS little miracle of nature that I grew in my belly, had become THAT amazing little boy…

Then the next thing I knew, I waxing the hell out of nostalgia.  I mean, seriously, how could I not…

THIS Fatty Fat Fat Preggie Boom Boom…    Delivered THAT Miracle 24 hours later...

 THEN…

12/17/13

Top 10 Tuesday: Our Favorite Parenting Gifts, Gadgets and Products of 2013


It's hard to believe I have conducted over one-hundred product reviews during 2013.  What's more, with each review taking up to four hours from start to publish… that's a lot of hours of my life testing and typing about parenting products! As I look back, a few stick out that are worth mentioning. Mainly because I either got so much use out of them, or still in fact use the product/service today, that I have decided to share my absolute favorite things. This post is filled with great gift ideas...  As a disclaimer, I am not being compensated in anyway for this post!  All links are to my actual review of the featured products in this post. I promise, this is the stuff we truly love!

12/16/13

The Date That Saved My Marriage

One thing I talk about off and on is how having a baby can be absolute hell on a relationship. I am convinced that Babies Eat Bliss. In my own personal experience, and from talking with other new parents, the stress, lack of sleep, internal fear and insecurities about parenthood, and even the financial burden can/will crack even the strongest of relationships.

FTD and I have been struggling since nearly the first month of our son's life. Between the constant fear of SIDS (cot death), lack of sleep, struggles with nursing, financial burden, and of course, our sometimes different ideas on childrearing... we were both maxed out emotionally. At times, it was just way too much for our relationship.

12/11/13

Is it just my Toddler, or can all of them lap me in a race?

It all happens so fast.  Babies go from being newborn slugs to floppers and then crawlers.  Then the crawlers turn into cruisers and finally walkers. All of this happens in just a matter of months.

I have loved watching my little baby become this mobile little deviant toddler. He thinks sitting still is for losers and stays fast and loose all day long.  To be honest, I didn't mind chasing his mobile mayhem bottom around so much at first. I need to lose a few pounds around the ole butt-gut.  (That's right sometimes I look in the mirror and think my ass is on backwards. I'm working on it!) However, my delight in Oliver's need for speed ended when the little bugger lapped me in Target!


12/6/13

Listen Up Parents, Don't Let This Take You Out of The Game…#IMPORTANT!

Mom. Dad. Is your partner in parenting crime sick?  Yes. SUCKS TO BE THEM!  Go put their ass in bed before reading another sentence.

Are you a single parent and are sick? Yes.  SUCKS TO BE YOU! Call for help. MAYDAY someone, then go put your own ass in bed.

OK. Everyone who should be in bed, in bed? Yes. Then, let's get started.

Being sick sucks. We all know that.  Well, since I have been freakishly healthy for the past two years, I forgot how debilitating it can be to be sick, but now I know. Oh, yes. Now, I know.  I have been sick for nearly two weeks. TWO BLOODY WEEKS! First it was the man-child who was sick, then FTD. Then, once the two of them were better, it hit me like a ton of shitty-sick-bricks.  Some of you know this progression because I have already blogged about it. (HERE) So then, why am I still pissing on about being sick?  I'll tell you why... (and you better listen, because it will save you and your partner in parenting crime a lot of trouble!)

Oh Facebook... You have gone too far...




I know, HATE is a horrible filthy word, but dammit, Facebook is horrible and filthy too. In the past three days I have had my account locked, claiming I may not be who I say I am, but not that it really matters, because they are holding my Fan Page info hostage until I pay for ads! #Jerks

12/1/13

Socially Unacceptable Sunday-The Best of the Best This Past Week.

For your viewing pleasure, here are my favorite Social Media Moments from around the web this past week.

My Favorite Tweets…



Yours too?

Well that's good to know… Women still wear stockings?
Yeah!  What he said!
Damn! Why didn't I think of that?!

In my day, they only dreamed of computers like this... The HP Chromebook.

**Today I am partnering with HP and Walmart to blow your mind over the new HP ChromeBook.  While I have been compensated for this post, all opinions are my own.

I am not sure how, but at only 35-years old, when talking to my son and nephews I am already starting sentences with, "In my day…"  For example:

1. In my day, we had to plug a phone cord into a computer to use the Internet. It was called, "Dial-Up."  

2. In my day, most families only had one computer that they shared called a, "Desktop PC." 

3. In my day, we didn't have mobile phones, we had "beepers." 

4. In my day, "Hashtags" were our secret beeper code.  My code was '#2'. And they really were not called Hashtags.

5.  In my day when your computer crashed, so did all of your information and life with it… oh wait that still happens...  Except to people with their head in the cloud. The Google Cloud that is.

6. In my day they did not make laptop computers that stayed connected to the internet, while constantly backing up your information into the "cloud" for instant access--no matter where you were in the world-- with thousands of apps that do millions of things, with built-in anti-virus software and HD graphics no less… In fact, in my day, they couldn't even imagine them! Well, until now...

The new HP Chromebook 14" with Intel Processor, 4GB Memory, 16GB SSD and Included 4G Mobile Internet Service, is here Those brilliant geniuses over at HP have come up with the best Google Chromebook yet… Prepare to have your mind blown…



Move Over Loom Bands, The Newest Craze Is About To Hit! ZooMoos! #LOVE

When I first saw ZooMoos I thought, well those are cute, what are they?  Then, once I learned what they were, that was it for me, I had to have one… I present to you the next kid craze to sweep the nation, ZooMoos!


Prepare to fall in love…

11/30/13

Benefits of Raising Your Child in a Storage Unit


What can be better? You’re happy, yet very tired, new parents! You have a new bundle of joy in your family and she is the center of your world now. Every living, breathing moment you have is dedicated to your new baby and keeping her fed, clean, safe and alive! The task sounds daunting but hey, you’re in it now…no turning back.

Oops…did you forget that a newborn takes up all of your time, money and patience?! Well, have we got a sweet deal for you. We understand you may have forgot to take a new child into account when you were budgeting and with the ongoing recession, it’s understandable to cut back anywhere you can. Many people are downsizing their homes, moving to apartments and even going a step further. Guess what…..Storage units aren’t only for your possessions anymore. That’s right….they are a great way to minimize your yard chores and keep solicitors at bay. But there’s even more. Here are your top 10 benefits of raising your child in a storage unit!

11/27/13

10 Badass Things I Am Thankful For

Tis the season to be thankful, so I thought I would share a few of the things I am thankful for. Since my son, husband, family, pets, health, their health, the roof over our heads, the food in our bellies, and the fresh clean air we breathe are a given that I am so very thankful for, I am not going to bore you with a list of them, rather I am going to share with you things I am thankful for that make life extra especially badass. Here are my, Top 10 Badass Things I Am Thankful For.

11/25/13

And you thought your days in seedy toilets were over...

Potty Training--The Double Edged sword…

So your kid wants to pee in the toilet.  What could be more awesome than moving away from diapers and into big kid status!  I mean, this milestone is so exciting there is a dance made up for it-- The Pee-Pee dance. A kid in a TV commercial even got a parade for using the potty, and every parent related.  I admit it, I cannot freaking wait until the day my kid rips his diaper off and craps in the toilet. Hell yeah I will do a dance!

So, what's the double edge sword you ask?  Please view exhibit A:

A toddler did that.
(Photo Credit: Scene from the movie Trainspotting)
OK, so maybe a toddler didn't do that, but it's possible. How? Because the minute potty training begins, you may very well have to visit every toilet you pass. Yes, even, The Worst Toilet in Scotland… And unless you are prepared, things could get very messy. Allow me to explain.

11/21/13

Laugh Out Loud Thanksgiving Humor #HILARIOUS!

With the wonderful annual displays of family dysfunction and heated football rivalries exactly one week away, I think it is time to go ahead and start busting out the jokes! 

11/20/13

That's right, I'm On Team Awesome Mom Now!

I admit, I have a wild child toddler. He is constantly trying to climb the furniture, or push toys that he can climb on over to the counters to reach even higher, or worse climb on. He loves to push EVERY button he encounters (including mine), play in the cat's water, and is obsessed with putting things in the cat's litter box. Sometimes he tries to throw toys at the cat, or yell at me when I yell at him, and sometimes even tries to pinch me. For the longest time, I tried the constant No's! and hand swats, and put him in his room for time outs. I was a tyrant of a mother, and I hated it.  Well, not anymore! I have finally realized that most of this is normal, and the only way I will survive parenting is to relax and have patience. I have turned to a new style of parenting, and it is working great.  I choose my battles, rationally discuss why he should not do something, and for all the rest, I accept the things I cannot change, and change the shit I can.

I am here to tell you, having a toddler like mine is not easy. I say like mine, because I have a few girlfriends with toddlers the same age as Ollie, both boy and girl who are vastly different.  Well, there is this one girl who tries to one up Ollie all of the time in the wild child category, and there is another girl who is not so wild, but she is too smart for her mom's own good, and is giving her a whole different kind of hell. Then there are three boys who are SO different, that I am amazed they are only weeks apart. For each of us, our battles are different, but I don't care who you are, if you have a toddler you have battles.  So, I thought I would share how I have stopped saying NO! four-zillion times a day!

11/19/13

10 Mistakes Rookie Moms Make

As a mom with a near two-year-old toddler man-child, I think it is safe to say that my rookie 'new' mom season is coming to a close.  Now, I am well aware that in a way I will always be a rookie with my first born, since every day, stage and milestone is new for both of us, however, I feel it is my duty to share the top 10 mistakes I, and fellow rookie moms, made during our first year in the mama NBA. 




Without further ado… 10 Mistakes Rookie Moms Make

11/13/13

Mommy Does it! But, Daddy Is RIGHT THERE!!!!

It never fails, anytime my toddler needs something, he comes to me for it.  It doesn't matter who is closest, it's always, Mommy does it! It also never fails when I say, But, Daddy is right there!, that I get a blank stare.  It's like he is looking at me like I'm not only giving him an unnecessary update on daddy's current position, I am wasting precious time not getting him whatever it is that he want.

Why?  Why Me!!!!  WHHHHYYYYYY????  DADDY IS RIGHT THERE!!!



I just don't get it. Even if Ollie is sitting in FTD's lap watching TV, he will crawl out of his lap, find me and ask for water.  What the hell? The real slap in the face comes when Ollie is already in the kitchen with FTD yet still seeks me out to get him a snack. It's pure dumbassery.

The kid is relentless! It does't matter if FTD is home or not, if he needs...

Water: Mommy Does it!

Snack: Mommy Does it!

Can't find a toy: Mommy does it!

Needs help getting his socks and shoes off: Mommy finds it!

Needs a diaper change: Mommy Does it!

Of course, being that he is an evil genius and knows how to work the system, there are certain things he will only ask FTD for.  Pretty much it's all of the things he is looking for an easy yes.

Candy: Daddy, can I have.
Cookies: Daddy, can I have.
Ridiculous yard sale toys that look like they have been well loved by an entire neighborhood of children: Daddy, can I have...

When I finally hit my breaking point a couple of weeks ago, I started refusing to meet his demands.  I insist that I'm busy and that daddy is fully capable of helping him. After a few minutes of toddler meltdown protests, one of us caves. I'd like to say the majority of the time he retreats to daddy, but it's more like 50/50. It's a work in progress...

It drives me absolutely nuts! Why do I have to be the toddler's bitch? Daddy needs to share the bitch duties too! Especially when daddy is RIGHT THERE!


A NEWS FLASH for New Dads

(Being that I am still trying to catch up on sleep and life since hosting my wonderful Mother-in-law for nearly three weeks, I decided to dive into the FTM&D archives for a fun post to provide your hump day humor today. My friends do I have a treat for you!  I wrote this over a year and a half ago when the man-child was only 6-months-old… )

While having lunch with a friend we both started getting the, "Where are you?" and "How much longer will you be?" texts from our husbands, who were home watching the children. We had only been away for about an hour at this point, and needless to say, we were both annoyed by the texts. We started trading stories about our husbands, and the awards and praise they think they should receive for various things they do with THEIR OWN CHILD!



After a little back-and-fourth my girlfriend and I came up with a news flash we wanted to send to our husbands...

11/11/13

FTMAD Epic Fail: Sleep Training a Toddler

At 21-months-old, FTD, the man-child and I have entered into the worst phase of sleep we have ever dealt with, keeping our crazy ass boy in his crib all night.  Holy freaking crap you all, FTD is losing his mind, the man-child is in a full state of crazed sleepy delirium, and I am EXHAUSTED! Not one of us has slept more than four solid hours in two weeks! Needless to say, we are at our wits end, and nothing FTD and I have tried to get the kid to sleep through the night has worked!  Prepared to be wowed with stories and trials of toddler sleep training epic failure. 


11/8/13

Considering Having a Baby? Consider The Baby Bucket List and Babylorette Party First!

I do not think there is a first-time-parent that can say they were truly prepared for what life is like once baby arrives.  Or should I say... once baby comes home, turns their life upside down, then right side up, and then just for good measure, does it one more time. 


Here Comes Crazy!

11/7/13

My Mother-in-Law is A…

Before I complete that sentence, please answer this question…




Now that we have that out of the way…(click the link below to continue reading this post.)

11/5/13

Weaning and Weeping. Did this happen to you?

Be careful what you wish for...

You all, I am a hot ass weeping mess. My milk is drying up.  I know. I know. For the past couple of weeks I have carried on and on about wanting to wean... blah blah blah... well it has happened. But not exactly how I wanted it to happen.  My milk is drying up from stress. We are being forced to wean, and I am a weeping hot ass mess because of it.  My hormones are going bat shit crazy and I am pretty sure the sky is falling!

Ok.  The sky is not falling.

But this is still me...

11/3/13

Socially Unacceptable Sunday #HILARIOUS!


I am bringing back the Socially Unacceptable Sundays!  I should think we all need a laugh, and for those of us who pray for forgiveness, this will fill your sin bucket right back up!

I present the funniest things I have seen come across my social media this week... Warning some of it is AWESOME!!! And by awesome I mean, not suitable for lame ducks who don't like bad words and naughty photos.  That's right, just because we are parents does not mean we have lost our childish sense of humor...



Proceed with caution and an empty bladder...

11/1/13

If you are currently weaning your child from nursing or will eventually, PLEASE READ THIS!

Remember the wild emotional roller coaster ride during pregnancy from the raging hormones? OK. Remember the weepiness of the "Baby Blues"? Now, add the two together an multiply by infinity. You should come to something that looks like this…

What you are looking at is the effect that weaning has on a mother's hormones and emotions.

I completed the 30/30 Challenge! Did you?

It is with great pleasure that I am writing today's post.  I am lighter, happier and so damn proud of myself! Thirty days ago when I challenged myself (and you) to walk for thirty minutes for thirty days, I was amped!  I mean, I was so stoked to lose weight, feel great and improve my sleep and mood. Little did I know, this challenge was going to be super hard, and at times, kick my ass!

When I decided to post the challenge on this blog, I had all the greatest intentions and expectations.  I thought, it's 30 minutes of walking, for thirty days, surely I could do that!  I was already walking about 4-5 days a week, and sometimes for well over an hour at a time. I never thought walking everyday would be such a challenge!

 I think it was about day five that I realized that this 'challenge,' was going to be a huge freaking challenge! Still, I drug my ass out and walked... and when I say drug my ass out, I mean my inner voice had to repeatedly say, get off your ass and walk you lazy shit! When the weather was not perfect, motivation was very hard to come by. 


WEEK 1 Photos!
Notice the picture of both of us pushing the stroller...
Yeah, that morning, it took a team effort.

By week two I was not sure I was going to make it!  I was sick of walking, and wanted to quit.  Who needs to walk seven days a week anyway?  Four to Five days is plenty! dammit... still I kept on walking...

10/31/13

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! ...From The Halloween Grinch!

I just want to start by saying, I used to be cool. I used to be fun and throw caution to the wind... then I became a mother. I became an overprotective, paranoid, spineless, yet strict, mother.  A perfect example of this change is me being an asshat about Halloween.  I big mean over protective and over cautious ass!



This Halloween is my two-year-old's first Halloween to trick-or-treat and score an abundance of candy.

Candy that I won't let him eat.

Well, I won't let him eat it all. That's right, I'm THAT mom!  Never in my widest dreams did I think I would be such a stick-in-the-mud about Halloween with my toddler.  But, I am.

Funny how I finally get why my mom was the way she was about Halloween... I used to be so annoyed that I couldn't eat any candy without her inspecting it, or that I could only have 5 pieces after the inspection, and then a few more each day until it was gone.  All this time I thought my mom was just being mean... and now, I am totally going to do the same!

10/30/13

Fun Facts About Kids


Not all facts about kids are funny, but most of them are. Here, we have shortlisted seven facts, you might not know about kids. Some relate to their safety, but others are as funny as you think.


 
     1.‘Tone’ that fact: You know that your three year old boy shouts really loud. But did you know that in reality, if compared to the noise in a crowded restaurant having around 200 people at a time, his voice will still be louder. So, you are not wrong grinding about him shouting but what can be done?

2. Answer their questions: When you little one is four-year-old, he asks more than 400 questions a day. However, not many reach your ears as you are busy with something or the other. Still, you hear a number of them and answer to them too. So, how many questions did you hear today and how many of them did you answer?

3. Telly fact: How many times have you noticed this? When your child gets hurt, they keep on crying but the time their favorite cartoon or song is on television, they keep watching it and forget about their pain. This is true. For children, watching TV can act as a painkiller and forget about what has happened. However, something that is not of their interest might not be helpful. So, book some of his favorite cartoon DVDs online. For the same, look out for discount coupons on ChameleonJohn. It can help.

 4. Hand Burns: With children around, you need to keep risky items away from them always. But a noted fact says that your child when six years old, needs that additional effort from your end. This is because, at this age, the risk of having injuries to the hand is the greatest.

5.     Bony issues: Did you know that a child’s kneecaps are made of cartilage when they are born. They turn bony only at the age of three. So, be careful with their kneecaps till the age of three, at least.

6.     Turn on the microwave: You train your kids to do a number of things since they are born. One of them might be to make them understand the use of a microwave and give them instructions to use it. Age three, he might not get it. Age four, he might understand it a bit. Age five, he understands it better. Age six, he is still making some mistakes. Age seven, he uses it properly. This is because the fact notes that the average age a child starts using a microwave is seven. So, don’t get annoyed if your child is still making mistakes. He will learn with time. Be patient.

7.     Weight-height issues: It is a fact. Mothers run behind the child checking his/ her weight while father keep checking the height. The child is being monitored by parents, and it is their headache. If you are looking for the right measuring tools, buy it online. Don’t forget to check online for coupons, as there are a number of discount coupons to make the deal less costly.

10/28/13

Remember When You Found Out You Were Pregnant?




Even though my mind was the first thing to go when I got pregnant, the one thing I will never forget is the moment when I found out I was pregnant. In fact, I remember the day, the weather, the people we hung out with... throwing the positive test into the bathtub... FTD screaming like a girl... Yeah, that was quite a day.

Picture it, Memorial Day weekend 2011...

It was a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon. FTD and I were on our way to a friend's BBQ, but had to stop at the store to pick up a few items first, including beer. Normally the thought of beers at a BBQ on a Sunday afternoon would bring a happy little tear to my eye, but on this particular day, it made me want to throw up. I looked over at FTD in the beer aisle and said, "I am going to go get a pregnancy test." Luckily, FTD was not holding any beer at the time, because the look on his face told me he would have dropped it.

10/25/13

Throw Back Friday-The STROLLER CHRONICLES (FTD POST!)

Ok, my dear friends and readers, my mother in-law will be here tomorrow.  Yes, I have so much to do, not enough time to do it in, and a man-child and child-man to work around.
A hairstyle only a son could love.


So, I thought would dig up an old post to share with you. Being that it is Friday, I went for something funny.  I went for something FTD wrote!


The STROLLER CHRONICLES-By First Time Dad

10/23/13

It's Time to Start Weaning. (Update!)

It's Time to Start Weaning.  (Update!)
Ok you all.  I have an update on the weaning status.  For those of you just joining us... two weeks ago I wrote asking for help and ideas, to get this kid off my tatas! Yes, the man-child is still on the teats at 20-months old. (Not that that is too long, or a bad thing, it's just what it is, the boy is still nursing.) As of two weeks ago, he nursed at naptime and bedtime only. Besides the fact that I want my boobs and body back, I started thinking his nursing was more for comfort than anything.  For that reason, I decided it was time to get serious about weaning.

It all really started a little over six weeks ago when the little guy decided he was no longer interested in nursing when he woke up in the morning. Apparently, it was more important to terrorize daddy before he left for work.  Seriously, he stopped nursing in the mornings right around the time FTD went back to work full-time. Whatever the reason, we were officially down to two feedings a day.

10/22/13

5 VERY important things to consider when choosing a Halloween costume for the little ones.


With all of the blog posts going around about Halloween food and costumes , the one thing I have not seen is safety tips.  Halloween can be a chaotic time. From the big kids running from house to house saying "Trick or Treat" while doing the potty dance, because all they are really thinking is, hurry up lady, I have a lot of houses to cover, and four pillow cases to fill!, to the little-ones toddling in between it all. So, I thought I would do a little research to find some important tips to share with the first-timers out there hoping their little one will hold out long enough to get a few good treats from them to eat!  (Which would be FTD and I.)

Only one week left of the 30/30 Challenge...Have you lost as much as me?


I realized fairly quickly this is called the 30/30 CHALLENGE for good reason; It is certainly a challenge to get out and walk everyday. That first week was not easy at all.  The second week was easier, yet I still struggled a day or two to get off my lazy bottom. Now that I am rounding out the third week, I know I will surely make it, but will most likely not hold myself to the difficult challenge of walking daily once it is over. 


That being said... I am beyond thankful for this challenge, and what it has done for my mind, body and soul in three short weeks...
Week 3 photo recap.  
We took photos of things we enjoyed on our walks. 
My selfie is so there will be at least one photo of me taken during the 30 days!

10/21/13

Parents Bullying Parents. NOT OK!

This past weekend I had the extreme pleasure of watching my Toddler Code Of Conduct article go 'viral' on the Huffington Post, and in doing so, made the FRONT PAGE! In fact, the post is still going viral as I type. Currently, it has over twenty-one thousand likes (growing by 5-10 a minute) and nearly ten thousand social media and email shares! You all, on the heels of my What You Do Today, Can Improve All of Your Tomorrows post, this was A. MAZ. ING. See... Dreams DO come true!

I'll admit, while watching the article hit milestones of 15k and 20k likes, I cried tears of joy and awe. Unfortunately, with the excitement also came a few low blows in the form of nasty judgmental comments. I know. I know... when I write something and publish it to the world, I am opening myself up for judgment. Still, when it comes to parents judging and bullying parents, that is never ever OK! 

NEVER. EVER.


10/19/13

Thinking of Having a Baby? Read This First!

I do not think there is a first-time parent that can say they were truly prepared for what life is like once baby arrives.  Or should I say... once baby comes home, turns their life upside down, then right side up, and then just for good measure, does it one more time. 


Here Comes Crazy!

10/18/13

What You Do Today, Can Improve All of Your Tomorrows.

It is time to Lean into my legacy... what ever that may be.


The only thing I want more than a happy fulfilled life, is for my child to be proud of me. I want my son to gush about me to his peers. I also want him to live a life filled with chasing his dreams. I want to teach my son that following his dreams is such an important part of life. Of course, this would mean that I would have to lead by example. Which would require a large amount of dream chasing courage.


10/16/13

How Plugged in is Your Parenting Style?

(I originally Published this Article, Plugged-In Parenting: 5 Ways Technology Has Changed The Way We Parenton the Huffington Post. This post is more on the cheeky side than anything. )


Being that we live in an age of constantly emerging technology, it only makes sense that it would spill over into parenting.  Below are five ways technology has changed the way parents, parent.


10/14/13

20 Jaw Dropping Halloween Costumes for the Whole Family.

VOTE FOR ME!


When I set out to do my annual Halloween costume idea post, I came across some of the most jaw dropping are-you-kidding-me-right-now costumes.  After wiping the tears of laughter away from my eyes, I decided the 'Best of Costumes' post could wait.  The "Worst Of" was going to be WAY more fun to create.

But before we go any further... My friends, this post needs a WARNING:  A few of these costumes are just plain Epic Fail OH-Hell-No-What-is-happening-to-this-world-I-think-I-just-went-blind-with-disgust costumes.  All I have to say is, PLEASE DO NOT try most of these at home...

Without further ado... It's about to get UGLY...
Yeah, even the family pet is not safe from this post...

10/11/13

It's Time To Wean. (For Real This Time)

The time has come...

WEAN. WEAN. WEAN. WEAN.  Please wean! <------ Lately, I have been saying that to myself and Ollie everyday.

I know I have said that I need to wean before, but now it is seriously time.  The man child is TWENTY months old. Plus, thanks to FTD referring to my boobies as 'biddy' when it comes to nursing, Ollie does too.  My friends, 'biddy' sounds WAY to close to 'titty' when coming out of a toddler's mouth. Yes, he has asked for what sounds more like 'tiddy' in public! Enough. Is. Enough.  I need to to wean, and I need your help, God's Help, a professional's help, luck, and most of all a freaking back bone to say, 'NO MORE TIDDY!'


10/10/13

I Suck at Being a Stay At Home Mom. Suck.

I am a "worker." I work, that's what I do.  I have more anxiety and nervous energy than anyone person should have. The only way I have ever known to deal with it, is to work. My long time readers know, I didn't really get this blog going until I was laid off from work. I poured all of my nervous energy and jobless anxiety in to this blog. Turning to this blog for release is probably what keeps me sane in the madness that is my life as a stay at home mom (SAHM).