With over 100k social media likes and shares, and countless views between this website and The Huffington Post-where it went viral- undoubtedly the best post of 2013 is...
The Toddler Code of Conduct-
20 Rules Toddlers Live By
After observing my toddler, and talking with parents of toddlers, I am convinced that the little buggers have the following Code of Conduct hard wired into their DNA...
1. You are the family alarm clock, it is your job to wake everyone up at the ass-crack of dawn every day. Every. Single. Day.
2. ALWAYS crap your pants AFTER leaving the house. Your best bet is to clench those cheeks together until you have left your street, and then EXPLODE!!! To achieve Legend status, do this when your parent is in a huge hurry to get somewhere very important.
3. Do not be content doing anything for more than two minutes. You have to constantly keep moving. NEVER SLOW DOWN!
4. If you are not interested in being picked up, get as low to the ground as possible. Think dead weight. Feel free to flail and cry for added difficulty.
2. ALWAYS crap your pants AFTER leaving the house. Your best bet is to clench those cheeks together until you have left your street, and then EXPLODE!!! To achieve Legend status, do this when your parent is in a huge hurry to get somewhere very important.
3. Do not be content doing anything for more than two minutes. You have to constantly keep moving. NEVER SLOW DOWN!
4. If you are not interested in being picked up, get as low to the ground as possible. Think dead weight. Feel free to flail and cry for added difficulty.