You all, I am a hot ass weeping mess. My milk is drying up. I know. I know. For the past couple of weeks I have carried on and on about wanting to wean... blah blah blah... well it has happened. But not exactly how I wanted it to happen. My milk is drying up from stress. We are being forced to wean, and I am a weeping hot ass mess because of it. My hormones are going bat shit crazy and I am pretty sure the sky is falling!
Ok. The sky is not falling.
But this is still me...
About ten days ago Stress knocked at my door, then dropped its baggage at my feet in the form of my mother in-law coming over from Australia for a three week visit, a medical issue, our car crapping out and some other stuff, but I am sure you get the picture. I'm a ball of redonkulous chaotic stress.
I just cannot believe after 20-months of nursing, I am going to be thrown out of the game by my milk drying up...from Stress! I thought I would be able to control this weaning business. I thought it would be on my terms, or at the very least the man-child's. How can stress throw us out of the game? Surely, I have been this stressed before. Surely?
Regardless, I am devastated. I am sure to the outsider looking in, my milk drying up at twenty months is not that bad. I am sure it almost looks like a blessing in disguise. But to me it looks like shit. A big steaming pile of too-bad-so-sad shit.
Most of all, I feel so bad for the little guy not getting hardly any milk. I can tell he is trying and trying but nothing is there. I don't know what to do. I think we are both so confused that all we can do is keep trying and hoping somehow all will go back to normal. I had planned to finish weaning AFTER my mother in-law left, not before. I hate that I am having to go through this in front of her. <Insert MASSIVE F-Bomb>
It also really sucks that I am struggling to get the man-child to take his naps. It doesn't help our nap situation that his grandmother is here, and he wants to play with her 24/7. It also sucks that when he woke up at the ass-crack of dawn thanks to daylight savings, I was unable to nurse him back to sleep.
In a way, nursing was so much more than just nutrition. Nursing was our routine! Nursing saved me so many times. That luxury is gone. What's worse, the kid hates cow's milk, or really any milk for that matter. I have tried almond and coconut... I am scrambling to figure out what to do at nap and bedtime now.
I promise I did not set out to write this post as a woe is me and my bone dry boobies. OK, maybe a little… My intent is to let other women out there who are weaning, or drying up and turning into crazy ladies too, know you are not alone. I am nuts too! I am full on certifiable. I am also hosting a pity party that started a few days ago and will be going on... for... a while. Please feel free to join. Please join, I need to know I am not alone too.
Did this happen to you? Did you nurse then wean/dry-up and turn into an emotional basket case? If so, how long did it last? Also, I am kind of all over the place and having a hard time concentrating, is this normal too? I would love to hear some stories on weaning!
