11/7/13

My Mother-in-Law is A…

Before I complete that sentence, please answer this question…




Now that we have that out of the way…(click the link below to continue reading this post.)

As some of you already know, my mother-in-law (MIL) is visiting for a few weeks from Australia. In the days leading up to her arrival, and even now that she is here, when ever I tell someone that my MIL is visiting/here, nine times out of ten I get a story that starts off with, "OhmiGod, My Mother-in-Law is Such A…" And nine times out of ten the person telling the story is very passionate about their relationship with their MIL, whether it be whole hearted love or pure hate. I admit, I mostly only heard things like, my MIL is a crazy bitch, or my MIL will never accept that her son loves me.  In fact, I dreaded having a mother-in-law thanks to those stories. I honestly thought ALL of them where evil haters.


When I first met my Mother-in-law I was pleasantly surprised. She was sweet and kind and caring, none of the things a MIL was supposed to be.  Still, I was only her son's girlfriend at the time, so I decided there was still time for my theory to be proven right…

Before I go any further, I want to talk about YOUR Mother-in-law...

I recently asked on the First Time Mom & Dad Facebook page and Twitter account, what people really thought of their Mother-In-Law.  While most of the responses were positive, and painted pictures of wonderful MILs, a few got me thinking…

Well, quite a few were all about how amazing their Mother-in-law is. The word Love was thrown around more than a bunch of girls at a high school football game.



Then one reader said, "I got pretty lucky... mine is great! Not sure how I will be as a MIL, though… haha"

Amen to that! I have no idea how I will be either.  I was so over protective of my little brother, thanks to his incredibly poor choice in women, I can only imagine how judgmental and shitty I might be to the wrong girl for my son! The thing is, I think I am super cool and could be the most awesome MIL, but what if I am a judgmental bitch?  The thought honestly scares me.

Could I really become an evil MIL one day?

Then another reader sent me a private message that spilled her heart out about her horrible relationship with her judgmental MIL, then added that she didn't want to leave a comment on the Facebook page because she was afraid her MIL or husband would see it.

Amen to that too!  Is it really in our best interest to fight with our Mother-in-law? Is there really ever a winner?  Our husband is the immediate loser since he will most likely be caught in the middle of the my-wife-and-mother-hate-each-other shit sandwich.  This cannot end well.  Ever. And most likely, it will never end.  Once the shit sandwich is made, who in the hell will want to eat it?  Certainly not either one of the two prideful women who made it!



Still, the majority of the comments I got were mostly about how wonderful their Mother-in-law is. Yet, when having the same conversation with someone in person, I got mostly stories about how "That woman drives me crazy!" This led me to think one of two things, either MILs truly are getting better and more friendly as a whole with time, or the readers with really nasty piece of work MILs were afraid to comment, because they knew she would eventually find out.  Well, here is your chance, leave comment letting me know how you really feel. Please complete this sentence, My Mother-in-Law is Such A…










April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

10 Comments:

Anonymous said...

LOL! This is great. My MIL is evil for sure. and she always has been. She comes over and tells me how I could clean better, cook better, then parent better. By the time she leaves my tongue is nearly bitten in half! Ugh. I hope I do not end up evil like her!

Alissa said...

Ahhhh I love this. I actually have two MIL's!! Sadly Andy's mom passed away when he was a kid so I never got to know her but I like to think that she would be an AMAZING MIL since him and his sister's are super cool. But now I have 2 MIL's because Andy's step dad and biological dad married. Both of the step moms are interesting. One is pure evil... so much so that the hubds dislikes her as much as I do. But my other MIL in general is a good person. Our relationship is ever evolving. I would say for the first 8 years of marriage I disliked her intensely. But once we had kids that started to change. I realized that her intentions were good and she genuinely love dme and wanted a relationship she just sometimes pushed her priorities on me and I felt walked all over. But honestly I needed the other EVIL MIL to shine the light on the fact that the other one wasn't so bad after all. Ha! So in summary things are getting better with the one MIL and the other one just don't care to foster a relationship with. But I'll add I've done research on MIL relationships... These good reads http://www.kubik.org/vcm/mominlaw.htm
https://www.achievesolutions.net/achievesolutions/en/Content.do?contentId=3140

April said...

My mother in law was amazing! I liked her more than my own mother some days..... She taught her sons to be family oriented but independent as well. She passed away about 4 and a half years ago and I miss her everyday. That being said, she passed away before we got married and had our daughter. I'm not sure how things would have changed post baby (she passed after the engagement and helped pick out my dress but before the wedding).

Anonymous said...

I will say my mother-in-law isn't too bad. Drives me a little crazy sometimes but she's not too bad on the whole. However, my step-mother's mother is INSANE. She manipulates the entire family all of the time, constantly causes strife in their marriage, has completely ruined my step-brother's life with her manipulative and heartless tactics, and she is on her way to causing a lot of problems in my step-sister's life. I'm happy to live over 10 hours away.....
She's constantly threatening to write everyone out of the will (who cares?) and is mean to me and my brother - constantly bashing us, etc. My baby (half) brother is aware of how mean she is to/about him, too and is just caught in the middle. I keep praying for these poor kids!

Unknown said...

Oh my.... you know my situation- and I will say, that the most frustrating thing in the world is going from feeling like things are wonderful before you marry the son, and then BAAAMMM! All of a sudden you are this evil bitch with a magic p*&$^%&*^@ that apparently trapped their son into a loveless marriage based on using them for their money (BUWAHAHAHAHA) and the only goal in my life is to take him away from his family... sooooo. I'm stumped! There are moments you just sit and wonder- WOAH, what the hell just happened???

However, beyond the pettiness of adult drama. I am terrified of becoming the MIL everyone dreads- because cycles being what they are... damn, that would suck! However, I know I am a lioness on steroids when it comes to my baby boy, so maybe I should take classes now to avoid the insanity that awaits later!!!

Kristen Mae at Abandoning Pretense said...

My MIL lives with us half the year and once asked my husband "if he was really happy with me." My husband and I were not having any issues to speak of at the time she asked that, btw.

We've brought her on vacations with us twice (we paid for everything, including an extra room just for her because her snoring is apocalyptic) and both times she had a huge dramatic melt-down and just about ruined the vacation.

When my daughter says "mama?" she says "what?"

WTF????

Sometimes she's nice. She does the laundry and cooks a couple of times per week. And when she's here, I can go jogging without finding a baby-sitter. I have to remind myself of these small luxuries CONSTANTLY so I don't totally flip my shit. There are no words to convey my jealousy of those of you with awesome MILs.

Anonymous said...

My MIL, is a mooch! She only wants to see us to ask us for money (we're students. Who barely make enough in our odd here and there jobs and part time endeavors to keep a roof over our heads). Because my parents blessed me with a nice car as a graduation present years ago, she assumes they give me as much money as I want, and should be able to spread some around. She hasn't worked in years, and doesn't even try to. I finally drew the line and quit visiting when she threw stuff at my infant daughter while throwing a fit at us. Now there's no more drama, because we just don't see her or talk to her for the sake of our child's safety. Sometimes, I feel like I should fix things for my husband's sake, but he doesn't even want to at this point.

Oddly, before I met my husband, I always imagined myself having a great mother in law who lived near by and would be able to watch the future kids some, and share recipes, and craft together, and welcome me with open arms. How wrong I was!

Charlie said...

My mother in law is alright. They are times where she can get a bit annoying and has to know everything going on and then there are times where she is wonderful and helps out with the kids and just wants to be there for us. So it depends on the day as to what you're gonna get.

Mrs. Loquacious said...

I love my MIL. She tries very hard to respect our boundaries, even though she doesn't understand why we co-sleep or why I'm still breastfeeding. But she bites her tongue and loves DD and loves me as much as she can. The only time when she's not great is when she has had a few too many white wines or rum-and-cokes; she can get a little bitter and jaded when that happens. Thankfully it is a rare occurrence!

Anonymous said...

It's mostly the same with my MIL as well. Sometimes she is a total bitch - does not like me or my husband going to my relatives' place and tries to manipulate her son into whatever she wants. But she helps me with the twins and never complaints about it (unlike my mother who keeps complaining all the time and blames my MIL at every chance she gets).

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