Happy Holidays

Thanksgiving Dad Jokes That Are So Good, It's Annoying

Would it even be Thanksgiving without family dysfunction heavily crop-dusted by terrible dad jokes and farts? 



Below are 10 of the most annoyingly good Thanksgiving Day Dad Jokes and a few Knock-Knock jokes Turkey Day wouldn't be complete without!


Thanksgiving Day Dad Jokes

1. Q. Why did the pie go to the dentist? 

    A. It needed a filling.


2. Q.What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving? 

    A. Lucky


3.  Q. Why don’t turkeys trust each other? 

     A. Too much fowl play


4. Q. Why did the cranberry blush? 

    A. It saw the turkey dressing.


5. Q. Did you hear about the scarecrow who won first prize? 

    A. It was outstanding in its field.


6. Q.  What sound does a turkey's phone make? 

     A. "Wing, wing."


7. Q. What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day? 

     A. Quack, quack!


8. Q. What do you call a running turkey? 

      A. Fast food


9. Q. Why did the mashed potatoes cross the road? 

    A. To get to the other sides


10. Q. What does a turkey give thanks for on Thanksgiving? 

      A. Vegetarians




Thanksgiving Day Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Honeydew

Honeydew who? 

Honeydew we have more cranberry sauce?


Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Anita. 

Anita who? 

Anita bigger pair of pants after all that food!


Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Tamara. 

Tamara who? 

Tamara is Black Friday, let’s go shopping!


Happy Thanksgiving, and remember: It's not only you... It's all of us and Jimmy too...








Thanksgiving Humor, Jokes and Dysfunction That Will Make Your Family Seem Normal

To get you in the spirit of family fun and of course, heaps of dysfunction, here are a few Thanksgiving day laughs to get you going...



Halloween Eats and Treats The Entire Family Will Love!

 

Thanks to Covid-19, this Halloween will be like nothing we have experienced. And most likely, not in a good way. I keep praying for torrential rain to blame Mother Nature for ruining Halloween, not the pandemic. Still, we can't ignore Halloween. Our kids won't let us! So, to bring a little cheer to the holiday fear... below are some yummy Halloween eats and treats to make the day as memorable as possible, and I'm not talking about hot dogs that look like fingers. Been there. Done that.







Halloween Tie-Die Bunt Cake


Ultimate witch's hat cupcakes!




Super simple Cheese puff pumpkin bags. You can buy decorative bags at the grocery or dollar tree and fill them yourself. Cheap and easy!







Monster Marshmallow pops: So easy, the kids can make them...




Ear wax (caramel) marshmallows: SO gross and so easy to make!



Skeleton Cheese Skull





Spider PB&J! I love Healthy Halloween-inspired treats.


This Monster Meatloaf is so gross. I'm totally feeding it to my family.


Pumpkin drink cooler: GENIUS!


Coffin Bread Bowl: SO EASY! No directions are needed...


Homemade gummy worms: We make these a few times a year. Fun and easy!





What's your favorite? Have you ever tried any?

Check out my Halloween Pinterest Boards for more Halloween inspiration, from costumes to decorations to more eats and treats.

5 Ways To Get Festive For The Holidays


I just can't get my head around the fact the month-long Holiday adventure of December is here!
HOW?
Wasn't it just, August?
I am so not ready!
If, like me, you are freaking out and need to get your festive-on and fast, below are a few fun ways to get festive for the holidays!
1. Be Unconventional
Think: The hottest Christmas trend of 2017, the pineapple Christmas tree! (I swear I'm not kidding!) Head over to Pinterest on your lunch break (Or bored and want to look busy) and look for inspiration. Make the theme all your own! Screw the stockings and garland, go for Pineapples and sunnies!


2. Buy out the dollar store
Decking the Halls doesn't have to break the bank. Stop at the Dollar Tree after work and go wild on ten bucks.



First Time Dad Tip: When you get home, coat the walls with adhesive spray, throw the decorations in the middle of the floor and fire up the leaf blower. #GoodTimes

 First Time Mom Disclaimer: We cannot and will not be held accountable if your dumb enough to try it. #Dumbassery

3. Don't feel like going through the work hanging lights? In less than thirty seconds you can light your house up like Clark Griswald with a Christmas Light Projector
Remember when we were kids and most decorations were made of foil or we had to string a thousand pieces of popcorn to make our own garland? Not. Any. More. Shove this sucker in your yard, plug it in and done!


(This one is $23 on Amazon with $5 off coupon)





4. Test out new recipes for holiday treats.

Kick the cookies up a notch. Raise the bar on brownies. Plan now so you blow everyone away at the holiday party or cookie exchange.
This year I'm trying these Christmas Tree Brownies! 


 5. Craft something with the Kiddos!

 Spend the frigid weekend inside making a winter wonderland!


Check out my Homemade Holidays Pinterest Board for a ridiculous amount of winter and holiday crafts, cooking, homemade gifts and decoration ideas!

Five Tips For Tear-Free Family Travel (Parents included!)






After dragging my son around the world and back, I feel pretty solid about sharing a few tips for meltdown free family travel. So, if you're dreading heading to grandmas for the Holidays, or even trading bitter temperatures for warm sands, I can help make the trip not suck, because regardless of the mode of transportation or destination, one thing remains the same, the kids are coming and you need to prepare. 

1. Pack as light as possible. Between the gadgets, toys, clothes, blankets, bedtime bears and favorite pillows, it's easy to over pack. Very easy. Combat this by making a list of essentials for each family member, and stick to it. It's not like you're leaving for good, it's a week! 

Road Trip Tip: Check to make sure the headlights and taillights are working. Give em' a wipe while you're at it. Double check tires' air pressure and tread and look for nails or debris that could be potentially dangerous. You may want to invest in an air freshener too!

2. Snack Attack. Whether it's a hungry kid or a chatty kid, snacks will come in very handy.  Skip the traditional sandwiches for bento box lunches to keep kids busy.  Also, have a bribe treat. The go-to to your kid won't turn down. Like a scooby-snack. This is your miracle worker. Don't leave home without it.


Road trip snack TIP: Freeze small bottles of water and use them in the cooler instead of ice. The frozen bottles will keep things cold and the cooler from filling with melted ice that sloshes back and forth with every turn, begging to pour out all over the floor of the car.

3. Floors Are For Feet Only. Let's face it, the floors can be valuable real estate when traveling, but not so great for the person losing the foot space. Free up the foot space by hanging bags on the back seat. Backpacks fit nicely over the 'shoulders' of the seat or secured by the headrest. When in flight, slip things over the back of the tray table to free floor space.


4. Check Your Tech. Before embarking on any trip, check your tech; replace the batteries in your camera, charge everything, and bring a car charger. Pack all tech stuff in the same bag. When it comes to a crying kid over a dying tablet, the last thing you'll want to do is search four bags to find it. 

5. Set expectations very low. With all the planning, comes high expectations. Kill them. Now. Expect everything to go wrong. Make sure the children think they are on their way to hell and it will take hours to get there. The lower the expectations and understanding that shit happens, the happier everyone will be. 

Road trip tip: Whether you're traveling with a child or not, invest in a box of baby wipes. The pre-moistened wipes clean messy faces and surfaces in a pinch, and without stinky harsh chemicals! Not to mention, those little wipes will be a lifesaver at those grimy roadside and airport bathrooms that haven't seen an attendant in at least a decade.

Super Spooky Halloween Crafts To Make With The Kiddos



Are you throwing a Halloween party this weekend or just planning to decorate? Below are Super Easy Spooktacular DIY Halloween Party Decorations I found while looking for decor for my party, and just had to share. The following decorations are super cool, easy to do and best of all, inexpensive-creative genius! 



Start with last year's candy buckets! Spray paint all but the bottom of the plastic pumpkins white. After they dry, spray a coat of glow-in-the-dark spray paint and allow to dry. Once dry, grab a kid to paint the eyes. It's easy and fun to do for the kiddos. TIP: Keep white-out handy for quick fixes. 


Here's a faster, no-mess glowing eyeball decoration.  Got to the Dollar Tree and grab a few pop-lights.  You can make the eyeballs below, orange pumpkins, bats and more! 




















Here's an even easier glowing eyeball! Except, you better start collecting toilet paper and paper towel rolls (Cut them in half) ASAP.




Dead bodies!

I've considered making a few to throw in the yard on Halloween. Stuff old clothes with newspaper then use garbage bags and duct tape to form a person. 



This refrigerator decoration is super cute and easy.
All you need is three pieces of black paper or one big black sheet from the Dollar Store. 


Soapy Bugs!
I LOVE this idea. So easy.
You could jam a fake finger in the soap too!





While you're at the dollar store, grab white and red candles to create a bloody mess!!
It'so easy to make these bloody candles. Melt red wax over the white candles. TIP: Melt red wax on the tray the candles are displayed on to make more of a bloody mess!




Don't forget the toilet!
I've seen everything from a hand creeping out of the top of the tank, to "Watch Your Back" written under the seat. But this one is a first... and so friggin funny!
Poor Moaning Myrtle.





And Last... The Halloween Decoration sweeping the nation, DIY Tape Ghosts




The concept is super cool and looks easy enough! Wrap a dummy, doll, human, in clear packing or duct tape. Start by wrapping the subject sticky side out first, then sticky side in.  Once completely covered, cut the tape mold away from the person creating sort of 'seams'. Gently slide the mold off, and re-tape seams to create a solid tape mannequin. Spray paint with glow-in-the-dark spray paint and put outside for unsuspecting trick-or-treaters.




TIP: Start Small scale with a hand, then move to entire body molds.

Hanukkah Fun Facts Because, #Hanukkah





My step-grandfather was a fabulous, Jewish man. His name was Herman, but everyone called him Hy. He threw a medicine ball at me everytime I walked through the door, then made me Matzo Bread smeared with butter. Every year he gave us little gifts for Hanukkah, and on Christmas a dollar for each year of our life.

I remember the year my mom got thirty-nine one dollar bills. I'd never seen so much cash in my life. I was sure she was rich and we were getting a new car. God, I love that man!  Sadly, at the ripe age ninety-four, he left this world. My Presbyterian grandmother joined him a few years later. While not a day goes by that I don't still think of them, it's the holidays I miss them the most. So in honor of my wonderful grandfather, who welcomed me into his faith, and shared his love and stories with me, I present a Few Hanukkah Fun Facts, because #Hanukkah is awesome, Just like Papa Hy.


So, what the Deal?



How big of a deal is Hanukkah?


What's the Candle thingy? Menora or something?





What's up with eight days of gifts?



The eight days of gifts sort of came about due to the proximity to Christmas and those spoiled little Christian kids having all the fun. That's why the gifts given are more like small little tokens of blessings, not PlayStation, cars, and wardrobes.



What's with the spinning game?









What about the food?! And all that oil it's cooked in. Sounds dreamy...





If you've never been treated to a Jewish Hanukkah, then I'm sad for you. Latkes, made four billion different ways. Donuts filled with yummy gooey goodness like cream or jam. Beef brisket that will turn a vegetarian. Chocolate coins wrappers blowing through the house as the kids go running by on their chocolate high. Bread, booze, good times. DO THIS~




Awesome Gifts Under $10 For Everyone On Your List



The following gifts, all under $10, you will want for yourself, so make sure you order at least two. I own ALL of them. The mix of gifts below will cover everyone on your list. Perfect for white elephant, gift exchanges, teachers gifts, friends, and family.


1. An Old school or novelty magazine or book. Amazon is loaded with them. My husband loves the British Viz Comics. Not to be confused with the Graphic Viz, oh no this one is pure dirty trash. He reads them to me before bed. We have a VIZ subscription to current volumes, but for his birthday and holidays, I order him old volumes or the hardback 'Best of' books.

My favorite section is the ROGERS profanisaurus, dubbed the ultimate in schoolboy humor. It makes me laugh until I cry, and I have to admit, the hubs Aussie accent helps.


Speaking of potty humor, poobegone is a classic gift for young and old. 
At under $5, another solid winner.


I love love love my Popsocket. I've been using them for about a year or so. I even have the car attachment. It makes holding my big ass phone so much easier, is great for selfies, helps my son have a better grip on the phone, and stays up on its side for easy watching. So worth the $9 purchase. I once bought a kit of five knock-offs. they looked JUST like Popsockets, but the adhesive was not nearly as strong. 



MIND GAMES!!  I love brain teasers and puzzle games. They are also a hit at parties. Everyone will give it a go before the night is over. There are so many to choose from, and most all, under $10


Over the summer I stumbled onto portable fans. Then, I stumbled on to the greatest cellphone accessory ever invented, and it $8!!! A fan and phone charger IN ONE!!!  Seriously, it's Portable Phone Charger with 3000mAh Power Bank USB Battery Pack With Mini Personal Handheld Fan for iPhone x 8 7 6 6S Plus iPad Samsung Xiaomi Huawei

Because everyone needs a bullshit button


Have you been telling a politician to kiss your ass after ridiculous statements? Now, you can do one better, wipe your ass with their face! There's a slew of poli-paper faces to choose from, too!



For the golf enthusiast, there is no better gift than this putting green. They can sink two hole-in-ones at a time! I present Potty Putting!

Everyone should have a Multi-tool. They are great and come in handy more than you think. 


Parent, partier, sports enthusiast, Child, everyone needs a poncho in a ball! This is the greatest invention, a rain poncho stuffed in a tiny keychain. They are thin, but hold up to rain and double as seat covers after a rain. SO FRIGGIN HANDY! Did I mention a makeshift picnic tablecloth?



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