Thanksgiving Dad Jokes That Are So Good, It's Annoying

Would it even be Thanksgiving without family dysfunction heavily crop-dusted by terrible dad jokes and farts? 



Below are 10 of the most annoyingly good Thanksgiving Day Dad Jokes and a few Knock-Knock jokes Turkey Day wouldn't be complete without!


Thanksgiving Day Dad Jokes

1. Q. Why did the pie go to the dentist? 

    A. It needed a filling.


2. Q.What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving? 

    A. Lucky


3.  Q. Why don’t turkeys trust each other? 

     A. Too much fowl play


4. Q. Why did the cranberry blush? 

    A. It saw the turkey dressing.


5. Q. Did you hear about the scarecrow who won first prize? 

    A. It was outstanding in its field.


6. Q.  What sound does a turkey's phone make? 

     A. "Wing, wing."


7. Q. What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day? 

     A. Quack, quack!


8. Q. What do you call a running turkey? 

      A. Fast food


9. Q. Why did the mashed potatoes cross the road? 

    A. To get to the other sides


10. Q. What does a turkey give thanks for on Thanksgiving? 

      A. Vegetarians




Thanksgiving Day Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Honeydew

Honeydew who? 

Honeydew we have more cranberry sauce?


Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Anita. 

Anita who? 

Anita bigger pair of pants after all that food!


Knock, knock. 

Who’s there? 

Tamara. 

Tamara who? 

Tamara is Black Friday, let’s go shopping!


Happy Thanksgiving, and remember: It's not only you... It's all of us and Jimmy too...








11 St. Patrick's Day Drinks and Treats You Gotta See To Believe #StPatricksDay2021

 





Last year, my city went into lockdown the DAY BEFORE St. Patrick's Day. It was devastating. Not only for the party-throwers and party-goers, but the bars and restaurants also found themselves with massive food and beverage orders filling their bar and kitchen and no customers. My heart broke for the entire industry. Needless-to-say, it was a sadass St Patty's and I'm determined to make up for it this year. Even if it is just my family. We WILL Eat, drink and be merry! 

In honor of my determination to reclaim my life and holidays from this damn pandemic, here are a few insanely cool St Patrick's Day Drinks and Treats for young and old...











This looks super easy!  


This is a kid's dream come true.
Warning: You will never be able to go back to rice crispy treats after these. 






Totally making these!













Tips To Save Big and Stress Less This Winter


I'm an obsessive organizer and planner. I can't help it, I need the order to stay sane. Even if it makes my husband and child insane in the process. Whatever. In the end, they both see the method to my madness and the benefit!

Below are my 5 MUSTS to prepare for the upcoming cold weather and holiday season.

1. Create a holiday/winter budget. It certainly doesn't help that the holidays begin when the kids need new seasonal clothes, the electric bill starts to skyrocket, and the grocery bill nearly doubles. I've learned the hard way to prepare the holiday/winter budget now, so I don't break the bank later.

TIP: Factor in how much you will need for seasonal clothes, holiday gifts and groceries (People always forget about holiday groceries!) higher utility bills and every other inevitable incidental that breaks the bank year after year.


2.  Start stocking up. Over the next few months, depending on where you live and the holidays you celebrate, a few things are about to become hot commodities, things you can grab in the stores and online now, that may not be easy to find or marked up later. Things like holiday wrapping, ice melt/salt, snow shovels, ice scrapers, gloves, hats, mittens, batteries, blankets... You see where I'm going.



Rather than wait until the first snowstorm to race out and get ice melt, I get it now. I also check our car windshield wipers, scrapers and snow shovels now to make sure they will withstand another season. Basically, I make a list of things I need and keep it in my wallet so when I'm out I will keep an eye out for sales and specials for each item.

3. Prepare the yard. Beginning in fall, plants, especially the delicate ones, need to be prepared for bitter winters and droughts. If you don't know what your Azaleas, rhododendrons, shrubs and trees need this time of year to safely make it through winter, look it up now! While some plants will need mulch, others will be fine. Some plants need to be cut back now, others after winter.  Some will need fertilizer now, others not until after winter. Knowing what your plants and trees need, can make a HUGE difference in the spring, especially with the bloomers, so take the time now to make them happy and thriving later! Check out this great post on ways to prepare the garden for Fall's first frost. 



4. Weatherproof the house.  As much as I pride myself on being organized and a great planner, it took me a few years to grasp the fact that most home weatherproofing needs to be done well before the first frost! I can't tell you how many times I have started to put plastic on the windows only to realize it's WAY too cold outside for the adhesive to stick. Most weatherproofing materials need it to be at least 55-65 degrees outside to work, so don't wait for the first frost to weatherproof under your roof. Here's a great post for easy, money-saving weatherproofing tips. 



5. Prepare the car for emergencies. There's no doubt about it, the winter weather is notorious for creating stranded motorist and long delays. The last thing I want to do is be caught on the side of the road in a snowstorm without a few essentials.

In my trunk, in addition to a small bag of ice melt/salt, I keep a duffel bag with a blanket, flashlight, a few bottles of water and packs of peanut butter crackers. I also have a mom-kit in the car loaded with winter essentials and daily must-haves; tissues, baby wipes, hand sanitizer, lotion, lip gloss, a few snacks and a bottle of water.

These small steps now save big headaches and budget-busting winter dread. At least, it does for me!

Is there anything you do now prepare for the holidays and colder dryer months that saves you time and money later?







Parents, Take A Deep Breath. It's Coming...





One down, three to go.

With Halloween officially behind us, it's time to set the focus to Thanksgiving and Christmas.

The holidays can go two ways for me. North or south. I usually fly easy into Thanksgiving, but crash like a drunken sailor by Mid-December. Then, drag my tired ass through Christmas and give what I've got left to New Year's Eve. Think: If I get dressed up for NYE it's a friggin undertaking.

Until Monday morning, I'm going to pause for the cause; my sanity. I'm going to loosely think of a holiday game plan. I'm going to try to get my head around the trials and triumphs of last year's holiday season and try to find a way to make the ride smoother.

More to the point, find a way to not over-extend myself.

The Mantra: I will not lose my shit this holiday season.

The Plan: When possible, avoid doing shit I hate and replace it with stuff I like doing.

I'm going to take a page out of Bad Moms Christmas Movie, and try to 'take back Christmas!' I'm going to try to find a way to love the holidays without killing myself in the process. I'm going to think of things I want to do, and make the boys go along. Actually, see something I want to see!

But for now, I'm going to take a deep breath and a few days to relax and enjoy the calm before the turkey storm!  I hope you will do the same. Parents, it's time to take control of the Holiday madness before it takes control of us!



How The Rest Of The World Celebrates Valentine's Day

Ever wonder how different cultures around the world celebrate Valentine's day, or if they even do?  Here are a few unique Valentine's Day traditions from around the world.


Japan: Men aren't the chocolate givers in Japan, the women are. And not just any ol' box of chocolates. These chocolates are handmade works of art. There are two main types of traditional Japanese Valentine's Day chocolates,“Giri-choco", and “Honmei-choco”. “Giri” means obligation, a.k.a, no romance involved. Giri-Choco is given to friends, colleagues, bosses, and close male friends.  Honmei-choco translates to, "true feeling chocolate." These beautiful chocolates are given to a boyfriend, lover, or husband to signify true love. The Honmei-choco is traditionally prepared by the woman giving it.



Philippines: Ever dreamed of walking down the aisle with thousands of other couples? Well, here's your chance! In the Philippines, Valentine's Day is celebrated with mass weddings. Seriously. On Valentine's Day, hundreds of couples across the country come together to be married or renew their vows in colossal wedding ceremonies held across the Philippines in malls and large public spaces.

 


Iraq: Though the holiday isn’t accepted everywhere in Iraq, those who do celebrate have developed a few of their own traditions. Iraqi Kurds believe in a feast of love. Specifically, that the preservation of a red apple with cloves representing Adam and Eve’s story, will bring prosperity and love.



South Africa: Some young South Africans celebrate Valentine’s Day by pinning the name of their Valentine to their sleeve. Young lovers follow an old-age Roman festival of 'Lupercalia'. According to this traditional festival, young girls pin their lover's name on their sleeves. At some places, men also follow this custom.

FUN FACT: do you know where the phrase “to wear your heart on your sleeve” comes from? Although it was first recorded in the 1600s in Shakespeare’s play named Othello, during the Middle Ages a knight in battle would pin a lady’s handkerchief to his sleeve as a way of publicly proclaiming his love for her.

Germany: I have the Germans to thank for one of my favorite Valentine's Day traditions, the Lebkuchenherzen, or gingerbread heart. Imagine, a big yummy gingerbread cookie, covered in super cheeky phrases, attached to a ribbon to wear around your neck. YES, PLEASE! Having a half-Austrian husband, he has bestowed a Lebkuchenherzen upon me a time or two. But truth be told, we usually get them at Oktoberfest!


 


Estonia: In Estonia, Valentine’s Day is called “Friend’s Day” so that single people are not left out of the festivities. While streets may still be decorated with hearts and other Valentine’s symbols, there is also an emphasis on nonromantic love, with friends and family members exchanging presents. That's one way to make sure no one feels left out!


Guatemala: Valentine’s Day is known as El Día del Cariño in Guatemala, encourages celebrating love for friends and family as much as your partner. Guatemala City gets into the spirit with lots of colorful pageantries, with revelers dressing up in feathered masks and Mayan-inspired clothing. And don't miss the senior citizen’s parade.



Italy- It should come as no surprise, that Italy is the Place to be on Valentine's Day. More specifically, Verona, known for being the land of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. On Valentine's Day, couples pour into the city for,“Verona in Love.” To enjoy a number of V-day events, including tours that retrace the tragic lovers’ footsteps, a contest for the best love letter to Juliet, or a moment with Juliet’s statue for good fortune. Verona also offers Renaissance gardens, vineyards, boutique hotels, cobblestone streets and countless candle-lit restaurants to further solidify their stake on being the land of lovers.





Where ever you are, whatever your traditions, I hope you have a safe, kind Valentine's Day full of peace and love!

Do you have a fun or different way of celebrating Valentine's Day?  I make FTD his favorite breakfast, Eggs Benedict.

5 Sanity Saving Tips For Family Holiday Travel






After dragging my son around the world and back, I feel pretty solid about sharing a few tips for meltdown free family travel. So, if you're dreading heading to Grandmas for the Holidays, or even trading bitter temperatures for warm sands, I can help make the trip not suck, because regardless of the mode of transportation or destination, one thing remains the same, the kids are coming and you need to prepare. 

1. Pack as light as possible. Between the gadgets, toys, clothes, blankets, bedtime bears and favorite pillows, it's easy to over pack. Very easy. Combat this by making a list of essentials for each family member, and stick to it. It's not like you're leaving for good, it's a week! 

Road Trip Tip: Check to make sure the headlights and taillights are working. Give em' a wipe while you're at it. Double check tires' air pressure and tread and look for nails or debris that could be potentially dangerous. You may want to invest in an air freshener too!

2. Snack Attack. Whether it's a hungry kid or a chatty kid, snacks will come in very handy.  Skip the traditional sandwiches for bento box lunches to keep kids busy.  Also, have a bribe treat. The go-to to your kid won't turn down. Like a scooby-snack. This is your miracle worker. Don't leave home without it.




Road trip snack TIPFreeze small bottles of water and use them in the cooler instead of ice. The frozen bottles will keep things cold and the cooler from filling with melted ice that sloshes back and forth with every turn, begging to pour out all over the floor of the car.

3. Floors Are For Feet Only. Let's face it, the floors can be valuable real estate when traveling, but not so great for the person losing the foot space. Free up the foot space by hanging bags on the back seat. Backpacks fit nicely over the 'shoulders' of the seat or secured by the headrest. When in flight, slip things over the back of the tray table to free floor space.




4. Check Your Tech. Before embarking on any trip, check your tech; replace the batteries in your camera, charge everything, and bring a car charger. Pack all tech stuff in the same bag. When it comes to a crying kid over a dying tablet, the last thing you'll want to do is search four bags to find it. 

5. Set expectations very low. With all the planning, comes high expectations. Kill them. Now. Expect everything to go wrong. Make sure the children think they are on their way to hell and it will take hours to get there. The lower the expectations and understanding that shit happens, the happier everyone will be. 

Road trip tip: Whether you're traveling with a child or not, invest in a box of baby wipes. The pre-moistened wipes clean messy faces and surfaces in a pinch, and without stinky harsh chemicals! Not to mention, those little wipes will be a lifesaver at those grimy roadside and airport bathrooms that haven't seen an attendant in at least a decade.

Do This To Make Holiday Shopping Fun Again


The only thing better than finding the perfect gift for someone is finding it on clearance. Nothing beat finding a bargain. Imagine being able to buy everyone on your list the perfect gift at a bargain price? Oh, and get some cash back in the process...

Below are 10 tips to make that possible. Seriously. It takes a little extra work up front, but in the end, you'll actually save time. Keep reading...




1. DealsNews- All day, every day, a team of deal-finding pros monitor the interwebs for the best deals. Then, post them on deals news. The website is super easy to navigate, so always check it out before buying a big-ticket item. You will save heaps. Also, if you need ideas for great gifts at a bargain price, surf around.  

2. Amazon-Wait, before you skip this thinking you already know about Amazon, there are two new things to consider. Now that Amazon owns Whole Foods, the coupons and deals in the Amazon Pantry are worth checking out for holiday meals and food gifts alone. Plus, two days ago, a coupon for 20% off fresh turkeys at Whole Food. #YesPleases.  If you find a great deal or new product, check it out on Amazon for not only price but reviews, photos, and comparable items. Amazon sells everything, and everything has a review. 


3. Groupon.--I love Groupon for three reasons:
  • Local buys and gifts. I've bought a Groupon for a restaurant while sitting there eating. Such a great way to eat out during the holidays and only pay half price. 
  • Sometimes you can score a great deal on high-end items- or $10 Starbucks or Shell Gas card for $5. 
  • Great for coming up with gift ideas.  Groupon has everything.  A third of the products I didn't even know existed! I still price shop and read reviews for the products I'm thinking of buying on Amazon. The too good to be true stuff is often just that.

4. Etsy--I LOVE Etsy! Buying from Etsy makes for a  BEAUTIFUL buy. Not only can you find custom made insanely cool shit, you support small shops and individuals with your purchase. Check it out, there's something for everyone, at every price point.

5. Perpetual kid--Talk about crazy fun off the wall gifts!   This is like a jack of all things store for the entire family.  They even have a  "smelly" gifts page.  Think: Fart Spray; White Castle Candle and Jane Austen car air freshener on the SAME page. Those of you who said your husband is like FTD, go here for super fun gift ideas. You get a free finger monster with orders over $10. That just shows you how cool this site is. 


6. Gift Card Granny--NEVER pay full price for gift cards. Never. Ever. This is a totally legit website. Gift Card Granny has been featured on every news and daytime talk show. Buy card for stored you visit frequently to save a bundle on the annual family budget

7. Ebates. I am constantly telling my friends, family and this community to sign up for Ebates and download the browser app. I just got a check for $68 for shopping online over the last three months. All I did was download the browser plug-in, here. Every time I go to a website to shop, Ebates pops up telling me how much cash back I get shopping on the site and coupons available. Then, at checkouts, the plug-in automatically applies the best coupon. It's mental. DO THIS!!!  Seriously. RIGHT FRIGGIN" NOW!!!!!  It works. I'm AM NOT being paid to say this. I love Ebates on my own. 

8. Always try to price match. Big box Stores like Target, Walmart, Home Depot and many others will price match. All you have to do is pull up a lower price on a website the store matches (Usually competitors and Amazon) and the cashier will match it. I haven't paid full price for LEGO at Target in a long time!

9. Shop Local. Visit Local art fairs, markets and small shops and chances are you'll find yourself standing in a great gift gold mine! Your purchase will support the community and add a sense of pride to your gift. 

10. Screw buying stuff and pack up the family for an experience Holiday!  Why spend hundreds on shit no one needs and be house poor thanks to breaking the budget on gifts? Take your usual holiday budget and see how far and for how long it will get your family out from under the tree and living life! We only do Experience birthdays now. WAY more fun! 

If you can't follow #10, then for sure follow #1 (DealsNews) and #7 (Ebates) because the chances of you saving a bunch and getting some cash back (Real cash in your bank or PayPal!) is better than good, the chances are outstanding! 

Good luck out there. Holiday shopping can be a bitch, but, hopefully, these tips will help you enjoy shopping thanks to the deals and cashback you're going to get!

Do you have any super saver holiday tips?



SaveSave

Pineapple Christmas Trees Just Broke Pinterest




I was blown away this morning when the news built up a segment about Pinterest reporting the biggest trend for Christmas trees this year, only to find out it's, a pineapple. Yes, a decorated pineapple. According to Pinterest, searches for Pineapple Christmas trees, is the hottest thing right now.

Ok. I can get behind that. 


While I love the smell of a real Fir Christmas tree, I’m still vacuuming up pine needles from last year. I’m all for a tree that doesn’t shed. But before I get behind the trend and trim a pineapple, I have to know, why the pineapple? 



After a little research, I found that while the Pineapple has no direct Christmas distinction, since the late seventeenth century, the Pineapple has been a sign of hospitality
The sea captains of New England traded among the Caribbean Islands, returning to the colonies bearing their heavy cargoes of spices, rum, and a selection of fruits, which sometimes included pineapples.  According to the legend, the captain would drop anchor in the harbor and see to his cargo and crew. Once his work was done, he would head home, stopping outside his house to spear a pineapple on a fence post. This would let his friends know of his safe return from sea. The pineapple was an invitation for them to visit, share his food and drink, and listen to tales of his voyage.
As the tradition and legend of the pineapple grew, colonial innkeepers added the pineapple to their signs and advertisements, and bedposts carved in the shape of a pineapple were a common sight at inns across the colonies.  (Read the entire article here.) 
Without further ado, the biggest Christmas tree trend of 2017, The Pineapple Christmas Tree:


This is what I imagined when I heard of a decorated Pineapple.




It turns out, this is what the news meant by, Pineapple Christmas tree.

That being said, I would much rather have this Pineapple Christmas Tree. The gift that keeps on giving...




Back to the hottest tree trend of 2017...












I suppose it's kind of cute...







I wonder if I could spraypaint a Christmas tree stencil on a Pineapple? That would kick things up a notch.


Or, just go for it with a bunch of yellow garland and bamboo poles to create the tree tee-pee shape. You really gotta love the pineapple for this. Or have a shitload of yellow garland you don't know what to do with. 



Here's a pineapple tree trend I know my son will happily get behind...



While I don't think I'll ditch the Fir Christmas tree for a decorated pineapple, a pineapple holiday party centerpeice is definitely in my future. 






What about you? Pineapple Tree or Bust?

How To Make Your Home Handicap Accessible For The Holidays

If there is ever a time of year to open your home and say, all are welcome, it's the holidays. Sadly, for those needing handicap accessibility, the holidays can be a very difficult time. Many will decline invites to avoid the the embarrassment and trouble to the host. Which, is crap! If you have a relative that uses a wheelchair or close family member Here are a few ways you can Make Your Home Handicap Accessible For The Holidays.


Car parking
We all know how frustrating it can be if you can’t park outside your own home! Frustrating as it may be, for someone who needs more room to park and get out of their vehicle as well as being able to get inside quickly and safely it can be disheartening and even dangerous.
One way to combat those ignorant or sometimes just forgetful drivers is to invest in a disabled parking space signs. By placing these in front of your home, you’re giving other motorists the information they need to make the right parking decision. Companies like smart sign can give you a little inspiration and a few ideas.
Remove obstructions
Thoroughly check each room in your home. What are the access obstructions and where are the potential hazards?  Rugs or loose carpets should be taken away. Make sure that all floor tiles, lino and carpets are securely fastened and that there are no loose or rough edges. Rearrange furniture to make access through a room easier. Remove and store any furniture that is not needed. Clutter is not access friendly.
Make small changes and improvements
Making some little changes can go a long way towards improving quality of life for a disabled person. Braille signage on cupboard doors could be a huge help.  Portable wheelchair ramps can be used at home as a temporary solution or when modifications are not possible – however, you probably don’t want to be forever picking it up and putting it back, so it’s best to look for a ramp that can be left in place and that won’t prevent the door from opening and closing. Well organized cupboards and drawers make cooking, cleaning and relaxing much more enjoyable!
Introduce modifications
There are a number of modifications that can be made to a home but before you start, consider whom you are making them for. With the person in mind, introduce suitable equipment and aids. Disability-friendly items that can be brought into a home are:
  1. Handrails and / or grab rails
  2. Ramps
  3. Automatic doors and entry systems
  4. Wheelchair friendly flooring
Undertake renovations
To make a home fully accessible you may need to undertake some renovations. Hallways in many houses are not wide enough for wheelchair users to pass through. The bathroom and / or kitchen may need to be improved or completely changed. These are large-scale jobs and you will need to plan for any temporary disruption and consider how it will be managed.
Do you have any tips to add?