Benefits of Raising Your Child in a Storage Unit

What can be better? You’re happy, yet very tired, new parents! You have a new bundle of joy in your family and she is the center of your world now. Every living, breathing moment you have is dedicated to your new baby and keeping her fed, clean, safe and alive! The task sounds daunting but hey, you’re in it now…no turning back.

Oops…did you forget that a newborn takes up all of your time, money and patience?! Well, have we got a sweet deal for you. We understand you may have forgot to take a new child into account when you were budgeting and with the ongoing recession, it’s understandable to cut back anywhere you can. Many people are downsizing their homes, moving to apartments and even going a step further. Guess what…..Storage units aren’t only for your possessions anymore. That’s right….they are a great way to minimize your yard chores and keep solicitors at bay. But there’s even more. Here are your top 10 benefits of raising your child in a storage unit!


10 Badass Things I Am Thankful For

Tis the season to be thankful, so I thought I would share a few of the things I am thankful for. Since my son, husband, family, pets, health, their health, the roof over our heads, the food in our bellies, and the fresh clean air we breathe are a given that I am so very thankful for, I am not going to bore you with a list of them, rather I am going to share with you things I am thankful for that make life extra especially badass. Here are my, Top 10 Badass Things I Am Thankful For.


And you thought your days in seedy toilets were over...

Potty Training--The Double Edged sword…

So your kid wants to pee in the toilet.  What could be more awesome than moving away from diapers and into big kid status!  I mean, this milestone is so exciting there is a dance made up for it-- The Pee-Pee dance. A kid in a TV commercial even got a parade for using the potty, and every parent related.  I admit it, I cannot freaking wait until the day my kid rips his diaper off and craps in the toilet. Hell yeah I will do a dance!

So, what's the double edge sword you ask?  Please view exhibit A:

A toddler did that.
(Photo Credit: Scene from the movie Trainspotting)
OK, so maybe a toddler didn't do that, but it's possible. How? Because the minute potty training begins, you may very well have to visit every toilet you pass. Yes, even, The Worst Toilet in Scotland… And unless you are prepared, things could get very messy. Allow me to explain.


Laugh Out Loud Thanksgiving Humor #HILARIOUS!

With the wonderful annual displays of family dysfunction and heated football rivalries exactly one week away, I think it is time to go ahead and start busting out the jokes! 


That's right, I'm On Team Awesome Mom Now!

I admit, I have a wild child toddler. He is constantly trying to climb the furniture, or push toys that he can climb on over to the counters to reach even higher, or worse climb on. He loves to push EVERY button he encounters (including mine), play in the cat's water, and is obsessed with putting things in the cat's litter box. Sometimes he tries to throw toys at the cat, or yell at me when I yell at him, and sometimes even tries to pinch me. For the longest time, I tried the constant No's! and hand swats, and put him in his room for time outs. I was a tyrant of a mother, and I hated it.  Well, not anymore! I have finally realized that most of this is normal, and the only way I will survive parenting is to relax and have patience. I have turned to a new style of parenting, and it is working great.  I choose my battles, rationally discuss why he should not do something, and for all the rest, I accept the things I cannot change, and change the shit I can.

I am here to tell you, having a toddler like mine is not easy. I say like mine, because I have a few girlfriends with toddlers the same age as Ollie, both boy and girl who are vastly different.  Well, there is this one girl who tries to one up Ollie all of the time in the wild child category, and there is another girl who is not so wild, but she is too smart for her mom's own good, and is giving her a whole different kind of hell. Then there are three boys who are SO different, that I am amazed they are only weeks apart. For each of us, our battles are different, but I don't care who you are, if you have a toddler you have battles.  So, I thought I would share how I have stopped saying NO! four-zillion times a day!


10 Mistakes Rookie Moms Make

As a mom with a near two-year-old toddler man-child, I think it is safe to say that my rookie 'new' mom season is coming to a close.  Now, I am well aware that in a way I will always be a rookie with my first born, since every day, stage and milestone is new for both of us, however, I feel it is my duty to share the top 10 mistakes I, and fellow rookie moms, made during our first year in the mama NBA. 

Without further ado… 10 Mistakes Rookie Moms Make


Mommy Does it! But, Daddy Is RIGHT THERE!!!!

It never fails, anytime my toddler needs something, he comes to me for it.  It doesn't matter who is closest, it's always, Mommy does it! It also never fails when I say, But, Daddy is right there!, that I get a blank stare.  It's like he is looking at me like I'm not only giving him an unnecessary update on daddy's current position, I am wasting precious time not getting him whatever it is that he want.


I just don't get it. Even if Ollie is sitting in FTD's lap watching TV, he will crawl out of his lap, find me and ask for water.  What the hell? The real slap in the face comes when Ollie is already in the kitchen with FTD yet still seeks me out to get him a snack. It's pure dumbassery.

The kid is relentless! It does't matter if FTD is home or not, if he needs...

Water: Mommy Does it!

Snack: Mommy Does it!

Can't find a toy: Mommy does it!

Needs help getting his socks and shoes off: Mommy finds it!

Needs a diaper change: Mommy Does it!

Of course, being that he is an evil genius and knows how to work the system, there are certain things he will only ask FTD for.  Pretty much it's all of the things he is looking for an easy yes.

Candy: Daddy, can I have.
Cookies: Daddy, can I have.
Ridiculous yard sale toys that look like they have been well loved by an entire neighborhood of children: Daddy, can I have...

When I finally hit my breaking point a couple of weeks ago, I started refusing to meet his demands.  I insist that I'm busy and that daddy is fully capable of helping him. After a few minutes of toddler meltdown protests, one of us caves. I'd like to say the majority of the time he retreats to daddy, but it's more like 50/50. It's a work in progress...

It drives me absolutely nuts! Why do I have to be the toddler's bitch? Daddy needs to share the bitch duties too! Especially when daddy is RIGHT THERE!

A NEWS FLASH for New Dads

(Being that I am still trying to catch up on sleep and life since hosting my wonderful Mother-in-law for nearly three weeks, I decided to dive into the FTM&D archives for a fun post to provide your hump day humor today. My friends do I have a treat for you!  I wrote this over a year and a half ago when the man-child was only 6-months-old… )

While having lunch with a friend we both started getting the, "Where are you?" and "How much longer will you be?" texts from our husbands, who were home watching the children. We had only been away for about an hour at this point, and needless to say, we were both annoyed by the texts. We started trading stories about our husbands, and the awards and praise they think they should receive for various things they do with THEIR OWN CHILD!

After a little back-and-fourth my girlfriend and I came up with a news flash we wanted to send to our husbands...


FTMAD Epic Fail: Sleep Training a Toddler

At 21-months-old, FTD, the man-child and I have entered into the worst phase of sleep we have ever dealt with, keeping our crazy ass boy in his crib all night.  Holy freaking crap you all, FTD is losing his mind, the man-child is in a full state of crazed sleepy delirium, and I am EXHAUSTED! Not one of us has slept more than four solid hours in two weeks! Needless to say, we are at our wits end, and nothing FTD and I have tried to get the kid to sleep through the night has worked!  Prepared to be wowed with stories and trials of toddler sleep training epic failure. 


Considering Having a Baby? Consider The Baby Bucket List and Babylorette Party First!

I do not think there is a first-time-parent that can say they were truly prepared for what life is like once baby arrives.  Or should I say... once baby comes home, turns their life upside down, then right side up, and then just for good measure, does it one more time. 

Here Comes Crazy!


My Mother-in-Law is A…

Before I complete that sentence, please answer this question…

Now that we have that out of the way…(click the link below to continue reading this post.)


Weaning and Weeping. Did this happen to you?

Be careful what you wish for...

You all, I am a hot ass weeping mess. My milk is drying up.  I know. I know. For the past couple of weeks I have carried on and on about wanting to wean... blah blah blah... well it has happened. But not exactly how I wanted it to happen.  My milk is drying up from stress. We are being forced to wean, and I am a weeping hot ass mess because of it.  My hormones are going bat shit crazy and I am pretty sure the sky is falling!

Ok.  The sky is not falling.

But this is still me...


Socially Unacceptable Sunday #HILARIOUS!

I am bringing back the Socially Unacceptable Sundays!  I should think we all need a laugh, and for those of us who pray for forgiveness, this will fill your sin bucket right back up!

I present the funniest things I have seen come across my social media this week... Warning some of it is AWESOME!!! And by awesome I mean, not suitable for lame ducks who don't like bad words and naughty photos.  That's right, just because we are parents does not mean we have lost our childish sense of humor...

Proceed with caution and an empty bladder...


If you are currently weaning your child from nursing or will eventually, PLEASE READ THIS!

Remember the wild emotional roller coaster ride during pregnancy from the raging hormones? OK. Remember the weepiness of the "Baby Blues"? Now, add the two together an multiply by infinity. You should come to something that looks like this…

What you are looking at is the effect that weaning has on a mother's hormones and emotions.

I completed the 30/30 Challenge! Did you?

It is with great pleasure that I am writing today's post.  I am lighter, happier and so damn proud of myself! Thirty days ago when I challenged myself (and you) to walk for thirty minutes for thirty days, I was amped!  I mean, I was so stoked to lose weight, feel great and improve my sleep and mood. Little did I know, this challenge was going to be super hard, and at times, kick my ass!

When I decided to post the challenge on this blog, I had all the greatest intentions and expectations.  I thought, it's 30 minutes of walking, for thirty days, surely I could do that!  I was already walking about 4-5 days a week, and sometimes for well over an hour at a time. I never thought walking everyday would be such a challenge!

 I think it was about day five that I realized that this 'challenge,' was going to be a huge freaking challenge! Still, I drug my ass out and walked... and when I say drug my ass out, I mean my inner voice had to repeatedly say, get off your ass and walk you lazy shit! When the weather was not perfect, motivation was very hard to come by. 

WEEK 1 Photos!
Notice the picture of both of us pushing the stroller...
Yeah, that morning, it took a team effort.

By week two I was not sure I was going to make it!  I was sick of walking, and wanted to quit.  Who needs to walk seven days a week anyway?  Four to Five days is plenty! dammit... still I kept on walking...