10 Things The Parenting Books Are Afraid To Tell You


There's no doubt about it, the parenting books seem to leave out the scariest parts of parenting.  I get it, freaking out a pregnant chick is not the best thing to do, but making a new first-time parent think parenting is easy if you follow the steps in the book, is crap too!

In an effort to do the job the parenting books won't, and in honor of top 10 Tuesday, below are 10 Things The Parenting Books Are Afraid To Tell You.

5 Fun Ways To Kick Your Coffee Up A Notch #DairyEnvy #NationalCoffeeDay

Happy National Coffee Day! Though, if you're a coffee lover like me, then everyday is national coffee day. 

**I have received information and materials from McNeil Nutritionals, LLC the makers of LACTAID®. The opinions stated are my own. This is a sponsored post.


While I totally respect the black coffee drinker, I prefer coffee with an extra kick. Or at the very least, a little extra flavor enhancement. Unfortunately, since having my son, I've become Lactose intolerant. So, I really need to get creative if I want more than sugar in my cuppa! 


In honor of National Coffee Day, and my love for all things coffee, I have partnered with my favorite 100% dairy, but Lactose free family, 
LACTAID® , to share a few fun recipes to help you celebrate National Coffee Day In Style. That's right, get ready to start pinning Lattes, cupcakes, ice cream and more!



Beat Holiday Weight Gain Before It Beats You. It's Time For A #3030Challenge

I LOVE the holidays. I love the food, the family and friend togetherness, the presents, the cozy weather, and of course, the traditions. And by "traditions" I mean, Halloween candy, Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas cookies. However, if I don't do something to offset my future fatty food fetish, I'll be wearing my fat jeans permanently.

Bottom Line: I have under two months to reel it in and get my winter diet and exercise plan together.

It's time for a 30/30 Challenge!



So what is the 30/30?

In a nut shell: All you have to do is walk thirty minutes a day, for thirty days. Here's the best part, you can walk at any pace you want, snail slow if you want, or train for the race walking Olympic team--if there is one? Basically, just walk for thirty minutes a day, for 30 days straight.

I wish I could take the credit for this program, but I learned about it on, "The Doctors" TV show. They had an episode full of different diet and exercise challenges and fads. The 30/30 Walking Challenge was the one that really resonated with me.

The walking challenge is a totally body, mind and spirt revamp. In 30 Days you can lower heart attack risk, lose weight, add years to your life, sleep better and of course, better your over all health and mood. Don't believe me? Here's the actual clip from the Doctors Show:

Does Your Kid Do This Too?

Speaking from experience, when it's your kid pulling the fire alarm in a major department store, in that moment, you're sure you have THE naughtiest, most Ill-behaved child in the galaxy. You immediately wonder where you went wrong in your parenting. Then you shut your eyes and pray the floor will open up and suck you in.

Then, a miracle happens.

You're immediately absolved from being a terrible parent.

Everyone you encounter, including the management at the store, not only tells you not to worry, they tell you similar stories about an equally crazy kid. The stories make you feel better, and in some cases, actually thankful your kid pulled the fire alarm and not the horrendous thing the other kid did.(OMG! Did you see my Facebook post on the kid that crapped in the grocery store?)

Nothing brings me more relief then when my kid embarrasses the crap out of me, and another parent laughs out loud, and says, "My kid does that too!"

The truth is, kids are super unpredictable. It's not only my child. Or yours. They all lose the plot.

The things my kid does are shocking. I'm convinced he needs a wheelbarrow for his balls, because he has no fear. Especially, when it comes to getting hurt or in trouble.




I'm not kidding, the kid never allows for a dull moment, from the second he wakes up, to the second he goes to sleep. But, really, what toddler does?

This is basically a day in the life of my kid:

Mom Tip #44 Dress Your Kid In Bright Clothing To Easily Spot Them In A Crowd

There is no denying it, my kid is absolutely wild. He is a quintessential three-year-old; always on the go. He runs from point A to point B and back again, he climbs anything that is climbable, and has absolutely no problem running away from FTD or I in big crowds, parties or fun events.

The kid has absolutely no fear! I see toddlers walking with their parents, holding their hands, and think, damn, why can't mine do that? Luckily, I have a mom trick to combat that...




If Only The Next President Would Do Any One Of These 10 Things...

After the presidential debates, news shows and slander ads, I have only one positive takeaway, with the election a year away, there's still hope a true President will emerge. Because, so far, I feel like I'm watching amateur hour at the local comedy club.

I mean, it's so bad, I was ready to throw my vote to Donald Trump at one point. Seriously.

I really couldn't get my head around how Trump was killing it in the Polls. Then, I started really paying attention to the presidential hopefuls, and realized, in a very sick twist, Donald Trump was proving to be the lesser of two evils. He was saying what Americans were thinking. He wasn't apologizing for being an big-mouthed ding-dong. The man was real. 100% uncensored, real. WHAT A BREATH OF FRESH AIR!

I think Donald tapped into what was going to be key in 2016, speak for the people, and focus on our country first, international affairs second.

Which, got me thinking. What do I want from my future President? Or better yet, if were President, what would I do?

In honor of Top 10 Tuesday, I decided to write out the 10 Things I would Do If I was President...


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Action for Healthy Kids Brings Positive Changes to School Lunch Program


In September, Clarence Gooden tweets mentioned Action for Healthy Kids, an organization that had recently received grants from CSX Corporation. As a transportation company, it seemed unusual that they would provide grants to a non-profit whose focus was not on transporting goods but instead focused on creating healthier schools. However, Action for Healthy Kids provides a significant impact on the nation’s school lunch program in an effort to promote healthier living for children.



History of Action for Healthy Kids

What Is It With Kids And Huge Messes? #MommyMustHave




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**I've partnered with EnviroKlenz to talk about solutions for safely and effectively cleaning up after little mess makers. All opinions are my own. Especially the part about my kid having a franchise of Mess Factories. EnvirKlenz promises they don't think that. (They would if they came to my house!)


I don't know what it is about kids, but they are mess making factories. 

It's mind boggling how everything my toddler touches, he gets dirty. Like how Midas had the Golden touch, my kid has the Mess touch. It never fails that every drink I pour him, every snack I hand him and every art project I do with him, always ends in a huge mess. 



Don't even get me started on when he wants to "help mommy clean." Remember the time he mopped the floors with a mop he first dunked in the toilet a few times? Even when I give him the simplest task, he somehow gets sidetracked along the way, and creates a mess. 



For example, last weekend, I had the wild-child run up to his room to get a new pair of shorts. A few minutes pass and he's not back... I go looking for him. Scared for what I might find.


There. On my bed. Was my toddler with a soaking wet washcloth, rubbing at something. Upon closer inspection, laying next to him was an empty oil diffuser bottle. He spilled the bottle on my bed and was trying to clean it up. 


Of course, I nearly died. 


The oil had soaked through my duvet, down comforter and favorite sheets!  I ripped everything off the bed, ran to the washing machine, popped it on hot, dumped in detergent and bleach, tossed in my sheets and duvet and prayed for the best.


Thirty minutes later, out came something that smelled so horrible, I thought the fumes would kill me.  Imagine, Honeysuckle oil, mixed with unscented laundry detergent and bleach. It was atrocious. I couldn't freaking believe it, between the kid dumping oil on my entire bed set, and me thinking bleach would be a good idea, everything, including my comforter were ruined.


I looked over and saw what I though might be my last hope...

I had just been sent a blogger review kit for EnviroKlenz Laundry Enhancer and Everyday Odor Eliminator. I picked up the container of Laundry Enhancer and read the label...


"EnviroKlenz Laundry Enhancer can be used to remove a variety of stubborn odors associated with sweat & body odors, chemical odors, musty & mildew smell, fragrances or perfumes on new or thrift store clothing, and scents left behind by detergents and fabric softeners. Color Safe & Non-Bleaching..."  

I decided to give the linens one more wash, if nothing else, I needed to put EnviroKlenz to the test anyway, why not give it the ultimate test? Fixing a Toddler and Mommy made stink bomb! 



              



Here's The Lowdown On EnviroKlenz Laundry Enhancer

Promising to remove fragrance and toxic vapors from clothes and linens. The enhancer works with regular laundry detergent by neutralizing the odors and fragrances from your clothing without the use of harsh chemicals, masking agents or fragrances.  
  • Remove Smoke Smell from Clothing
  • Remove Chemical odors or new clothes smell
  • Remove Wet Towels Smells & Mildew Smells
  • Neutralize and Remove Thrift store smell from clothing
  • Remove sweat and Body odors from outdoor or work clothing
  • Remove fragrances and perfumes from clothing and linens
  • Remove odors associated with neglect or storage smells
When the wash cycle ended, I pulled out the first sheet with not very high expecations, this was oil and bleach after all.  

Ho. Lee. Crap!  It worked. 

I had to shove my face into the clean sheets to pick up the fastest smell of bleach. 

I was amazed by the laundry enhancer. And the fact that it doesn't have any added fragrances like other laundry enhancers is a HUGE bonus for the sensitive skin types in my house. 

Since finding out just how effective the EnviroKlenz Laundry Enhancer is, I have washed our bathroom and kitchen rugs and the cat's bed, and just like with the sheets, they came out clean free of yucky smells!  

Bottom Line: I definitely recommend EnviroKlenz. I was literally wowed by the first wash! 

If you want to take the EnvironKlenz line for a spin,  (HAHAHAHA Pun Intended!) enter FirstTimeMom at checkout! To check out the compete EnvronKlenz line, Click here! 




Funny Thing About The Ebb And Flow Of Toddlers


My sister, mother of two boys, is notorious for finding the coolest kid stuff. Though,  with her boys being eight and nine, she's had a few years of practice. That being said, she never misses a chance to spoil my toddler with cool off the wall things. Of course, nine times out of ten, the things are packed full of candy, or have some candy component. Which, usually leaves me asking her if she hates me.

Needless to say, my kid goes nuts when "Aunty Jen" comes to the door.

Two days ago, she showed up with the Claw Cup. A seemingly innocent cup, with a yellow plastic claw glove attached to it. I have to admit, the Claw is pretty cool. But no way did I expect my kid to love it so much.

HE WON'T TAKE THE DAMN THING OFF!

He refuses to eat or drink anything unless it is nestled happily in the claw. His snacks go in the claw, then when he needs a drink, he pours the snack out, plops his drink in and takes a sip, then takes the cup out and puts the snack back in.  Rinse. Repeat.

His love affair with the claw cup is so bad, the claw goes where we go.

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Yes, I know it's a skeleton hand, but he refers to it as a claw, which to me, is much less creepy.
Over the years, my kid has been given enough cool stuff to teach me that when he latches onto something, getting him to let it go will cause great psychological damage to all involved.


This goes for just about everything. The kid will get stuck on a bad behavior, bad word or object, and nothing I can do will stop the insanity. Then, one day, he stops on his own. The behavior, word or object have lost their luster, usually due to learning a new bad behavior, word or getting a claw cup.

Such is the ebb and flow of the toddler.


Toddlers learn something awesome, burn it out by overdoing it, then move on to new awesomeness. It's almost as if they have completely forgotten the word, behavior or object. They get so focused on whatever is new, that they forget what is old.

This predictability has kept me going in those moments where I'm sure I'm going to lose my shit before the word 'shit' loses it's luster.

Then, eventually, all is right in the world again. Until, of course, he learns the word butthole from his oldest nephew...  (IT NEVER FREAKING ENDS!)

I do think it's weird how toddlers get so wrapped up in something, only to forget about it overnight.  I can't help but wonder if one day it all comes back? What if my kid wakes up, says shit, moons me, grabs the claw cup, blows bubbles in his milk, then takes off running, barefoot, out the front door, alone. You know, like a Toddler Tsunami where he starts doing all the shit he's ever done that made me crazy, all at once.

Thanks to all this ebb-and-flowing, I'm starting to understand my kid better. Making it much easier to rationalize why he is the way he is. I just wish there was a way to channel his drive for knowledge, independence and cutting his own path in the world, while questioning everything, into something much more productive then diving me crazy.




Not following us on social media yet? You're missing out on all of our behind the scenes nonsense, and trust me, it's complete and utter nonsense.

If You Do Nothing Else This Weekend, Do This...

If you follow me on social media then you know the Aussie (FTD) has a serious garage sale problem.

The man has a HUGE problem, however, I have no plans to stop him.  The things he's found are insane. Now, before we buy anything big, FTD and Ollie hit the Saturday morning garage sales with a list and $20 in hand. (While I sleep in!)

I have to admit, I can't wait for the two to get home to show me their bounty, because it never fails that they score big!





Being that FTD is a master, I asked him to spread his knowledge so you too can be a garage sale master... 



This is a photo I took of him pulling up from a Saturday "ride around the neighborhood."  Everything you see on the moped, including the GIZMO moped, were bought at garage sales in the neighborhood.


*** FTD here *** thought I'd throw in a few pointers about the 'ole Yard sale excitements that Ollie and I look forward to every week.


  1. Check CRAIGSLIST the night before and again at about 8:00am on Saturday for advertised sales in your neighbourhood! Then you don't have to cruise around the streets in your sportscar like you're searching for a hooker.
  2. Save your coins or loose change throughout the week and dump 'em in a grubby ziplock bag. Hand it over to your child of choice and let 'em bargain for his/her own crappy toys.  Nothing melts the heart of a stone-faced seller than a 3 year-old with a handful of pennies trying to buy a 50 inch LCD tv to watch Caillou on.
  3. BUY ATARI 2600 game cartridges!!! Just buy 'em - Even if you don't have an atari! They're great to hold up wonky furniture, you can throw 'em at the neighbor's cat shitting in your yard or use them as vintage cheese platters (for small bits of cheese).
  4. If you find something incredible and you're not 100% sure about it...CALL the wife/husband! Nothing is more unfortunate than bringing home what you believe is an AWESOME find only to have your partner pull a droopy faced scowl and make a comment like "that's going in the shed" or (even better...and more common)..."what were you thinking you imbicile!"
  5. DON'T be an arsehole!  If a nice old lady is selling a fantastic piece of art for $10...PAY the 10 bucks! Nothing makes me cringe more than a fellow bargain-hunter who grabs something obviously under-priced, loudly proclaims that it's "too old/broken/too expensive" then says "will ya take $1".  You KNOW that these peaknuckles will be posting their finds on Ebay within a day or so for 50 times the price!  If you see this kind of crappy behavior, do what I do...instantly offer more than the advertised price to the owner and watch the sausage-head squirm. Even if you don't want the bloody thing.
  6. If someone is having a yard sale in their driveway...Don't park yer V8 super-extended pickup truck in the driveway itself 'cause you "can't find a carpark".  Crikeys! have some respect. I once watched a arrogant banana pull into a driveway (nearly knocking over the owner) music blaring, then get out leaving the engine running and started to rummage through boxes of stuff like a rat looking for a piece of cheese. WANKER!  


Anyways!  The fact is that at 3.5 years, Ollie has learned how to spot a bargain, has an understanding of the value of money and how to interact with sellers. It's a great way to get younger kids using math in a real-world setting and gives your partner a break for an hour or so each week!

Good Hunting!


Not following us on social media yet?  You're missing out on all of our behind the scenes nonsense, and trust me, it's complete and utter nonsense.









I'm Trying To Get In A Lifetime Of Hugs In Less Than Five Years.

There is absolutely nothing I love more than cuddling with my son. I love holding him close and smelling his sweet baby scent. I love the way my heartbeat slows and my entire body fills with beautiful energy. It's pure momma lovin' bliss. What's not momma lovin' bliss, is knowing soon my son will be totally grossed out by the thought of sitting in his mommy's lap for cuddle time.

<Insert momma meltdown>



When I think about this loss of cuddle time, I find myself holding my son a little tighter, and for longer. I find myself trying to get a lifetime of hugs in before he turns five.

It's total crap that I only get a short time in my son's life to hold him tight for as long as I want. It's not fair that the beautiful moments of affection we share throughout the day, will be gone before I know it. I'm dreading the day I go to hug my son, only to get the hand out stopping me followed by, "Mom! Gross."

Damn that day!P

It seems like five was the magical age for my nephews to not want to be held during movies, or happily hug me when I came and went. Now, at 7 and 8 years old, they run like hell when they see me coming for hugs and kisses. Not that it stops me from chasing them all over the house and then clobbering them with hugs and kisses when I catch them. Sadly, I know this will be gone soon too.  Soon, it will be creepy of me to chase them for cuddles. I will have no choice but to learn to love the ass out hugs, and take them when I can get them.

I know this will be the case with my son at some point too.

I think about how it must suck even worse for dads, since their time to hug and cuddle seems to be cut even shorter. I might be wrong, but it does seem like after four, my nephews were only going to their dad for comfort after a fall, or fight with their sibling. Whereas before, they would crawl in daddy's lap whenever it was free.

 I know it will kill FTD; he loves cuddling with Ollie as much as I do.
                                             
While I know I will not go hug-less after my son's fifth birthday, the cuddles will slow down and become few and far between as he gets older. In order to not completely go mental over this, everyday I try to get in a lifetime of cuddles, kisses and hugs. Everyday, on many many many occasions, I hold my son tight and tell him I love him, so in a few years when he is completely grossed out by momma cuddles, I will know I didn't waste one chance to experience one of the most beautiful gifts of motherhood; holding my child tight and telling him how much I love him.