I'm featured on the Huffington Post This Morning... SAAWEEEEET!

TGI Freaking F!!!

The Huffington Post has posted another one of my articles!  I LOVE when they do that!!

The article being featured is, "6 Things a New Mother Needs to Know to Survive the First 6 Weeks." Please go check it out and give me some love before they come to their senses, and stop posting my nonsense!

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Children’s Clothes… The Vicious cycle… That NEVER ENDS!!

It’s that time of year again, where I have to pull out the 10 plus plastic storage bins that house our seasonal clothes.  Since we live in a shoebox with not enough closet space, I have to literally do this for EVERY season!  Not. Awesome.

OK. So maybe part of the problem is that I am a shopaholic, and FTD is a shoe and jacket hoarder. Whatever the reason, I have to dedicate one weekend each season to closet optimization and organization, so all of our crap will fit.

I always start in Oliver’s closet because his clothes are the easiest. Mostly because he needs new freaking clothes each season, so it is more a case of folding up his past seasons’ clothes for sale/donation or for my very favorite pieces, I pack them away just in case I have another Oliver that will fit in those clothes at the right season. Crazy I know... Whateves, that’s what I do.

Another problem I have with Ollie’s closet is that EVERYTHING has to go in there, because he is still at a stage where he unloads everything in his dresser drawers. Think over-the-head double-time furious launching. His dresser is an oversized toy box to him, so I put toys in there. This is super annoying for 101 reasons, but mostly because I cannot hang up his shorts and really do not want to hang up his pajamas. So, I have a thing I use…


10 Inspirational Quotes That Will Change Your Life. Right Now.

While doing a little research for an article, I came across a ridiculous amount of inspirational and motivational quotes.  I decided to have a little fun with them for a "Not So Wordless Wednesday" post.  While they are each beautiful on their own... I have laid them out to create a statement to live by! 
But first, here is a very important lesson we all should live by, and strive to teach our children...

 I hope at least one of these quotes will make a difference in your life today...


Miley Cyrus 2013 MTV Video Music Awards... Shameful or Sexy? #VMAS

It has been nearly 12 hours since Miley Cyrus's performance on the 2013 Video Music Awards, and I am still afraid to uncover my eyes.  Seriously, I had nightmares all last night of twerking strung out teddy bears trying to murder me with foam fingers.

All I have to say is, Miley, WTH?  Seriously, WTH were you thinking?  You are brilliant, and gorgeous, and have so much going for you.

First-Time Dad's Guide To Giving Mommy The Day Off. (FTD Humor Post)


I get it! I haven't posted anything for a while. I'm sorry but I've been busy with the bambino. We've been trying to help mummy have some quiet time by doing our chores.

Y'know, doing all the man-things that are required to keep the household running smoothly while the ole mamma just sits on the interwebs barking out commands from her sliding/gliding chair thingo munching on exotic fruit!

Here's some of the exciting things that I've reached MASTERCLASS levels in recently...


6 Things a New Mother Needs to Know to Survive the First 6 Weeks

I have no doubt that every mother will agree with me when I say, during pregnancy the only thing you get more of than stretch marks and bad gas, is parenting advice.  Between the always ready to share been-there-done-that mothers, parenting books and online resources, the information available today for new mothers is overwhelming. What's more, you never know what to believe since one book will contradict the next, and what one mother swears by, another mother will insist did not work for her baby. Weeding through all of the advice can be daunting to say the least.

Looking back, I wish I was given more advice on how to deal with becoming a mother, and less on the three million different ways to rock a baby to sleep. I needed to know about the self-doubt and the failures that came along with motherhood, or that having a baby would take a huge toll on my marriage and personal life if I let it. After talking with numerous other mothers, I realized we all struggled with the same issues; things it seemed no one bothered to warn us about in between lessons on feeding, changing and rocking our newborn to sleep.  I've put together a list of the top six things we all agree are so important for new mothers to know.  Things we wish we didn't have to learn the hard way.

Ollie and I at his 6-month well-baby checkup.


10 Reasons Why Toddlers Are Bad Ass

1.     Toddlers constantly remind us to slow down to take delight in the simple pleasures life has to offer.  Like stopping to smell the flowers, or the overwhelming excitement of an ant crossing the sidewalk.
2.     Their smile can make even the grumpiest old fart smile.
3.     They crap their pants while flirting, and somehow it does not salt their game.
4.     They will wear anything you put on them, and Rock. It. out!

Rockin' those pants like a runway pro!
5.     While their kisses are super wet and slobbery, they are the greatest.
6.     Watching them grow and learn is such an amazing thing… even when they learn how to crawl out of their bed and into yours and slap your face until you wake up.
7.     As they learn to talk, hearing their voice develop is like listening to angels sing. Even when they somehow can only get an “f” sound to come out when trying to say the word duck… in Sunday school…
8.     They sleep for a total of 14 hours in a 24-hour period, and that is considered great! I suppose that is the amount of rest necessary to somehow in the 10 hours that they are awake, do more damage than a bull in a china shop.
9.     There is never a dull moment when a Toddler is around. They are cheeky and sneaky and that is awesome.  Watching them try to get away with naughtiness and not laugh is an art. (One I have yet to master.)
10. They are so dang CUTE!!!

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Uh Oh... Daddy's Subwoofer is full of Hot Wheels. Wait. Is that R2D2? #WW Style...

The other day I turn the corner to find Ollie parking his Hot Wheels in Daddy's SONY subwoofer.  Of course I make him stop, but I wasn't all that worried since I was sure FTD would be able to get the cars out.

So, as it turns out, I was wrong.  REALLY wrong.  Apparently getting a few Hot Wheels out of a subwoofer is a really difficult task.  One that includes, vigorous shaking, two flash lights, a screw driver, a cat toy, a magnet, "sticky tack,"(Think chewed bubble gum) and Plans A-D.  Oh and beer.  Lots of beer too.

Who knew it would take hours to get this job done?  Luckily, I took photos the whole way through... In honor of Wordless Wednesday I am going to tell the story with those photos... (Please forgive my iPhone poor quality photos.  I had no idea it was going to turn into a production. Otherwise I would have started with the good camera.)


I’m A Lover And A Hugger, And Thankfully My Son Is Too.

My mom was very affectionate and regularly told my siblings and I that she loved us. Because of this, to this day my mother, brother, sister and I regularly hug and say, love you. I love that I grew up in a house of huggers.  Sadly, this is not natural for all…I recently had a conversation with a friend who grew up in a very different home. Her mom was not affectionate or verbal about her feelings.  My friend is finding herself wanting to be loving and affectionate with her daughter, but is struggling with breaking the cycle of how she was raised.  She actually said she feels weird constantly hugging her daughter and telling her she loves her.  This breaks my heart!

Momma hugs are HUGE!
Everyone needs a momma hug

I tell my son that I love him multiple times throughout the day.  I can’t help it, I just get over whelmed and blurt it out. I am a huge fan of being very affectionate with Ollie.  I hold him and kiss him and chase him and squeeze him and oh my goodness I just cannot get enough of cuddling him.  The best part is that I know he loves it as much as I do, because he comes to me to give me hugs and kisses too.  I LOVE THAT! 

I know not every family is like this.  I know some people may even think I am weird for being affectionate and vocal, but whatever, this is how I was raised and how I want to raise my son.  FTD agrees. He is the same as me...Without fail every morning FTD embraces me in the kitchen while the coffee is brewing and tells me he loves me. I actually feel the beautiful rush of emotion it gives me shoot from my heart down to my toes.

I am not saying unaffectionate families suck… I just love being held and loved so much that I would think it would suck to not have that. Everyone should feel free and comfortable expressing their love and affection for their child. And their child should feel the same towards them...

What do you think about this? Were you raised in a non-affectionate environment? Are you glad?  Do you regret it?  Have you broken the cycle? 


Is Being an Only Child a Bad Thing?

I love my siblings.  They taught me how to share, love, argue, fight, bullshit… SO many things. And because of that, I always said if I ever had a child, I would have to have to have another, because a sibling is the greatest gift a parent can give their child.  Now here I am with one child, not really that interested in having another. I feel awful about this. Awful. For as long as I can remember I have had these preconceived notions about only children, and that whole idea about siblings being the greatest gift ever. Now look at me, feeling quite torn about giving my son this great gift...


THIS Is Why Parents Make the BEST Employees

Nothing compares to the on the job training your child(ren) provide. Below are ten skills parents possess that make them invaluable to the workforce...

1. You can last six weeks with little to no sleep, and still do one hell of a job.

2. You not only have a stone cold poker face, standoffs and bluffs are your specialty.

3. You have all the patients in the world it takes to deal with even the most childish needs-their-ass-wiped boss.

4. You are ace at cleaning up messes you didn’t make, with minimal to no complaints.

5.  Spending your day surrounded by children making messes, whining and not getting anything productive done, no longer discourages you. In fact, you have crafty ways to work around that nonsense.


Observations of the man-child and me at 18 months… for old times sake…

My long time readers are probably clapping their hands, excited to see what’s about to unfold, for the newbies, you are probs like, “Observations of the man-child and me at 18 months … for old times sake… Whaaaa?”  Every month after Oliver’s birth I would write an observations list of his development and my postpartum recovery, all the way until his first birthday. This list started out focused on the important milestones for Oliver and the positive recovery of me… now it is no shame list… or in the words of my husband, “A full-on piss take.”

I know this should be a photo of me and Ollie,
but since this entire post is about us,
I thought I would throw in this photo so FTD would not feel left out...
Yes, that is Ollie's YODA hat on FTD's head...
Without further ado… lets start with the man-child.


11 Truths of Parenthood...

When I was pregnant a girlfriend emailed me this, "11 Lessons to decide if you really want to become a parent."  Um, clearly she was a little late... 

As I read through the email I laughed hysterically. Surely the 11 Lessons had to be a joke. Right? I mean how could something so reDONKulous become my reality?

Oh. God. It. So. Did. 

Without further ado... Here are the 11 lessons that are Oh. So. true... 

 One more thing before you read the rest of this post...