My baby's dirty stinky neck

I'm so over my son's neck, or lack there of.  Well, at nearly 4 months he has a little neck growing between his chest and head, but not much.  The problem is that I cannot get to it to clean out the deep creases!  It drives me crazy how he smashes it down on his little body at bath time making it near impossible to clean it out. Every time I manage to see in between the creases there is load of white formula and fuzzy gunk hiding in there.  It is SO GROSS!! I am just afraid if I pry his neck off of his chest I will hurt him.  

Every day I can see his neck growing a little more.  The back of his neck is easy to clean, it's the part right in front that is impossible.  The poor little guy has like 5 fat rolls in between his head and chest.  I can usually get to two, but two other ones are clamped down so tight in there I have to get the hubs to help me.

What really makes me feel bad is when I give him kisses and can smell the gunk in the cracks.  How can I call myself a neat freak when my son is growing a science experiment in his neck?I have learned that at feeding time I have a good shot at getting in the cracks of his neck.  The trick is remembering to have something handy to clean it out with, which I rarely do.  

I just cannot wait until he grows his neck out. Anyone got any good tips or tricks for getting in the cracks???

I’m so tired

Today I am so incredibly tired.  I had a terrible night sleep, a job interview in the morning and a busy afternoon.  I’m just exhausted and achy and not in the mood for anything.  While emailing with a good girlfriend, I just started making a list of all the things I am tired of.  By the time I was finished I actually felt SO much better!  So, here is my list and some of my favorites from hers.  I really encourage you to make your list. It’s like blowing off steam.  I would love for you to post your list in the comments section too!

Here goes…

I am tired of…

Figuring out what to eat for dinner

Making breakfast

The dirty carpet

Getting my hand in Oliver’s poo poo diapers

The constant fear of SIDS

My loud white trash neighbors

My husband's annoying traits

Breastfeeding

Pumping

Not sleeping more than 3 hours

Worrying about the bills

Being a fat post partum blob

Having nothing to wear

Postpartum acne

Not having a girls night out of wild and wickedness

Not being able to drink too much and hating myself in the morning

Television

My feet and back being sore ALL OF THE TIME!

Cleaning the house and most of all bathroom

Not having a career I love

Constantly working at having a good attitude

Complaining when I know it could be so much worse but not really living my life that way…

Forgetting how temporary everything really is.

My girlfriend’s list…

300 cable channels and NOTHING to watch on TV

Asking my husband to start the dishwasher in the morning

Seeing clumps of cat hair and cat puke throughout my house

Being a wife

Buying lottery tickets and never winning

Moles

Not being able to get a massage every month

Never having any money

Worrying about everything!

The price of gas

My husband leaving work late everyday

Seriously, having a bad day?  Give making a list a shot and see how you feel.  

The real test I suppose is then figuring out how to eliminate the list all together…

Our story

I have finally posted the story of us in the "Our Story" tab. Sorry it took so long...

Baby's first Cold

BOOOO!  Boo to a cold, but double boo when mommy and baby are sick. Especially when it’s a nursing mommy who doesn’t feel like getting out of bed.  Since I live in the allergy capitol of the States, “The Ohio Valley,” I thought we were both just suffering from allergies. So I shut the windows turned on the air condition and air purifiers and waited to feel better.  Neither one of us stopped having the stuffy noses, I also had a sore throat, aches and pains. I couldn’t tell if Ollie did too, but I knew he felt yucky.  Two days passed and it was clear we were sick.

I didn’t call the doctor at first because I knew he wouldn’t be able to do anything since Oliver is only 3 ½ months old, not old enough for medication.  I just tried to keep him warm and twice a day, morning and night, spray saline in his nose and use my battery operated super nose sucker to clear him out.  After two days of both of us still feeling lousy I broke down and called the doctor.

As expected I was told not to bother coming in unless he had a fever or cough.  There was nothing the doctor could do for him.  However, I was told that there were a few things I could do.  

1. Prop his mattress up using a pillow or blanket underneath.  This was to help his breathing.
2. Turn on a humidifier to keep the air moist.
3. After bath spray his nose full of saline and suck out the gunk.  I did all of these things and by morning Ollie was feeling MUCH better.  I was still stuffy but he didn’t sound as bad.  The most amazing thing was that he slept from 8pm-4am and then from 4:30 to 7!  That is the best he has ever done.  I really think propping his mattress up helped him breath and pass gas much easier so he was able to rest better.

We are both completely free of cold symptoms now.  However, I am keeping his mattress propped up until I think he doesn't need it anymore, but with it helping him sleep better I cannot imagine taking the pillow out anytime soon! 

Moms and Dads a.k.a Venus and Mars

It is so far beyond my realm of understanding how moms and dads have different job titles, yet are supposed to be performing the same job, Parenting.  To make matters worse somehow each parent was trained on different planets, with vastly different ideas of how the job should be done. 

For Example.  

1. It’s 7 a.m. and the baby is awake and cooing.  This must mean…

Mom:  The baby is ready to wake up for the day and is in a great mood!

Dad:  The baby has no desire to wake up, needs his pacifier/dummy and his mobile turned on. 

 (while dad crawls back in bed for some more sleep.) Dad: "No, that cooing has not turned into I’m bored as hell yelling, that yelling is just “excitements at the spinning mobile characters.”  Mom: "Get your butt up and play with the baby so I can have another hour of sleep! I'm the one who has been up twice already this morning feeding him.")

2. Midday the baby is rubbing his bright red tired eyes while yawning.  This must mean…

Mom: The baby is ready for a nap!

Dad: The baby is ready for “superfun time”   (Mom: "  That baby has had enough of you dancing to 80’s music while he flails his arms.  He does not need anymore fun time right now!" Dad:  "Are you sure, look at him he is wide awake?"  Mom: "Becuse you won't stop talking to him!")

3. The baby wakes up from his nap with a MASSIVE package between his legs.

Mom: Someone needs his diaper changed!

Dad: Someone needs to change the baby’s diaper! ( Mom: "  You got him up, you need to change his diaper!")

4. We are running low on diapers and wipes. This must mean...

Mom: It’s time to go to the store and buy some.

Dad:  We are out of Pepsi Max.  (Mom: "WHAT?")

5. The baby’s white blanket is pink? This must mean…

Mom: Dad did the laundry!

Dad: "I sure did! He doesn’t care that it’s pink! How am I supposed to know your red towel would do that?" 

           

6. It’s close to bedtime the baby needs a bath.

Mom: "I’ll go get the bath ready."

Dad: "why does he need a bath?  He didn’t do anything today to get dirty? " Mom: "Really?"

7. Ahhh finally the baby is bathed and nearly asleep.  This must mean…

Mom: My day almost is finished. I finally get to have a nice long relaxing shower!

Dad:  Hmmm... Maybe I should go into the nursery and ask my wife a stupid unnecessary question in a loud voice. And if the baby is still awake we can have a little more super fun time!

The above are just a FEW examples of the MANY differences between Venus and Mars…er… Moms and Dads.  

I insist if dads (my husband) were always in charge the baby would be running aroundwith bright red tired eyes, a diaper so full it’s dragging the floor, with every crack on the baby full of milk and fuzz, until eventually the bub just fell down and slept…. Next to dad who already fell over…

While dads are great... THANK GOD FOR MOMS!  

Baby Giggles!

At 3 ½ months and 3 days my little baby Oliver giggled!  Then I squealed with delight and cried!  2 points Ollie, no points mom.  

A few days ago Oliver tried to giggle but made some crazy grunting noise and then fussed.  I knew he was trying to giggle, but unfortunately he didn’t understand what was going on so he got frustrated, grunted then whined.  Still, even that was cute.  This also let me know the giggles were coming!  So I spent everyday since doing everything I could to get this boy to giggle.  I laughed at him, tickled him, made funny faces, begged him, you name it daddy and I tried it. 

Yesterday while we were sitting on the couch, I laid him on my chest to nap (my absolute favorite!) but he was not interested.  I lifted him up and sat him on my knees.  He looked in my eyes and smiled.  I said, “Oh I love you so much!”  He smiled even bigger which made me laugh, because he was so freaking cute!  Then he smiled bigger and kicked out a little.  This made me laugh,  then out of nowhere, he did too!  Two little giggle-grunts.  OH MY GOD IT WAS AMAZING!!

I called for dad to come watch.  The three of us looked like a pack of goofs sitting on the couch laughing at each other.  It was that infectious laughing where we all just laughed at each other laughing.  I cried proud mommy tears. I think dad dropped a tear too.  By the time we had gotten all of the giggles out of Ollie, my cheeks physically hurt from smiling and laughing!

Oliver’s giggles are the answer to world peace. Now all I want to do is make him giggle,  it’s beyond awesome!  The only problem is that since he is still unsure of what he is doing, getting him to giggle it is not that easy… yet!  Still, I have a blast trying and regardless he smiles big through it all.

Oh, my goodness y’all, a baby laughing is really the sweetest most beautiful thing.  And when it’s your own… the world stands still…

Today is the Tomorrow I worried about Yesterday

While having dinner with my sister in-law, also a new mother, we couldn’t stop talking about how fast the time has gone since our deliveries, and how much our sons have grown and developed.  This conversation about time flying, made us over analyze why exactly time passes so fast when sometimes, during pregnancy for example, time seems to stand still?

We decided that we spend so much time wrapped in worry, thoughts of tomorrow and looking to the next big thing coming into our lives,that we waste half the day in this cycle. And then, I hate to admit it, my mother–in-law’s voice came into my head.  A while ago when I was stressing out about my husbands Visa she said to me,  “Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” Meaning I need to live for today and let tomorrow work itself out, since I have no control over it.

Right now in my life, I am worried about getting a job, keeping my family insured, wondering when my son will finally roll over, feeding him solid foods and a million other things. All of these things are going to take time to happen, so no amount of worry or work will resolve my issues instantly.  I need to just live for today and let tomorrow work itself out. 

SO MUCH EASIER SAID THEN DONE!!!  Well, in the few hours since our talk, I can tell you that it is worth the hard work and mind refocusing.  Every time I start to worry or think about tomorrow, I take a deep breath, open my eyes wide and take in my environment. I look around and focus on what is directly in front of me. When I do this, the amount of stress, anxiety and the actual feeling of weight being lifted off of my shoulders is AMAZING!

I challenge you, and I say challenge because it is not easy, to do the same.  When you start to worry or have anxiety over something you cannot control or instantly fix, take a deep breath, open your eyes wide and drink in your surroundings until you have let go of whatever it is that is bothering you.  Even if you look around and see a dirty house and start obsessing over that, at least you can do something about it now. At least you will be productive cleaning, rather than staring into space about something you cannot fix now or maybe even ever.

I really have it in my head that if I actively refocus my negative energy into the present moment, I will no longer let time fly pass me. Fully living in each moment I will no longer have as much fear and anxiety about the future. If nothing else, living in the moment will give me way more quality time with my beautiful son.

And I thought I was bad...

Engage your brain!

(After yesterday's blog I thought we all could use a laugh.  Again, I wish I could take credit but I cannot...)

These are six examples of why you must make sure your brain is engaged before putting your mouth into gear...

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did...

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back.My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls.'

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,
'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No' .. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident?'
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Postpartum Depression- Update 3 ½ months postpartum

For all of you who read my www.tiredofbeingpregnant.com blog, you know I was very worried about having postpartum depression.  I have spent nearly every single day since delivery wondering if my tears, sad feelings, confusion, fear, frustration, anger and every other non-positive feeling have been postpartum depression or just normal “new mother” feelings and behavior.

During the early days after delivery I was for the most part happy. I was exhausted, but so in awe of my incredibly perfect and beautiful son that sadness was not a feeling I could imagine feeling.

It was not until around week three of four that the weepiness started.  I was crying over the stupidest shit!  If my food didn’t taste right I would cry.  If I looked in the mirror I would cry.  I was a weepy mess.  The odd part was that I was not really weeping because I was sad, I was just weeping! Luckily the weepiness ended abruptly in a week or two and still has not returned.

By six to eight weeks postpartum I was doing really well! I was not sad, or overly happy, I was in touch with my emotions and felt really confident that I did not have postpartum depression.  Smooth sailing into my second month, turning into a great mommy, breastfeeding almost like a champ and even working out a sleep pattern that worked for baby, daddy and me.  Don’t get me wrong, I had BAD days filled with tears and confusion, but those days also usually coincided with a night or two of little or no sleep. I would just chalk the bad day up to bad sleep.  My girlfriends and I decided that if bad days were directly related to bad sleep, then surely I was not postpartum depression.

When I went back to work at ten weeks postpartum the bottom started to fall out. I was so overwhelmed by going back to work, separation anxiety and trying to keep my son exclusively breastfed. I was not getting enough sleep thanks to nursing and the overwhelming anxiety that my mood was shit more often than not.  I started to wonder if I was in over my head with everything now that I was back to work, and wondered if I should try to change Oliver over to formula at night so I could get some sleep to improve my poor mood and anxiety. 

I couldn’t bring myself to introduce formula, so I decided to reach into my bag of emotional tools and work on coping with the anxiety and work on trying to stay positive.  This worked, but dammit it made managing my mood a full time job.

Now here I am 3 ½ months postpartum, jobless and overloaded with fear and anxiety.  This in itself pisses me off to no end and makes me want to cry! I have been given a huge gift of being paid to find a new better job, thanks to unemployment benefits, and be home with my son.  What the hell is wrong with me?  I should be happy as a pig in shit!

Really since month two I thought I might have some shades of postpartum depression. Or, hopefully, I am just overwhelmed by everything going on right now with being a new (unemployed) mother.  Regardless it’s time for me to seek some help so I can be a good happy mommy. I have been reluctant to seek help out of fear of being prescribed anti depressants since I am nursing.  However, I have come to realize I need some outside unbiased council to help me sort through the anxiety and fear to find out if I actually have postpartum depression. Medication does not have to be the answer.  One thing I have always been told is NEVER EVER try to control postpartum depression alone.

 I love my son more than I ever imagined possible.  The last thing I want to do is not be the best mom possible to him. We both deserve to have me 100% emotionally present when we are together. It’s time to take some time for me and work on the emotional issues dragging me own.  Thanks to all of the brave women before me, I am not afraid to find out I have postpartum depression, because I know it's temporary and easily treated.  I am just focused on having a better mood, lowering my anxiety level, and most of all thoroughly enjoying the time I have been given to spend with my son while I find a new job. 

What’s my baby going to be when he grows up?

I sit and ponder the most amazing things now that I’m a mom.  What color will my son’s eyes end up being? What color hair? How tall? When will he be able to pass a fart without screaming murder? Will he hate me through his entire teen years? Will I kill his father for not taking anything seriously before his teen years? And of course, what will my son be when he grows up? What will he be like? 

I am the most impatient person. I am that person who cannot buy gifts and hold on to them.  I can bearly get the damn thing wrapped before giving it away. I love surprises but it causes me internal pain to contain them, I think I will explode if I hold them in too long.  There are so many things I cannot wait to find out about my son, even though I know I should just embrace now and not worry about tomorrow. Well, screw that, I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHNG RIGHT NOW!!

What my son will be like when he grows up, and his profession or calling I sit and ponder the most.  I wonder what he will be and will I have any influence over it? Will he dedicate his life to talking about poop like his father?  I wonder if he will be president, or like his name, Oliver, suggests a “peace maker.”  Will he make a difference in this world, or have children that do? Will he make me proud?

I just stare at his little face and wonder so much! It’s profound for me to think that I have made a human being that will possibly one day change history for good or bad.  I have made a little baby that one day will make a baby.  It’s really just so amazing to me the cycle of life and the insane amount of possibilities that come along with it.

I just pray that my son spends his days happy and healthy.  I pray that he is kind, loving and giving.  I pray that he is a good friend, humble and understanding.  I pray that he is a wonderful person that people love to be around.  I pray that I have the strength, patients and ability to instill all of those traits and values in him.