Dear Parents of Lively Little Toddlers, Keep At It...

Dear Parents of Lively Little Toddlers,

Hi! My name is April, and I am the mother of a VERY lively, animated and stubborn toddler. He is the light and joy of my life.  He is also the biggest pain in my ass sometimes. He is just over two-years-old and insists on learning pretty much everything for himself. 85% of the time he is a very good boy, the other 15%... he is a textbook terrible-two toddler. His favorite textbook activities include...but certainly are not limited to:

• Saying, "No!" to just about everything. Sometimes he even says it to ice cream cones!
• Not listening when I say, "Come here, please!"
• Staying awake well past bedtime. 
• Using the kitchen drawers as stairs.
• Trying to draw on the walls, TV, floor... any surface really, with any utensil that will work.
• Opening the freezer to pull out a popsicle when I am not looking.
• Washing a thousand cars in the bathroom sink.
• Climbing anything climb-able.
• Running away from me when I am trying to catch him.
• Throwing a tantrum over something silly- think OSCAR worthy fish out-of-water flopping routine..

The list goes on, but you get the idea...

My toddler lives in a constant state of experiment with the world. Most times, he insists on learning things for himself, regardless of my opinion about the activity. Nothing is more frustrating for me than when my son repeatedly refuses to listen, and just do whatever he wants, especially over the same activity...

Just yesterday, he ran away from me, and refused to listen. Eventually, I caught him, had a talk with him, and hoped the issue was resolved. NOT EVEN CLOSE! The little shit ran away from me again within five minutes. This time I took him into the house and made him sit in his time-out chair. Would you believe, not a half hour later he was off AGAIN?!  I thought I was going to lose my mind.  Once again we had the talk, a time-out and this time, I took his favorite toy away and put it in time-out too.  Yet again, later that day, he took off, but this time when I yelled STOP! and, Come back here, please, HE DID IT!!  Holy crap!  He came back!  I squatted down and gave him a big hug, and told him what a good boy he was for listening. Both of us were beaming!

Now, will he run away from me again? Maybe... probably. But he knows better, and so far he hasn't.  Moral of the story: I kept at, stayed consistent with the rules, and even though I thought it was going to drive me crazy, it worked!  I see the light at the end of the terrible toddler phase tunnel. I know it will probably go away from time-to-time, but it's there, and one day both the kid and I will emerge.

I say it all of the time, parenting is hard. It takes unfathomable amounts of patience, hard work and perseverance, however, just like with everything, the hard work pays off, and the reward is so worth it.  Having my son listen when I ask him to do something is so wonderful. Yes, it came after hours of constant battles, but it came, and when it did, we both smiled and felt great. I realize he loves being a good boy as much I love it.

Parents, we are all in this together. I feel your pain, like I am sure you feel mine. It's all about keeping at it. We HAVE to keep at. We have to continue to reprimand and weather the toddler storm with patience and consistency. We have to continue to "parent", even if it's easier sometimes to let them raise hell and draw on the walls. It pays off. The yelling and constant reprimands slowly but surely are reduced. Even when a new experiment is tried, they know from past ones, that NO!, means, NO! and that when we give that look, or count down from three, if they keep misbehaving, shit will get real.

Moms. Dads. We will survive the terrible twos, threes and fours, and when we do, we will have some seriously badass children to show for it. Thanks to all of our hard work, patience and perseverance, those little badasses will be kind, considerate and well-behaved (for the most part) members of society, that will go on to make us proud. Sure, by then we may be completely grey, wrinkled and exhausted, but no worries, those shining little humans will take care of us one day, and when they do, that will be our chance to get them back for the all the hell they gave us!

Sincerely,

April

You Know That Dream Where You're Running Across The Never Ending Field? #Motherhood

I hate that dream where I can never seem to get to where I'm going. You know the one where you are running and running, but never can seem to make it. When I waited tables through college, I had that dream all of the time. I could never get to, or back to, a table. I still have the dream from time-to-time, and it's usually me trying to get to Ollie from across town, or finish an article that was due two-weeks ago. Well. That dream pretty much sums up my life as a mom--I can never cross the field of things I need to do in a day. 

Now that I'm a mother, I really understand the meaning of, "there is just not enough time in the day." There's not! I have so much to do between keeping up the house, the kid and work... oh and then there is me too! I have been harping on since my son was six-months-old about how I have lost myself, and that I cannot find a happy balance between it all. In the last two years I have come to realize that there will NEVER be enough time, unless I make it.

I also think my problem is overcompensating. Last night, I went out to dinner for my mother's birthday, and since the dinner was late, FTD and Ollie stayed home. Earlier that day, I asked FTD what he wanted for dinner, so I could make them something before I left.  He told me not to worry, that he and Ollie would make a "meaty spaghetti." So what did I do?  Before getting ready to go out, I cleaned up the house, cleaned the kitchen, prepped everything he would need for the dinner, including cutting up the veggies, got Ollie's nite-nite clothes out, made sure his towel was hanging up, cleaned up his room, and fed the damn cat! I didn't need to do ANY of those things. FTD would have been fine, and so would Ollie, but I did them because that is what it took for me to go out without guilt or worry.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???!!!  

Sometimes, I think I make my life more difficult, for no good reason.  I live the endless field dream daily, and most times if I would just calm down, look around and think about what actually NEEDS to be done, I would have a lot more time for myself. I also think if I would just let FTD do some of the things, rather than do them before he gets a chance or just ask him to do them, I would not be so crazed either. He is happy to take out the garbage, but the second it is full I think the kitchen is going to implode if it doesn't go out immediately. Or, every night when he gives Ollie a bath, I lay out Ollie's nite-nite clothes. FTD knows where they are, why the hell am I doing it?  I could use that time to relax! 

I have a dear friend who just had a baby, and through the craze of her life, a toddler, her husband and his two boys, she has A LOT going on. I asked her how she was holding up and she told me that on the really tough days she repeats, "Clean bums and full tums, that's all I need to do."  I LOVE that!! It is SO true! As mothers, our first job is clean bums and full tums, and the rest will have to wait. 

I've got to stop trying to cross the endless field! I also think if I had a better handle on things, I would use my time better.  I have friends that do certain chores on certain days, like doing laundry on Saturday, or cleaning the windows every other week. They swear by it, because knowing what day certain things need to be done, keeps them from worrying about the things daily. It makes sense. I'm really going to make a conscious effort to streamline my day like that. I'm going to see what I am doing that FTD can do, or what is over kill crap I don't need to do. Bottom line: I need to burn that endless field before it burns me! 

Are you stuck in the field? Do you have anything you do to stop the madness?

It's BIG Boy Tricycle Time!

My friends, it's time. It's time to buy my big boy a tricycle. I am excited and nervous at the same time. He jumped on our neighbors tricycle yesterday (Mel, if you are reading this, he broke into your backyard and stole it while I was talking to Mrs. Rose. You all were at Waterfront Wednesday!), and after a little trial and error was off! I am not sure who was more proud that he figured out the whole peddling thing, me or him?  What I do know is that when I told him it was time to go, he gave me the look of, Try and die lady...  So after prying his body, one part at a time off of the thing, I promised that we could go buy one.

I'm so excited to get him his first tricycle! However, it will not be the first ride the tricycle has ever had. We are going to comb the second hand kid stores today to find one.  But before we do that, we are going to get him a fun helmet! My plan is to take him to the wall of kid helmets and let him pick out his favorite, then make a HUGE deal about how awesome it is, so he will be happy to wear it EVERY TIME he rides his tricycle.

So why am I telling you all this?  Because I need tips of course!!!  Have you bought your first tricycle yet? Any tips? Any favorites? I looked up tricycle safety tips, and like with most kids toys, the tips were all about common sense...

1. Wear a helmet
2. Don't ride in the road, near a pool, around a construction site or nuclear plant.
3. Don't let your kid say, Peace Out, and turn the corner while you go back in the house.

You know, the usual, don't-be-a-dumbass-parent tips. We are talking about a two-year-old and a tricycle, not a 16-year-old and a Porsche.

Anyhoo.... we are off! I promise to Instagram all of the excitement of the day! So, if you want to follow along and are not following on Instagram or Facebook, GET ON IT!!

It's Official... I'm Totally THAT Mom.

I used to be the perfect mom. My kid was always well behaved, ate all the right foods, had impeccable manners, stayed close, went to sleep on time without a fight, cleaned up his toys and NEVER acted like a butthead, and I of course, always left the house put together. Then, I had my first child...

It all started when I was in my twenties, and my girlfriends started having children. Those girls... I felt bad for them. Their kids were always causing trouble, the center of attention, misbehaving while we tried to shop, wrecked restaurants while we tried to lunch, ruined our plans by having constant colds... Lucky for me, I was so sure I knew how to be a super mom, so I knew I would NEVER be, "THAT mom with THAT kid."

Clearly, ignorance is bliss, because what a fool I was. I am totally THAT mom, and my kid is totally THAT kid!

Credit: NickMom

I realize now, back in my days of childless ignorance, I had NO CLUE what children were actually like. I had no clue that babies could ONLY communicate through crying. I never imagined that toddlers were actually little humans that needed to constantly test the world in order for it to make sense. I never imagined that five and six-year-olds were so sure they had life all figured out, thanks to the toddler testing phase, they would need to constantly show and tell their wealth of knowledge. I was all wrong about my belief that kids were little programmable robots that did, said and ate, exactly as they were told. Most of all, I had NO clue that parenting would be so hard, take so much patience and be so life changing.

I was so sure I would be this perfect, calm, polished mother, with a perfect, calm, polished child. HA! I am no different than the mothers I used to judge. I have a "lively" kid, I go everywhere in Yoga pants and flip-flops, I yell at my kid in the store, I bribe him to be good with cookies, I clean up after him on a daily basis, I feed him pasta and hotdogs four meals in a row, I sometimes don't change him the minute he craps his diaper in the store, and rarely do we leave the house on time, with everything we need. And that's OK!

The only true crime in all of this, was me being a judgmental ass.  Parenting is HARD!  Super duper hard. And I expect being a child in a world full of mystery, limitations, rules and requirements to eat vegetables over candy, is super hard too!

Today, I am proud to be THAT mom, because it means I am a true mom. A mom who is not afraid to do what it takes to have a happy, thriving, well-behaved child; even if that means taking unconventional roads to get there. I am THAT mom who has a messy house and car, cancels plans over fevers, lets my kid push the cart in the grocery, listens to toddler radio in the car, loves playdates, can change a diaper while my kid stands up in the backseat of the car, chases after my kid yelling, COME BACK HERE, OR... regardless of the venue, and sometimes lets my kid wear two different shoes out of the house, even if one is a slipper and the other is a shoe he has outgrown, but still loves. Oh yes, I am totally THAT mom and absolutely love it, because there is no one else in the world I would rather be.

10 Fun Facts About Childhood Development

For today's installment of Top 10 Tuesday, I thought I would provide you with some interesting facts about a child's development... 

1. If babies’ bodies grew at the same rapid pace as their brains, they would weigh 170 pounds by one month of age.

2. 60% of all the energy a baby expends is concentrated in the brain.

3. The birth-to-three period is the fastest rate of brain development across the entire human life span.

4. Babies whose parents frequently talk to them know 300 more words by age 2 than babies whose parents rarely speak to them.

5. By age 1, a child typically understands about 70 words, but can only speak only a handful of them. At about 18 months, your toddler's spoken vocabulary starts to explode, adding new words at the astonishing rate of one every two waking hours.

6. When your toddler announces, "Mine!" while clinging to his truck in a playgroup, it's not so much a selfish refusal to share as it is a cognitive achievement. The declaration of "mine" is his way of saying he understands that you — and the other children — are separate from him.

7. Music boosts learning. Singing, listening to, and playing music improves spatial orientation and mathematical thinking.

8.  A baby has 300 separate bones at birth but by adulthood only 206. Why?

Because some bones, like the skull, fuse together later.


9 Until the age of six or seven months, a child can breathe and swallow at the same time. -
 75% of adults reading this will try to do it!

10. The average 4-year-old asks 437 questions a day!  (No big surprise there!)

Sources:

Scholastic.com

Parents. com

Michigan.edu

World Health Organization

Epic Fail: Bedtime Sucks, Because I Suck.

Bedtime SUCKS around my house. It's an hour long process (at least) that includes, but is not limited to the following; begging, bartering, anger, annoyance, spineless groveling, and eventually, a very hard won victory. Though, I am starting to think there is actually no real victory, but a draw that is replayed in 24 hours.

I hate bedtime, and I blame myself for it. After all, I'm the one who has taught my son the bedtime routine of bath, books, singing, rocking, then when I say, Ok, it's bedtime, that really means, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Because if bedtime meant something, then I would not spend the next thirty minutes to an hour begging my son to go to sleep! If it meant something, I would not constantly return to his room, and play the games I play with him. All the word "bedtime" means to my son is, play with mommy until I'm tired enough to pass out. 

Since Ollie's first days, I have held and nursed him to sleep. Then, last month I stopped nursing. When that happened, we exchanged nursing to sleep, for the bedtime game from hell. The game where Ollie doesn't go to sleep until he is ready, and I grovel and beg like a jackass.  I do this, every night, even though I know it is a game to him.

Why? Because, I am spineless.

FAIL. FAIL. FAIL!!!

Every night, I sit and rock him to sleep until I think I am going to lose my mind, at which point, I put him in his crib. If he is not ready to fall asleep, he will stand up, cry and beg to be held.  So what do I do? I pick him back up out of his crib, and rock him some more. Yes, I know how stupid it is that pick him back up, but I do it anyway because I am a sucker! I am sucker that just wants him to go to sleep, so I do what ever he asks to get him to calm down and go to sleep.

FAIL. FAIL. FAIL!!!

I will repeat this stupid crap game of rocking him to sleep, then putting him in his crib and getting him out again until I get really mad... at myself. OK, and a little mad at him too. Then, I will put him in his crib and make empty threats about how much trouble he will be in if he climbs out.  Nine times out of ten, he climbs out. I pick him up, tell him he is naughty and put him back in bed. Sometimes he stands up and just protests begging to be held, others we just repeat the process of climbing out and me putting him back in.  Sometimes, I rock him again because, again, I am a complete spineless butthead.

I KNOW this ridiculous bedtime crap is all my fault.  If I would just be tough, and not put up with the games, he would go to sleep.  I know this, because on the nights FTD puts Ollie to sleep, its easy for him.  Ollie will stay in his crib and sing himself to sleep. That actually sucks worse to me than the games we play, because I can see just how foolish I am.

What the hell is wrong with me?! Why can't I be tough, tell him to go to sleep and mean it.  Why have I created such a monster, when I KNOW BETTER!?  And how in the hell am I going to correct it?  I have friends with children MUCH younger than Ollie that go into their cribs only slightly tired and fall asleep without issue. I am SO jealous of the parent that puts their kid to bed and goes about their business.

I know Ollie will not die if I let him cry, but it still totally sucks to hear him screaming for me. I rationalize my behavior by thinking this will pass. I tell myself that it's a phase, and really, I should somehow cherish every moment he lets me hold him, because soon enough he will not even want me to hug him. Still, I just wish I could hold him and rock him, and then put him in his crib and go about my business, NOT play into a ridiculous toddler bedtime game.

Ugh. Have kids they said... It will be awesome they said... Too bad they never said, grow a set first because it's going to be hard and you need to be tough, even when it breaks your heart.

The Top 5 Safest Sunscreens To Use On Your Little One...

As most of you know, I LOVE the Environmental Working Group (EWG).  I cannot advocate for them enough. The EWG puts all kinds of everyday products through extensive testing to make sure the products that say they are safe, are actually really safe. They test everything from sunscreens, to make-up to lotions, potions and paint. 

Out of hundreds of tested sunscreens, the following five are the ONLY sunscreens to score the lowest hazard rating possible: a ZERO, making them incredibly safe to use on the most sensitive skin.

1. Belly Buttons & Babies Sunscreen Lotion, SPF 30 $26

2. Butterbean Sunscreen, SPF 20 $10-$18

3.Just Skin Food Natural and Organic Sunscreen, SPF 30 $13.50

4. Relevé Organic Skincare Sun-Lite Sunscreen, SPF 20 $25

5.The Honest Company Honest Sunscreen Stick, SPF 30 $10 (I use this on Ollie!)

For a complete list of ratings for the sunscreens tested in 2014, and to see how your favorite sunscreen stacks up, CLICK HERE!

Dr. Recommended Anti-Aging Skincare Remedies In Your Fridge! #DIY #ItWorks

My friends, if you are tired of spending WAY too much on miracle lotions and potions that promise to make you look 10-years younger, then you are going to LOVE this... 

Save thousands of dollars, but look like a million, with these ingredients!

Yesterday, while watching The Rachel Ray Show, (LOVE LOVE LOVE HER!) she had a segment with the fabulous Dr. Youn, a Michigan-based, board-certified plastic surgeon, on Age-Defying Skincare Remedies From Your Fridge! The three tips were so good I had to share!

Puffy Eye Corrector & Eye Lift

Say bye bye $100 eye serums, and hello to tea and potatoes! Yes, green tea and potatoes are all you'll need for this miracle treatment!

Here's How:
1. Steep the green tea 
2. Allow to cool in the fridge
3. Place potatoes in the fridge to get cold too
4. Once everything is cold, slice potatoes into thin slices and allow to soak in tea for several minutes.
5. Place green tea soaked potatoes over eyes and relax for 10 minutes. Results are instant!  

Here is why it works...

The starch in the potatoes are an anti inflammatory, and get this... potatoes can lighten the skin! Dr. Youn said that potatoes are a "mild skin lighter!"  WHO KNEW?  

The Green tea is fabulous for eyes since it has caffeine which constricts the puffiness and loads of antioxidants, that not only help protect from sun damage, but help to treat the sun damage you already have!

Sun Spot Corrector

Combine:

1tbsp honey

1tbsp soy milk

1tbsp lemon juice 

Once well mixed, apply to your face using a paintbrush/foundation brush. Allow to sit for about 25 minutes. Apply 2-3 times a week. Takes 6-8 weeks to see the results, but that is no different than $1000 treatments! 

Here's why it works:

The citric acid in lemon juice is a skin lightener, and the soy milk, according to Dr Youn, is a "Very powerful skin lightener," due to the enzymes that block the production of melanin--the sun spots- and has Vitamins A & E which are great for your skin.  Honey, he said was a, "jack-of-all-trades," making it fabulous for the skin!

At Home Chemical Peel To Fight Wrinkles!

Combine:
2tbsp Milk
2tbsp Apple Juice
1 egg white 

Once very well mixed, apply to entire face with brush and eave on 20 minutes, or so, until dry. Skin will tighten and firm while solution is drying... and stay that way even after it's washed off! Apply 1-2 times a week.  Results will vary depending on damage, but can be very quickly for some! Dr Youn said the mix was just as effective as in-office chemical peels!  

Here's why it works:

Milk has Lactic acid, and apple juice has Malic acid, a.k.a. Alpha Hydroxy Goodness! The egg whites have albumin which will help your skin tighten while the mixture dries. The three combined work as a mild exfoliator to remove surface damage!

To see one or all three of the segments, CLICK HERE!

If you try one, or all three, please come back and tell us what you think!

OR

If you have home remedies you LOVE, please share!

Toys. Toys. Toys. Toddler Toys EVERYWHERE!

Toys. Toys. Toys. TOYS!  They are taking over my life.  But there is this one toy in particular that is driving me CRAZY!

Don't Let The Smile Fool You. The Toy is Possessed!

That firetruck is Ollie's FAVORITE toy right now. He plays with it all day. It has this little button in the front that you push to make it go. 

Straight. 

Forever. 

Even if forever means into a wall where it spins it's wheels and makes a whirring sound that is so damn annoying it could make a NAVY Seal talk after an hour. So imagine the state of my sanity hearing it ALL DAY! 

**After hearing the thing spinning into the wall or furniture for a solid five minutes **

Me: Ollie, where is your firetruck?

Ollie: Over there, mommy.

Me: Can you turn it off please?

Ollie: OK.

He goes over, picks it up to play with it for all of two minutes--the attention span of a toddler-- then lets it go to roll into something. Five more minutes pass and we repeat the above dialog.  This seriously goes on ALL DAMN DAY! 

That firetruck, along with Ollie's four million other toys are driving me CRAZY! My house looks like I run a daycare for a thousand crazy kids jacked up on donuts.

 Places I find toys:

• In the hall
• Under the bed
• Behind the toilet
• Shoved in the couch
• In my bed
• In the refrigerator parked in the grapes

Apparently, he needed to offload his current cargo
to pick up the new cargo.

• Under one of my feet inflicting ridiculous amounts of pain. 
• In the laundry basket
• On the stairs 
• In my shoes
• In my handbag
• Under my carseat--It's a police car, so every time I turn a corner I think I'm being pulled over! 
• In the fire place
• Crammed in the DVD player
• Crammed in the SubWoofer
• In the middle of our major renovations

Remember this before and after picture?
 Remember the toys in the middle of the action?

Places I do not find toys:

In the toy box

I could be going out on a limb here, but I think it's time to teach the kid the art of pick-up-your-crap-kid. I find myself spending the majority of my day either stepping on toys or picking them up.  It's time I start trying to teach him that he needs to put one toy back before he get out a new one. 

Yeah, I can hear you laughing at me.

  

I am laughing at me. 

Who tries to teach a two-year-old to keep things tidy? 

This girl.

But it's gotten out of hand!  I have got to do something.  

Don't worry, I'll let you know what I figure out, and how it works out for me...

Do you have any suggestions?

"I Sleep In Mommy And Daddy's Bed?" CRAP! Nooooo. What Have I Done...

The advice I heard the most while pregnant was, "Do NOT! Let that baby into your bed. EVER!" I was warned that from newborn through infant, it was incredibly dangerous. Then, some of my been-there-done-that friends, through tears in their eyes--or possibly just blood shot eyes from lack of sleep-- said not let my son in my bed at any age, because I would NEVER get him out again. 

So I didn't. 

Except this one time. 

Recently.

FTD and I were incredibly careful to not let our infant son in our bed, no matter how tired we were.  As Ollie got older, we still didn't let him in the bed, not even to nap. Our friends took too much care to warn us of the, "you will never sleep alone again," fate we would face if we let him in the bed. Lucky for us, Ollie never seemed bothered by it. From his first night home from the hospital, until recently (2yrs4mos), he slept in his crib every night.

Then he got really sick.

I was afraid he was going to have horrible breathing problems from the sickness and die. (It really wasn't that bad, I was just suffering from first-time mom paranoia.) So, I let him sleep in our bed so I could watch him--FTD slept on the couch I barely slept that night. Partly because I was so worried about him, and partly because he kept tossing and turning and kicking the crap out of me.

I will admit, I did like cuddling him, and having him close... So I may or may not have let him sleep with me one or two more times while he got better... Being that hind sight is 20/20 I realize that decision may have been foolish for a few reasons.

1. I quickly learned that once cuddle time was over, I couldn't get to sleep thanks to his Chuck Norris scissor kicks and headbutts... in between barrel rolls from one pillow to the other.  

2. There is absolutely no solid sleep to be had when that sleep sucking machine is in my bed.

3. The kid is now OBSESSED with sleeping in mommy and daddy's bed. 

Getting him back in his bed has been the challenge of the century. (Think: F-Bombs sprinkled with tears and frustration.) Thankfully, after a few days, he's back to going to sleep in his bed initially, but the minute he wakes up in the night, he comes into my room and tries to get into bed. He cries to me and FTD like a monster is going to eat his face off it he has to go back to his room. Feeling horrible, but still desperate to keep him out of my bed, I sit in his rocking chair and rock him back to sleep. Sometimes this process takes up to an hour.

Holy crap, it sucks!

But, I am adamant to right what I have done wrong.  I am not going to break.  His ass is going back in his bed every night. I know what it's like to sleep without a toddler foot in my kidneys all night. 

I want that back. I will have that back.

My friends, I now join the ranks of been-there-done-that parents preaching the most important rule of thumb when it comes to babies/toddlers and sleep: DO NOT let that child in your bed.  If you do, you will either NEVER get them out again, or lose many a hours of sleep trying! 

10 Things My Toddler Is Doing That Will Make Yours Look Like An Angel

For Today's Top 10 Tuesday installment, I thought I would delight you with a Top 10 List of things the Wild-Child is up to lately...

1. MINE! MINE! MINE! Everything is "MINE!"  I could pick up a cat turd out of the litter box and he would declare it, "Mine, Mommy, Mine!"

Two years ago when I first read this, I thought it was super funny.
Now, I totally get it how true it is...

2. NO! EVERYTHING is NO! I've decided he answers, NO!, to everything just so he can feel like he has some sort of control, because sometimes it makes no sense.

Me:  Ollie, do you want an Ice Cream Cone?
Ollie: NO!
Me: OK...
Ollie: MINE! Mine Ice Cream Cone, Mommy.
Me: No.

3. Clingier than a school girl with a crush! "Mommy, hold you!" I hear it all day, and at a stout 35 pounds, hold you mommy not only gets old, it gets heavy!

4. Escape artist. He has learned how to turn locks and open doors. We officially have to lock the front and back doors from inside with a key. The poor kid, already trying to run from us at 2. Sorry, kid, 16 more years to go... turn your little Jeep around.

5. The second I get on the phone, ALL HELL BREAKS LOSE! I swear, the minute I get on the phone he gets gitty with excitement for the possibilities.  I can see the little hamster wheel turning in his head... He can't decide if he should draw on the walls, throw his toys down the stairs or chase the cat... or try to do all three at once.

6. If it can be launched, it will be launched. My kid is going to be the next Peyton Manning for sure. He throws EVERYTHING!  It's actually a real issue. Nothing is safe-- toys, chairs, remote controls, food, anything and everything.

7. Working the lip like a pro. It's the craziest thing, over the last week, Ollie has figured out how to pout. (I'll get a photo and post it to Instagram.) It's super cute, but the problem is that he clearly knows that. If he wants something he curls that cute little lip out and pouts. Being the spineless pushover that I am... it works like a charm. 

8. Stubborn as a mule. If the kid is not interested, he will plant his feet, curl his lip and declare that my idea or what ever I want is dumbassery, and that he has no intention of entertaining it.  Think: bedtime, nap time, clean-up time, or any other time that infringes on his time. I have to pick him up, all 35 pounds of concrete pile-on, and move him kicking and screaming.

9. The boy who cried, "Poo-Poos, Mommy." Since we are still actively working on potty training, Ollie knows if he even hints that he has to go, we stop what we are doing and take care of business.  So now when he is not interested in something--i.e. Bedtime-- he insist that he has to poo poo.  It sucks because I have to honor that request. Yes, I am fully aware that 95% of the time I'm just a pawn in his poo-poo game.

10. Toddler Picasso. The kid is going to be an artist. Working in the medium of "Anything will do." Especially mommy's lipstick and eye liner.  #FAIL

All I have to say is, Thank You, Magic Eraser.
(You had it right, Des!)
Oh and, speaking of masterpieces, he picked that awesome outfit out, socks and all!

Please, remind me again how I will look back on these crazy toddler years fondly...