Is This Mom Guilt Or Fear Of Change?

After agonizing for months, and a fair amount of encouragement from educators, I decided to put my three-year old in Pre-Kindergarten. Being that I work from home, I went back and forth with whether or not it was really necessary to start him in "school" so early. After all, by law, my son can't start school until he is six. Why push him into school so early?

In then end, I decided to send him to school for the structure, social development and discipline, but only three days a week. While I'm fairly certain the first day of school was harder on me, it turned out to be the very best decision. He got everything I hoped for out of school, and then some!

When we met with his teacher for the first conference, she recommended moving to five days a week. Ollie was learning at a great pace, had loads of fun at school and should I decide to move him to Junior Kindergarten next year, he would be ready for the five day weeks.

Again, I agonized over what was best.

I struggle because I want my kid to be a kid for as long as possible. There is absolutely no need to rush him along.

However.

My darling child is bat-shit crazy, always into something, on a constant quest for knowledge and needs to learn how to share and get along with other children. And, well, his school is only 3.5 hours.

That all being said, I still can't help but feel a sort of tightness in my chest when I think about my son starting school 5-days a week! Play school is one thing, but structured learning five days a week at three years old? Am I doing the right thing? Is my fear of change and my baby growing up causing this anxiety?

It's so hard watching my little guy become a big guy. Between starting school five days a week and turning four, i realize that it's time to get some sort of a grip, because I can't have a panic attack every time my kid reaches a milestone! otherwise, at this rate, I'll need a padded room before he makes it to kindergarten.

I swear, parenting is hard enough, the fact that I compound it with my own insecurities and anxiety is just plain dumbassery.

Confessions Of A First Time Mom: I Have More Issues Than Vogue

So, I'm nuts when it comes to my child.  My long time readers know that, but according to my sister, an avid reader and critiquer of my blog, I've been holding out on you. Apparently, I need to let the world know just how neurotic I am.

This past weekend, a church near my house had their annual picnic. Complete with carnival rides and kids games, and my personal favorite, a cake wheel where you place a dime on a number between 1-120 and if the spinning wheel lands on your number, you win a cake!

Unfortunately, the weather forecast was calling for 95 degrees with a heat index of 100-105.

All weekend long my phone was blowing up with text messages from the National Weather Service with heat advisories and a reminder to stay hydrated, and if possible, avoid going outside.

Needless to say, I was less than stoked about the weather.  My little fair skinned red-headed toddler definitely does not need to be out in that kind of heat, on a black top parking lot no less.

 Our top of the ferris wheel family selfie

Being that the weekend long picnic is kind of the highlight of our summer, not going was not an option. So, I planned ahead for the heat.

My prep went like this:

In my handbag, I packed LOADS of sunblock, bug spray and a hand fan.

In a small cooler I packed:

• Three large bottles of electrolyte water (partially frozen to keep extra cold) 
• Two frozen washcloths- for the back of my toddler's neck to keep cool
• A Travel pack of baby wipes (storing them in the cooler meant that would be cool on his face and hands)
• Frozen grapes and strawberries in snack bags

Clearly, I wasn't messing around.

I don't care how nuts it sounds, I never leave the house without over-thinking what Ollie might need for whatever adventure we are embarking on, even if it is to an event a few blocks away.

My sister, mother of two boys (8 & 9) laughed at me, but in a way that I could tell she was more amazed, and even slightly impressed, than anything. She couldn't believe how much I had thought through the day about what my son might need to beat the heat.

For me, it seemed like second nature.

It's in these moments that I realize how much of a neurotic first-time parent I am, and how no matter how old my child gets, I will, in a way, always be a first-time parent.

The LAST thing I ever want to be is under-prepared for my son's needs. So, I over prepare.

Surely, I'm not the only neurotic mom (over) packing an entire cooler full of heat beating things?

                                    Riding the helicopter for the FOUR MILLIONTH TIME

Sure, I've been caught without an extra diaper, wipes/napkins or water, but dammit, once is enough for me! So, I over-think what my kid would possibly need before leaving the house... and my car looks like it...

I am a sucker for handing back snacks, drinks, toys, baby wipes... whatever he needs that I have on hand, I send it back to him. By the time we get home, it looks like I held a daycare in my backseat.

Yes, I do know how jacked up all that nonsense is. Am I going to stop?

NO!

I can't!

I'm driven by this first-time mom need to prepare and please.

See...  More. Issues. Than. Vogue.

But...   I'm a first-time mom, so isn't that just par for the mom-course?

P.s. Even though I obsessed about my son's needs all weekend, I still managed to have a fabulous time. I even made FTD ride a super fast and scary ride with me! As you can see, he was super STOKED about it!

So You Mean The World Won't Explode If I Deviate From The Routine?

Routine. Is. KEY.

Those three words were burned into me while pregnant by every been-there-done-that parent I encountered and parenting book I read. All agreed, the routine would be the saving grace for both my child and I.

All I had to do was wait until he was 6-8 weeks old, then start a nighttime routine; bath, books, bottle/nurse, bed. From there, I could work towards a 24/7 routine that would make life easier for both my child and I.

So, naturally, I listened.

Over time, the routine became EVERYTHING!  I lived by the clock, and so did my infant. He ate, napped, bathed and breathed his routine. Just like my friends and the parenting books said, it made life for both of us in some strange way, comforting. I could plan my days around the routine, which made socialization and even grocery shopping easier.

Of course, as Ollie got older, the routine changed in terms of mealtimes, number of naps and playtime, but what always stayed same was the bedtime routine:

6:30pm bath
7:00pm books
7:30pm bedtime

Three and a half years later, I'm still obsessed with sticking to the routine.

While I'm not sure who finds more comfort in the routine, me or Ollie, I know we both need it to maintain peace and harmony.

FTD insists that as long as we are having fun, the routine can wait.

I insist otherwise.

It turns out, we are both right.

The routine is key for a child. There are numerous studies that prove it, HOWEVER, I'm starting to realize, the older my child gets, the more it's OK to relax about the routine.

This summer FTD, Ollie and I are getting out more, which means, we are staying out past naptime, and bedtime. At first it made me crazy. I was concerned that missing our routine would definitely result in a cranky child that, thanks to being overtired, hungry, or both, would be a terror.

Well, I was wrong.

I'm learning that missing bedtime, or not having a bath, will not result in a Godzilla toddler. And gasp, the world as I know it, will not come crumbling down on my head. Stopping my family from living and enjoying themselves is not worth getting worked up about following the routine.

While I expect the normalcy and predictability the routine affords my family to be a saving grace for many more years to come, I'm learning to relax a little and let the good times roll past 7:30 if need be.  

Life is about living, not sticking to a routine...

                                       

What about you? Is routine everything in your house too?  Have you started letting the routine shift the older your child gets too?