Teach Your Child To Type, Read + Spell Before Kindergarten

If you follow this blog and/or my social media, then you already know,  I'm all hung up on this new App, GameBooks, created by acclaimed software developer and first-time dad, Nicholas Nadirashvili. He created the app for his son after realizing NONE of his child's educational apps used the QWERTY keyboard, but rather a straight line of buttons in alphabetical order. A, b, c, d... 

With the help of early education experts, a solid team of designers, illustrators, children's book authors and some serious input from his son, the team created fully interactive children's books, or GameBooks, designed to teach children ages 2-6 to recognize and trace letters, understand word structure and syllables, spell, type and read.  (Download Gamebooks Here!)

If studies show it's easier for children to learn a new language than adults, will it be easier for a child to learn and remember the QWERTY keyboard at a young age? I'm all about giving my son a head start.

Thankfully, he is so consumed by the super cute characters, voices and sounds, he doesn't even realize he is learning. The app allows children to interact with the game naturally by bringing the entire book/page to life. ANYWHERE the child clicks the book will interact through sounds, words, spelling, and there's dancing and singing. It's just so so so cool! 

Throughout September, FTM&D readers can get a free no-strings-attached FREE 30-day premium trial membership, and get this, all you have to do is UN-click the box at the bottom of the registration form saying you want to try 30-days free. 

I know it sounds crazy, but that's the way the team set up the secret passage for my readers so you wouldn't even have to bother registration or a code.If you have a child who is six and under and learning to read, spell, and type, this app is worth the free download.

To get started with your free premium 30-day trial and be entered into the $50 monthly drawing grab your iPad and download GameBooks here. (iPad only right now)

TAKE THE SURVEY!

The GameBooks team also would love your feedback, if you fill out a short survey you'll also automatically be entered to win a $50 gift card.

Then come back to this post and click the survey link here to give your feedback and get an additional chance to win $50!

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My 5yr Told His Music Teacher Exactly What He Thought

As I was tucking my son in for bed after his third day of school, he looked up at me and said, "Mama, I hate my school."

**My heart breaks** 

Those were not the words I wanted to hear out of my son after his third day of kindergarten. "Buddy. I'm sorry to hear that. What don't you like about school?"

He stares me down with his sad eyes and says, "I was crying today and I really wanted you, but they wouldn't get you for me."

**My broken heart shatters to pieces.** 

 "Honey... What happened? Why were you crying?" 

"We had to go down to the music teachers room in the basement and I thought she was a scary old witch and it was a trap."

I honestly had to hold back my laughter. A, Trap?!?!  A friggin trap? WTF???  

"Dude. Why in the world would you think the music teacher was a witch and you were being lured into a trap?" 

I swear... My husband and the video games and shit they watch is to blame for this. 

The poor guy was so serious when he said, "Mommy, she had funny color gray hair piled on top of her head. It looked like a wig. And her face was really old. Her room was at the very end of a long hall in the basement and I thought it was a trap, so I started crying and asking for you." 

Her classroom really is in the basement at the end of the hall. I felt terrible for him. "Oh, Honey! I'm sorry you were so scared. What happened next?"

"The music teacher made me go in her room and sit on the floor with other children."

He goes on to tell me that she wanted him to do the hokey pokey and he told her no, because it made him dizzy. And she must've said something about him not getting a sticker because he told me that he told her he didn't care because he didn't like stickers anyway.

My heart broke. The poor guy. All this scary shit and I'm not there to make him feel safe. Of course the music teacher is not a scary witch luring him into a trap. But I get it, how is he supposed to know that?

I held him tight and promised him that the music teacher was a very, very nice lady and that only nice teachers are allowed in his school and that's why I picked it.

I also promised him that if he ever really needed me, like if he was hurt or sick, the school would call me straight away to get him. 

I called one of my girlfriends who has been at the elementary school with her kids two daughters for the last five years and told her the story. When she was finished laughing hysterically, she told me the music teacher was one of the nicest ladies and that she was retiring in October.

I was honestly relieved when I heard she was retiring. Not because my son won't have to be subjected to the scary lady with the fake hair, but because this poor nice woman won't have to be subjected to an asshole kid telling her she is scary with fake hair! 

That night I let him sleep in my bed and held him close all night. I barely slept. My helicopter mom instincts were telling me to homeschool him. Thankfully, I fell asleep before that nonsense went too far.

Before sending the little guy off to school the next morning, I reminded him that all the teachers were super awesome and that if he truly needed me I would be there.

Even though it is so hard for me to stand back and let my child have these experiences without me, I'm glad he's doing it one way or another. Not to mention, it's nice to not be there when he says crazy stuff because I've been dealing with his filterless mouth for the past five years, and it totally sucks. 

UPDATE: Two days later, the little man jumps off the bus, beaming with excitement and a small sticker on the back of his right hand. 

"Mommy! The music teacher gave me a hug and a sticker. She is nice." 

I get it. I hated kindergarten, too. It's scary.

The days leading up to my son starting kindergarten, he was so excited. He was going to, "get to ride the bus with the big kids in our neighborhood." He was going to, "get to go to the big school with all of his cousins and friends.  

Even on the morning of the first day, he was visibly more excited than scared. Of course, I could see the fear in his eyes but it was still overshadowed by his excitement. I was so proud of my little man.

I, on the other hand, was worried AF about how he would like it if he would have fun, miss me, need me... My girlfriends who had already been through the kindergarten-mania insisted he was having the best time. I held fast to this hope while still counting the minutes until I could hold him. 

When the bus arrived my heart was jumping out of my chest, I couldn't wait to hold my little pumpkin! He clung to the rail while descending the stairs of the bus, then practically jumped off to my arms. I scooped him up and held him tight and asked him how his day was. He said, awful, mommy, then jumped out of my arms and ran down the sidewalk about four houses, then ran back. He repeated it four times before running up the walkway to our house. 

Later that night, he told me school was awful because his teacher yells at the children and the day is "way too long." My heart broke knowing there was nothing I could do but send him back in the morning.

The rest of the week was exactly the same. He climbs off the bus, jumps in my arms, then after hugs and kisses jump out of my arms to run four or five laps up and down the sidewalk. After the second day, he started having mini-meltdowns or asshole-attitude outburst after his sidewalk jaunt. This always lasted for about an hour followed by an apology while climbing in my lap.

By the end of week two, I was prepared for his after school routine I started to think his running up and down the sidewalk must have something to do with all the energy he has to suppress trying to be a good boy all day. 

He's on his third week of school and has yet to admit he likes it. He always tells me how his teacher yells at the kids, the music teacher scares him, and then last Friday, the bus driver yelled at some kids to sit down and now Ollie is no longer a fan of, Mr. John.

I get it. I hated kindergarten too. It's scary. You're away from mommy and daddy all day, you have to listen to these strangers who yell sometimes and then there's the 5-year-old fear that if you don't be good, you're going to go to the dungeon and be locked up.

As much as I want to pull him out of school and hold him close to me all day long, school is so important. We both have to push through this adjustment period. The education, life lessons, social skills, and routine are crucial, and not something I can provide very well at home. (I'm talking about ME, not you homeschool mom/dad, you're amazing.)  Plus, I keep telling myself, if he really hated it, he would put up more of a protest in the morning. My kid is a stubborn mule, if he really truly hated kindergarten, he would let me know.

Six Mothers To Watch Out For On The Playground

With back-to-school in full-force, I have been reintroduced to a few of those stereotypical moms I want to throat punch. You know those moms who take it to the top to prove something, but exactly what, no one knows? (Think: Bad Moms Movie)

I know you should never say never. Especially, when it comes to anything related to parenting, however, the following Seven Types of Mom I sincerely hope I never become.

The PTA Princess- You know the perfect, perky, all smiles Pinterest Princess bouncing around in yoga pants jacked up on Starbucks. That chick, I will never be. More power to her, because someone needs to make perfect Minion cupcakes for the Bake Sale.

The Soccer Socialite- One place you will never catch my ass is hovering over my child in sports. I want him to love and excel at sports, in his own way on his own time. While I'll encourage and support him, I will never push him. It's his life. Not mine. I also have no desire to get in a snack rotation pissing contest. I've heard horror stories of soccer mom riots over a shitty snack.

The Tech Tyrant- Technology is the future. No freaking way am I going to restrict my child from it. Yes, I know the "child experts" attribute a slew of mental and developmental issues to tech-time. Yes, I know they warn that video games can turn children into psychopaths, but...well... NEWS FLASH: elementary school can do that too.

There are some brilliant educational apps available, and I love them. I attribute a part of my son's early vocabulary burst, hand-eye coordination, and problem-solving skills and flawless dance moves to educational apps and YouTube Kids videos.  (I don't care, tell me to burn in hell, I'm not sorry!) TECH RULES!

The Blind Blamer: There is nothing I can't stand more than the mom who blames everyone else's child for their child's behavior. WAKE UP! Your child is not perfect. Kids act crazy. ALL KIDS! So, before you go blindly blaming a playdate for your child's moody behavior or for biting, "when she's never done that before", shut up and see your child for what she is, normal! Not, perfect. No kid is.

The Holistic Hippie- While I admit I sometimes sway this way, I will never hug the tree completely for one simple reason, FOOD IS GOOD! I am all for dodging hormones, GMOs, processed foods and refined sugar, but I'm not going to go all nutty about it. A life without McDonald's fries, Chick'fil-A chicken, Taco Bell Crunch wraps and Movie Theater popcorn just ain't livin'! (Sorry food allergy people. I'm lactose intolerant, so I know how it sucks to miss out on this stuff.) But for the parents out there forcing their child to eat black bean cupcakes when all the other kids get to eat Walmart cupcakes is, well, shitty.  No it's not organic and sugar-free, but seriously, get over yourself, one bloody cupcake is not going to make your child grow a third ball. Let the little guy eat cake once in a while!

Society's Sweetheart- This is one type of mom I refuse to be. I can't be her. I tried to mother according to society's rules and ideas, but the onslaught of pediatric opinions, medical journals, parenting books, forums and the latest "expert advice" were impossible to keep up with. Not to mention, rarely worked for my newborn. Thankfully, I stopped trying to be Society's Sweetheart Mom and followed my own Mother's Instinct. What a difference that made. Suck it society! It turns out, I know WAY more about my child than you.

The Crazed Competitor- I am fiercely competitive in sport and challenges, however, when it comes to mom-pissing-contests, I'm out. I have no desire to be the room mom, drive the best SUV, have the bounciest ass, or brag about providing the most organic locally sourced snack. If your kid beats mine in a race, cool, it happens. As far as I know, The Mom of the Year is not a real contest. Not that I would want to win. Competing with another mother is stupid.

So what type of mom am I?

The MomMe I try to be the best mother I can by being, Me. I love my son with all of my heart, spoil him rotten, but also am firm when needed. I encourage him to grow and challenge himself daily. Instilling  a strong faith in God, kindness, love, understanding, openness and humility is my mom-mission. I'm not perfect. I screw up daily. I slip and cuss in front of my son, let him play Lego Star Wars on PS4, have really crappy days and totally understand when he does too. I'm laid back and that's my parenting style. Neither of us is in a race or competition at this life thing, so enjoying each moment is my daily mantra. Being a mother is the greatest gift of my life. Letting mommy-wars, society, insecurities and pissing contest stop me from being my best MomME is pure dumbassery.

TIP: Be your own kind of MomMe and be proud of it!

5 Back-To-School Sports Lifesavers You'll LOVE

It's the middle of August and it's nearly a hundred degrees outside with the humidity is pushing 80%. The air is so thick and wet, it's hard to breathe.

Still, the middle school field, visible from my kitchen window, is packed full of kids attending sports tryouts and practices. 

I can't help but be sad for the little ones and their families risking heat stroke and sunburns for 'the love of the game.' Damn, it must suck. But, I get it, the fall sports season has technically begun. So, today, I'm dedicating this post to the parents and families sweating cats and dogs on the field. Keep reading, below are the five things I used to keep my family cool the weekend we braved 107-degree temps to win a cake and ride the rides...  

(Note: This is in no way a sponsored post. The below products I found and purchased myself. Congrats to these companies for making great products. Here's some free advertising.)

Every year during the third weekend in July, the Catholic church two blocks from my house puts on the best picnic and carnival EVER! The three of us look forward to it all year long. This year, the forecast put the weekend at one-hundred degree days and ninety degree nights. Knowing there was no way we were going to miss the four days of fun and family thrills and chills it provides, I decided that I would prepare my family as best as I could. 

I scoured the Internet, novelty stores, Target, and The Dollar Tree for anything that would promise to keep my family cool and protected from the sun's rays and stupid-hot July temps. Below are the five things that kept us cool, hydrated and protected from the suns rays.

The Hydro Flask ($30): First and foremost, if nothing else, hydrate your child. And I cannot recommend the Hydro Flask enough for the job! My best friend sent it to me for my birthday this year, and I use it every single day. It is the most indestructible amazing liquid holding contraption ever. It keeps ice water icy cold and hot soup super hot. You can seriously put a few ice cubes in this thing in the morning and fill it full of water, and by the end, the ice cubes will be intact. 

The Ultra Soft Cooling Towel ($9): If you bought one of the first cooling towels to hit the market, then you know, once they dried out, it was like a hard cardboard sheet. Thankfully, the towels have had an upgrade. The new ones stay soft always wet or dry.  Now, you can throw it in your handbag, and all you've got to do is just find a little bit of water soak it, snap it a few times and you instantly have a cold towel. This is a mom emergency heat stroke life saver. Seriously, every mom should have one in her handbag. And they're so cheap why not.

The Necklace Fan ($16 for Two or $10 for One): This thing is hysterical!!! But so friggin' great. All you do is pop in some batteries, slip the fan over your head and tighten it up around your neck and BOOM, instant hands-free air conditioning. Definitely not the most fashionable thing, but it works. Well. And it totally worth the money! I gave one to a girlfriend who runs her family's YUMMY ice cream food truck at the Catholic picnics, She LOVED it! Shoutout to Haywood Ice cream!

The handheld USB rechargeable hand held 3-speed fan with light ($15). This fan was a wild-card winner! I was floored when it arrived... So well-made, the three speeds are fast, faster and hurricane force winds... and the light on the back...  and has a power bank that can charge my phone!!!! OMG!!!! This fan is my new favorite. We now own three. If you need a handheld fan, buy this. 

UPF 50+ Bucket Sun Hat UV Sun Protection with Mesh Rim ($10-$15): 

I'm so in love with the hats I bought for all of us. All three were inexpensive and have been Lifesavers since day one. The boys love their hats. They stay super cool, and the mesh rim around it lets the air blow through. Most of all, the UPF material actually blocks some of those seriously harmful sun rays.  

What are your favorite summer cooling go-to's? 

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Do This Before You Buy Back-To-School Clothes

No doubt back-to-school (BTS) shopping and preparations can send even the most budget-conscious family into financial hell. I'm constantly trying to find ways to save, repurpose and trade my son's toys and clothes. I had a garage sale last weekend, that wore me the fuck out, that not only cleared out our junk and clutter but helped pad the budget for BTS shopping.  

The goal was to shed the crap and clutter weighing my family and house down. This includes all of the clothes we all no longer needed. I have a super method for plowing through the clothes quickly. The goal is to clear out the crap, make as much money as possible, then use it as a guide to my back-to-school shopping budget. Let's just say, creativity keeps my family clothed. 

So, if like me, you live on a budget, have limited closet space, and would like 50-75% of your child(ren)'s  school clothes paid for, keep reading...

Here is how this whole thing works. I have two or three storage tubs for each of us and two for our coats as well. I start by emptying out the storage bins into four piles; Keep, Donate, Dump and Delusional. Let me explain...

Keep:

This is, of course, the clothes I/Ollie/FTD plan on wearing for the season. This pile also has the Spring Break t-shirt from 1996 that holds too many memories to part with, the tops I spent too much on, and the hideous grandparent gifted sweaters I have to keep readily available for surprise invites and drop-ins.

Sell/Donate:

This is the pile of clothes needs to belong to someone else. Hopefully to paying customers at the yard sale... This pile is everything that will never ever be worn again by your people. The more you let go of, the more you will make, so be honest with yourself.  This pile also holds the Christmas, birthday and awful baby clothes I will NEVER EVER put on my body or my child's. Thankfully, my trash is someone's treasure. After all, someone bought these fine specimens of shit clothes thinking they were superb. These same people are also on PeopleofWalmart.com 

Dump:

This pile is the worst of the worst.  While it is meant for the city dump, it should be burned to ensure these articles of clothing never see the light of day again.  This one holds the clothes I painted the wall and myself in, things I wore until they fell apart. Literally. Things even the Goodwill will not take. You know it is bad when Goodwill throws the bag back in your car, screaming "LEAVE!"  Again, for examples go to PeopleofWalmart.com

Delusional:

This happens to be a very special pile. This pile is beautiful. All of my favorite clothes that I cannot fit into anymore,  or Ollie's clothes I want to save because parting with them would break my heart love so much I cannot part with are piled, very high, here.  Why do I call it the delusional pile and keep it separate from the keep pile?  Because I am so incredibly delusional, I think I will be a size 4 again, or that somehow I will be able to pull off that twenty-something look at thirty-something. No, really, I think it possible!  What if this whole, "Wait until you start chasing a toddler, the pounds will melt off," is true?  Granted the whole, "Breastfeed and the pounds will melt off," proved to be a load of horse turds. But, maybe, just maybe, the toddler marathon will get me into my pre-teen denim!

ONce finished sorting through the clothes, Put away the delusional, Dump the crap and start preparing for the yard or sidewalk sale. Believe it or not, clothes are the best selling item at a garage sale. You've got a good chance of selling most all of your clothes, and best of all, making enough to cover 50-100% of this season's back to school shopping. 

TIP: Now that the closets are fully clean, hang all of the new clothes with the hanger hooks facing you, once you take the garment off the hanger I turn the hanger back around. This way, at the end of the season what ever has not been turned around should be donated or dumped.