Creating Balance In Your Parenting Partnership

NOTE: This is the conclusion to yesterday's post, The Mistake So Many First Time Parents Make, where I shared a back and forth email between myself and a reader exposing the ugly truths behind control-freak (first-time) moms, and dads either not sure what to do or are getting away with doing the minimum. Today's post is a continuation of the email exchange, and the magic that happens when you communicate with your parenting partner to create a better balance.

Now, where we left off yesterday was me telling Kate, "It's important to be open with Will about feeling overwhelmed, but also know you take on too much by your own accord. 

This is what happened when Kate talked to her husband: 

KATE: Guess what?! Hubby is currently upstairs putting George to sleep for the first time... Fingers crossed.

ME: Yaaaaaaaaaay!!! Bravo. Small steps. I'm so happy for you!! Let me know how it goes!

KATE: 8:08pm, George is asleep, kitchen is cleaned up and I am sitting on the couch!!! Heaven! 

I look back to the first year of parenting where I was a scared, control freak first-time parent. I was so full of anxiety, I couldn't sit down. I was constantly rushing around doing one thing or another to ensure my son was well fed, cared for and in a sterile safe environment. Then, at the end of the day, I would plop down on the couch exhausted, resenting the hell out of my husband for not helping me. 

He insisted he would help if he knew what to do or I didn't bitch at him for doing things wrong. He also expressed frustration about me constantly standing over him telling when and what to do with his son because of the, "routine".

It's true, that routine was everything to me and having everything just right was important to me, too. Even though the new-parent anxiety was plentiful enough to keep me on the move, mentally and physically I was falling apart. 

What's sad is that my husband is an exceptional father, and fought me every step of the way to prove that. I just struggled so much with how his ways were not like mine, and at the time, I thought my ways were the best. I was such a bitch! (Sorry, baby. I love you!)

Please learn from me on this one, if you resent your parenting partner because you carry the majority of the load, take a look at the reason why. Is it because you won't let your partner do anything? Or when you do, you critique everything to the point of berating their parenting ways?  Or is your partner a lazy shit that needs a fire lit under their ass?

Regardless, if you are worn out and need help and it's sitting on the couch in the other room, speak up, step back, delegate. Something. Find a way to open the line of communication, like Kate did, to create a better parenting balance. Trust me, your entire family will benefit from you relaxing a little. 

7 Stereotypical Moms You Meet During Back-To-School

With back-to-school in full-force, I have been reintroduced to a few of those stereotypical moms I want to throat punch. You know those moms who take it to the top to prove something, but exactly what, no one knows? (Think: Bad Moms Movie)

I know you should never say never. Especially, when it comes to anything related to parenting, however, the following Seven Types of Mom I sincerely hope I never become.

The PTA Princess- You know the perfect, perky, all smiles Pinterest Princess bouncing around in yoga pants jacked up on Starbucks. That chick, I will never be. More power to her, because someone needs to make perfect Minion cupcakes for the Bake Sale.

The Soccer Socialite- One place you will never catch my ass is hovering over my child in sports. I want him to love and excel at sports, in his own way on his own time. While I'll encourage and support him, I will never push him. It's his life. Not mine. I also have no desire to get in a snack rotation pissing contest. I've heard horror stories of soccer mom riots over a shitty snack.

The Tech Tyrant- Technology is the future. No freaking way am I going to restrict my child from it. Yes, I know the "child experts" attribute a slew of mental and developmental issues to tech-time. Yes, I know they warn that video games can turn children into psychopaths, but...well... NEWS FLASH: elementary school can do that too.

There are some brilliant educational apps available, and I love them. I attribute a part of my son's early vocabulary burst, hand-eye coordination, and problem-solving skills and flawless dance moves to educational apps and YouTube Kids videos.  (I don't care, tell me to burn in hell, I'm not sorry!) TECH RULES!

The Blind Blamer: There is nothing I can't stand more than the mom who blames everyone else's child for their child's behavior. WAKE UP! Your child is not perfect. Kids act crazy. ALL KIDS! So, before you go blindly blaming a playdate for your child's moody behavior or for biting, "when she's never done that before", shut up and see your child for what she is, normal! Not, perfect. No kid is.

The Holistic Hippie- While I admit I sometimes sway this way, I will never hug the tree completely for one simple reason, FOOD IS GOOD! I am all for dodging hormones, GMOs, processed foods and refined sugar, but I'm not going to go all nutty about it. A life without McDonald's fries, Chick'fil-A chicken, Taco Bell Crunch wraps and Movie Theater popcorn just ain't livin'! (Sorry food allergy people. I'm lactose intolerant, so I know how it sucks to miss out on this stuff.) But for the parents out there forcing their child to eat black bean cupcakes when all the other kids get to eat Walmart cupcakes is, well, shitty.  No it's not organic and sugar-free, but seriously, get over yourself, one bloody cupcake is not going to make your child grow a third ball. Let the little guy eat cake once in a while!

Society's Sweetheart- This is one type of mom I refuse to be. I can't be her. I tried to mother according to society's rules and ideas, but the onslaught of pediatric opinions, medical journals, parenting books, forums and the latest "expert advice" were impossible to keep up with. Not to mention, rarely worked for my newborn. Thankfully, I stopped trying to be Society's Sweetheart Mom and followed my own Mother's Instinct. What a difference that made. Suck it society! It turns out, I know WAY more about my child than you.

The Crazed Competitor- I am fiercely competitive in sport and challenges, however, when it comes to mom-pissing-contests, I'm out. I have no desire to be the room mom, drive the best SUV, have the bounciest ass, or brag about providing the most organic locally sourced snack. If your kid beats mine in a race, cool, it happens. As far as I know, The Mom of the Year is not a real contest. Not that I would want to win. Competing with another mother is stupid.

So what type of mom am I?

The MomMe I try to be the best mother I can by being, Me. I love my son with all of my heart, spoil him rotten, but also am firm when needed. I encourage him to grow and challenge himself daily. Instilling  a strong faith in God, kindness, love, understanding, openness and humility is my mom-mission. I'm not perfect. I screw up daily. I slip and cuss in front of my son, let him play Lego Star Wars on PS4, have really crappy days and totally understand when he does too. I'm laid back and that's my parenting style. Neither of us is in a race or competition at this life thing, so enjoying each moment is my daily mantra. Being a mother is the greatest gift of my life. Letting mommy-wars, society, insecurities and pissing contest stop me from being my best MomME is pure dumbassery.

TIP: Be your own kind of MomMe and be proud of it!

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The Back-to-School Guide For First-Timers

It's hard to start this post because of all the emotions I feel thinking back to the first day of school last year. Granted, it was Pre-K, but it was still the first day of school. It was hard. Emotional. Eye-opening. Most of all, it was a huge milestone in my child's life.

Below are some of my very best tips for back to school. Or in my usual style, lessons learned the hard way when I dropped my kid off at school for the first time.

Picture it: Parents everywhere, children everywhere, kids crying, parents crying, photo after photo being taken in front of the school. Teachers shoving stacks of papers in your hand with lists, rules, expectations and snack rotation schedules, all while your child is clinging to you for dear life, begging you not to leave him in this madhouse.

1. It's a whole new world- If you did the daycare thing or Mother's-day-out at the church, don't expect anything to be the same when it comes to actual school. I definitely didn't expect Pre-K to be so formal. Well, it is. You show up on time, you follow the rules, you read the lists, and every single scrap of paper sent home. Or, risk sending your child to school in a red outfit on green outfit day, or worse, on a dress-up day! TIP: Dedicate a calendar in your house to strictly school stuff.

2.  Your child isn't the only one crying on the first day of school. The first day of school was rough for both Ollie and I. Thankfully, we were not the only ones having a rough go of it. At times I couldn't tell who was being more brave, the parents or the child. School is a huge step, yes, but it's also a huge reminder that our babies are growing up.

3. It's OK to go nuts with the photos, everyone else is. It was beyond cute watching the moms and dads taking photos in front of the school. Whole families showed up for this momentous day.  Grandparents, siblings, the dog... all are welcome. The only rule is, get your photo and move along, four hundred parents are waiting.

4. Drop-off is chaotic. To say the least. I get it. It's 8:30am, parents are trying to get their child in school and be at work by 9. But, the fact that drop-off is a knockdown free for all to get signed into class and be back in the car in 4.3 seconds flat, is a little crazy. However, I've learned, that's just how it is. Your best bet is to stay clear of these parents and not take it personally. Give yourself plenty of time the first week for navigating parking and drop-off.

5.  Make hand washing a household rule. Let's just say, it's ALWAYS cold and flu season when school is in session. Schools are a germ paradise full of dirty hands, sneezes, coughs and miserable sick children whose parents had to get to a meeting. Combat germs by teaching your child the importance of handwashing throughout the day, and insist on handwashing the second your child(ren) get home from school.

Bonus Tip: BE BRAVE! It's hard to watch our babies grow up. School is a huge step. For both of you. Once you make it to the classroom, give your hugs and kisses of encouragement, then use your best brave face to let your child know it's going to be OK, then get out of there! The longer you linger, the harder it will be for your child to let you go. There's something about you lingering that gives your child the impression you can really stay the whole time if you want. Kiss and go... to your car to join the rest of the parents balling their eyes out in the parking lot.

IF YOU HAVE ANY TIPS, PLEASE SHARE!

10 First-Time Parent Delusions

Being a first-time mother, it's safe to say I will always be a rookie with my first born.  Every day, stage, milestone, fever, bump and achievement is new for both of us. Below are a few the worst first-time mom delusions most all of us share.

1. Thinking that the parenting books are the gospel of parenting, and when you or your child fails to meet the goals or milestones, you are sure you suck at parenting, and your kid hates you. WRONG!  Those books are mere guidelines written by perfectionist, take them with a grain of salt and a bottle of wine.  If you must read the parenting books, look for books with, "this shit is crazy," in the title. 

2.  Thinking you have parenting figured out from all of the hours of advice you got while being pregnant, and that your baby will NEVER be like those babies in the store that cry the whole time, stay up all hours and don't meet milestones on time, or god forbid, do not pick up baby sign language.  Give it up.  Give all of your preconceived ideas and plans up now. Parenting is hands-on learn-as-you-go. Nothing works out how you planned.  (Don't fret, sometimes it works out even better!)

3. Wishing for new milestones.  You will soon learn that days you could leave your baby in one spot and know they will stay there, will be known as the, "easy days."  Wishing for crawling is like wishing for the dog to chew up your new favorite pair of shoes.  Wishing for walking is like wishing for a tornado to remodel your home. Wishing for talking is like asking congress to hold meetings in your bed at night. Trust me on this one, love the slug, because when the slug becomes mobile all hell breaks loose. 

4. Cleaning the house while your family is away.  They will turn your house back into a shithole the minute they get home. Spot clean and disinfect the surfaces, then put your feet up, have a glass of wine, grab a magazine and enjoy the quiet time. 

5. Thinking you can still have a social life, friends and normalcy once your baby is born. Sure, when you become a mom you still have Happy Hours, except now they are called, nap time. I became the worst friend when I become a new mother.  I was so damn tired at the end of the day, that the thought of going out instead of sitting on the couch enjoying baby free peace and quiet, was crazy! I am just now making regular baby free outings with friends.

6.  Expecting that you will experience a marital/relationship bliss like you have never known when the baby arrives. Your family will be complete…Blah, Blah, Blah  WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! Babies eat bliss then shit it out all over you.  In fact, I have never heard of a relationship that gets stronger right after the new baby arrives.  Marital bliss is one thing,  being a strong parenting team is another. The two take a long time to meet up in the middle.  

7. Thinking you will loose the baby weight before you leave the hospital, or at the very least in 6 weeks if you breastfeed.  Not. Gonna. Happen.  It took you 10-months to pack it on, it's gonna take work to lose it, and that's for a healthy cardio crazy twenty-something. If you plan to lose the weight fast, you better have a damn good plan. 

8. Buying new baby clothes every time you go to the store.  I look back at the closet and drawers full of newborn and 3-6 month-old-clothes I had ready before my baby even arrived, and think dammit what a waste of time and money!  My son maybe wore two newborn outfits and grew out of 3-6 months by four months old.  Buy the minimum, especially when your baby is young. 

9. Thinking you can have nice things. Until your children move out of your home, you cannot have nice things.  And from what I hear, they end up moving back in, bringing significant others, then before you know it there is another baby running around.  Just give up hope of nice things.  Save the money for a vacation. 

10. Making plans to be somewhere at a certain time.  HAHAHAHAHA!  Not gonna happen.  Even if you tell yourself you have to be somewhere an hour early.  There is a certain Murphy's Law to leaving the house on-time with a baby/toddler.  Between the diaper bags full of crap and bottles, to the thinking you can plan around naps and feedings.  An appointment will only be met when you do not have a baby in tow, and even then you have a plethora of variables that could work against you.  My kid is 20-months-old, I still struggle to make it to the bathroom on-time.

Time-Out To The Rescue

When my son turned two, to combat his typical stubborn defiant toddler behavior, we started 2-minute time-outs (TO). Since his Mother's day out program enforced time-outs as well, it worked pretty well. Most times, just the threat of a TO worked to deter naughty behavior.

Around three and a half, the little guy sort of turned a corner on being naughty. He was a delight more than not. Time-outs became less and less, until we ceased to have them. Instead, we would take a toy or tech-time away for a period of time.

Enter two weeks ago...

The kid turned the corner on craziness! He started to say, NO!, to everything, hit, kicked, ran away, or just, did it anyway--whatever 'it' was that I told him not to do or to stop doing. After a week of the over-the-top naughty behavior and stubborn assertion of his independence, I found myself exhausted and lost for a 'fix'. Taking away toys or his tablet stopped being effective. He basically laughs in my face about EVERYTHING!

It turns out, the reason you hear, 'Four is worse than three,' is because this new feeling of being a big kid takes over. Which, has clearly happened for my now four-year-old.

The truth is, I get it. After only two days of being four, the big guy walks around with a newfound proudness. He keeps announcing he is four, the proves it by doing something on his own, or telling me how he can do it on his own because he is four. He picks out his clothes for school, puts on his one shoes, helps make his breakfast, gets his own cup of water, and even picks up his toys without being asked.

He also, fights to cross the street without holding my hand, won't take a nap or have rest time with a fight, refuses to eat dinners that aren't what he wants, and won't stop doing something until he is ready, regardless of how many times he asked. Just today, when I said, No Way, to a request for candy, he found a way.

We keep his candy on the refrigerator. At least he's resourceful.

Completely drained by the crazy behavior, I called a girlfriend and said, I'm losing it over here, my awesome little guy has turned into a terror. HELP! 

That's when she said two magical words; Time Out.

I don't know why I did't think of that. I was just so shocked by the crazy behavior, I guess I thought it would go away as fast as it came. So much for that.

There is such an ebb and flow when it comes to littles. They really do need their independence to learn life skills and gain a sense of self and self-worth. Unfortunately, most of the time, it's at the expense of parent's sanity and/or patience.

Even though it's back to time-outs and battles of wits and endurance, I do see how the hard work pays off. He is such a great kid, most of the time, because I don't back down when times get tough. That's a big part of what parenting is. Taking the time to guide and nurture your child, even when it sucks.

Four, here we come.

4 Ways To Make Money From Home

Parenting is the most important job you’ll ever do. It’s also the most labor-intensive. Raising a child means dropping whatever you’re doing whenever your baby needs you. It’s an overwhelming task, and you’ll discover it’s that much more difficult if you try to work from home at the same time. Trust me, I know!

Look at that face! 

There was no way I was going back to the Ad Agency.

Zip. Zero. None.  

If staying home with your child and earning a little extra money on the side sounds like a plan to you, keep reading for a few ideas on how to make money as a full-time parent.

The Day I Took My Eyes Off A Toddler

While I get over the latest crapy virus to pass through Pre-K and into my home, I'm reposting an old favorite; A tale of the day I took my eyes off a toddler. 

Last Friday, while Ollie was having lunch in front of Sesame Street, I decided to mop the kitchen floor. After mopping, I ran to the basement to switch the laundry. When I came back upstairs, I found Ollie dragging a mop through the house. A very wet mop...

Ollie: Look, Mommy, I'm Helping!

Me: How did you get that mop so wet?

Ollie: In there!

He runs over to the bathroom door and points. I follow him to where he is standing over the toilet and pointing in the bowl.

Me: You put the mop in the toilet?

Ollie: YES! I'm helping mommy mop the floors.

Even though I wanted to lose my shit, I couldn't. He genuinely thought he was helping.

ME: In the calmest tone possible, I said something to my child no parent ever should... Honey, we don't mop the floors with toilet water. 

I looked behind me at the trail of toilet water leading from the bathroom, through the breakfast room, down the hall and into the living room. I didn't know if I was going to cry or throw up, or both. I may have done both. I'm not sure since I've nearly blacked out the horrifying scene...

I was so thoroughly grossed out, I called FTD and whined into the phone, Ollie just mopped the floors with toilet water. ALL OF THEM! 

He was speechless. The man couldn't even make a joke.

Ollie stole his thunder like never before.

I immediately soaked the mop head in bleach, made Ollie sit in his highchair instead of his big boy chair to finish his lunch, then proceeded to mop every square inch of the floors in my house.

Every. Square. Inch.

I wanted to yell and cry, but I couldn't. All those times I got him to, "Help mommy Swiffer the floors", and then praised him for his hard work, backfired. I created this monster. In a VERY small way, it was part my fault he drug the mop covered in toilet hell through the house.

Please, my friends, if you learn nothing else from my stellar parenting, take these three valuable lessons with you...

1. Don't leave the mop out.
2. Helpful toddlers are just as dangerous as Silent toddlers.
3. Be very afraid if your child says anything remotely close to, Look, Mommy, I'm Helping!  

Really, Dora And Friends? The "Map App" Will Save You? #MomRant

The other day, when I tuned into Ollie's favorite TV channel, Dora The Explorer was on, mid episode. Being that Ollie doesn't really watch it, I went to change the and to my surprise,  he asked to keep watching it.  I'm all for the bi-lingual format of the show, but other than that, I had never seen the show beginning to end, so I sat down to watch it with him.

Dora, was mid-adventure in the woods  with friends.  We tuned in right before they got lost. What happened next, was shocking.

Once Dora  and friends realized they were lost in the woods,  she whips out a phone and says,

"It's Ok, I'll use my handy Map App to find our way."

A Map App?

WTH?

Seven Tips For Surviving Cold And Flu Season

Being that we are in the throws of cold and flu season, I thought I would share a few of my best tips for caring for a sick sad face. a.k.a your family and yourself when down and out with the flu. Below you will find my best tips for caring for littles, with facts, studies and recommendations for keeping the entire family healthy year round!

1. Resist the urge to reduce a low grade fever.  It's not a coincidence a fever is usually the first sign illness, especially in children. A fever is the body's first line of defense, and should not be treated when below 102 in children. I know it's hard, but when your child has a low grade fever  (anything below 102F), CTFD (Calm the f#ck Down) and let the fever do its job. Below is a recommendation from the Mayo Clinic on how to treat fevers in children: