Nothing Drives Me More Crazy About My Husband and Child Than THIS!

The week before Thanksgiving, Ollie made a "We Give Thanks" placemat to use at Thanksgiving dinner. When he brought it home, he proudly placed it on the dining table, ready to me tell me all about it. He showed me how he made a turkey with his hand, and then pointed to a list of things he told his teacher he was thankful for. 

As I read the list, I didn't know if I wanted to scream, throw up or take a shot. 

His table? What table? 

Food? Seriously. Food.

I totally get the Star Wars Stuff and Daddy, but where the hell am I? 

I am his Mommy. I nursed that child for two years!!! I wipe his ass everyday. I feed him the damn food on the damn table! (The table he is referring to is a huge coffee table in our family room that I let him play on. That table is mine from way before him!) 

In order to stop my ego from jumping in the toilet to drown itself, I justified that daddy made the list because all he does is the fun stuff! They play Star Wars, watch ridiculousness on YouTube, Do 'Man Stuff', team up on me when they want to do something...

When daddy is home, I might as well be a cold meatloaf. Until the kid needs his ass wiped, of course.

It's clear, if I want to get on the child's thankful list, I need to step my game up a little. Unfortunately, my competition happens to be a forty year-old child, who's really on the top of his game around the holidays. 

Need I remind you of the Stormtrooper Turkey carving incident?

Or how about our Christmas card last year? 

My husband is a big stupid shameless child. For that reason, my son and four nephews worship the man. I get it, he carves the turkey wearing a StormTrooper Mask and last Christmas he shot off fireworks because, "Jesus would want fireworks on his birthday." Speaking of birthdays, my husband insisted on having two pinatas at his birthday party, so he could have one to himself.

I'm honestly just jealous. Daddy is awesome. He has no shame and big grand naughty ideas that always end in laughter. 

All I have to say is, Game on Daddy, get ready to be bumped off the list! 

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit