Damn You, Halloween, You've Turned My Kid Into A Crazy Person

This was his first taste of Halloween, his Pre-K Halloween party haul. 

 And a big thank you to the mom who threw in the Apple. You've got my heart.

I am so over Halloween candy, if I never see it again, it will be too soon. My kid is so freaking candy obsessed. I'm seriously considering getting his head checked. 

Mommy! Mommy!  Pleeeeeeeeeaaaase can I have the Pumpkin? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaassssse!


We keep the Halloween candy on top of the refrigerator in a big plastic Pumpkin. Like the one kid's use to trick-or-treat. 

All damn day long, my kid stands at the foot of the refrigerator begging and pleaded for his precious. He cycles through empty promises of being good, begging, bargaining, crying, full-on tantrums and guilt trips. His dedication and creativity are commendable. 

It starts first thing in the morning:

7:30am: No, you can't have M&Ms for breakfast.

8am: No, you can't have Nerds for making turds. No more getting candy for crapping in the can. You're a big boy now.

8:01am: Seriously, you JUST asked for the Pumpkin, I'm not changing my mind. 

8:02am I know you are not trying to climb up the shelves of the refrigerator to get to the Pumpkin? I can't even think right now, go to timeout.

8:04am No, you can't have candy for staying in timeout the entire time. 

I can't even get my head around how crazy the kid is for candy. He doesn't want to eat anything but candy. Somehow, in his little three-year-old way of thinking, he thinks it's totally cool to eat ONLY candy and has every intention of fighting for it. 

I admit, if I had my way, he would NEVER eat candy and cakes. He loves fruit, and for the longest time, that was his treat. Now, with candy on his radar, getting him excited about watermelon and grapes is a freaking waste of time. To him, there's only one sweet treat in this world, and it comes from a plastic pumpkin. 

I told FTD the minute the Halloween candy is finished, I'm going to run the pumpkin over with my car. Then I'm going to get out and jump on it. Probably kick it too. 

I'm not kidding. 

The Pumpkin must die. 

It's so hard to find the delicate balance between offering candy and sweet treats, and keeping my kid focused on healthy treats and sweets. There is no reason my toddler should have one piece of candy every day. I don't get one piece of candy every day! 

Once the Halloween candy madness subsides and the holiday chocolates are consumed, we are going to take a HUGE break from candy and junk food. I just hope my sanity and the kid's teeth can make it until then. 

Not following us on social media yet? You're missing out on all of our behind the scenes nonsense, and trust me, it's complete and utter nonsense. 

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com