Why I Won't Take One More Second With My Son For Granted...

I have spent the last few days debating whether or not to write this post. Two things have been holding me back.

1. It's horrible for me to relive.
2. It's morbid, and awful, and I try very hard to avoid writing about both things on this blog.

However, I have been profoundly effected by my nightmare, and feel it is my duty to write about it...

A few nights ago, I had the nightmare of nightmares. You know, the one where you're praying in your dream that's it's just a dream, and when you wake up, you nearly breakout in tears when you realize all is Ok, and audibly thank God.

That was me at 3:30am on Sunday morning.

When I woke from my dream to find Ollie laying next to me in my bed, I scooped him up and held him tight, and with tears in my eyes, thanked God he was there next to me.

I'm sorry I can't say anymore, but the nightmare itself is too difficult to think about. Plus, It's not not what I want to tell you about. I want to tell you how the horrible emptiness I felt and the now deeply rooted fear of losing my son is completely changing the way I am parenting him.

Since waking up from that nightmare, I have spent every possible moment paying attention to him, holding him, and telling him I love him. I have a newfound joy in being his mother, and want to make the most out of every single moment I have with him.

Prior to the dream, when he would say, "Hey, mommy, watch this", or, "look at my toy", I would only briefly look up from what I was doing.  I would watch, smile and cheer him on, then go back to what I was doing.  Now, when he asks for my attention, I give it to him. When he wants to watch a TV show, rather then turn it on, and walk away, I put him in my lap and watch the show with him.

My little guy is a true miracle, and the light and joy of my life. He is funny, and smart and talented and silly, and millions of other wonderful things. I sit and marvel at him, and how wonderful he is. I'm so incredibly blessed to be a mother, and to such a wonderful boy.

It's such a shame that it took a horrifying nightmare to get me to take a step back and realize just how blessed I am. Every second I have with my son is a gift. A gift I can no longer consciously take for granted.

I'm sorry to deviate from my normally humors posts, but I just had to tell you about this profound change in the way I approach my blessing of motherhood and beautiful son. While I hate that I had the nightmare, and can still feel the deep pain I felt, I'm thankful that I have this newfound love for being a parent.  I'm thankful that I now enjoy every moment I have with my son. Even the trying ones, because I will happily take toddler terrorizing, over nothing at all.

Please, the next chance you get, hold your child close, whisper, "I love you so much," and cherish that closeness, because without a doubt, it's the greatest blessing of your life.