Here's How To Give Mom The Perfect Mother's Day

Below is a foolproof 10-step method to make sure mom has the perfect Mother's Day.

Step 1. Let mom sleep in. Get up, be quiet and wait for her to come to you. I know, totally a crazy concept but trust me, she will be the nicest person you ever met if you leave that poor tired woman the f*ck alone. Dad, take the baby and GO!

Step 2. Breakfast in Bed is phenomenal, yes, but what mom really loves is when you clean up after making the breakfast. Seriously, if it takes her longer to clean the kitchen than enjoy her breakfast, then you failed. Miserably. Hint: Bring breakfast, give kisses and hugs, then GO CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF! Mom's mind will be BLOWN. Promise.

Step 3. The only thing better than a clean kitchen is a clean house. Give mom a break from Sunday chores and do them for her. Dad, walk around the house, pick up your socks, jocks and trousers you drop at the door when you get home. Kids, do the same. Clean up after yourselves ALL day.

Step 4. If nothing else, clean your room without bitching. Just that alone will make mom's day.

Step 5. Speaking of not bitching, everyone needs to try their best to get along. All day. I know, another crazy concept, but for one day, no bothering mom with your first-world struggles. Write the rules down and post them if need be. Here, I'll get you started: NO fighting, bickering, bitch slapping, toy hogging, sand/rock throwing, TV show fighting, eye gouging, fish hooking or duchebaggery.  Act like you actually love each other.

Step 6. Dad, while I'm sure you're perfectly agreeable and can find anything in the house you need, spend the day in a selfless state, and, maybe try actually looking for something first before asking. Consider moving the milk aside before giving up on finding something. It's in there, you know it, LOOK!

Step 7. Mothers; Yes, it's your day, but it's also your own Mother's day and your Mother-in-law's day, too. Which means, you're going to have to share your day with them, but NOT THE WHOLE DAMN DAY! Set boundaries. Have your time. Do something for you! HINT: should you have issues, do your best to smile through it, no bickering, bitch slapping or sand/rock throwing. This will make for a superbly wonderful day for all mothers involved.

Step 8. SURPRISE! Mom loves a good nap. If mom wants to take a nap, let her. This means, DO NOT ask every five minutes if she is awake, or when is she going wake up. The answer is: WHEN SHE IS READY!

Step 9. If mom cleaned the house on Saturday, and there is no housework needed, don't screw it up! If the house is clean, leave it that way! No sticky fingers or Popsicles left to melt on the table.  Do not get food on the couch, floor, bed or dog. In fact, don't even eat one goldfish cracker on Mother's Day. Lift the seat, wash hands, and put things back where you found them. It's only for one day, surely you can make some sort of fun game out of not screwing the place up!

Step 10. Of course, mom wants to spend the day with you, but maybe not attached at the hip. If mom wants to run out for a Mani/Pedi, shopping trip or peace and quiet, let her go, ALONE! Then, encourage her to enjoy herself and not worry. This also means, no calling every five minutes about a fight, food or when she's going to be home.

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