Cars And Farts. That's My Life.

Oddly enough, I wanted a boy and FTD wanted a girl. He always dreamed of a daddy's girl, and I, being the aunt of three beautiful boys already, was happy to stick with what I knew...

1. Girls are drama--me being the Queen
2. Boys are content with a pair of shorts, Crocs and Hot Wheels--cheap and easy.

So when the ultrasound tech told FTD and I that we were having a boy, I screamed for joy. It's a Boy! Hot Wheels, Crocs and hand-me-downs from my siblings, here we come. Now that my son is a few days shy of two-and-a-half, I'm realizing that life is more than Crocs and cars. It's also farts, burps, bugs, worms, tractors, airplanes, boogers, dirt, mud, butts and go-go-go craziness. Maybe the grass is a little greener on the doll house side... surely not covered in cars, farts and dirt!

Boys are gross! How could I forget that? I have always known boys are gross, why on earth did I think my little boy wouldn't follow his destiny for grossness? How could I only think of Hot Wheels and Crocs, and not the bugs, mud and potty humor that make up the boys codebook of life? I am trying to go along with it, kind of like, Can't beat em', join em', but the mud, bugs, worms, frogs, farts, fart jokes, poop, poop jokes, and constant talk of butts and "taking a dump"... UGH! My nephews cannot talk about farts and butts enough. Needless to say, Ollie LOVES when they come over.

I like potty humor as much as the next person, but being notified EVERY TIME my son farts, is not necessary. What's worse, I'm having a hell of a time getting him to understand that he is being very naughty when he is laughs hysterically, and repeats way too many times to count, hahahahaha "Mommy I just farted!" Especially when we are in public, or I am talking to another grown-up. I suppose I should be happy he is only notifying me verbally. My sister's youngest used to back his butt up to her leg and then fart! Seriously. He loved it. He would fart then run off laughing hysterically. I have to admit, it was kind of funny.  Because it wasn't happening to me of course.

It's amazing how little boys are so textbook. They naturally love cars, dirt, bugs, worms, reptiles, trucks, tractors, trains, planes and potty humor. Even though FTD had dreams of his daddy's girl, he is right in his element, and could not be happier talking bugs, worms, mud and farts with his son. I on the other hand, not-so-much, I've never been that interested in mud, bugs, worms and farts. FYI: In a sick cruel twist of fate, those four make up a good part of my afternoon in the backyard.

Of course, I am so happy and beyond blessed to have my car and fart loving boy, but I can't help but think how I have quite the adventure ahead of me. He is going to be constantly dirty, obsessed with potty humor and if he is anything like his nephews, a dare devil of the worst kind. I'm thinking my only course of action is to travel with a, "Mother of a Boy" bag--Plenty of wipes for the mud and bug germs, a change of clothes for when he craps his pants trying to fart, or pisses himself from laughing at a fart joke, and a well stocked first aid kit. Oh yes, I have quite the adventure of ahead of me.

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit