Finding The Corner Of Mom And Badass

Since becoming a mother I've struggled to find that perfect balance between Me and Mommy.  Well, not since becoming a mother, more like since month ten of motherhood, when I got tired of being a selfless, sleep-deprived, friendless walking zombie. At that point I started trying to figure out how to be true to myself AND be an awesome mother at the same time.

Finding the corner of mom and badass has been a process to say the least.

Before getting pregnant I wouldn’t exactly say I was a Badass, but I was definitely not a Lame-Ass.  I had friends, went to social events, attempted to be an upstanding member of society, and flew by the seat of my pants… to Australia to chase down the man that would become my husband!  

Then I got pregnant…

Pregnancy started my transformation towards lameass. I was pregnant and that was my world.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not really sorry about that; I was pregnant with the greatest blessing of my life.  My only focus during those 10-months was growing a healthy baby... And not killing FTD from pregnancy hormone rage. 

Then I delivered a badass son… 

As any mother will agree, the first few months of motherhood are all consuming. First, it's figuring out what the hell you are doing, then trying to function on short bursts of sleep that, if you are lucky, amount to a total of 5 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. Who can be a badass when they are just trying to keep their head above water? 

Then the sleepless fog lifted, the mothering thing got easier, and most of all, I realized I missed being just me. I missed my friends, my interests, and wearing heels and cute clothes.  I also needed to address the fact that I was still super over weight from pregnancy, my hair needed a cut and color in the worst way and I had completely lost touch with my world prior to baby. (Read: Let myself go for WAY too long)  Fail.

So, I made finding the perfect balance between mommy and me my resolution for 2013.  I started with my hair and clothes. Then I called a friend for lunch. Then I started going for daily walks.  Slowly but surely I started finding myself. Very slowly. 

At first I struggled with the fact that I was honestly happy being home with my baby, and sometimes didn't think there was anywhere else I would rather be. I love being a mother more than anything else, so I found it difficult to go out, just to go out.  Plus, I could not stand to be away from my son for more than a couple of hours. When I finally did pull myself away, I would constantly call for updates.  OMG I WAS SO LAME!

2013 came and went, with very little change... 2014 came and I got a little better about getting away...

Now, three years into being a mother, I am finding the balance. Being a great mother is such a process, and so freaking hard at times.  It's ok that I put me on the back burner, but it would not have been ok if I stayed there. Today, my momma mantra is all about staying focused on the balance. Doing this makes me a better mother, wife and friend, but most of all, a better me.