20 Things I've Learned From My Toddler...

I have learned a ridiculous amount of ridiculousness being the parent of a wild toddler... below are twenty worth mentioning... 

1.   Patience. 
2.  Waking up at the ass-crack of dawn repeatedly to play IMMEDIATELY, will in fact, NOT kill me. 
3.  Bribery is key when it comes to training and maintaining a toddler. FYI: In order to make it through the grocery store with a toddler, food items must be purchased and opened every three aisles. 
4.  A toddler’s attention span is nearly nonexistent. 
5.  Patience. 
6.  Even though I am in charge, the toddler thinks differently.
We will leave the park when I say it is time!

7. Just because you stop following them does not mean they are going to stop running away. And good luck if you think calling them to come back is going to work!
Bye bye, mommy....

8. Toddler is code for, Diva. Sometimes, Shithead. But mostly, Diva
9. Toddlers suck to feed. If they don't want it, you, the floor and/or the pet will wear it.... I would rather feed hungry alligators with my bare hands, than feed a toddler.  

10. Patience.
11. There are no limits to what a toddler will stick in their mouth. None. Zero. 
12. Just when you think the temper tantrum is over, you realize that it was just a short pause before the real freak-out. No day is complete without a melt down in public.
Oh It's On Now!

13. Movies like Ice Age, Toy Story and Frozen, NEVER ever get old to a toddler, even after the five hundredth time.
14. Four hundred zillion pictures of a toddler are not enough.  You have to take more, so you don't miss anything. 
15.  Patience 
16. They will crap their pants anywhere, anytime, and most likely at the most inopportune time 
17.  WARNING: They will HAPPILY repeat every single bad word and behavior they witness. 
18.  Naptime and bedtime are on their terms, you screw up the routine or piss them off, and you can forget your precious naptime or bedtime. 
19.  It is near impossible to keep a straight face when they are being oh-so-bad and oh-so-cheeky at the same time--This one gets me every time-I have nearly bit my tongue off trying to maintain my angry mommy composure when he is being hysterically naughty.
20.  Patience.

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April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com