She's Baaaack...getting your period while nursing,

(WARNING: I'm going to rant like a crazy lady... because I AM!)

I am 11-months postpartum tomorrow and that bitch Aunt Flo has just decided to turn up out of nowhere.  I cannot believe it, that bitch is back!  I hate her, why is she here?  WHY?? I am still nursing.  It's not fair.  I thought that bitch would leave me alone until I was finished nursing.  WTF? SON OF A BITCH!!!  Literally, Oliver is officially the son of a raging, I will punch-you-in-your-face bitch!

Life has been so good without her.  SO. GOOD.  I haven't had to deal with that crazy filthy bitch since May of 2011. Why now?  Why is she coming back now? Today, New Years Day, of all days! And completely uninvited at that. NOT COOL!  BITCH! NOT COOL!

Ok, maybe she sent me a few warnings that she was coming....

Last Friday I thought my appendix was going to rupture.  FTD kept asking me where was the pain was and what did it feel like.  The pain was just above my pelvis, and mostly on the right side.  I didn't even really feel much of anything on the left side. The pain was just uncomfortable, not like cramping or anything.  So I took a couple of Motrin and went to sleep.

The next morning I called my sister complaining... about all kids of stuff, that's what I do...  She is my big sister, she has to listen. Anyways, I told her I was getting kicked in the pelvis, to which she told me I was ovulating. Apparently, my body was releasing eggs, and that was the discomfort I was feeling.  I accepted her answer, and moved on to my next order of bitching business.

When I hung up with my sister, I called FTD at work and told him to stay out for the next 3-5 days so he didn't knock me up again.  Seriously, I heard that once I started ovulating he could knock me up with a side ways glance.  I love Ollie, but, now is not the time for another Ollie.

Still, even though I knew I was ovulating, I didn't think that bitch Aunt Flo would turn up?  If you are laughing at me now because it is only natural that Flo comes after ovulating, then SCREW YOU! I didn't pay much attention in High school health class.  I read that nursing women can go without this shit the entire time they nurse.  I am still nursing exclusively, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!

Ok, I am going to try to look on the bright side here... maybe this Flo bitch will somehow help me loose some more of my pregnancy weight. Whatever, there is no bright side to this shit right now.  I mean, fuck.  It's such a mess!  Such an inconvenience.  Such a hassle.  Flo you bitch LEAVE!  I'm so annoyed right now.  New Years Day 2013, and the most annoying bitch on earth shows up.

Suck ass shit fuck Flo. You better not be here long, or make a huge mess of things. If you do, I will march down to my GYNO and get the Depo shot and do away with your stinky smelly annoying needy bitch ass.

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 Stupid bitch Aunt Flo fucking everything up!

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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit