I am an overwhelmed new mother. FULL STOP!
Here is one more to add to last Friday's, Candy Coated Crap post; I wish someone would have told me, "Just when you have mastered the milestones of one month, the next month brings twice as many." The older my son gets, the more demanding he becomes for my time and attention. Oliver at six months old is 12 times the baby he was when he was born. It's very overwhelming trying to keep up with him and my sanity at the same time.
The day my son was born I adapted the deer-in-headlights look of confusion, and still have it smeared across my face to this day. Of course I can easily handle a newborn now without fear. I can handle everything that a baby under 6-months-old will throw at me with out fear, because I've learned how to be a mom to that age.
It's that constant learning, staying on my toes and trying to hold it together through each month's milestones that's got me frazzled. Of course I love watching Oliver achieve his milestones. Everyday when he gets up on all fours I think, "Is this it? Will he lunge forward and take off down the hallway?" I also know from the warnings of Been-There-Done-That moms, that first trip down the hallway will be the beginning of a whole new world of insanity.
I cannot even imagine any more insanity at this point. I am falling apart at the seams from all the damn insanity. Oliver needs so much attention right now that it has become beyond overwhelming. I put him down, he fusses. I pick him up, he pushes away and wants to be put back down. I put him in a docking station, he fusses. I set him down on the floor, he falls forward, gets up on all fours, starts rocking, then face plants and then (yep, you guessed it) FUSSES!! For FUDGE sake! STOP FUSSING AND GIVE MOMMY'S EARS A FU>>ING BREAK!
In one month from now I know I will look back on this and think, oh it really was not that bad. I lose it for a few days every month, only to look back and say, "That was nothing compared to this..." As mothers we are constantly tested, we are constantly learning. I just want to know for how long? How long is it full on? How much longer will it be before I get 6-8 solid hours of sleep again? If you say 2 years I'll rip your bloody face off!
I keep telling myself, after 6 months of this vicious cycle of motherhood I have survived, and probably some of the hardest times. I will surely continue to find the peace and patients to persevere. I have to. It's just hard to remind myself of that when I am dreaming of running away to a secluded beach and drinking rum runners until I forget my name. Ahhh, just thinking about it makes me relax! However, when I am away from my baby for more than an hour my heart aches from missing him so much, so I know the escape to drunken paradise is not the answer.
To all of you over whelmed moms out there, you are not alone. I am banging the drums of frustration right along with you. It's true motherhood really is so rewarding. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to push all of the bullshit and frustration aside to see it.
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