I am an overwhelmed new mother. FULL STOP!
Here is one more to add to last Friday's, Candy Coated Crap post; I wish someone would have told me, "Just when you have mastered the milestones of one month, the next month brings twice as many." The older my son gets, the more demanding he becomes for my time and attention. Oliver at six months old is 12 times the baby he was when he was born. It's very overwhelming trying to keep up with him and my sanity at the same time.
The day my son was born I adapted the deer-in-headlights look of confusion, and still have it smeared across my face to this day. Of course I can easily handle a newborn now without fear. I can handle everything that a baby under 6-months-old will throw at me with out fear, because I've learned how to be a mom to that age.
It's that constant learning, staying on my toes and trying to hold it together through each month's milestones that's got me frazzled. Of course I love watching Oliver achieve his milestones. Everyday when he gets up on all fours I think, "Is this it? Will he lunge forward and take off down the hallway?" I also know from the warnings of Been-There-Done-That moms, that first trip down the hallway will be the beginning of a whole new world of insanity.
I cannot even imagine any more insanity at this point. I am falling apart at the seams from all the damn insanity. Oliver needs so much attention right now that it has become beyond overwhelming. I put him down, he fusses. I pick him up, he pushes away and wants to be put back down. I put him in a docking station, he fusses. I set him down on the floor, he falls forward, gets up on all fours, starts rocking, then face plants and then (yep, you guessed it) FUSSES!! For FUDGE sake! STOP FUSSING AND GIVE MOMMY'S EARS A FU>>ING BREAK!
In one month from now I know I will look back on this and think, oh it really was not that bad. I lose it for a few days every month, only to look back and say, "That was nothing compared to this..." As mothers we are constantly tested, we are constantly learning. I just want to know for how long? How long is it full on? How much longer will it be before I get 6-8 solid hours of sleep again? If you say 2 years I'll rip your bloody face off!
I keep telling myself, after 6 months of this vicious cycle of motherhood I have survived, and probably some of the hardest times. I will surely continue to find the peace and patients to persevere. I have to. It's just hard to remind myself of that when I am dreaming of running away to a secluded beach and drinking rum runners until I forget my name. Ahhh, just thinking about it makes me relax! However, when I am away from my baby for more than an hour my heart aches from missing him so much, so I know the escape to drunken paradise is not the answer.
To all of you over whelmed moms out there, you are not alone. I am banging the drums of frustration right along with you. It's true motherhood really is so rewarding. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to push all of the bullshit and frustration aside to see it.
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17 comments:
Not to overwhelm you even more but it doesn't stop. Sam is a week of turning 4, and doesn't change as quickly as amber but all these small changes amount to huge changes. He is at the stage of questioning everything but at the same time things he knows it all, which will get worse when he starts school next month. During the jubilee celebrations he found an American coin and didn't understand why the queen wasn't on it. This lead on to why America doesn't have a queen, he's 3 I didn't expect to explain about presidential election and the history of the states. Having to deal with your child being cheeky and opinionated but still needing kisses to make his sore it's feel better.
The good news is that your more relaxed with number 2, however don't expect it to be a easy run, as they are almost certainly going to have different issues from your first. Fast paced and ever changing environment is part of a parents job discription, not sure it will ever stop, you just get use to it. Xxx
Oh I'm so glad it's not just Cooper fussing! He's been driving me INSANE!! Lol
Taking off the candy-coated shell? It's not just for new moms!!! As a total "been-there-done-that" mom, previous professional nanny, and oldest child of 5-7+ kids (varied depending on step children, foster children, or just a freakin' load of random people)... well, nothing could have prepared me- yet again- for your own child. Sure, as they get older, it's a little easier as they become independent and all, but that has it's own set of challenges. Throwing in another into the mix? Well, hell, that made being a single, first time mom seem to be a breeze.
Sorry ;)
It's like swimming in the Ocean.
I think my main issue is just not having enough TIME!!!
Well said! and isn't it funny how that beach fantasy isn't that alluring since it means you'd be away from your bub:)......our constantly fussin bubs!
I always have the fantasy of staying up late and having a few cocktail... until I remember that my kid will be up at 4am and I should probably try to get some sleep... darn...
You know, each child is different. Nathan was a sleeper. He would sleep until eight or ten in the morning with a single dreamfeed at two in the morning, which I found really easy to give to him. He also ate like he had to eat ALL the things. (Seriously, we tested his appetite one night in month five. We decided to stop feeding him when he rejected the food. At bowl four, we decided to call him the winner of eating, and gave up. He opened his mouth for more.) Noelle likes to wake up at five in the morning, no matter the reason. If I'm lucky, she'll nurse and go back to sleep for an hour or two. If I'm not, we're up. I've tried her on solids, but she has zero interest in baby-led weaning, and next to no interest in cereals. She'd simply prefer to nurse until the end of days.
Honestly, too, every stage seems the worst while you're in it, except for a glorious period (to me, for Nathan) before age two, but solidly into age one, in which they are slightly independent but not so independent that they flip out and cry when they can't buckle their own seat belt when you're trying to get out of the rain.
Maybe a night out with the girls with a promise from your husband to take him in the morning (and afternoon if needed)? That always makes my day seem brighter.
I was afraid I was going to hear this. One damn day at a time I guess.... Xx.
Stop the insanity!!!! Lol
Lol! I feel better knowing you are super qualified and know what your doing... But still don't know what you are doing. It's crazy how different even the first few months are from each chd.
Drunk.... Like swimming in the ocean drunk!
Ditto sister. Ditto.
Maybe he could come with a pack n play...
Me too! I have a beer with dinner and think... Maybe... Ugh. No.
LOL!! 4 bowls! Nathan is a rock star!! Your are right about getting out more. I'm pumping so I can go out and not worry so much about being back at an exact time. I feel so attached still exclusively nursing.
I've been lucky so far, my little boy is the most content baby in the world. Everyone says that when he starts to get grouchy and fussy it will hit me like a tonne of bricks.
I agree with your post so much..at first every stage seems so new and different and you think oh god.. then your master it and move on to the next one.
God help 'terrible twos' eh.
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