Weaning and Weeping. Did this happen to you?

Be careful what you wish for...

You all, I am a hot ass weeping mess. My milk is drying up.  I know. I know. For the past couple of weeks I have carried on and on about wanting to wean... blah blah blah... well it has happened. But not exactly how I wanted it to happen.  My milk is drying up from stress. We are being forced to wean, and I am a weeping hot ass mess because of it.  My hormones are going bat shit crazy and I am pretty sure the sky is falling!

Ok.  The sky is not falling.

But this is still me...

It's Breastfeeding Awareness Week & a Wednesday... You know what that means...

In honor of Breastfeeding Awareness Week, I have decided to put together a little photo list Wordless Wednesday style.

Breastfeeding-The Good, The Bad & The Ugly...

Breastfeeding is not Plug-n-Chug!

(With all of the talk about breastfeeding I thought I might throw in my two cents.)

Breastfeeding can be a complete and utter bitch! At first. By no means is the process conducive to baby + boob= plug-n-chug. There are so many speed bumps on the road to enjoying breast-feeding that it can seem near impossible. In fact at three 1/2 months into breastfeeding, I cannot really say I thoroughly enjoy it. I'm just happy I can do it now without it totally sucking. (Pun intended!)

Thankfully my son latched right on about 20 minutes after birth. Unfortunately his latch and my technique were not so great at first.  By day three my nipples looked and felt like they had been through a meat grinder. Thanks to “cooling gel pads” I was able to power through those first days, no actually weeks, of beat up boobies.  Seriously, if you don’t own gel pads and you are in pain GO BUY THEM! Lansinoh and Medela make them. I personally prefer the Medela ones, but both will return your nipples and areola to working condition in 24 Hours!

For me the first 8 weeks were just awful!  Breastfeeding became nature’s cruel joke on me. It was nothing but painful, frustrating and the constant work at keeping my supply up was beyond overwhelming. Without my husbands coaching and cheerleading I would have probably given up.

Having a low milk supply, especially for a mother intent on not supplementing with formula, is terrifying.  I rented a hospital grade breast pump, The Medela Symphony for $78 a month, to help keep my supply up. For the first 8-10 weeks I was constantly having to feed and then pump for ten minutes afterwards to help increase my supply, or if nothing else just maintain it. Now I don’t go more than 5 hours without nursing or pumping to keep my supply optimal. Yes, even at night and the wee hours of morning.

Because of all the hard work I take so much pride in saying my son has been exclusively breastfeed.  Now that both my son and I have got the hang of it, the process is finally Plug-n-Chug. What’s more, we have gone from 45 minute to an hour of feeding to now only 20-30 minutes at a time.  I try to enjoy the time down time while nursing, meditate and relax. It’s not like I can get up and do anything until he is finished, so no reason to worry about what else I could be doing.

Make no mistake about it, breastfeeding is a full time job at first. Still, decades of studies prove that the benefits COMPLETELY outweigh the trouble, pain and difficulty. If you want to breastfeed then set your mind to it. Rent a hospital pump and work at it, be patient it takes on average 3-4 weeks to get the hang of it, and then another 2-3 months to achieve the plug-n-chug status.  I am so incredibly proud of myself for sticking with it, powering through the pain, tears and sleepless nights. I have created a great foundation of health and wellness for my son that will last his lifetime. If you can do it, do it! Your child deserves the best chance at life possible.

Breastfeeding... Want to give up? DON'T DO IT!

I decided early on in my pregnancy to breastfeed,or to at least give it a try. Then throughout my 10 months of baby growing, I heard all kinds of horror stories about breastfeeding-- babies not latching, milk not coming in, being too painful to continue because your nipples feel (and look) like they wen through a meat grinder... and so on.  So by the time I delivered I had pretty low expectations of actually succeeding at nursing.

To be honest, I thanks to the post delivery drug induced haze, I cannot even remember my first time trying to feed my son.  Sad I know, I only have vague memories of nursing in the hospital period.  Fortunately... or possible unfortunately... FTD remembers perfectly, this is a direct quote from his horrible Aussie mouth....

"Yeah, I remember! It was right after they wheeled you into the recovery room, a nurse came in, grabbed the titty and jammed it in poor Oliver’s mouth. He just started sucking, ate a little bit, then passed out." -FTD

Thankfully, I am one of the lucky ones that my son latched from the beginning and ever since we have been stumbling through the process together. Yes, my nipples look shredded, and yes I have gone through 10 packs of Medela HYDRO Gel pads, I HIGHLY recommend getting a case... Those things a new mother nursing gold!  And yes, I am nursing around the clock since I cannot pump... I just don;t get that much milk! UGH! Still, I can happily say that at 3 weeks in to this crazy journey, we have got it down! Don;t get me wrong, it took each one of the 21 days and 8-10 feedings a day to get it down. But it was SO SO SO worth it!

If you a new mother frustrated and at your wits end with breastfeeding, first of all, I know how you feel.  Second, it's not easy, it's not really fun, and it can hurt like hell! It is also so wonderful for your baby in SO many ways.  You can do!! Stick with it, it gets much easier! 

I have come up with a list I repeat in my head when I want to give up and I thought I would share.

First and foremost, I do believe right now while I am on maternity leave, my priority is to give my son the best I can. When I go back to work I may need to figure out another plan but for now I will breastfeed this baby!

Here is what keeps me going.

1. It's the very best nourishment I can give my son.

2. Bottle or boob, I'd be up right now feeding anyway. Ok, maybe my husband would be, but since he LOVES to wake up the baby to play with him at all hours of the night... probably not!

3. I have been blessed with the ability to do it. I was robbed of natural childbirth (even though I am VERY happy with my C-Section, it was not my choice) However, breastfeeding is my choice and thankfully I am able to experience this beautiful and amazing act of nature. Even if it is not so beautiful at times...

4. I am burning 500 calories a day just sitting on my fat postpartum ass just by nursing!

5. This 30-40 minutes is my quiet time with my son, I try to relax completely and enjoy the quiet.

6. This too shall pass and when it does I will miss it. If I give up now, I'm sure I will look back with regret.

7. Today I will breastfeed, tomorrow is a new day. I don't have to do this anymore if I don't want to. (I need to know I am not obligated or stuck, it takes the pressure off.)

8. Life is so short, and time goes by so fast, before I know it my son will be one year and a day and will not need boob or bottle anymore. I need to embrace every moment before it is gone.

Again, if you are at your wits end, ask yourself why and would formula make a big difference? As a mother of a newborn it's difficult right now for many reasons. EVERYTHING is a learning curve. I have to take parenthood one day at a time or really one task at a time. What I can tell you, and what keeps me going is that everyday it does get easier.

UPDATE:  March 15, 2013  

I wrote this post just 21 days after Ollie was born... That was 13 months ago!!  The time has flown by, and it will for you too! Relish every moment with your sweet baby, because soon your baby will be a toddler... Trust me, the time FLYS!!!

As for me and breastfeeding... I am still at it!  Oliver never had anything but breast milk until he was a little over one, I let him try cows milk.... 

It was not an easy road at first... I had supply issues and had to see a lactation consultant.  Thanks to her, I powered through my short supply by pumping every 2 hours and even 5 minutes on each side AFTER nursing Ollie for 48 hours straight.  I don't know how I made it through that, but I did. By 6-weeks nursing was almost second nature.  And now, today, I am so proud of myself for making the sacrifices and sticking with it. Oliver is super healthy, over the past year he has not been sick, had any ear problems, or seen the doctor for anything but well baby check-ups. He is bad ass and my boobies made him that way!  So stick with it girlfriend, it is so incredibly worth it!!