The First-Timer's Guide To Week 5: Seriously. Smile Already!

Below is the list of observations I made when I was a first-time parent of a 5-week old. In, Blue, I've written my current observations, of those observations. For the record, if it weren't for publishing these lists as I lived them five years ago, I wouldn't remember shit. The first 6-weeks were so hard. So hazy. 

My son is a slug. Still, at 5-weeks he just kind of lays there wiggling.  I want more! I was more afraid at this stage than any. My son was this delicate neckless chub ball. SIDS fears were constant.

I'm seeing a little personality coming through but not much. I'm really starting to crave some feedback. Well, the kind of feedback that is not in the form of screaming! This stage of new parenting is so hard. You give so much and get pretty much nothing in return. Call me selfish, but I was tired, hungry, riddled with PPD and I needed a friggin' smile! 

When he's hungry it's clear--Full-on screaming and rooting for booby.  Five years later, the screaming is still a huge sign. no more booby rooting tough. ; )

He's totally into strange objects and bright colors. This is one thing the parenting books got right. Babies love shapes and bright colors. Dangling crap over my newborn was the only way to see the little guy inside.

I'm fat, tired, hormonal and sick of breastfeeding. I keep telling myself, tomorrow I can start formula, I just have to survive today. Not having any formula in the house helps. Not gonna lie, I felt that way for six months! I grew a human in my body. That's some serious shit. I wish I would have been easier on myself about getting back in my pre-pregnancy pants. Most of all, dealt with my PPD, sooner.

Did I mention there's still no smile? I know that smile is supposed to come soon. Every morning I go into his crib and give him a big smile and my sweetest voice hoping to get the, yay it's mommy smile, but still nothing yet. Boo!!! He does turn his head to our voices and focuses in on our faces, but dammit I WANT THAT SMILE!!! I keep talking to him hoping to see that smile meant just for me. #Obsessed

I keep telling myself to embrace his little slug-like qualities. I know I need to hold on to each moment because they go so fast. I'm just a shit I suppose. Dad thinks he gets little half smiles and we certainly get "gas smiles" regularly. Which, I still don't understand, if he knows how to smile, why won't he do it for me? How can passing gas be more wonderful than mommy?? Geez!!

Oh well, maybe tomorrow...

For now, I will just continue slobbering all over his face, feet, and hands like a mommy slug.

For the record, He smiled a few days later.  

NOTE:  I used this list, and the other lists both FTD and I made each week during the first year of our son's life to guide to each chapter of my upcoming book, The First-Timer's Guide To Not Feeling Like A Parenting Failure: You and your baby week-by-week. The book is about the insanity, fear, anxiety, trials and triumphs of being a First-Time Parent. The Postpartum depression, mind, body and soul changes... relationship rollercoaster from hell, partner struggles... It's not just about your child the first year, it's about you and your partner, too! This book can be read by both men and women since both FTD and I wrote it!  If you would like an email notification when The First-Timer's Guide To Not Feeling Like A Parenting Failure,  is published, sign up below! (Available Mid-Nov 2017!)

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit