So That Just Happened... Hell, Swallow Me Whole.

This post is a true story of my morning. Unfortunately, or fortunately, there is no photographic evidence. I left my phone at home, which should have been my first warning to stay in bed. In order to make myself feel better, I googled what I had done. I came across so many funny photos, I've decided to use them to help tell my story.

Thankfully, it wasn't this bad...

I woke up this morning to the sound of thunder and flashes of lightning. The sound of rain pouring on the roof and windows was calming, wonderful.

And then, reality set in. 

It's Tuesday morning, there's no bread, orange juice and nothing for lunch. Also, I need coffee. I rolled over, told the hubs I was going to the grocery store and asked what he needed. He mumbled something about orange juice. I kissed him on the cheek and rolled out of my comfortable warm bed.

I got dressed, ran downstairs to see if there was any coffee left from yesterday. Of course not. I threw on my boots, raincoat, grabbed my keys and head out the door. 

As I pulled my car out of the garage, I remembered, no gas.

Awesome. First stop gas station.

Once at the station, I decided after I started pumping the gas, I would run into the store for coffee. While inside, I came face-to-face with one of the police officers that works my beat. Shout out to the Fifth District!

Like I always do when I encounter one of the amazing police officers that patrols my neighborhood and keeps family, safe, I said, thank you so much for all you do and I appreciate you. We exchanged a few more pleasantries, I paid for my coffee and headed back out to my car.  I was feeling all good and proud for sharing my gratitude and making the good ol' copper smile. 

Next stop, grocery store.

As I pulled away from the gas pump, I heard a thud. Nothing too loud, but enough for me to stop and look back.

There, hanging out of my car, was the nozzle and hose to the gas pump. 

Pretty much looked like this. 

Needless to say, I shit my pants and freaked out.

I looked up, and sure enough, there's one of the gas station store attendants standing outside having a cigarette, staring at me like I am the dumbest person in the world.

Fair enough, I felt like it.

I jumped out of my car, picked up the broken off end of the hose, then pulled the nozzle out of my car. At this point, I was praying for hell to swallow me whole. 

Again, looked pretty much like this. 

I hung up the nozzle--Like somehow that would fix everything? 

Yeah, not so much. No matter how far you drive, once the deed is done. It's done.

HAHAHAHA!!  I would have made SO much fun of these two... until this morning happened. 

I immediately started looking all around the bottom of the gas pump for where the hose attached. Like crouching down, looking all over. The bottom of the pump. 

I know what you're probably thinking, the hose attaches at the top of the pump, not the bottom.

Well, I'm here to tell you, when you're freaking out, you're sure the gas pump attaches at the bottom.

Eventually, I looked up and saw the error of my ways.

That sucked. 

Mind you, the attendant is still smoking her cigarette and staring at me from the sidewalk by the store. I see her walk over to the door,  open it, yell something at another attendant inside, then walk back to continue smoking.

Looking at the broken end in my hand, I notice the hose is not really broken, almost like it snaps and twists in place. I shove it up into the end it broke off at, and begin twisting it. Still freaking out of course. 

When the attendant saw that I was determined to fix this, she yells out to me, "It ain't going to work."

I yelled back, "What should I do?!"

"Nothing, you've done enough just get in your car and leave."

I was honestly dumbfounded. 
 I just broke the freaking gas pump and you want me to drive off? 

"You don't want me to pay for it? Just, Leave?"

"Yes, it's OK. We will fix it. It's made to come apart when you pull hard on it. It happens more than you'd think."

Um... OK. I wanted this nightmare to end too. I apologized one more time, waved to the officer walking out of the store I had exchanged pleasantries with... who was probably laughing his ass off at me, jumped in my car and hauled ass out of there! 

Lesson friggin learned. God knows I will NEVER do that again. Nor forget it. Or get the image out of my head.

I bet this person won't either. 

It's not even 9 o'clock in the morning and all this has happened. I knew I should've sold my soul to the devil to stay in bed today. 

P.s. if you're wondering why in the hell I'm sharing this ridiculously embarrassing story, it's because I love nothing more than making people laugh and brightening another person's day. And, well, I don't care who you are, this shit is funny. I'm happy to be the butt of the joke. Life is about screwing up, fessing up and growing up.  Have a great day.

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit