My Poor Kid... His Parents Are SO Immature... #ParentFail

Just so we are all on the same page as to the maturity level of FTD and I, I thought I'd share a recent epic parenting fail caused by a dirty hoe...

Ollie: Mommy? What's this called?

Since saying, Honey, it's a hoe, without laughing hysterically turned out to be near impossible, I deferred the question to FTD.
Me: Go ask daddy. 
Ollie: Daddy, what's this called?
FTD: It's a HOE!
Ollie: A Hoe?
By now, I'm biting my tongue trying not to lose it.
FTD: Where did you get that hoe?
Ollie: Mommy got me the hoe.
          FTD: Awww, that's nice, your mom got you your first Hoe.  
My eyes are watering. My tounge nearly bitten off. I'm completely incapable of talking. Still, I'm managing to hold it together, minus the shaking from the raging internal laughter.

At this point, FTD has had time to think up his list of 'Hoe' related things to say, and so, he UNLOADS!

         How much was your HOE? 
Is it a cheap HOE?
Hey, buddy, can I have a go on your hoe?
FTD proceeded to bang the hoe on the ground...

Ollie: MOMMY! Daddy is banging my hoe! 

FTD: Look I just put the Hoe to work, and it's already making me money!

I CANNOT believe he found a penny in the ground. It's like the comedy Gods were shining down on him. 

FTD: Sorry I got your hoe dirty, buddy.  Don't worry, to get a dirty hoe clean, you slap it.

At this point, I'm laughing so hard no sound is coming out, and the fear of pissing myself is very real.

Ollie: Mommy, why are you laughing?

FTD: Because, mommy wishes she had a hoe too. 

I really do feel so sorry for the kid. FTD and I are so damn immature. If there is a joke to be made, we will make it. And since, clearly, we don't have any shame, and every one is fair game, my kid is facing a lifetime of being embarrassed by us. 

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit