Why The Last Thing I Want To Be Is "Trendy" This Season...

Pre-baby I was all about trends, fabulous clothes, shoes, hair, make-up and nails. Somewhere between getting constantly spit-up and peed on, I traded my Banana Republic tops for t-shirts, and my cute skirts for yoga pants. Over the last three years, I've watched myself turn into a seller member of the yoga-pant mommy mafia. Talk about Epic Fail! 

(Dear Mafia Members, I love you. I do. I just need to spice up my life and wardrobe. XOXO)

I knew I had a problem when I did an ENTIRE load of yoga pants.  You all, that's like eleven pairs of yoga pants.

Fail. Fail. Fail.

So, in an effort to gain back some of my personal style, I've been scouring magazines and beauty blogs looking for the hottest spring 2015 trends...

Have you all seen some if this crap?! And I don't mean one designer's clothes over another; I'm talking about this season's "Hottest" trends.  Whack-ass things like tucking your t-shirt in your bra, or wearing a skirt over pants?

Yeah... So... um... NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!

Please, allow me to enlighten you to some of springs hottest beauty trends...

While reading an Article on Popsugar about 2015 Fashion trends and hacks straight from the runway, I found myself more annoyed than inspired.

All I could think was, REALLY? THIS is what I'll be seeing this season? People will be doing what with t-shirts, crop tops and fanny packs? 

I promise, I'm not a Fashole in any way!  I understand that fashion is just like art; it can be interpreted many ways. But when things are just plain stupid. I'm going to call them stupid.  And these trends, my friends, are stupid!

Oh where to start... How about at the Sports bras sweeping the nation...

I'm pretty sure we have Taylor Swift to thank for this one. I'm a fan of the crop top, don't get me wrong, (not that I would rock one at 36yrs old post baby), but when you start calling a sports bra or a blind fold a "top"...you've lost the damn plot!

I know I have no business rocking the crop top, but shit, should anyone when they look like a bra?

Speaking of crop tops... Two piece midriff wedding dresses are taking over the runways... seriously.

News Flash: At this rate, topless wedding dresses will be all the rage in 2016! 

Then there's the wrap and tuck. Get ready — this new way of wearing your button-down is going to be huge this season. Basically, instead of buttoning your shirt, you turn it into a wrap, tuck it in your pants/shorts/skirt and off you go. 

OK, so...  am I the only one who thinks this is a style that was born from "the walk of shame"?  You know, the girl has to wear the boyfriend's shirt home the next day, b/c her crop top ripped on the dance floor, and since the shirt is so big she just wrapped it around her body and tucked it into her skirt or shorts? I mean, nothing says wardrobe malfunction like only HALFWAY putting on a shirt. The buttons are there for a reason. Right? And one yank from my toddler will prove it. 

Crochet shorts are awesome, and super cute, and a trend I'm def getting on... 

But for men too?  And. I'm. Not. Kidding.

My first out loud WTF?! moment came when I saw the trend to pair a wild patterned dresses with wild (Non-matching) patterned tights. I don't even think the Hipsters would do this.

 NOTHING about this makes sense to me.  All I see is a schizophrenic garden in motion.

Again, a ridiculous play on office attire, wearing a skirt over another skirt or pantsuit.

Why, if you already have on pantsuit, would you put on a skirt? 

And a personal cringe moment for me, was when I saw that Gingham was going to be HUGE this season.  Nothing makes me look like a table cloth faster....

And last, the style trend that has me running back to my yoga pant mafia mommies begging for forgiveness... The tuck your shirt into your bra or bikini look...

 Are the crop tops not enough? You now have to tuck your Tee to stay trendy? Oh. Hell. No!

And there you have it, why I refuse to be trendy this season. Though, I have to admit, many of the "trends" I'm crapping on are best suited for twenty-somethings. But, still, Crop tops? Tucking your shirt into your bra?  It all just screams SKIN, and lots of it! It seems like each year the clothes are smaller and smaller, and somehow, totally acceptable.  

Parents of daughters, I feel for you and your up hill battle!

Have you ever followed a fashion trend that you regretted?  I pretty much gave up on the really crazy trends at MC Hammer Pants and Fanny packs. (Which by the way, fanny packs are on the rise again.)

For the record, I LOVE the outfits in the fanny pack looks, just not the fanny pack!

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com