FTD's Top 10 Earth Day Tips #TheManIsNotRight #Hilarious

Hello dear readers, I have a huge project I'm just wrapping up, so I've asked FTD for some help with a post I'm working on for Earth Day. (April 22nd) That's when he reminded me of the last time he "helped" me with an Earth Day...



How could I forget...

So, while I'm putting the finishing touches on my post, I thought I would share those tips, because everyone deserves a laugh... (FYI: Before sending hate mail, see our disclaimer at the bottom of the blog.) 

I present, FTD's Top 10 Tips To Make Every Day Earth Day... Which, is HIGHLY debatable.  I know, we've been debating each item on the list. Which, feels like the equivalent of debating quantum physics with a toddler...


Forgive him readers, for he knows what he does, and does it anyway... 
(Warning: These tips are so wrong, The EPA is probably going to fine us.)

Top Tip #1 - Save GALLONS of water and toilet paper by simply pooping and whizzing when you have a shower! The wife's loofah makes a wonderful, reusable butt-cleaner.

Top Tip #2 - Drivers...put a few kilos of pebbles and rocks into your gas tank so you can fill up your car for less money!

Top Tip #3 - Save electricity by shortening all the leads to your electrical appliances.

Top Tip #4 - Run out of Christmas wrapping paper? Simply get some 'Happy Birthday' paper and write 'Jesus' after Happy Birthday!

Top Tip #5 - Drivers...deflate your car tires before going to the gas station so you can get your moneys worth when you pay 75c to fill 'em up.

Top Tip #6 - A pear makes an perfect chicken-leg substitute for vegetarians!

Top Tip #7 - Going for a drink after work? Reduce your carbon footprint by giving a pint of blood to the Red Cross first...Hey Presto - every drink is like a 'double'.

Top Tip #8 - Goths...save money and the environment by NOT buying expensive black nail-polish. Simply strike each fingernail sharply with a mechanics hammer.

Top Tip #9 - Mix together some human hair, ramen noodle dregs, potato skins and congealed fat to make an organic plug for any kitchen sink.

AND finally... 

Top Tip #10 - Save landfill paper-towels by 'nuking' recently washed pots and pans in the microwave on 'high' for a minute or two.

Oh... FTD... 

You have to love him right?

In an effort to at least offer some useful information, check out this infographic from the Lorax... (And check back very soon for my super awesome post full of great tips... that are actual tips!)

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com