Why My Family Is Not Allowed To Buy Girl Scout Cookies Ever Again

In honor of Girl Scout cookie season, I thought I would remind, and enlighten, a few of you as to why I'm nearly certain the Girl Scout have circulated a photo of FTD, Ollie and I with the caption, Steer clear, they are completely nuts. Especially, the Australian and his mini-me...

Thanks to his big mouth, noises and hand gestures, we may have a restraining order issued against us by the Girl Scouts of America. You all, I cannot make this shit up…

Picture it, a sunny afternoon, FTD, Ollie and I are heading into the grocery store-FTD is holding Ollie, a table surrounded by a girl scouts troop, flanked by their parents. Smiles all around...

As we approach the door, a sweet little unsuspecting girl scout comes up to us and says, "Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?"

FTD: "Sure!"

Girl Scout: "What kind would you like?"

FTD: "Oh I don't know, what is your favorite kind?"

Girl Scout: "Tagalongs!"

FTD: "Taga-LOGS!"

Girl Scout: " No, Tagalongs!"


Girl Scout: "No! Tagalooooongs!"

FTD looks at the girl scout, then to her mother and says, (and I shit you not): "Tagalongs?  In Australia that's a Pfffffffft (imagine a very loud, very long fart sound) a poo in your pants!" Then slaps his ass.

This. Is. My. Life.

After the shock wore off from the girl scout troop and their parents, and they realized he was from Australia, it turned into a funny joke and squealing laughter free for all. Being that I am used to this atrocious behavior, and know exactly where this conversation is going to end up--Think: shit covered hell--I grab Ollie out of FTD's hands and immediately walk into the grocery.

FTD finds me a few minutes later acting all confused by my frustration.  He insists that, "it is not his fault if the Girl Scouts name a biscuit after shit that stays attached to your ass after a massive dump." I know better by now then to point out the obvious. Besides, he knows damn well what he has done!

Needless to say, when we checked out I got cash back so I could reinforce my sincerest apologies to the girl scout's parents by buying a few of boxes of cookies.

As we walk out of the grocery, the automatic door opens and before the unsuspecting girl scout can open her mouth, FTD says, "We will have two boxes of TagaLOGS please!"


I add a box of Samoas to the mix, pay and grab FTD before he digs a hole so big we have to buy the entire inventory.

Once we got into the car, I attempted to scold him, which didn't go so well through my fits of laughter. He half-ass apologized by admitting that maybe it was a Tagnut not a TagaLOG he was thinking of, so not to worry, because it would not happen again.

You all... I am raising a child with this man-child!

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com