10 Things (Ugly Lies) I Say To My Toddler To Avoid Meltdowns

A long time ago I read about how you should not lie to your kids... Something about not wanting to break their trust, teach them to be liars, and a few other things that scared me into speaking the truth... Then, my infant turned into this little toddler monster that kept out smarting me. So, I learned to outsmart him... with a few colorful statements, that may or may not be the whole truth.

For today's Top 10 Tuesday, I thought I would share my 10 Parenting Lies That Won't Send Me To Hell By Express, Because They're Kinda True.

1. No, honey, you can't have mommy's phone. The battery is dead. (Well... Sometimes it is.)

2. If you're naughty then Santa won't come. (He won't, I'll be too pissed to send Santa his list. P.s. I use this threat all year long.)

3. If you don't help me clean up your toys the "Clean Up Fairy" will come in the night and take them. (She/Me Will! I'm sick of cleaning up toys every night. So far I've let the clean up fairy clean up once and it scared the shit out of him. Nighttime pick-up is going much better now!)

4.  No, honey, the donut shop is closed on Wednesdays. (I tell myself it's shut everyday to keep from being a regular.) FYI: This works for any shop on anyway of the week.  You're welcome.

5. Don't worry, you will love school. Go on, the kids won't bite. (Yeah, the kids bite and sometimes school sucks, but lucky, so far my kid loves school and can break free from the biter before being bitten.)

6.  Mommy is just resting her eyes. (Funny how I knew it was BS when my mom said it to me, yet I still try to use that line on my kid.  But we all know if you tell a toddler you want to sleep, it will be the last thing to happen.)

7. You won't like that chocolate/candy, it's very spicy. (Sometimes. Rarely. OK... close to never.)

8. You stay here in bed, mommy will be right back. I'm watching you... ( Eventually, I do come back... hours later when it's my bedtime.)

9. Try it, you'll like it. (I should be smacked for the number of times I've said this to my child to get him to eat veggies or seafood. The sad thing is that it still works 85% of the time!)

10. If you crap in your big boy pants, they will catch on fire. (They will... because I refuse to clean them.)

So, what's your go-to statement you say to your kid to avoid a meltdown?

(Before you give me shit about lying to my kid, read my disclaimer below.)