Potty Training Update: Ugh.

I started trying to potty train my kid when he turned ONE... TWO YEARS AGO! (I started that early because my MIL insisted that FTD was potty trained by one, and sent Ollie potty training pants for his birthday.)

Sometimes I think starting so early is why he is finishing so late.  At one he could walk, but had no clue what the sensation was.  I backed off. At 18-months I picked it back up, still he had no interest.  At two, I really started pushing again. And again, he pushed back.

Over the Christmas break I was DETERMINED to get him out of diapers before he turned three.  I let him run around naked, and asked him every half hour if he needed to use the potty.  Sometimes he was up for it, others, he'd pee on the floor fifteen minutes later. I broke down and got him pull-ups and told him they were still more like a big boy pant than a diaper, so he still HAD to use the potty.

Two weeks ago, I thought we were finally there.  He was using the potty regularly and doing great! Then, he pushed back, and started having accidents again.

I'm so tired of potty training.

I'm so sick of having my house pissed all over.

I'm so over the power struggle.

I'm so sick of three baths a day followed by a load of pee soaked laundry!

The only thing I'm not tired of is when Ollie pees all over FTD's computer desk chair while watching YouTube. I take a sick satisfaction in that. And that's only because FTD NEVER has to deal with the messes. He is always at work or conveniently, "busy."

Over the last two years it's safe to say I have tried EVERYTHING!

You know what's worked? NOT A DAMN THING!

I feel like a failure.

My son is three and not potty trained. It kills me to say that out loud. If someone would have told me two years ago when I started potty training, he'd still be in diapers at three, they most likely would have made their way to the top of my, 'Needs a big ass slap,' list.

People kept telling me: "He's a boy, don't push him. The harder you push, the further he'll regress."

I'm at my wits-freaking-end over potty training. It kills me that Ollie can go three days solid using the potty, then spend two having "accidents" at home and school. Every time I pick him up from his 'Child's Day Out' program at church, I hold my breath as I look in his classroom to see if he's wearing the same pants I dropped him off wearing. Holy crap I hate getting that plastic bag full of pee clothes!

Clearly, he KNOWS how and when to use the potty. He just picks and chooses when he does it. If he's having fun playing, then he just pisses where he stands! (Or sits.)

Thankfully, he hates poop in his pants, and goes to the potty without fail, so I can at least say he is "poop trained." He hasn't crapped his pants in weeks! It's the pee part that we are still struggling with!

Of course, I don't get mad at him for accidents. I do my best to stay calm, and let him know accidents happen. I tell him that I know he is trying the best he can, and that next time hopefully he will make it to the potty.  But what I really want to say is, Buddy? WHAT THE HELL?

After two years of constant epic fails and potty regression, I have resigned myself to knowing, this is going to be 100% on his terms.

The kid is in control. COMPLETE control. And he knows it. There is no way to make a toddler use the potty.

When he's ready to use the potty full-time, he will. Of course, I pray tomorrow is the day.

Holy crap, I hope tomorrow will be the day he only needs a diaper at naps and nighttime. So many parents of boys have told me stories of how, "One day, he just woke up, used the potty and never had another accident again." I know we are close. I'd say he's at about 85% potty trained.  It's the 15% that keeps blowing my mind.  WHY CAN'T WE BE 100%????

Until then, I have to suck it up, and stay calm while cleaning up a puddle of piss and pray that it's my last one, because eventually, it will be. Eventually, the kid will get tired of having pee covered legs and wet socks. Eventually, he will regularly use the potty like the rest of the kids his age. I just hope when that happens, I'm not already committed to a padded room for potty training induced insanity.

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com