My Toddler Is A Professional Bitch-Slapper

Is there something about turning three that makes a toddler lose his mind and hearing? Because it seems like overnight, my toddler has lost his damn mind and hearing.

This is my entire day:

Me: Stop That!

Toddler: ...

Me: Dude! Stop.

Toddler: ...

Me: Oi! Are your listening ears broken?

Toddler: ...

Me: Come here, right now!

Toddler: *Runs Away*

Me: Want a cookie?

Toddler: *Turns around and runs towards me*


Lately, like since turning three last week, he only obeys maybe 10% of the time. The worst part is a month ago he was at about 75%. I'm the mommy! I'm in charge! What the hell is his problem? It's like the older he gets, the bigger his balls get!

It's not right. I feel like I spend most of my days in shock over how naughty he is. The kid is unreal. If he wants to do something, he does it. I feel like I'm constantly getting bitch slapped by a toddler. He's three! THREE!  How can I feel so run over by a three year old?

It's a wonder I have not completely lost my mind and voice. All I do all day is have my mind blown by a wild three foot crazy person while repeating myself ONE THOUSAND TIMES AN HOUR!

Stop that.

Stop it.


Do you want to go to Time Out?

Alright. Let's Go. Time out.



All day I have to tell myself to stay strong. Be firm. Be Consistent. Don't give up. Keep at it.You're the boss. You make the rules. Don't let him win!

I know everyone says three and four are tough years and then it gets better, but, HOLY SHIT!  I'm going to need WAY more than the Force to survive the next SEVEN HUNDRED DAYS!!!!

The kid is a professional bitch slapper.

How about you? Is your toddler a professional bitch slapper too?  Or am I the only one with a crazy ass kid who's ears must be so packed full of bullshit that he not only can't hear shit, he dishes it out all day!

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit