Being A Mom Makes Me A Fat Ass...And Other Assorted Lies I Tell Myself

*Before I start ranting about my fatty-fatty-boom-boom lazy ass, I want to say that a dress size 12-14  is not healthy for my body type. I'm healthy at a 6-8. I need a Big Mac and fries at a size 4. That being said; some women are very healthy at a dress size 16-18 and some of the most beautiful curvy, healthy women I know rock out in a size 22-24! Please, focus on being healthy in your own skin! 

Now, back to my fat ass and why it's due to being a mother!

I've decided that being a mom makes me a fat ass. I wasn't so much a fat ass before having a child, so naturally, rather than blame laziness, I'm going to blame the kid! 

Since getting pregnant, I have been telling myself one lie after another about why it's OK to eat what I do, or why it's Ok that my exercise is limited... FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS!

Lie #1-You're pregnant, if your body craves potato chips and cupcakes, eat them!

Your body knows what's best. Besides, this is a wonderful time, enjoy it to the fullest. 

Lie#2- You're breastfeeding. You need an extra 500 calories a day, and you are strapped for time, so eat that THIRD slice of pizza, because who knows when you will eat next.

Lie #3-Once you start chasing a toddler, the fat will melt off.  Don't be hard on yourself. 

Lie #4- Between the kid, work and keeping up the house and shopping, I barely have time to sit down, let alone regularly exercise. 

Lie #5- When it gets warmer outside, I will get back in shape.


 Here's the ugly truth...

Truth #1- I snack on shit all day.  While making Ollie's breakfast, I snack.  While making his lunch, I snack, and while making dinner I snack. AND THEN, I eat breakfast lunch and dinner on top of the snacking. I read somewhere that if you reach for water rather than snacking while preparing meals you could lose up to TEN pounds a year! I know it's true because I'm pretty sure I've gained ten pounds a year doing it!

Truth #2-I don't make time for myself or regular exercise.  It's not like I am doing anything more than those moms who get their asses to the gym regularly.  They have a kid, husband, job, house and all kinds of other shit too! 

Truth #3- If I could just stop grazing like cattle every time I walked into the kitchen and carve out a set hour a day for activity, I could really turn things around. 


Truth #3 sums it up. Every morning I stand in front of the mirror feeling sorry for myself, then go downstairs and make a sugary coffee followed by snacking on what every I make for Ollie and FTD, and if I'm packing lunches too... you'd think I was at an all-you-can-eat buffet. 

I spend my days unorganized and jumping from one task to another. I don't prioritize my activities, nor do I make my needs a priority.  I bought a Pilate's Groupon before Christmas and have yet to use it!  I use to make fun of people who did that. Karma's a fat bitch! 

I have got to get it together!!!


I need a Bob or Jillian to come scream in my face for two weeks to help me jump start!  Because that's the thing, after two solid weeks of eating well and exercising, I will feel so great, I will keep at in, and then within 8 weeks, I will actually enjoy looking in the mirror again.

Ugh. In 8 weeks... 60 days...  I could feel and look great. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

That's it! Starting today, no more snacking. Before I make Ollie's breakfast, I'm going to pour my cereal so I can snack on my own damn food. Before I make dinner, I am going to drink a huge glass of water.  I'm also putting up a post-it note that says, NO MORE SNACKING!  

I'm buying a fabulous dress that's a size 8, and keeping a photo of it on my phone as a screen saver so I can constantly stare at my goal.

I know if I don't do something, and soon, my next post will be about me being even heavier, and more worn-out and out of shape than I am now.  FAIL!  I'm only 36... I shouldn't feel 86.

No more lying to myself.  Being a mother doesn't make me fat, being unorganized and unprioritized does.

Dammit, I CAN DO THIS!!!

Me rollerblading along the Brighton Beach in Melbourne, Australia 2010 months before I got Pregs with Ollie. There's no reason I can't look and feel that fabulous again!

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


Anonymous said...

I'm right there with you on the snacking. I eat junk all day. I love your idea to grab water instead of snacking. I bet I could lose 10 pounds in the first month! Chin up
Mamma, don't be hard on yourself you'll get down to your ideal weight.

Stephanie said...

My dd turned three last month and I still blame my fat on 'baby weight'. My favorite lie I tell myself is, "Tomorrow I will start working out." You've inspired me to go to the Y after work today. Thank you!

Happy Valentine's day to you, FTD and Ollie!

April McCormick said...

Thank you Ladies! It's a process. I'm starting with ending snacking and cutting back on the sugar in my coffee.

Andrea said...

Totally not alone. I keep blaming my last 20 pounds on breastfeeding, but we're winding down on that and I am still not exercising regularly. It helped me to sign up for an exercise class that happened each week, I felt I was wasting money if I didn't go. I also went with someone. It's easy to make excuses to yourself, but when you have to explain to someone else why you aren't showing up you end up going. You can do it, it's a good start!!!

Unknown said...

Love this ...its me. My baby girl is adopted and yet I gained baby weight wtf?! Snack snack snack all day long too. This has inspired me. Thanks FTM