- Big Boy Pants- There is no reason to buy my child big boy pants. He wants nothing to do with them. He runs from them, or sometimes he agrees to wear them then pisses all over them in defiance. The last time I got him to wear them I told him if he peed or crapped in the new special big boy pants they would catch on fire. He proved me wrong.
- Play Doh- I made the poor choice to introduce Play Doh to my toddler a few months ago, which I immediately regretted. It took my toddler all of 30-seconds to completely smash the colors together and then wreck the carpet. Plus, stepping on dried Play Doh is the same as stepping on a Lego.
- Crayons or markers. I already have enough of his artwork on my walls, windows, doors, floors, mirrors and cabinets... oh and counter tops too.
- Puzzles with more than 5 pieces so I know if any are missing before I start the puzzle. Nothing sucks more than putting together a puzzle only to find the last two pieces are missing. It's ridiculous how we can not keep one stupid puzzle together in my house! Our board puzzles with only five pieces still manage to lose a piece the day we get it!
- ONE MORE FREAKING HOT WHEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those Hot Wheel Bastards have a HUGE display set up in the middle of my grocery store in a HUGE well marked box that has some sort of homing beacon only little boys can hear. Thank God those damn things are only a dollar.
- Hats and gloves. Just like with the big boy pants, my kid is not interested in hats or gloves. The only difference is that instead of peeing on them in defiance, he loses them the second he walks out of the house. It's so ridiculous It didn't take me long to realize why moms tie gloves to opposite ends of yarn and run it through the arms of a coat.
- A Pet. My toddler is a terror; especially to our cat.
- Anything that's main ingredient is Sugar. One word. Gremlin.
- Sets that include four million pieces and parts that are each sold separately. No way in hell am I EVER introducing a new collection of anything into my home. You could spend a million dollars and still not have every Thomas The Tank train, train track, bridge, log cutter, steamship, tow truck... I'm not kidding. The manufacturers must be pissing themselves laughing at moms like me who buy their kid these ridiculous accessories! My kid does not need Bertie the Bus!!! It's a bloody train set!!! And the tow truck? W.T. F.
- Guns. This is actually my personal thing. I don't think kids should ever think guns are toys.
What are you definitely not getting your kid for Christmas.
