Be Very Afraid If Your Child Says This To You...

Last Friday, while Ollie was having lunch in front of Sesame Street, I decided to mop the kitchen floor. After mopping, I ran to the basement to switch the laundry. When I came back upstairs, I found Ollie dragging a mop through the house. A very wet mop...

Ollie: Look, Mommy, I'm Helping!

Me: How did you get that mop so wet?

Ollie: In there! 

He runs over to the bathroom door and points. I follow him to where he is standing over the toilet and pointing in the bowl.

Me: You put the mop in the toilet?

Ollie: YES! I'm helping mommy mop the floors.

Even though I wanted to lose my shit, I couldn't. He genuinely thought he was helping.

ME: In the calmest tone possible, I said something to my child no parent ever should... Honey, we don't mop the floors with toilet water. 

I looked behind me at the trail of toilet water leading from the bathroom, through the breakfast room, down the hall and into the living room. I didn't know if I was going to cry or throw up, or both. I may have done both. I'm not sure since I've nearly blacked out the horrifying scene...

I was so thoroughly grossed out, I called FTD and whined into the phone, Ollie just mopped the floors with toilet water. ALL OF THEM! 

He was speechless. The man couldn't even make a joke.

Ollie stole his thunder like never before.

I immediately soaked the mop head in bleach, made Ollie sit in his highchair instead of his big boy chair to finish his lunch, then proceeded to mop every square inch of the floors in my house.

Every. Square. Inch.

I wanted to yell and cry, but I couldn't. All those times I got him to, "Help mommy Swiffer the floors", and then praised him for his hard work, backfired. I created this monster. In a VERY small way, it was part my fault he drug the mop covered in toilet hell through the house.

Please, my friends, if you learn nothing else from my stellar parenting, take these three valuable lessons with you...

1. Don't leave the mop out.
2. Helpful toddlers are just as dangerous as Silent toddlers.
3. Be very afraid if your child says anything remotely close to, Look, Mommy, I'm Helping!