Be Very Afraid If Your Child Says This To You...

Last Friday, while Ollie was having lunch in front of Sesame Street, I decided to mop the kitchen floor. After mopping, I ran to the basement to switch the laundry. When I came back upstairs, I found Ollie dragging a mop through the house. A very wet mop...

Ollie: Look, Mommy, I'm Helping!

Me: How did you get that mop so wet?

Ollie: In there! 

He runs over to the bathroom door and points. I follow him to where he is standing over the toilet and pointing in the bowl.

Me: You put the mop in the toilet?

Ollie: YES! I'm helping mommy mop the floors.

Even though I wanted to lose my shit, I couldn't. He genuinely thought he was helping.

ME: In the calmest tone possible, I said something to my child no parent ever should... Honey, we don't mop the floors with toilet water. 

I looked behind me at the trail of toilet water leading from the bathroom, through the breakfast room, down the hall and into the living room. I didn't know if I was going to cry or throw up, or both. I may have done both. I'm not sure since I've nearly blacked out the horrifying scene...

I was so thoroughly grossed out, I called FTD and whined into the phone, Ollie just mopped the floors with toilet water. ALL OF THEM! 

He was speechless. The man couldn't even make a joke.

Ollie stole his thunder like never before.

I immediately soaked the mop head in bleach, made Ollie sit in his highchair instead of his big boy chair to finish his lunch, then proceeded to mop every square inch of the floors in my house.

Every. Square. Inch.

I wanted to yell and cry, but I couldn't. All those times I got him to, "Help mommy Swiffer the floors", and then praised him for his hard work, backfired. I created this monster. In a VERY small way, it was part my fault he drug the mop covered in toilet hell through the house.

Please, my friends, if you learn nothing else from my stellar parenting, take these three valuable lessons with you...

1. Don't leave the mop out.
2. Helpful toddlers are just as dangerous as Silent toddlers.
3. Be very afraid if your child says anything remotely close to, Look, Mommy, I'm Helping!  

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


Lela said...

This is too funny! You poor thing!! Bless his kind little heart :)

April McCormick said...

Right! Poor me! And oh my, he really was helping... Ahh motherhood...

dojo said...

He he, as long as the toilet is kept clean it's not just a huge disaster. Of course, I'd have bleached the floors myself :D

April McCormick said...

With two boys in the house, I do try to keep the bathrooms as clean as possible, but.. well. YUCK! Toilet water!!!!!

Kelly Mock said...

Oh man! For sure one of those things that isn't funny at the time, but hopefully you can look back and laugh at...you know when he is a teenager and you can tell him he did that in front of his first girlfriend!

Epic Mommy Adventures said...

Hahahahaha!! I love this! This is so something that my son would do - and I would have the same reaction as you! :)

Kate said...

Yes helpful toddlers are dangerous and you are powerless. How can you say anything when they are trying to be nice?

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