Please Stop Saying The Terrible Twos Are Nothing Compared To Three and Four! #IgnoranceIsBliss

There is nothing worse than when my kid is acting up, and some stranger says, "Is he two?  ...Just wait, that's nothing compared to three and four." Really? That's making the situation better how?

How can someone think saying that will make me feel better? There is only one word for that: Dumbassery.

If a two-year-old's psycho behavior is really nothing compared to a three or four-year-old's, then why is not called the Terrible Threes or Ferocious Fours? Is this something new? Are kids today stringing the terribles out?

My kid is only two years and four months old. That's 8 month's left of twos and then TWO MORE years through three and four...  I'm here to tell you, my sanity hinges on the fact that the 'terrible two' phase is going to pass. I cling tight to my belief that my kid is going to become this fabulous semi well-behaved badass on his third birthday. I can't fathom the idea that my toddler is going to become progressively more ill-behaved. In fact, I REFUSE to believe that I'm going to have a 24/7/365 assholio toddler for the next thirty-two months!



Not. My. Kid!

Of course I know on Ollie's third birthday he is not going to wake up at 9am, make himself a breakfast and remember to say please and thank you while happily holding my hand through a day of errands.


I do think that somewhere between now and then, he will calm down a little. And by a little, I mean stop throwing himself on the floor and flopping around like a fish out of water when he doesn't get his way. I also think he will not test every single freaking thing I say, and maybe, just maybe, he will sleep past the ass-crack of dawn... I'd be happy with a consistent 7:30-8am.

You see, I have to believe in these things. I NEED to believe in these things.

To resign myself to the belief that my kid is going to be a screaming tantrum throwing, boundary testing rooster for the next three years might kill me. Plus, kids don't stay the same, especially toddlers. Those little shits are constantly changing, growing and learning. No way can they maintain constant horrifying behaviors for three solid years.  People would stop having multiple kids if that were the case. Right?

Sure, I can imagine how the increased vocabulary might pose a problem, with him being able to really tell me what he wants and thinks...

I can also imagine how his fearlessness and increased mobility and strength may cause many more heart attacks for me and falls for him, however, I just don't want to waste my time worrying about that right now.

I want to think about how two is going to get better. How the hitting, throwing, screaming, tantrums and boundary testing are just a phase that he will grow out of, and soon! I have no doubt he will take on new horrifying behaviors, but I don't want to think about them right now.  I want to focus on the horrifying behaviors he has today, and how I am going to put an end to them.

I want to look forward to three and four with excitement, not fear. As it is, I can't help but look fondly to those ages. My little guy will be talking more, able to start group sports, be even more fun to play with and talk to, and most of all, out of diapers. (Dear God, Please let that be the case.)

I'm all for sharing parenting tips and stories--clearly, I'm a mommy blogger-- but scaring people who are already in a shitty situation with a screaming kid by telling them it gets WORSE... yeah, that's not cool! So if you are one of those people who tell parents of two year-old it gets worse not better... STOP IT!

We need encouragement, not more fear!

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


Unknown said...

Holy Poop, aren't some people hideous? I never had anyone say that to me, the 'it's only going to get worse' scenario but, I did on occasion, suffer the indignity of people dissing my parenting skills. Lord love 'em, haven't people got better things to do than discourage young mothers and make them feel like shite?! You are doing an fantastically good job darling, really and truly. Ollie is blessed to have you as his mom. And just in case you were wondering....it does get a whole lot easier. That rolling around like a 'fish out of water' (love that you described it as that) soon passes. xxxxxxxxx

Alissa said...

Amen amen amen!! Your kid throws himself off of things too when he temper-tantrums?? So glad I am not alone! The other day in a tantrum rage James threw himself off the couch and bounced off a table... yeah that REALLY made him mad. Anyway I am totally with you.... I am holding on to a thread of hope that "THIS TO SHALL PASS" and will get better as we near 3 and 4.

Anonymous said...

As soon as they hit three and are well behaved and over it sounds good to me. I'll take that reality please. Not only does my daughter throw herself on the floor for a tantrum, but has taken the same approach to expressing when she finds something funny. Which is pretty funny to watch. I've given up trying to tame the outbursts and just ignore her, walk over her, or tell her I didn't buy a ticket for a guilt trip. Sometimes we have little talks about our behavior, but now that she knows that I'm pretty much over it they don't seem to last as long. It better get better after three or I'll throat punch anyone who tells me otherwise.

April McCormick said...

"I didn't buy a ticket for a guilt trip." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm with you, I just walk away. I tell him when he wants to use his words to tell me what is bothering him I will be waiting in the there room. It;s the ones that last five minutes that kill me. I'm sure he has no idea what he is so pissed about half way through, but stays at it for the hell of it.

April McCormick said...

HA! Ollie has taken that same trip. Sometimes he will flop down close to the wall so he can kick it for extra effect. Oh yes, THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

April McCormick said...

Lottie, you are the goods!! Thank you. I keep trying to tell myself that... too bad those strangers don't get it. dumbasses

AussieMummy said...

Please feel free to hate me but Cooper already does the things you're wishing for (please, thank you, holding my hand, sleeps until 8-8:30am) BUT I am telling you this to inspire you, not dishearten you. Because it just goes to show that not all kids are the same and Ollie will most likely absolutely be doing those things by 3 years old. Although I too get the fish-out-of-water tantrum or as I also call it "the angry worm" lol

April McCormick said...

YAY Cooper... and mummy. I will say, Ollie is pretty good about the please and thank yous, but the hand holding during errands... HAHAHHA. and my little rooster was up at 5:13... I am so close to trying the gate on the door...

Kristy J said...

Yep pretty much. I hate when people tell me just how much worse it's going to get before it's gets better. I don't need to hear that. I know this too shall pass but FFS this Terrible Two's is awful enough without the fear of three and four.