No, Mommy. I don't want what's on my plate. I want what's on yours!

What's up with my kid stealing wanting what I'm eating, even if he has the SAME thing on his plate?!

SAME! SAME! SAME!

I've even made his dinner and my dinner on similar plates, with similar portions, and then showed him that they were the exact same, and still, he wants mine.

Being the loser pushover that I am, I switch the plates. Only to have him meltdown for his plate back! And God forbid I even attempt to eat anything sweet around him!

No. Make that, God forbid I eat anything sweet SLOWER than him, and then not hand over the reaming bites when he finishes his.

No. Wait. More Like,  God forbid I eat anything sweet before first giving him TWO of that same sweet something. One for each hand of course.

Is this just him messing with me, or is there some sort of screwed up method to the toddler madness going on?

"Mommy! Mommy! Chicken and chump chies!! Peeease!!!"
 OK. He will have chicken and chump chies, and I'll have a yogurt with granola please.
Or not.
He immediately crawled in my lap and went to work. 
I ate the chicken and chump chies.                 

I don't get it. I make the same dinner for both of us, and all he wants is mine.  Or worse I make him his favorite spaghetti and me steamed vegetables and fish, and he still will insist on the food on my plate. Then, to add insult to injury, he will take the broccoli out of my hand, take a bite then spit it out! Just to make me crazy, he tries to steal more off my plate. WHAT THE HELL??? I know it's got to be him testing me... I am convinced he knows how annoying I think it is. Possibly because I tell him...  Kid, you are annoying me, eat your own food! 

The madness started happening a couple of months ago with him always being interested in what I was eating, but now always wanting it. Now, it's just constant; he HAS to have it, regardless of what it is. Seriously. I cannot eat or drink anything without him wanting it. Which, SUCKS. I love spicy food, so nine times out of ten, I will spice my dinner up after cooking it tempered for the whole family. Of course I have to deny him what I am eating, which then results in a gargantuan meltdown. SO ANNOYING!

I also have to keep what ever I am drinking far out of his reach too. He has had a drink of my iced coffee twice, and liked it! Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I use too much sugar and flavored cream. Anyway. he drank it, and liked it and ow always wants it. That' my friends is a hell no. Giving caffeine to a toddler is the same as feeding a Gremlin after midnight. UGLY! I even keep my water out of reach thanks to the fact that he still has not mastered the art of drinking out of a cup without dumping it out on his face. SO ANNOYING!

My friends, I have joined the ranks of closet choco moms. You know, the ones who sneak away to a quiet place (closet, bathroom, car after a trip to the grocery alone) to eat candy or chocolate in peace. Here is me just the other day after grocery shopping alone. I'm eating a cookie in peace, and it is a beautiful thing!

If you're thinking, why do you put up with it, I'll tell you. Because, I am a first-time mom and didn't see this crazy food frenzy coming. Who knew my toddler would ALWAYS want what I am eating or drinking. Even if it is fish and broccoli?  Who knew my toddler would demand a cookie or cracker for EACH hand. That's right, each one of his hands MUST receive a snack before I do. At first, I was happy to hand over my food. This all started during a time when getting my kid to eat was an issue, so if he wanted to eat something, I would hand it over. Especially if it was something healthy from my plate. Little did I know, I was creating a food obsessed monster.

For those of you shaking your head at me, no need to be so disgusted...  I deny him my food now, and as a reward for great parenting, I get to listen to him meltdown until he either gets tired of fake crying, or gets hungry enough to eat what I have given him. Learn from my mistake. Don't create the food hoarding beast in the first place. Deny the little food thief before he makes it a habit.

You're welcome.

Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go eat a cookie in my closet. #NoShame #MaybeALittle

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