10 Things You Can Not Fully Understand Until You Become A Parent...

I've been inspired by a few memes I came across this past week... They all seemed to have one thing in common, truths about parenting... Truths I never ever would have guessed.  You know, pre-baby when the idea of motherhood was as bright and exciting as rainbows and unicorns... When I was sure I would have a perfect wonderful well-behaved child because I already knew everything...

1. Silence is definitely Golden...
(Except when children are around, 
then silence is very suspicious. VERY. Suspicious.) 

2. My parents were so lucky that, "If you do not start behaving you can go sit in the car!" was actually an option.

3. It is possible to not puke, when puked on.

4. When someone says to you, "I Hope You Step On A Lego!" it's really the nice way of saying, I hope on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night you step on a tiny piece of plastic that will send so much excruciating pain through your foot that you pee on yourself, asshole.

5. The Flu Shot is necessary... not that you get it.  But thank God the little germ factory does. 

6. Everything you swore you would never do as a parent, you do.

7. It's actually not hard to get out smarted by a fifth grader, or really a toddler for that matter.

8. Children take exhaustion to a whole new level.

9. There is a special place in hell for the toy manufacturers that make toys with annoying sounds, and the relatives that buy them for your child.

10. Karma really is a Bitch. 

What do you now fully understand since becoming a parent? 

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April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


Jess said...

I now fully understand the word exhausted. Before having a baby I said it all the time. I was a liar. A big, fat, pants on fire liar! Lol

Unknown said...

I've clicked the shit - I've clicked the shit for another vote for YOU! My TOP Mommy Blogger! You've really hit the nail on the head here darling. the only thing that parents really need is a sense of humour, that and a steady drip feed of Vodka/Wine/Gin/Beer whatever works fastest and best. I did lose my sense of humour once, I remember it so well. The newborn baby was screaming (most likely because I'd forgotten to feed it) the 18 month toddler was pulling bottles out from under the kitchen sink and drinking bleach, the 3 yr old had graffitied pictures all over the sitting room walls with my best lipstick, the 4 yr old had taken down her pants and deposited an enormous shit outside the backdoor which the 6 yr old was then entertaining herself with by riding her bike through the turd and squishing it into the paving stones - yes, it's only now, many moons later that I can look back on that morning and laugh!! xxx

April McCormick said...

RIGHT!? And I only ever saw 5am if I was coming home from an awesome night out. Now... if I stay up past 11pm it's a freaking miracle, and if I sleep past 5am I worry that my child is sick.

April McCormick said...

Lottie, I adore you. I also have no idea how you raised five kids in a farm house... in the middle of nowhere England. You are my hero.

Nico said...

I love that "Parenting without sense of humour is like being an accountant without knowing math"..or close :)