It’s Time for Toddler Boot Camp, because this kid is messing with me!

Thank you karma for my toddler… He's everything my mom promised he would be. 👶😫🍷

That was a tweet I wrote after completely losing my mind after REPEATEDLY telling Oliver to NOT! touch the TV-- he loves to turn it on and off, or bang on it.  So on this particular occasion, he banged on it and then turned it off. After telling him no, redirecting him to his toys, the little SHHHHugar plum, looked at me, walked over to the TV, SMILED, then stuck out his pointer finger and gently touched the TV. ARE YOU EFFFING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW???   I yanked him up and took him to his room where we had a talk. I was so mad.

Since that day (no actually before), it seems he is testing every thing I say.  He knows what he is not supposed to do, yet does it anyway, and no doubt just to see what I will do.  He is only one and a half; this is not the terrible twos, so… WTF is this? 

I’ll tell you what it is not, Mommy gets ran over time!  I am standing my ground now more than ever. There is no more nice mommy over here. He is going to listen and obey.  I am going to grow the biggest set of mommy balls EVER!  I am going to win this war.  I am going to keep that little child in line.  I am not going to let him get away with anything.  I am going to be a warden, not a mommy.  I am going to be so tough he won’t even attempt the terrible twos!

I am… I am… crap I hope I can stand up to him!  He is just so damn cute, and cheeky and witty and funny!  It’s so hard to be tough when he is cute and funny.  The TV thing was SO wrong, but, the whole pointer finger and gentle touch, CLASSIC!!  I was so mad, but so proud at the same time!  Hell yeah, that is my kid! (See how screwed I am?  Or should I say immature and hopeless?)

OK. I know there is no laughing at toddler boot camp. There is only tough mommy, teaching the way of the land and 100% respect. It’s mommy's the boss time. It’s… It’s… Mommy needs to… oh crap you all… I just don’t want to always be a mean mommy. I could seriously yell NO! all day at his crazy baby ass. I mean, 100 No’s could be dropped before breakfast!  Why is that?  Why is he constantly screwing with me?

I have learned it is more than about balance; it’s about staying consistent and not laughing…or at least not letting him see me laugh.  Over the last month the man-child has really started growing up, crossing over from baby to boy. I have loved watching him grow and develop into a super smart toddler,  and honestly, I totally get the testing he is doing.  However, I know I have to stand up to the tests, or end up with a total butt face child. 

As much as it sucks to have to put him through the constant reprimands and No’s! and even some short timeouts, I love every minute of watching him grow, even if he is a defiant little shit sometimes. As crap as this phase is, it is the first signs of his becoming a smarty pants like his mommy!

What about you?  Do you have a defiant little toddler trying to rule your roost?

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April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit