Epic MOMstrous Fail #44... The Hair Cut.

As you know, the epic fail posts are by far the best source on this site for learning what not to do as a parent. Well, today, I am definitely not going to disappoint.  This fail might be my most epic of all...  

Ollie has only had one haircut in his life. It was right after his first birthday. FTD gave it to him. I cried.  (You can read all about it here.)

Here we are now, six months later, with his hair growing over his ears, and boarding on girly, so I decided it was time for a hair cut.  In an effort to save me a few bucks, and Ollie a few tears, I decided to give him a Momtastic hair cut!  

No, I do not have any business doing such a thing, but I thought, Whatever! how hard can it be to trim the boy's hair? My friends, it was hard, very hard.  I screwed it up. Really. Bad.

The only way to tell this story is with photos...

So, after his lunch I cut a pile of popsicles in half, laid them out in front of him in his high chair and went to work on my momtastic cut...

                                                Things got out of control pretty quickly...

So naturally, I kept on cutting...

And cutting... until it was really short, with only a couple of bald spots...

    At this point I asked myself, should I just stop cutting and go seek out professional help?

Nah...

Luckily, Ollie's only concern was if more popsicles were in his future.

I threw the man-child another popsicle, and began Operation: Don't Screw Up the Other Side Too...

      
While I felt like I had got the hang of the ol' hair cutting technique on this side... or not.  It was time to move on to Plan B...

Having Ollie rock out an awesome hat until the bald spots grew in!

Ollie declared this a FINE idea!

 Alright. Alright. I took him to see a professional... 

When ALL of the ladies in the salon were finsihed laughing at me, we got down to business.  Seriously, I think one women laughed so hard she pissed herself. The lady who ended up cutting Ollie's hair said, "Um, I'm gonna have to use a number two blade to get rid of all of your bald spots. You really did on number on this boy's head!" Me: Yeah, whatever, just fix it... and if I knew what a number 2 blade was, I probably would not be here.  (I used my inside my head, voice.)

There are no photos of the lady shaving his head, because he was not happy about it.  Not crying, just not happy.  This is what we left with... High and Tight... and NOT impressed with any of it.

All I have to say is, thank God he can't talk yet,
because clearly I do not want to know what he is thinking. 

LOOK AT MY BIG BOY!!

Lesson learned... 
My friends, think before you cut. Or at the very least, find some clippers first... and an awesome hat... to wear to the professional.

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