Epic Fail: Why I should not be allowed out in public.

Growing up I was never one to idolize famous people. I did not wall paper my walls with teen stars like my friends did, or get all crazy over boy bands like the NKOTB.  Up until two hours ago, I could safely say I have never been star struck when meeting or seeing ANY famous person. (FYI: I grew up in miami, have spent loads of time in NYC-and live in a city where famous people flood to once a year. I have met and seen a few.)

Thanks to one famous author, that has all changed. BIG TIME. Now, I am a total freaking star-struck loser who should be committed for being a bumbling idiot! What happened you ask? I cried.  I cried over my literary idol, and I feel like such a loser!

Picture it, a book signing for Sue Grafton's latest book W is for Wasted, people everywhere. I am so excited I am going to pee my pants. The problem is that the minute I laid eyes on Mrs Grafton, I didn't pee my pants, I peed my eyes. Dammit, where is the hole when you need it to crawl into!?! Yes, I made a complete and utter fool out of myself in front of the great Sue Grafton, author of the Kinsey Millhone alphabet mysteries.

Before I tell you anymore about my social suicide, I think I should at least build my case for it.

It all started in 2001 on a road trip with my mother. Since we had a 12-hour trip ahead of us, we thought it would be a good idea to check an audio book out of the library to listen to, to break up the drive.  After reading through the thrillers I thought, A is for Alibi, sounded great, so I checked it out.  We LOVED it!  Both my mom and I were immediate fans.

When we got back from our trip, I checked out the next four books in Sue Grafton's alphabet mysteries series. When I finished those books, I went back for F is for Fugitive, but they only had the audio book, so I checked it out. I decided I would listen to the book while I walked the track at a park near my house.  Long story short, I ended up listening to the next few books on tape and walking.  I highly recommend this to anyone trying to lose weight.  Mysteries keep you walking!

Within the year, I burned through the remaining 'alphabet mysteries,' and since have highly anticipated and cherished each new book.

Ok, now that I have proven my awe for the incredible talent of Sue Grafton, the case for my love of the alphabet mystery books, and the mounds of nostalgia I have from the road trip with my mom and weight loss from walking thanks to the books... I can move on with my, Why I should not be allowed out in public story...

I suppose the first warning sign that I was turning into a bit of a crazed fan, was when six years ago for Christmas, my sister got, T is for Trespass, signed for me.  You all. I cried!  OH. MY. God.  I am rolling my eyes at that too!  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???

Since, I have had every book signed. Well, my sister has. One year I was in OZ with FTD, then two years ago I was bed ridden with a massive man-child-baby growing in my belly... So this year, was the year for me.  I was going to get my book signed. By Sue Grafton. Right there in front of me.  WHOO HOO!!

When the day finally came, FTD came home from work early to look after Ollie so I could go to the book signing, man-child free. Still, the signing was in a really cool part of town, so FTD and Ollie came along, so they could walk the street and look at the shops while I was at the signing.  When we got in the car it hit me.  I was really going to meet her. I was a nervous wreck.  FTD was completely mortified.  So much so, he started making fun of me.  It actually helped.  By the time we pulled up, I was calm, cool and ready to do it!  After all, all I had to do was walk up, hand her my book and say thank you. I could do that!

Or. Not

Fast forward to me walking into the room where she was signing...

The minute I saw her I teared up.  fuck. <---- That's what I thought.  I actually said a prayer, begging God to help me get through this without crying like a freaking idiot.  I guess I was late with the prayer, because it didn't work. When it was my turn, her assistant asked if I wanted a picture.  I mumbled something that hopefully sounded like, Yes, because I handed over my phone and walked up to Mrs Grafton... eyes FULL OF TEARS!  Oh. My. God. Why me?

I told her she was my idol, and that she was the greatest.  She hugged me, and then we took the picture. Eyes full of tears and all. Again I ask, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME????  She signed the book to me and Oliver, then gave me another hug. Then told me to hug Ollie for her. Oh. My. Lord.

She is the most wonderful person.  <----- I told her that too.  I walked away so filled with joy... and embarrassment. I asked for a tissue from the book store attendant so I could clean up before FTD saw me.  I knew he would make SO much fun of me!

I may have also told her meeting her was something on my, "Bucket List."  Again, where is the hole when you want to crawl into it?!  Yes, it was all true, and the way I felt, but dammit, why did I have to lose it in front of her?!  I am so not cool.

When my tears were all dried up, I left the book store and went out to find FTD.  I told him what I did, and to my surprise he hugged me and said he thought it was great, and that I did fine. Then I looked at the photo.  Holy crap!  I could not have taken a worse photo, from a worse angle-- complete with tears in my yes!

I showed it to FTD and told him I blew it. My one photo with my literary idol was ruined by my freakish behavior!  FTD looked at me and said, "It's ok, I know how you feel.  Every time I look at my photo with Ron Jeremy, I cringe at the shirt I was wearing."  I laughed so hard.  If nothing else, I got my book signed, a photo with Sue Grafton, and further affirmation that I married someone who is just as big of a ding as me.

What about you?  You ever cry all over you idol?

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April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


Kristy J said...

I love this post! This post makes you human. You really are just like the rest of us and I think that makes me like you even more. I would probably turn into a fool if I met you.
Glad you got to meet your idol!!
And I think you just gave me some new books to read, Thanks!!!

April McCormick said...

Thank you! Trust me, you can not out fool me. ever. I would LOVE to me you and little A. And when it happens. it is god to know you will be just as excited!! and if you love mysteries and thrillers you will LOVE LOVE LOVE The Alphabet Mysteries.

Layes Landing said...

I LOVE YOU!! This story really touched me, because I did the same thing when I met Jill Connor Browne. She's not as famous as Ms. Grafton, but she's my literary idol. Also I met other super fans at the signing that turned into a fun thing. But I was the only one crying.
FTD's response just made me laugh so hard! And I really think you look great in your picture.

Kristy J said...

OMGosh I can't WAIT until the day I get to meet you. I have no idea what I would have you sign...other than my favorite blog posts :-D I hope one day I will get to meet you. And rest assured I will turn in a mess of nervous laughter...tears...and probably accidentally insult you in some way(I do that when I get nervous)
I am going to give the alphabet mysteries a shot! Thanks I love those kinds of stories.

Unknown said...

You are AWESOME! (and thank you for giving me an author to follow with new books!)... I can't say I've ever had that star struck feeling, but I would love to! :)

April McCormick said...

Holy Crap. You must have me confused with someone awesome. And if anyone is going to insult me first, it will be me! Watch, I will make the scene and you will be looking for the hole to crawl into to.

April McCormick said...

Oh Miss B. I love you too! I know we would be great friends and so would our boys! Thank you for letting me know I am not the only one. All the other people at the signing were so composed.

And that photo has had a bit of photoshop! Of course only to me, because I was the one crying with four chins.

April McCormick said...

Thank you and you will LOVE LOVE LOVE her books. The Main character Kinsey is my second literary idol. Awesome doesn't even come close to describing this series.

Quirky Chrissy said...

Well, you know I made a HUGE ass of myself when I met Jenny Lawson. I think you did great! Yay for meeting your idol! And getting a fun blog post out of it! I call that a double win!

Christy Garrett @ Uplifting Families said...

That is awesome that you got to meet your favorite author. I would have probably been crying happy tears as well. :)

Anonymous said...

This post made me smile. I just found out I am pregnant with number two. I have been crying everywhere and at everything. Recently I cried at the end of King Kong and because I forgot to pick up my mom's coffee (and not like a dignified tear but full on blubbering) . I know that you are not pregnant, but it cheered me up to read this post. Also, I bet it actually made the author's day. What writer would not be excited to have insprired such pure emotion.

Alissa said...

HAHAHAHA!!! LOVE this... I was a bumbling fool when I met my all-time favorite football player from the MN Vikings Jared Allen. I had my jersey on and I walked up to him didn't say a word turned around to have him sign the back... Then I panicked because I HAD to say something so I turned back around and said something about being his biggest newest fan to which he gave me a high five. I felt like a total idiot but it was awesome to meet him.

Alissa said...

PS. I've been looking for a new book series to start so I will have to check her stuff out.