I'm sorry my son just kicked your bush...

The other day when Ollie and I left the house to go for a walk, he ran over to a bush in the front yard, grabbed hold of it with both hands and then...kicked it.  He kicked the damn bush! He let go of the bush, ran to the next one, then grabbed hold and kicked it too. As you can imagine I was in total shock, disbelief and hysterics.

Of course I whipped out my camera!

He then ran off for the sidewalk, like all of that was par for the course.  I wiped my tears, thanked my bladder for not failing me and followed him down the sidewalk…

The next thing I know, he stops at a flowering plant and smells it!  Seriously. He stopped for the flower, leaned in and then smelled it!  This time I was floored!  Oliver is 16-months old, he barely speaks, yet he is kicking bushes and stopping to smell the flowers?

My friends, there can be no other explanation other than… FTD is 100% behind this.

That night over dinner, when FTD asked how my day was, I said “Awesome!  Ollie grabbed hold of a bush in the front yard, kicked it, then moved on to the next one, kicked it and THEN, two houses down he stopped to smell the flowers!”  FTD stared back at me and with his best, You-Don’t-Say? shit eating grin, and says, “Really? I wonder what awesome person taught him how to do that!”


FTD: The other morning after the storm, a bit of rubbish flew up under the bush so instead if reaching down under it to get the rubbish out, I kicked it out.  Ollie started pissing himself laughing so I kicked it again and he laughed some more.  Then he came over, grabbed the bush and kicked it too. Which made me start pissing myself laughing. So we stood there kicking the bush for the next 5 minutes pissing ourselves laughing. Now every morning when we go for a walk we kick both bushes.  The smelling the flower thing we have been doing for a few days now.

ME:  FTD!  What if he goes around kicking every ones bush!

FTD: Don’t worry he only kicks our bush.

ME: I can just see it now.  He is going to run up to someone’s bush and kick it. Then you are going to have to say in your silly Australian accent , Madam I’m sorry my son grabbed your bush and kicked it.  Next he will try to smell your flower, but don’t worry he won’t kick it too…

FTD: No I will say, I am sorry my son bashed your bush, don’t worry he will be gentle with your flower.

ME:  We are not right! YOU are not right!  You have to fix this kicking business. 

FTD: Why? It’s funny!

 I couldn’t deny it, it really is super-duper funny.  My kid grabs the bush and kicks it, and then kicks the next one like that’s his daily business. He also stops to smell the roses!  Honestly. I am proud of this.

I know the good role-model parent thing to do would be to tell him kicking the bush is bad, but screw that!  I don’t want to. I have decided that I am going to have plenty of times when Ollie is older to have keep a straight face and play the mature adult, so right now, I am going to enjoy the silliness of having a toddler and not worry about screwing him up over some bush bashing and flower smelling. I have plenty of time left to screw him up.


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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com