All I want for Mother’s Day is a Hall Pass.

Over the last couple of weeks I have been repeatedly asked if I have any big Mother’s days plans. I always answer with No, but secretly think, yeah do my best to hide form my husband and child. I know I must sound like an ass of a mom for this, but hear me out. If I should spend Mother’s Day lovingly embracing my son, thanking God every minute for the amazing blessing that he is -- Read: with my son hanging from me, whining to be picked up, changing diapers and playing with Hot Wheels-- then what the hell is the difference from every other day? I am a full-time SAHM mom; I am lovingly embracing my man-child 24/7! Again I say, HALL PASS PLEASE!

Is it me, or does that really read, Haul Ass?
Every year on Father’s Day my brother in-law spends the day playing 18-holes of golf. Until this year I called him a big fat bad dad douche canoe for that. I mean, I was certain that a father should celebrate Father's Day being a father! ...Dammit, yet again thanks to my know-it-all pre-baby ass I find myself eating a big pile of apology shit. Actually that is not entirely true, I am not going to apologize to my brother in-law, I am just not going to call him a big fat douche canoe this year when he spends the day avoiding his wife and children like the Plague.

Of course it goes without saying that I love being a mother so very much. Ollie is a badass man-child blessing that I thank God for everyday. But, I am here to tell you, Mother’s Day is not about being a mother, it’s about being treated like a queen for a day. It’s about being celebrated for being a mother. This year it’s about not having to change one diaper, or make one meal. It’s about lying in a lawn chair and reading books. It’s about having a mimosa while I do it. It’s about being selfish for one day out of the year…

You know, I don’t even feel the slightest bit guilty about being a big fat selfish douche canoe like the brother in-law. I am a fabulous mom. I have given 110% of myself to raising a healthy, happy, loved baby boy over the last year. I think I more than deserve to claim Mother’s Day as a day to do what ever the hell I want. So if you are reading this and shaking your head at me, SUCK IT! This Mother’s day I am going to relax and enjoy myself, all while my husband and son do what ever they want, as long as it does not interrupt my mimosa and lawn chair reading. AH Bliss!

So maybe this is really the bliss I will be dreaming of
once I pass out from my mimosa and reading.

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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit