Socially Unacceptable Sunday

Apparently it is not enough to have an awesome Weblog, with awesome content and awesome readers anymore, you now have to have an awesome social media presence to be considered one of the best Weblogs in the Interwebs. This presence includes having active (heavily followed) accounts on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, Instagram, Google+ and really who knows what else will pop up tomorrow begging for attention.  And since my high school desire to be one of the popular kids (never happened) is still all consuming, I have forced FTD to help me join all of the cool kid clubs. That's right, we are now plastering our nonsense and socially unacceptable behavior all over the freaking place!

For those of you who do not have an account to every single one of these time wasting life sucking social media networks, here is a recap of what we have been up to this week...  For those of you who do have accounts please follow us, and I suppose, if you must, you can even encourage FTD to keep up the atrocious behavior.

Without further ado... Here is a socially unacceptable recap from the FTM&D Social Media Files...

The First Time Mom & Dad Face Book Fan Page:

This is what happens when Ollie will not stay still for a diaper change...

He was flopping and screaming through the whole change.
So when I finished changing him I grabbed his shorts and just slipped them on both legs at once.
The next thing I know FTD yells, "MOMMY FAIL"
Sure enough...
No worries though, Oliver was completely unfazed having both legs in the same hole.

Look who is riding in the Germ Dome car attached to the shopping cart at the grocery
I was totally against it at first, but FTD insisted.  
After I did a full wipe down we let Ollie in...
He LOVED it.  But after 5 minutes he wanted to get out and walk.
That's how mommy feels when daddy is driving...

All I wanted was a few plants from the Garden Center...

Whenever FTD does not want to go somewhere with me
 he tells me he cannot come because he has to take a dump.
I needed his help with the plants so I told him he could take a dump at Lowe's if he needed to.
This is what I got for it.
I am pretty sure a passer by took a photo too...

Is anyone surprised that FTD walked over to the sinks?
He insisted he was just showing Ollie proper public toilet and hygiene etiquette.

You know you want some more of our daily Facebook Shenanigans!!  Click HERE

First Time Mom & Dad on Twitter: @1sttimemomndad

When Twitter first hit the scene back in the days of Moses, I swore I would never become a Tweeker Tweeter.  Man oh man was I wrong.  Now you can catch me on Twitter pissing and moaning all day!

Sometimes I can't help but 'retweet' a few favorite tweets and fellow blogger posts...

Judging by my wife's reaction to her wedding anniversary present, I didn't put enough money on the Walmart gift card. Marriage is hard.

Somebody needs to email North Korea and tell them the USA has back to back world war championships.

 But mostly I just tweet away my daily thoughts...

I'm sorry did I miss that it is a prerequisite of Make-up counter girls to be stuck up bitches during free gift time?

Hey. Inventor of Skinny Jeans. You are an ass.

For sale... No free to a good home... No free... Husband and very talkative cat.

I wish I could report the hail damage on the back of my thighs to insurance. All of the tiny dents need to be fixed.

Want to follow my foul mouth on Twitter?  Click HERE! @1sttimemomNdad

Ahhh the wonderful world of Pinterest meets First Time Mom And Dad boards... I see all of my friend's boards and get all freaked out and intimidated. Those bitches not only have great interior design sense, they apparently know how to cook too.  So. Not. Me!  But now it's cool you see, because I have awesomeness that they do not... Some seriously funny shit! Wanna see...


Now that it's short and skirt season I wish everyone could read braille...

I live in the south... even the cops say AXE. Which is scary.

Enough Said.

And last but not least, get out the Kleenex before reading. It's that sweet...

YOU want some more of THIS?  Follow us on Pinterest.  Click HERE! FTMandFTD

Instagram and YouTube are our newest social media outlets... we managed to break them in last week.

First Time Mom & Dad Instagram:

This is for those of you who just cannot get enough of my super cute family!  I only have 11 photos added so far, but here are 5 of my all time faves...

I love my proud papa and boo.  I think Ollie was about 5-6 months old here.

Look who loves his shades!!

OOOOH!!! That is the cutest sweetest little face I have ever seen!

This was the moment I realized my life was now Firetrucks and Hot Wheels.

FTD likes switching the heads on mannequins at Old Navy.  
This is proof  of why we cannot have nice things.
And why Old Navy should permanently ban us.
Want to see the other 6 photos on Instagram and be ready for more to come?  Click HERE!

And finally YouTube...  This one is FTD's Baby.  He just got a new camera that takes brilliant photos and video so we should be seeing some good stuff in the coming days.

Here is a video FTD took of Ollie playing with the Cat's food...

Want to see more videos of FTM&D and Ollie?  Click HERE!

Oh yeah, how could I forget, Google+... Click HERE to follow us there and seriously never miss a thing!

If we are missing any networks, or you want to see more of something please let us know.  Or if you are just as socially unacceptable and want us to follow you leave a comment below!

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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit