Mom Car. It may not be a minivan, but it might as well be!

The other day when I was putting Ollie in his car seat I looked around and my heart sank. Like a hateful eye-watering fart it hit me hard, I have MOM CAR.  You know what I mean, hell you maybe even have it too... Goldfish EVERYWHERE. Toys EVERYWHERE.  A completely saturated half eaten cracker stuck to the seat.  A McDonalds french fry shoved in the crack of the seat.  An animal cookie shoved in where the seat-belt clasp should be inserted into the buckle, and worst of all a rancid sweet smell made up of all of the above mentioned. Quintessential Mom Car.

This is only a glimpse.  The other photos were too graphic to be shown.
This whole mom car things goes back to my post about admitting I am not a better mom than the moms I looked down on pre-baby.  Of course pre-baby I would look at a parent's car and be appalled.  I was convinced there could not possibly be an excuse for such a disgusting display of lazy, because as a non-mom a dirty car was just plain lazy.  (Yes, I know with my atrocious pre-concived notions I am going to continue to apologize to been-there-done-that parents for the next eighty years.)

My sister has the worst mom car ever. When I told her I was writing this post she told me to come over and get a picture of her car for it. She has two boys, 5 and 6 and they are wild!  They are also involved in every sport, karate and hip hop dance class offered.  She is constantly shuffling one kid to one practice while trying to shove a sandwich or snack in the other's mouth on the way to his next practice or game.  She insists that her back seat issues are just collateral damage from being a badass mom with badass kids. 

Of course before baby, I thought she was full of shit and making excuses. Now, post baby, I suppose she is right. Life cannot stop for meals and snacks when you have a busy family, and if the car has to be the dining room from time to time so be it. (Of course I want to call bullshit on that and say better planning... but I am so tired of apologizing for being a know-it-all shitbag, I am going to go with her theory here.)

Thanks to my new found understanding of the necessary evil of having mom car I was not surprised when I read this caption....2014 Honda Odyssey: The minivan with the built-in vacuum!  I actually considered making that Honda Odyssey my next dream car, then I thought nah, I'll wait, Soccer moms are crazy bitches, they will no doubt threaten to choke a few top SUV makers if they do not add a vacuum too.... 

FYI: I also have Mom Floor...

 Mom Closet

Mom Bathroom 
Usually a few toys are laying in the tub.

and mom kitchen/refrigerator  
Most of the letters are lying on the kitchen floor
waiting to bring me to my knees when I accidentally step on one.

I use to pride myself on my clean house and how everything had a place.  I even had the color coordinated closet with ONLY white plastic hangers.  Yes, I admit I was borderline a (BIG ASS)  freak.  Now that I am a mother... Ain't nobody got time for that!  In fact two weeks ago I told FTD I needed a cleaning service.  You know... just twice a month to come sort out the cracks and floors I can no longer find/make time to deal with.  I think you will agree with me when I say, The last thing I want to do when I get a moment to myself away from baby is clean the damn house

I wouldn't trade my mom house or car for anything.  Yes I am sick of digging Hot Wheels out of my shoes, and using a pack of baby wipes to wipe down the back seat after a day of bribing Ollie with snacks just to run a few errands in peace, and OH HELL YES it gets annoying putting the same hundred toys back in the toy box every night, but whateves, this is my life... for now.  My clean house will be there 35 years from now when Ollie and his new wife move out of my basement to start their own Mom Car and Mom House.

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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit