Crawling. (FTD POST!)

(I found this FTD post on Ollie learning to crawl buried in my Draft Archive.  I am not sure why it reverted to a draft, but it did, so here is, an oldy but goody FTD post.  FTD is working on new post for tomorrow right now...)

And....He's....OFF!  GO SPEED RACER!

How the heck did this happen so quickly?  Only a couple of short months ago the little guy had just learned how to sit up by himself!  Rocking about on his ample butt for a couple of seconds before slowly tilting and flopping into the ring of pillows strategically stuffed around him - laughing like an audience-member on Seinfeld!

Now it's game on!  I sit him on his mega playmat with an amazing assortment of bobble-heads, stuffed Koala's, flashing-noisy thingymejiggers, lightsabres, and redundant PS2 controllers and return to my internets for 10 seconds and...He's gone!  Ass up, knees shuffling away, arms swinging...

MAY I PRESENT TO YOU, Dear Readers...

The top ten list of exotic places my son enjoys racing to when I have to take a whizz or go on the internet to check my damn emails...

1) My pile of shoddy, well-worn thongs (flip flops for you yanks!), peeling rubber edges, tangy foot juice hard-baked on etc etc - Straight in the mouth.

2)  The right-front micro speaker to my 5.1 surround sound.  Mounted on a matching micro steel speaker stand, it makes for awesome baby excitements as he smacks it about the room.

3)  The cat food - Hmmmm...shall I have some dry kibble today or maybe try the "seafood platter" - why not both? Don't tell mummy!

4)  The corner of the coffee table.  Nice and HARD!  Good place to practice banging the head.

5)  TV Cable Box - Wow! Flashing lighty thingo's with buttons and I can reach it so it must be made for me to play with!  Fun to watch daddy having to set it up again every time I mess with it.

6)  Daddy's awesome collection of hundreds (if not thousands) of DVD's - Yep...has a nice feel to it when you rip the covers open and tear the dvd's out, flicking them about the room!

7)  Investigating the staggering assortment of power-supplies for laptops, monitors, printers, digital cameras, external harddrives AND MORE!!! A JUNGLE of fascinating wiring, LED's and FUN power boards! RIP EM OUT YEAH!!!!!

8)  Box of Cat-nip infested CAT-TOYS - "where are you now Ollie?", I ponder.  Only to see the cat running about wide-eyed and crazy!  There he is...sitting under the table ripping the guts  out of a fluorescent felt mouse.

9)  The stupid STUPID UN-baby-Friendly WIRELESS Router AND stupid STUPID cable box.  Like the bloody tower from the Original TRON...It is the center of his universe!  NO less than 35 High-bright flashing LED lights in RED, GREEN and AMBER! He MUST get there at all costs and topple the EVIL Internet Micro Peoples AT LEAST ONCE A BLOODY DAY!

10)  The Holy GRAIL - Daddy's Iphone!  Left in generally accessible places through his own stupidity, CANDY-RED SUPER EXPENSIVE HACKED IPHONE 4S 64Gig has flashy lights, plays video of Ollie, has pictures, sound, music AND you can see mummy on it sometimes too when she's yelling at daddy! BUT the main reason it's that it TASTES GREAT!!!!

Can't wait until they crawl huh?

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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


Kitten said...

Two warnings:

1. My mom told me I was addicted to hard cat food when I was 2. Like, I'd snack on it when she wasn't looking. Apparently, I got to it young and had a taste for it. She tried rather desperately to break me of it, but I'd sneak it from other households we'd visit. Don't let your child eat hard cat food.

2. From my own experience, baby saliva will ruin your phone and void your warranty as water damage. Then you'll have to use a hand me down phone from your parent's friend until your contract is up for renewal.

Claire said...

Welcome to my world, funny thing ambers favourite is the wires she's not fussed on which iPad, laptop, camera there all good. But if you think crawling is hard work wait for walking. They get that much taller in one go and suddenly everything need to get put away or moved even higher. Then the frustration of being in the pram start and they scream when you put them in and the scream to get out, when you do they run. And if you suffer from back pain wait for the walking around bent down holding there hands, specially when your out! Xx

Unknown said...

I think I just tripped over my bottom lip- I'm so jealous!!! LOL... but yes, all of a sudden everything forbidden is prime target :) Hilarious! Congratulations!!!!

Anonymous said...

FTD, I promise it only gets when they start walking. I recommend putting your DVDs in a CD case, my husband and I bought 3 with each one holding about 356 DVDs. They are also plain and black and very boring looking to a little one, not to mention very heavy when they are all filled up. Ours is the zipper close kind and we have been lucky so far. :)

Firsttimedad said...

Yeah! As an EX-Phone warranty repairer I used to smirk when the mums used to come into the repair center with the kids in tow. "My phone doesn't work anymore" etc etc - HA! Maybe you SHOULDN'T LET YOUR KID SUCK ON YOUR PHONE LADY! I'd shake my head and tsk tsk before delighting in pointing out the warranty policy on "water/saliva damage".

"Respect my tech-no-logy" we used to say in the voice of Cartman from Southpark!

Yeah...It was funny at the time! I take it all back now - it's purely apple's fault and they should make ALL phones kid-proof!

britmouth said...

How exciting and scary at the same time!! Another chapter in the adventure of parenthood!!!

Nadine said...

It goes by so fast. One of my daughters is crawling everywhere and by everywhere I mean everywhere she shouldn't be. Her sister is calmer and sits and plays but when she decides to take off and crawl it is going to be interested.

Alissa said...

Ahhh an oldie but a goodie!! How many more things is Ollie getting into now that he's walking?? Has he discovered the fascinating activity of playing in the toilet bowl? That's James's new favorite game. So gross.

Organized Chaos said...

Could anybody else read this without imagining it in that Australian accent?? Cuz I sure couldn't!! hehe This was a great post!